What can I do/ say?

[2CheekyMonkeys]

Someone I know has recently given birth to her first child and the baby has a lot of medical issues. The drs don't expect the baby to live longer than a few days. I am going to visit in the hospital tomorrow but I don't know what to say. I don't want to say anything that might be wrong. Do I congratulate on the birth? I feel like I want to because she has a precious baby now but is that what she wants to hear? Is there any organizations, gestures, advice, councillors, web sites, support groups etc I should do or tell her about? Or just leave it. Chances are I won't see her again for a long while, after this due to distance and location so I really don't know how much I should offer in only one visit. Any advice or pointers?

[little_mrs]

tragic news, maybe take her a teddy so if bub doesn't make it she won't have to leave empty handed. And I would think treat bub as if there's nothing wrong, try to let her forget about the medical issues for a little while if you can.

Hope bub defies the odds and pulls thru x

[Sagres]

Oh how sad for her
I don't really know if there would be a right thing to say, but I would think that saying congratulations and that the baby is gorgeous and so very loved and special would be wonderful for her to hear. Other than that personally I would offer any support that I could, like being a friendly ear at the other end of the phone if she ever needs it. Some kind of keepsake would also be lovely, perhaps ask her if she is aware of heartfelt - a photographic group which is for exactly this kind of situation if she would like some photos of her baby.

[LizLemon]

So very sad

I feel extremely unqualified to answer about how to behave, but I imagine she would want you to cherish the child that is there now and marvel in his/her beauty and do all the things you would normally do with a newborn.

Organisations - for now - don't forget Heartfelt if someone hasn't already put them in touch. I imagine the hospital is putting them in touch with some support as well.

What a sad thing but also an honour for you to meet this little bubba. I too am hoping for a miracle outcome

[*Efjay*]

Very sad.

I would go & visit, take a gift & card (the teddy is a good idea), congratulate them on the birth of their child. Heartfelt would be the main one I would also be recommending. Maybe even call them yourself in the morning before you go so you have contacts on hand & let the parents know that if they are interested then you are happy to arrange for the photographer to come in. The rest.. Just gush & goo over their new baby just as you would any other. Comment on who the baby looks like, how cute the babys features are etc. Take the lead of the new parents, if they want to discuss the possible outcomes then be there to listen & let them vent. Don't try to offer any answers just be there for support.

[glenny_c]

When DS was very sick in intensive care and not expected to pull through I loved it when people made comments that you would make about any baby. "Hasn't he got his Daddy's eyes?", "What a cutie" etc. Don't ask for medical information unless they start talking about the issues. Ask how they're doing. Surprising the number of people who would ask about Charlie but not us. DH especially. A teddy is a great idea, I got a few presents for Charlie when he was sick. Teddys were awesome, clothes and books etc just made me sad because I didn't know if he'd ever get to use them. But the teddys went in his co in the hospital. Made me feel like people saw him as a real baby not just a sick one.

I'm so sorry for your friends. What an awful, awful thing. Noone should ever lose their children!

[kbudgie]

one of my dear friends lost his new daughter at 3 days old. She had lots of issues and was fighting her whole short life. If they are accepting visitors go visit. My friends took lots of pictures of their visitors and gave their baby a lifetimes worth of love and memories. The memorial included photos of the well wishers and though heart breaking, it was beautiful. so sorry for your friends xx

[little_mrs]

Just checking in, how did your visit go? I hope your friend and her bub are ok and healing x

[2CheekyMonkeys]

I went up to visit, he's absolutely beautiful. So heartbreaking! The hospital are really good and had already told them about the photographer and other places for help/ support. I don't think he has long now, but I am so honored to have met him.

[Butterfly Dawn]

Its very heartbreaking.
You did a good and brave thing to vist their family

[elizabethdennis]

Someone I know has recently given birth to her first child and the baby has a lot of medical issues. The drs don't expect the baby to live longer than a few days. I am going to visit in the hospital tomorrow but I don't know what to say. I don't want to say anything that might be wrong. Do I congratulate on the birth? I feel like I want to because she has a precious baby now but is that what she wants to hear? Is there any organizations, gestures, advice, councillors, web sites, support groups etc I should do or tell her about? Or just leave it. Chances are I won't see her again for a long while, after this due to distance and location so I really don't know how much I should offer in only one visit. Any advice or pointers?

You need not say anything. Just give her a sincere hug. And stay with her as long as you can. Make her feel that she have your support. Be as lively as you can. this will lighten the mood a little. but do not try to hard to cheer her up.