Coslept since birth - Transition into Solo Sleeping

[~phyrephly~]

Just hoping to hear from people who may have co slept exclusively with their LO's since birth and successfully transitioned them into their own beds.

DS is 22 mths, has co slept since birth, and breastfed. I have been back at full time work for 6 months and I need to make a change as I need my sleep. I have begun night weaning him (that's for another thread ) and plan on co sleeping until he gets the hang of being night weaned then transitioning him to sleeping on his own, kind of like what Dr Jay Gordon writes about.

DS and I had our own queen bed until about 4 months ago when DP and I bought him a racing car single bed, now DP puts DS to sleep (after his 2nd and last BF for the day in the lounge room) and DS sleeps ok for about 2-3 hours. I go to sleep with DP in our bed. When DS wakes/stirs, I go into settle him.

I am rocking, bouncing, patting, singing, offering water, etc. He usually resettles quickly initially. At least once a night he takes about 2 hours to settle. So now I am having less sleep than I did when I BF overnight... Anyways...

Has anyone encouraged their LO's to sleep independently after having co slept since birth? I'm kind of freaked out that it is going to take years of sleeping with DS before he will sleep on his own. Which is all fine and good and how I loved it to start with but now he is older and I am over co sleeping I am afraid I have set myself up

[Liz]

Where does he sleep through the day? We transitioned from co sleeping to solo sleeping by doing day sleeps in their own bed, and then starting the night in their own bed too (but welcome in our bed thru the night when they wake) and that just continued until they slept right through the night. Sometimes one of us would go in to their bed to resettle and end up falling asleep lol but it all worked out in the end. We have good sleepers now still in the throes of doing it with #3, but it's a bit hit and miss

[Chrispe]

Is he looking for more milk in the night? I having exclusively co-slept with mine for as long as you, but I find some nights my 2.5yo wants a bit more milk in the night, so I've been giving him bottle of milk to help settle him. I don't know if this would work for you? Either way I hope you find something that works for you all.

[onthefly]

The trick for me is waiting till they're ready to transition, then it's easy. Sorry, that probably seems very unhelpful. All changes take time, though, so maybe stick at it for a while and then see? Good luck!

[Arcadia]

Short answer: I'm still cosleeping with a 4year old and 23 month old. Dd had a routine at 2 where she went to sleep in her own room but I also found I got less sleep and then it was hard when I had a newborn too, so I just let her come back into our bed. She never needs settling in the night, she just needs to be close.

[Butterfly Dawn]

Co-sleeping with a 4 yr old (shocking sleeper) dd (20mth) in a bed in our room- went from side car cot to bed away from our bed. Master 6 sneaks in if he wakes up during the night (he hopes to do this most night but rarely does)

with little miss I can still make soothing noises while I sleep now I also tell her to shhhh go to sleep. But also give her a bottle if she wants.
She mostly starts the night in our bed then I move her to her bed and give her a dream feed. (maybe express milk for dream feeding?)

She likes her bed, something that's hers no big brothers allowed on it haha

[xXHopeXx]

We co-slept from birth, as well as breastfed, DD is two and is in her own cot in her own room now, and is totally weaned (want to change to a bed but haven't had the guts to do it, but thats a whole other story lol)
We just slowly progressed with it all when we wanted to change. Initially we side-carred the cot to our bed and got her to sleep in that so she was still near us. Then when she was well and truly used to that, we put the side up on the cot, but it was still side carred. Again, once she was very used to that, we moved the cot to the other side of the room, then finally, into her room.
Meanwhile, during all this, we were teaching her to self settle (no CIO or anything at all here though) mind you there were a few tears, but they were protest tears that she wasnt tired or didnt want to sleep, lol. It never lasted long and she now LOVES her cot and loves her sleep. We've never had any issues with sleep at all, because we did it all at HER pace.
This whole process took maybe 6 months to get her into her own room and sleeping through the night.

[~phyrephly~]

Liz - In the day (When I have him) I drive him to sleep :/ My mum does too. I often don't transfer him inside, just open all doors and windows and stay close. SOmetimes my mum can rock him to sleep. NOt sure what the FDC lady does, I think she puts him in a cot, and to my surprise he has gone to sleep there once or twice, which is amazing considering he has never slept or been in a cot.

Chrispe - Hmmm, DP suggested this. ATM DS doesn't have any other kind of milk due to a recent allergy/eczema flare up/infection that ended us in hospital for a few nights He likes almond milk, so I might try that. He asks for a drink and I give him water.

Thanks everyone, I feel it will be a long process, trying to match what I do with his willingness and readiness. Thanks for sharing

ETA: I will update the post on how we go, after he is night weaned as I feel night weaning has to happen first before I start transitioning him into solo sleeping.

[Jellyfish]

For us it was just time. DD1 transitioned of her own accord around the time she began sleeping through - 2yrs 9mo. There was no drama or fuss and she has continued to go to sleep without hassle since. Do you have room to have him in your bedroom but in his own bed? We did this from around age 2 so we all had more room but DD had the security of being near us.

[Mildez]

We are just fully weaning our almost 23month old of the boob and next is out of our bed. I was going to wait until she has settled from not having the boob anymore as at day5 she still looks for it a few times a day and gets upset when she doesnt get it. I was going to try take the side off her cot (which she basically has never slept in) and try starting her in there in our room. Alternatively I may put her in with her sister in a double bed as our almost 6year old still loves to sleep with someone and is often to be found in her 12yr old sisters bed. I have no advice really as we soon will be in the same boat.

[~phyrephly~]

I thought I would update this thread as things have shifted. I was actually looking for more ideas on how to transition from co sleeping...

Anyway, I have successfully weaned DS. It took about four weeks in total for him to adjust to not feeding at all. I started by not feeding him in the bedroom anymore. I now give him a sippy cup of formula which is part of the bedtime routine. DP puts DS down by laying with him and singing until he falls asleep. A few times DP has been able to leave the room before DS is asleep and DS has managed to fall asleep independently. Great! Only issue is when I put him down I fall asleep myself and end up staying in bed all night with him. Well, it's not really an issue as I'm just used to it now.

I used to bounce DS on the fitball to get him back to sleep if he stirred throughout the night, which was about 6-10 times at first. Eventually I stopped that and would lay with him after he woke, he would cry and I would say to him told him he could lay down next to me and go back to sleep when he was ready. This worked for a while until heis eczema flared up again and his contant scratching would wake him. He also became sick with the flu, and required more settling at night.

So now he wakes 2-3 times during the night. Each time I get up and make a bottle for him and this is enough for him to go back to sleep. I start the night in my queen bed (which is next to his car bed). When he first wakes I get up with him and make a milk then I go into his bed, usually around 12am. He wakes again around 4am, I get up and make him another milk and we go back to bed. In the morning my alarm goes off at 6.30am and I can usually wriggle out of bed before he wakes. He wakes about 1/2 hour later and walks out to the kitchen without being upset or anything.

So my conundrum now is to attempt to wean DS from co sleeping. I would like to sleep back with DP, our relationship is not going very well over this issue and I am ready to stop co sleeping. Having recently successfully weaned DS from breastfeeding gives me some hope that DS can adapt to sleeping on his own. SO I think my plan will be to attempt to settle him without giving him milk, as he understood in the past to lay down and sleep. Then start settling him when he wakes but staying in my bed, then eventually sleep in bed with my DP in our room and go in to settle DS and leave him in there.

[Liz]

Yeah I would think the way to go would be to only settle him in his bed, and try not to fall asleep with him LOL. I've been too lazy to push this myself this time around, I just don't want to get out of bed! But when the time comes to reinforce it, I will return DD to her own bed and resettle her there and hopefully crawl back into my own bed. At the moment tho, it's too easy to just feed her and roll over and get back to sleep with her next to me.

I hope it goes smoothly for you.

[~phyrephly~]

I know what you men Liz, I'm feeling resistant to changing the current set up because i'm used to it, it works for me, i get more sleep and rest (now i'm working full time again and going to the gym 6 days a week - me time!) The thought of changing it again makes me think of how horrible sleep deprivation is and how hard it feels just got to bite the bullet i guess.

[Butterfly Dawn]

is there room to move his bed away from yours- the wall opp maybe?
that helped with us. I amped her up to her big girl bed ( other side of the room) and didn't get in it. I sat down beside. I would put my head on the bed and " fake sleep".
now she is in a room with her brothers. she loves it, but often wakes at 3ish and comes grizzling into my bed. I figure that's ok, she starts in her bed no problem

[~phyrephly~]

Another update...

BUtterfly Dawn, we did just that and moved my ueen bed away from his to the other side of the room. HE was still waking about 3 times a night and I was still getting up with him and making a milk then going to bed with him.

ONe thing that changed without warning (we still can't work out how it happened) was that the routine to put DSto bed changed. We used to lay with him for ages until he fell asleep then creep out of the room. IT would take ages. NOw DP and I do the same thing, we say @its time for bed@ and DS kisses the other parent goodnight and we walk to bed, he gets into his bed, we tuck him in, sing him a fe nursery rhymes then say @ok, time for sleep, i love you, good night, see you in the morning and we leave him in bed awake. HE falls asleep on his own. AMAZING! No crying, not tantrums. HE's been doing this for two weeks now.

So i go to bed in DP's bed now and sleep until DS wake. I go in and get him and we make a milk, i take him back to bed and lay him in his bed. SOMetimes he fusses and cries and rists. SOmetimes he wants me to hold him for a bit. Eventually he does lay down (the first night it took about an hour of sitting with him as he cried). And I sing nursery rhymes, sit with him for a bit. MOst nights I have been waiting for him to fall asleep before going back to bed, last night I was able to leave him to resettle himself without tears.

ITs only been about 5 nights and its a work in progress but so far DS is responding well. EVery time he wakes and I go in to him, he is one step closer to falling asleep on his own i.e. for the first nigh he woul get out of bed and walk to his door and now when he wakes he doesn't get out of bed.

I will keep updating this thread, as I reckon I willrefer back to it in the future for reassurance that things can and do change with time

[Butterfly Dawn]

wow! that's awesome. I hope it keeps on this path! Well done

[veus]

Thanks for this. This is reassuring for me.

[~phyrephly~]

Another update...

It's been 2 weeks since i last updated and in that time DS slept through the night once. He wakes only 2-3 times a night, and is settled easily by lying next to him briefly or getting him a watered down formula. The last few nights i have gone into him and given him a drink and left him awake to settle. No tears, no crying, no asking for me when i leave. I really feel he is ready to transition to solo sleep, hence why he doesn't get upset.

So next i will be working on removing the formula during the night, as i feel it effects his appetite in the day. And also getting DP to finally step up to do some night time parenting for the first time in over 2 years. I will keep you posted :-)