Reply With QuoteIt's not recommended for children under the age of 8.
I suggest you get some independent family law advice.
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50/50 custody
Just wondering if anyone had an arrangement where their children spend one week with their mum, then one week with their dad?
Does it work? Is it messed up for the kids to have two homes? Its something I'm considering but not sure if its best for the kids or not. There is no animosity between myself and ex we are friendly to each other.
What I really want to do is move back to where I grew up and start life afresh with my children, but the heart break my ex will feel at only having the kids every second weekend is stopping me.
Any advice appreciated.
Senior Moderator
It's not recommended for children under the age of 8.
I suggest you get some independent family law advice.
Moderator
Worst thing ever. Don't do it.
2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
I have this with my almost 9yr old. I hate it. He knows how to play us. His sd lets him get away with way more than we do. And the school is always failing to notify me of anything when im the main contact there grr
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My SIL does this with her only child, but he goes 3 days at a time, with them switching off weekends every now and again...I honestly don't know how they do it.... (and have been doing it since he was 3)
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I can only offer my sister as a example but she started 50/50 when she separated from her husband when her Dawna's 3.5 years old. He's 6.5 now 50/50 and is doing well. So it can workalthough my nephew was spending four days a week alone with his father since one while my sister worked so was used to being with his dad during the day.
I think it would depend highly on what type of relationship the patents have and what type of child it is.
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I have a friend who does this with her 2 oldest kids. But I do wonder sometimes if she does it for the kids, or for the convenience of only having them week on, week off.
Hers are 8 & I think 14 or 15. It started when the younger one weaned at 3 or 4.
Another friend is every second weekend & every Tuesday. But if you're wanting to move away, how would you do it with school etc? Maybe that's something you need to consider now, so they can keep their routine & stability as they get older.
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Thanks so much for your comments.
I do want to move away, and if I did that due to the distance (about an hour & a half) he would only have them every 2nd weekend. However as a compromise I could move closer to where I want to live and they could still go to their current school (by private bus) and potentially could still see their dad regularly either 50/50 or some other arrangement.
It's interesting people haven't recommended 50/50. We have a good relationship and at the moment the kids stay with him every second weekend and also 1 or 2 nights a week. The kids are being shuffled about a fair bit which I worry about, I thought one week on, one week off actually might offer them more stability/routine than our current arrangement.
I wish I knew what to do.
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i have a friend who does this with her 7 yo as far as i know it works well for them,
my Dad does it it with his 3 youngest kids and their mum, he wants them full time, and the kids dont like goig back to their mum but its the best arrangement that she (the mum) would settle for. it works for them (dads GF also has 4 kids that are there full time)
i personally couldnt think of anything worse.. i couldnt be away from my kids like that. and the kids as well, to you it may seem "stable" but i honestly think it looks anything but.. but thats just my 2 cents.
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Well it works for me ....as it is hard work raising 3 kids alone ...so yes ill admit i agreed to it to keep my sanity as raising 3 kids 13 5 and 2 1/2 is hard slog for 10 days straight and trying to squeeze work in as well.
I do 50:50 with the younger two nearly 5 and 2 1/2 and now is works well (since ex has split with the live in nanny) We use a family day care as well as he works and i do as well... so on the off weeks thats when i work my bum off...my oldest son sees his dad the weekends the others go but he comes home the tues after training at 7pm so i get 5 days reprieve... but he is off on the bus in morning and home by bus and when i work he goes to a friends house until i get home ...
Like tonight im exhausted mentally and physically and i cant wait for the tomorrow as my 5 days start .... it works the kids see the father and they have a less stressed out mum!
BUt it only works if you really make it work and explain to the kids why in simple terms...
Sorry for the ramble i hope that made sense
Registered User
A friend does it with 3, the youngest was 7 when they started. The kids are good, they live close and it works for them. The only problem is my friends ex is a bit of a cow, she plays nasty sometimes but she would do that no matter what the custody arrangements would be
Registered User
yes its hard to imagine being away from my kids for 7 days, but their father is heart broken at the idea of being away from them for 10 days, and only seeing them every fortnight.... how can i do that to him? that's why i'm considering the 50/50 option, i don't know what else to do.
Registered User
to be honest you do get over it and after the first few weeks it becomes the norm .... and there are things called mobile phones that do everything
Registered User
Sorry, I hope you didn't take my comment about convenience the wrong way. The person I'm talking about didn't work, or have other children at the time, & only seemed interested in her weeks off.
Everyone is different. I know how you feel, I am raising 4 alone, 365 days a year & working part time taking my youngest to work with me because I have no one to take her. I'd love the choice of week on/week off!But with my kids father, I would never allow it
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clover: all good sweet
Registered User
Clover: where do you live here in vic as FDC can accommodate you and help you with your kids and give you 'respite' so you can have 'you' time
Registered User
Im over in WA. My mum comes up every few months & helps out where she can with DD. But I also have lots of friends with kids for coffees (my sanity). I do know I need a break, but today im coping
Registered User
TBH, I would never have separated and gone with the 50/50 arrangement at my girls' ages.
I'm lucky that my ex-partner is a shiftworker so can't have them overnight during the week. He either finishes really late or he has to be up really early in the morning.
What works really well for us is him seeing them every day for short periods and for overnight stays on the weekend. If he's on a late shift, he takes DD1 to school and has DD2 for a few hours in the morning. If he's on early shift, he picks DD1 and DD2 up after school and they have dinner at his place but sleep at my place.
We sort of fell into this arrangement by accident because of XDP's shift work but it means the girls see him every day and they have the stability of always sleeping at my house on school nights.
Would something like that work for you if your ex was able to rejig his work hours so that he could leave work early and have them for dinner each night? If so, I think it would be worth staying in your current location to avoid the 50/50 custody arrangement and to avoid the weekend only arrangement.
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