Being a Carer.......

[tofu]

I have been a carer for a family member for a very long time. I am nearing burnout but have many family members telling me that I have to find new strategies. I am struggling with anxiety and depression.My fear is not being able to help continue the role of carer, making a mistake or just being too tired to continue. I have some govt. support but they cannot always be there to help. I am told constantly to take care of myself but I find it difficult to balance the two. The person I care for criticises me constantly and plays games with my emotions. The thing is I love them and want the best for them; yet I also want the best for me. Suggestions on what to do please.Thank-you. I sometimes just want to walk away..but I know I can't.

[JLeigh29]

I feel for you. Sounds like you're going through a tough time emotionally as well as physically.
Can you access respite care? Either for a day, or some places do overnight/short term respite. That might give you a break to recharge and work on your anxiety and depression.
Are any of your other family members willing or able to share the load?
Not sure if this is relevant or appropriate, but have you had the ACAT (or similar) team out to assess and talk through your options? We've had several relatives go through this and there were options available we were not aware of.
Are there any other community organisations or charities you can turn to for help and support?
And finally, (again, I don't know whether this is an option or something you're considering) is it an option to put this person into care/assisted living? I know it may be a last resort, but it could be best for all involved and you can still be there to support and care for them on a regular basis. It is by no means an admission of failure.
I wish you the best of luck finding a solution that works for everyone involved.

[tofu]

thank - you. Family members are busy with work or live interstate or country towns.
I have access to Com. Respite and utilise them on the weekends(if I need to do some shopping).
The person I care for DOES not want to go into care and ACAT assessed them for low level in
home care which they receive. I may be able access more days/hours. To get high level care in home, I have been told (by ACAT) there is an 18month waiting list.

Family members keep stipulating what I need to do and a good friend of the person I care for phoned me today and has told me to (temp leave my husband) and go live with this person full - time. I am not sure If I am emotionally strong enough as they can get a little emotionally abusive. I have some health issues of my own, whereby I suffer from chronic tiredness. I don't drive so I rely on public transport.
I may need to speak with a counseller again to see how I can work through this.

What I want now is a really BIG sleep and some TLC. thanks again.

[Dansta]

its not easy being a carer.
respite is a good thing - maybe see if you can get more weekends - and go do something *for you* not shopping maybe a hair cut or dye your hair or paint your nails.

I care for my DS who is 4 and a bit and its full time, full on care with no respite (as yet) be kind to your self. because you need to be ok to care for another if you want to can talk/vent to me via PM :hugs:

[Chocaholic]

Family members keep stipulating what I need to do and a good friend of the person I care for phoned me today and has told me to (temp leave my husband) and go live with this person full - time. I am not sure If I am emotionally strong enough as they can get a little emotionally abusive.

I doubt this will help but I think you need to tell the people who have decided what you should do to be quiet unless they are willing to do it for you.

Telling you to leave your DH who I assume is supportive of you to live with someone emotionally abusive while you are already struggling is not acceptable.

Have you had treatment for depression? You do need to take care of yourself and maybe it is time to ask the others, regardless of whether they work or live away, what they are willing to do to help. If someone is willing to cover you for a couple of weeks, that may help.

[tofu]

Thank you to those who posted for encouraging advice.Will speak to my Doctor about my struggles with depression.

[milly5]

Athena, I know I am a bit late in on this, but just wanted to send you hugs.
I too have been a carer in the past - twice "full time" and once as an "occasional". It's hard work. Even harder than being a mum I reckon.

Quote: Family members keep stipulating what I need to do and a good friend of the person I care for phoned me today and has told me to (temp leave my husband) and go live with this person full - time.
This is NOT OK. Where are they in this picture? IMHO - I think you need a family meeting, to work out who is doing what.
You need to take care of yourself. You need access to respite care for this person. I realise that the person you are caring for doesn't want to go into care, but can you explain to them that if they don't do it for a while, to give you some respite, then it will have to happen full time?

I don't mean to sound harsh, as I really feel for you with this.

[milly5]

Athena, I know I am a bit late in on this, but just wanted to send you hugs.
I too have been a carer in the past - twice "full time" and once as an "occasional". It's hard work. Even harder than being a mum I reckon.

Quote: Family members keep stipulating what I need to do and a good friend of the person I care for phoned me today and has told me to (temp leave my husband) and go live with this person full - time.
This is NOT OK. Where are they in this picture? IMHO - I think you need a family meeting, to work out who is doing what.
You need to take care of yourself. You need access to respite care for this person. I realise that the person you are caring for doesn't want to go into care, but can you explain to them that if they don't do it for a while, to give you some respite, then it will have to happen full time?

I don't mean to sound harsh, as I really feel for you with this.