Hi everyone,
I am guessing my story is like many others. I am 36, my husband 41 and we have been trying for a bubba for 15 months now. It has started to get very depressing for us. I am just wanting to find out how much more of an emotional roller coaster IVF is compared to the TTC without assistance. I am so scared at the thought of starting it. My husband has bad sperm motility and morphology so I guess this is the problem. We are not sure how much IVF is in Tassie yet, we have our first appointment on Tuesday to discuss but I think if it is roughly $2000 grand a go then we can only do a few rounds.
I have realised that I need to reach out for support as it is a tough and lonely journey.
Welcome to BB and good luck with everything. Jump into the assisted conception threads - there are done very wise ladies there. I'm sorry, I'm on my phone and can't link.
We set a budget before we started so we knew how many rounds we were prepared to go with.
Welcome appleisle (love the name by the way!). IVF can be very daunting but rest assured you have definitely come to the right place to get help & support. Hoping your journey will bring you your own little bundle of joy very soon
To be honest, while IVF is emotionally draining - in a way it helps, as at least you are doing something proactive.
Join us in the LTTTC and AC thread - there's lots of people in there - lots of positive stories and we can answer pretty much any question you have. I don't know what I would have done without BB. It's been so helpful for my sanity.
Sorry your journey is turning out to be harder than you had hoped - with your DHs issues you might find IVF really helps as you ensure that eggs get fertilized - which is the first hurdle!
I have to agree with MyTurn, it is very scary at first but I ended up looking forward to the routine because it helped make each week go faster knowing i had needles to take and scans to attend, and to be honest as scary as it seams it ended up being an easier process than I thought thanks to both the support of my clinic and the support of the lovely ladies in these threads. Best of luck.
Appleisle, the comparison between ttc without help (and failing, failing, failing every month) and ttc with assistance is really hard to make. TTC without help starts to feel kind of pointless, when the chances of success are so tiny, whereas AC gave us real, genuine hope again, which was much easier to face. The extra investment of time, money, pain, means that the emotions of going through AC are massive, but for us, who also had MFI only, are so, so worth it - we had a successful first cycle, DS is 10 months old and we are now looking at ttc #2.
It would have been 10 times harder without the support of the girls on the AC and LTTTC threads.
Thank you so much everyone. Wow, I can see already how much support this would be. I am a bit confused about where to post things and the acronyms, I will have to google them all I think I am not very techy!!
Did or do other people fear the whole "what if it works" and then you miscarry? I just had a friend go through IVF and miscarry at 9 weeks. Is it more likely to happen through IVF. Again I apologise if it's not okay to ask these questions or if it makes others worry, I guess I am just trying to reach out for support with all of these crazy anxieties!! Somehow I have it in my head that if pregnancy happens "naturally" then there is less chance of miscarrying. And hey, we AREN'T even pregnant yet!!! I do know that I would regret not going down IVF in the future as I'd like to do all we can to have a baby.
My understanding is that there is a very slight increased chance of miscarrying with IVF, but when you consider that everyone who has IVF has some kind of problem conceiving and or carrying to term, it's amazing that the increase is only slight. Also, because in IVF, the dates of possible conception are very certain, it means people get a blood test exactly on the earliest definite day that a BFP (Big Fat Positive) will be picked up, and that is a fair bit sooner than many people. That means that the really early miscarriages are picked up in IVF mummies, whereas with non-IVF mummies who get their blood tests a little later, some of them may just have 'had their period come late' and not even know that it was in fact a m/c. \So that boosts the 'chance of M/c' in IVF as well.
It's totally fine to ask these questions. In fact, I think most of us ask questions or tell our stories here in these forums that we have trouble speaking of in real life
If m/c does happen to you, you are still not alone. There is also excellent support in other threads for m/c and stillbirth. As you might see from my ticker, I was originally carrying twins, and one of them didn't make it. Not technically a m/c, cos I didn't lose anything vaginally, but a case of what they call vanishing twin. Emotionally, I still lost a baby that was very much loved and wanted.
Appleisle, I am one of those who got pregnant on my 5th ET (embryo transfer) and then ended up miscarrying. I won't lie - it was probably the most traumatic thing in my life... But 12 months on and I am okay. Like everything, you get through it and come out the other side.... Maybe different... Hopefully stronger in some way. My DH (dear husband) and I are probably so much closer and stronger for having been on this journey. I would prefer to have not miscarried obviously, but... Well... That experience is part of me too. And I'm okay. I will be okay.
We all have to decide how long we can do this for - but that would be the same whether or not AC (assisted conception) was an option.... You can't keep very thing on hold 'waiting'. I have just done my 5th stimulated cycle (ie taking drugs to collect the eggs) and it was the 7th ET (embryo number 8 - one of my cycles we transferred two). And I was lucky enough to get 7 frozen embryos from that cycle (only one other cycle I got "leftovers"). So I am embarking on my 8th cycle... Sigh. Yep. It's hard. Yes. I feel overwhelmed. Yes. I wish it were over. Yes. I cry sometimes... But yes, sometimes it's exciting, and seeing your embryo on the TV screen before you have a transfer is the most amazing thing. And no. I will never give up until I have that baby in my arms.
I hope your journey is not as long as mine is turning out to be. But whether it is, or isn't, Bellybelly is the place to be.
That's really wise words from you both thank you. Does anyone ever get their "spiritual" friends saying "if you just let go of wanting a baby, you will achieve it"... I have found it so offensive and have even stopped being close with a few friends because of it. It is so hard to hear that we are doing something wrong and it's basically out fault. Has anyone else had this happen at all? I am not sure who I will share with about IVF- as in my physical friends
Good luck on your ivf journey. Its hard but I agree with the others. It gives you a focus. I took a bit of a break from ivf and have been doing acupuncture for the last 3months. The guy is really lovely but I dont feel I'm getting anywhere. So I just got AF yesterday and will probably restart ivf this cycle again so I guess it's a case of **watch this space**. I'm planning on having a hysteroscopy before ivf cycle to make sure the uterus lining is ok. Im paranoid that with my d&c from blighted ovum many yrs ago, I might not have adequate uterine lining etc and perhaps thats why over last 5 yrs my AF is lighter than before..or it might just be ageing... Its hard having so many ppl around us getting pregnant. I'm happy for them but everytime there is another announcement, it hurts too. Yes, there are lots of people with that **relax and it will happen**advice...not really helpful. It is helpful to read and listen to other people's stories on bellybelly and I hope that soon we can add our own happy story to these threads..good luck!
Truth is, people don't know what to say. And they generally mean well - so mostly I find it easier to just let those comments go. But I think everyone can think of comments people have made that were unhelpful and almost offensive. My favourite one - that annoys the crap out of me... Is "so, ahh... How's your health???".... Brother dear... I'm recovering from a miscarriage and trying to get pregnant... I'm not sick....
Sometimes I wish I didn't tell people stuff, but in the end I need the support, so I am kinda glad people know. What I have found is that its the people you least expect who will REALLY be there for you... And family, who you think will be there... Might not be. You just have to take each moment as it comes and work out what you need right then... In that moment, ause tomorrow or next week it might be different.... And it's okay to change your mind. So just take each moment and do whatever you need then... And be okay with whatever happens tomorrow. Its hard, there's no doubt. But you can get through it - whatever happens, life will continue one, and you need to decide how you want that life - whatever it may be - to look/feel like. I choose to be okay. Today at least
I read somewhere that telling an IVF recipient to 'just relax and it will happen' is like telling a cancer patient to eat more carrots.
Many of us have had that experience, and many of us find it, at the least, unhelpful, and at the worst, hurtful and emotionally damaging. Somehow, the most well-meaning of people don't seem to see it that way.
Having answers as to why you're not getting pg is sometimes helpful, as you can honestly turn to these people and say to them, with conviction, 'Medically we have had full investigations, and we know now that we have an issue which means that for us, it ISN'T going to happen unless we get medical help.' it might not save your friendship, but having the line prepared and rehearsed might save your dignity when you would otherwise collapse in a puddle of tears in a public space.
So much of what is said is based on not knowing what to say to us. I can handle it more if I didn't have my spiritual friends telling me I am essentially creating this reality. I use to have an autoimmune disease and people said the same back then. I find it so upsetting!
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New here and considering IVF
I am not very techy!!
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