Climbing on/jumping off couch and kid furniture... do you let you let your kids?

[Santosha]

We've always had a rule of no feet on couches/chairs and no hurling yourself off the couch onto the floor etc. We have a big foam mattress the kids can do their stunts on and they use piles of cushions, their mini-couches etc for extra padding. These boundaries worked fine with DD, but she wasn't nearly as physical and boisterous as DS is and generally more cooperative.

With DS (two next week) it's a CONSTANT battle. "Sit on your bottom please" over and over and then putting him on the floor when he doesn't do it. Guiding him to alternatives, taking his little chairs away as he uses them to climb up on and leap from... it's exhausting for him and for me and ends up with far more upset than sometimes feels like is worth it. I am quite mindful that at times I tend to over-manage and am wondering whether this is one of those things that might be worth just letting go of. There is the potential for some serious bangs and bruises. At worst, yes, possible broken bones or a spinal injury. Ugh. Turns my stomach just thinking about it. But then, likewise with play equipment. Our stairs. The bed. So much has risks and I'm trying to weigh these up against the negative impact of constantly trying to reign in a boisterous little boy.

What do you do in your house? Do you think it's too great a physical risk to just let him go (with supervision against particularly hairy stunts of course)?

[Teeki]

For us it's not about physical risk - DD can climb on her pay equipment and jump around all she likes outside. It's about respecting or furniture and our stuff. I don't want her jumping on other people's furniture and putting dirty shoes up there, so we don't stand on chairs or climb on couches because it will make them dirty.

She's pretty good about the rules, we tell her she can sit on the chair or stand on the floor. She has a choice, and if she continually chooses to stand on the chair then it goes away. That usually only happens when she's in a bit of a mood and she does get upset, but once she calms down we explain why the chair was taken away and she's good about only sitting on it when it comes back out.

[nickle730]

No climbing on the furniture in my house! Feet are allowed on the couch if you are curled up, but shoes must be off. If you want to jump and climb, go outside! It is a constant battle with my DS (8) but I don't see it so much as a safety issue as a matter of respect. Perhaps you could set up some climbing equipment or an obstacle course in the yard? Or regular visits to the park?

I don't think risk taking is something to be discouraged in young children, but we should be teaching them about risk assessment!

I am always surprised when we have visitors and they let their children climb all over my furniture or they do the same in their own home. I address it in my home, but would only tell my own children to stop in someone else's - although DS is old enough to know better now!

[Santosha]

I do get that... I guess I'm also following DD's example here in that she has generally been able to understand that different rules apply in different places (eg. Her Gran jumps on Gran's bed WITH them, where they're not allowed on the other grandmother's bed at all).
My kids don't wear shoes inside and I'm not that fussed about our furniture (which is not to say that you shouldn't aim to protect yours, just not my primary concern here). Maybe it's too much to ask of DS that he will also understand that just because he can leap around on our furniture, doesn't mean he can on others. Dunno. He's a pretty smart cookie. I suspect he'd get it.... just not necessarily care!

ETA... just saw yours Nickle. Again, not wanting to challenge or judge how you do things, just interested as I guess this wasn't my thinking. Why is standing on our family's furniture 'disrespectful'? I guess I kind of have a sense for why it is, without a real, articulated rationale and again, wonder whether I'd be applying this in a rigid 'because that's the rule' sense, or because it has real bearing on our values and what I'm teaching our kids?

[Aussiegirl777]

All my friends have told me that boys are really more into climbing and throwing themselves off furniture etc. so with that in mind I'm a little bit relaxed in our family room. He can climb and lay all over the couch, he can throw himself off onto his foam couch. I understand that there is a risk involved and yes at times it gives me palpitations but overall I'm happy that we have taught him that the rest of our home is off limits for that kind of behaviour- it's certainly not acceptable to go crazy in other people's homes either. Somehow, at 2 he seems to understand this and we don't really have any problems.

[Phteven]

No balls inside.
No climbing on the furniture. We have a trampoline and a treehouse and there is a park nearby. If they need to climb and jump they can go outside and do it.

[meow]

Our kids climb and jump on everything. Doesn't bother me at all and I think it's fun I don't let them stand on tables and benches but everything else is fine. They climb right to the top of the couch and do huge jumps off, trying to get as far across the floor as possible. We jump on the bed all the time. We never wear shoes inside and I tell them not to stand on furniture in other people's houses, if these points help?

[Arimeh]

No climbing on the furniture in my house! Feet are allowed on the couch if you are curled up, but shoes must be off. If you want to jump and climb, go outside! It is a constant battle with my DS (8) but I don't see it so much as a safety issue as a matter of respect. Perhaps you could set up some climbing equipment or an obstacle course in the yard? Or regular visits to the park?

Exactly the same here. We are VERY strict on our kids jumping and stuff on our couch or the beds. Not just because I see it as a matter of respect as well, but also because their combined weight destroys furniture and given our income, we can't just go out and buy new furniture all the time because the kids wanted to jump on it. They have already put several holes in the bottom of the couch (the part that the cushions sit on) and its the same with the beds - they can destroy them and we can't afford to replace them, so we do NOT allow our children to jump on them. They have a trampoline for that - and thats its purpose. The couch is to be sat on, the beds to be slept on - their purpose is not to be a trampoline.

Its a constant battle here, but thats only because my children are rebellious and once one starts, they all start.......

[little_O]

I think the respect thing is that the furniture belongs to the family and they need to treat it like such. I feel it's important for children to learn to respect other people's belongings and treat things nicely.

Respect is so lacking nowadays whether it be for a persons own self or for other people and propety that DH and I believe it starts with the little things at home.

We're the same as Teeki. Dd has learnt she can stand herself up on her little plastic chair, but that's not the use for the chair and its dangerous so if she does it now it goes away.

[meow]

I guess I see jumping off the couch and breaking it as different things so I don't see jumping as disrespectful to property

[Teeki]

Lol go Gran! She sounds cool

I guess if you're ok with him on the furniture but it's more of a risk thing, I'd explain to him that he needs to have the mattress/pillows/whatever on the floor so he doesn't hurt himself? And if he's doing it at other people's places because the kids there are, I'd maybe ask the parents of they're ok with it - maybe they are of their kids are doing it, and for your DS it might be like following Grans example, if they can do it on their stuff then he can too.

[Phteven]

In terms of the respect thing......I think that respect for your own property is part of self-respect and respect for other people's property is pert of respecting other people.
I also think it's important for children to be aware that outside play and inside play aren't the same - screaming, running and jumping are all ok outside where the noise doesn't bounce off the walls but inside I prefer their behaviour to be a little more appropriate to the surrounds.
I'm not a big fan of having to child-proof my environment, I prefer to teach my children about appropriate behaviour and I trust them to be wise enough to understand and apply it. So we have lovely furniture that is not appropriate for jumping even if I was inclined to let them.

[AndiE]

I have two avid jumpers (and will probably have a third in DS3). We discourage jumping on the couch because they will ultimately ruin our couches if they keep it up. Same goes for the beds. Springs will only last so long when two 20kg kids start their trampoline act! They have a trampoline outside and we shoo them out.

When DS1 turned 2 we brought him a mini trampoline that had a handlebar across it. Both he, and then DS2 loved it. And it did seem to deter the couch jumping. Unfortunately it broke due to wear and tear ... and that's when we moved up to the big trampoline for outside.

Just as an aside ... both my older boys have some sensory processing issues (DS2 far more than DS1), but it means they actively seek out "bashing and crashing" - so couch jumping, both on it and off it onto things - as a way of sensory gratification, if that makes sense. It helps them "tick". And I'm definitely not suggesting that any kid who couch jumps has sensory issues - most probably don't - but in our household we've come to understand that it can mean a bit more than just having a good old jump for the heck of it.

[meow]

I guess that's a big factor for me too AndiE. My eldest son has autism and he needs the sensory input. We just spent the past two years living in a very rainy place too so we were indoors a lot so that's just how things go down in our house for the sake of sanity. We have a small indoor trampoline and the scooter and trike are indoors for use up and down the hall too! Families come in all shapes and sizes

[Mrs P]

"Couches are for bottoms" is our mantra here. That refers more to standing/jumping though. Feet are ok if curled up and no shoes on.

[chody47]

Like others have said, in our house we don't jump on couches or beds. It's not due to the injury side of things (although when DD1 was learning this rule and did jump occasionally I did worry about her hurting herself), but because its not an acceptable thing to do. You don't see people jumping on chairs and furniture out in public or at any of my friends houses, so we don't do it here. For us, it's about learning the rules of society I guess.

[Santosha]

Thanks ladies. I'm pretty sure we'll stick with the rules as they stand... just turning it over as I'm so tired of nagging him already and he's only two. And, like I said, sometimes I find myself telling them not to do something and there's not really a reason beyond that it bugs me.

So, sorry to harp on... I reiterate, I am not criticizing, just don't get it.... WHY is jumping on furniture disrespectful? I can understand that actively breaking something disrespects it, and completely agree that respecting belongings extends to self-respect and respect of others. But I see what my kids do (or want to do) on the couch as a mark of their energy levels, experimentation and sensori-motor play rather than anything that is destructive per se. I guess if it's just a rule, then repeatedly defying it is disrespectful. But by the same token, I find being relentlessly limiting and telling them off pretty disrespectful, or at least restrictive and idea-quashing, for my kids.

And WRT sensory stuff - thanks Andi. I know a bit about SPD and have worked with many kids with sensory seeking behaviours. At this stage it just looks like typical 2 year old behaviour to me but, perhaps even moreso because of what I've seen at work, I am def. always keeping an eye on things.

[Arimeh]

Well I can't speak for anyone else, but for me its disrespectful because its not what its purpose is. And its a rule in our house. Maybe its because DH and I are older parents and not in our 20's, but we were certainly never allowed to do that in our house, and as "wrong" as it may be, both of us follow society's rules and are happy with the job that our parents did with us. So I guess we have the same rules in our house now as we had in our house as kids.

Plus, its DH's and my property that they are effectively destroying when they jump on it - and I don't want them to go somewhere else and jump on someone else's couch. Which is what they would do if we let them jump on ours.

So we start respect for other people's belongings in our own home. And if thats seen as being disrespectful to the kids by not letting them have some fun or whatever - well - I don't really care to be honest what other people think, unless they are willing to buy us a new couch PMSL!!!!