50/50 and school and why it won't work..

**Country_Mum** · November 1st, 2013, 09:29 PM

So, here's my dilemma.

My ex and I have 50/50 custody of our son, 2 weeks with me 2 weeks with my ex.. Now since DS is due to be able to go to kindy my ex and I have been arguing all this year over what's going to happen.. Originally he rang me and told me that he wanted to know what was going to happen with DS and kindy. I told him to let me have a think on it and I'd get back to him.. Few day's later I rang back and asked what he was wanting to do. He said he wished to continue 50/50, I asked if he meant whilst DS was in Kindy and he said yes. So, that's 2 weeks here, in kindy at the same school as DD and then 2 weeks with my ex at kindy. Flat out I said no. So of course this caused a massive argument and I straight out said that school and 50/50 is just too much for a child as he doesn't cope well with the change over as it is.. Anyhow, this got a bunch of choice swears from my ex and he hung up. Immediately I called to organize mediation. So we've had a few visits now and still can't agree on it.. He's arguing that DS will need BOTH of us in his life seen regularly and equally.. I'm not disregarding that, however I feel that a stable environment and not being transferred between two schools would be far more beneficial.

So of course we can't agree on 50/50 so we have one more mediation session before it will end up in court. Now we live 3 hours away from each other, it's a bit of a trek just for us to meet halfway, so I don't feel comfortable adding school into the mix. It also means that we can't pick one school and do 50/50 that way. DD stays with myself and DF (his choice, only wanted DS), DS has been to DD's school for playgroup and he's well loved by everyone there (joys of small country schools) so I don't feel good about separating the kids and only having access to him during school holidays, at the same time I hate being mad to feel like the bad person for suggesting that the kids stay together instead of my ex having DS more. I've offered every weekend, fornight weekend and school holidays if DS stays with us but he says he can't because it's costing too much for his family to drive him to and from (however where we meet as the halfway point there is a perfectly good train station, as well as at his end), so he states that he'd only get to see DS on school holidays. We're in a similar position of both DF and I work the occasional Saturdays and do shopping on the other and sunday is dedicated family time. Since we live out of town by the time DF finishes work all shops are shut and it takes him a further hour to get home, hence why shopping is restricted to Saturdays. This means if DS was to live with the ex we'd also be in a similar situation (for medical reasons I'm no longer allowed to drive, and there isn't a train station where we are and the nearest one IS the one that we meet at anyways), so we'd also be limited to School holidays, which I'd feel terrible for the kids as they miss each other a lot when DS is at EX's..

So what would you do in my position. I've already done heaps of research into split schooling and pointed this all out to EX but he's adamant on either 50/50 or he gets DS full time. Does anyone have any experience with situations like this? Teachers? Lawyers? Parent of 50/50 or split schooling?

Any help or opinions would be greatly appreciated.

**TickToc** · November 1st, 2013, 09:39 PM

Oh country mum, how distressing. I have no advice as I managed to avoid a mess like this but I wanted to offer you support. I want to say it's unreasonable for your DD & DS to be separated & that your ex is being unreasonable but that is my emotional point of view, not a point of view based on legal fact.
I hope you can avoid a court battle & reach an agreement that causes minimal disruption to your family.

**DreamBabies** · November 1st, 2013, 09:47 PM

I doubt any judge will insist a child attend two schools. That's ridiculous and you could argue that it is not in the best interest of the child.

The question will be whether the child should be with his mother or father. This is such a tough situation. Which one of you moved after you split?

**Country_Mum** · November 1st, 2013, 10:00 PM

Oh country mum, how distressing. I have no advice as I managed to avoid a mess like this but I wanted to offer you support. I want to say it's unreasonable for your DD & DS to be separated & that your ex is being unreasonable but that is my emotional point of view, not a point of view based on legal fact.
I hope you can avoid a court battle & reach an agreement that causes minimal disruption to your family.

Hoping to avoid the court battle too but unfortunately we been arguing about this for this year, so can't see that happening.. His new argument now is that he should have DS because he'll have a better chance in the schools in the city :/ Which I disagree with as I know the school he wants to send him too and I've been told to try and avoid him going in there and where DD goes are tiny classes and the teachers have been AMAZING (we moved her from a different country school to her current one because we were having issues) but the teachers went over everything with her to see what she was up too, now she's all caught up and flourished!

I doubt any judge will insist a child attend two schools. That's ridiculous and you could argue that it is not in the best interest of the child.

The question will be whether the child should be with his mother or father. This is such a tough situation. Which one of you moved after you split?

Yeah all I've heard from a legal point of view is that they won't agree to two schools. Specially not at that age. To easy to fall behind and stay there.

As to moving. We both kinda moved at the same time, He told me I had to give him 8 weeks notice, then one day he came home from going to his parents and told me he was moving back into his parents that weekend. Then I found out that he hadn't been paying his share of the rent, so the land lords (which are relatives of his) wanted me to pay up but I threatened to take them to court over it since I had all the proof of me paying my share (and for a year I had paid his share too when he'd quit his job and wouldn't go on Centrelink or get another job) and so they dropped it pretty quick, but of course that meant move out. So that's when I moved out into the country.

**Amity** · November 1st, 2013, 11:13 PM

Get independent legal advice right now. Like right now.

**Livinthedream** · November 2nd, 2013, 05:51 AM

You should listen to Divvy, its her job to know these things.

So go and see a family lawyer, ASAP.

Is your DD his daughter too?

**Beatrix** · November 2nd, 2013, 07:17 AM

I can't see a judge looking on him well considering he is only fighting for one child if they are both his...how unfair and horrible for your children.

But yes a lawyer needs to be involved like yesterday...

Good luck

**chody47** · November 2nd, 2013, 08:09 AM

Just quickly, but as a teacher I don't see how 50/50 in two schools would work. It's not like every school teaches the same thing Monday of week 1, Tuesday of week 1 ect. It would be awfully confusing to be swapping and changing between two different teachers curriculums and plans for the year.

**beansbeans!** · November 2nd, 2013, 09:37 AM

Go get legal advice ASAP.
I highly doubt that it will turn out how your ex expects but go get legal advice ASAP.

**Amity** · November 2nd, 2013, 11:17 AM

Go see Melissa at Perth family lawyers. She is excellent.

**peanutter** · November 2nd, 2013, 06:20 PM

He sounds like a douche.

Do what Divvy says, and call that lawyer.

You can't afford not to, in my opinion.

**MrsFabuloso** · November 2nd, 2013, 07:10 PM

I would fight to the death for some stability for him. Two schools is absolutely ridiculous. It would be hard enough for him to cope with tow homes let alone two schools, two sets of friends, two different routines....
Nope, I would be doing absolutely everything to sort out some other arrangements.

**nickle730** · November 2nd, 2013, 09:54 PM

Surely I have misread your post...? Both of your children - your DS and your DD - are fathered by your ex? He is the biological parent of both of them? But he only wants to see your DS? Good grief, I hope I have misunderstood. I can only imagine the damage that situation will do to your daughters sense of self worth. Do as everyone else has suggested, get some good legal advice. A man who has no interest in one of his children but fights for the other deserves neither of them in my opinion.

**Country_Mum** · November 3rd, 2013, 01:03 AM

Thanks Divvy, will give her a call first thing Monday. Been trying to find a good family lawyer but no one I know has much experience with a situation like this.

As to ex, yup, both kids are his but the moment DS was born he was the gold child one of the main reasons why we split. As to 50/50, I never wanted it, but the mediation centre that we went too refused to let it to go to court and no joke, I was bullied into "accepting" 50/50 parenting and just had to "deal with it". I did however this time around report the original mediation centre, whom were investigated. This is why I dont want 50/50 anymore and I definitely can't send my boy to 2 different homes and schools at the same time. Right now at this moment he's woken up several times, excited to see daddy tomorrow but upset because it means he cant see us..

**Livinthedream** · November 3rd, 2013, 05:27 AM

I don't believe that any judge would find it in the best interests of your son to separate him from his sister.

I so cannot imagine he will look very favourably upon your ex for only taking his son.

I would think that you have a very strong case for keeping your son.

Good luck and please keep us posted.

**Country_Mum** · November 14th, 2013, 02:44 AM

I don't believe that any judge would find it in the best interests of your son to separate him from his sister.

I so cannot imagine he will look very favourably upon your ex for only taking his son.

I would think that you have a very strong case for keeping your son.

Good luck and please keep us posted.

Nope, I can't imagine they would but I have no doubts that he will try and turn it around on me somehow..

Sorry for the late reply, no joke, I was all set to ring legal aid, then no reception, which meant no internet (the ONLY downside to living on a hobby farm is no net!), took a few days to fix and then DD got super sick. So first thing 9am today I AM ringing legal aid..

I just got a letter saying it's been postponed due to "work commitments" until mid January.. So I'm fuming because I won't have long to get everything organized for school stuff/enrollments etc