We may be getting a little girl.....

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

We've been asked if we would like to permanently foster a 2 year old, who has been in care since she was 6 months. Her grandmother has been looking for a JW couple to raise her, as she can't stay where she is permanently. I have SO many questions though, and I'm hoping someone here can help!

*Has anyone been nominated by family to be the carer? Does the process differ from becoming a general carer?

*Does anyone foster an Aboriginal child when they're not Aboriginal? What cultural training did you do before becoming the carer? How do you incorporate their culture into your everyday life?

*We've got a bedroom that can be made ready for her, but at 2, will she prefer to be in a room with us, but obviously not in the bed? I'm thinking a room by herself will be scary in a new house.

Please unleash upon me your wisdom, I'm both ecstatic and trying not to get my hopes up. I understand that this is going to be a difficult process, but I want to be as prepared as possible.

[HotI]

have you already completed foster parent training/education? if you are not already.in the system, it will be difficult for this to happen. it's not as easy as just the child's family selecting a couple. if the child is aboriginal, and you are not, there are even more hurdles.

best of luck, but dont get your hopes.up too much until you talk to the social workers involved.

[nothing2lose]

This might help

https://www.dcp.wa.gov.au/Fosteringa...terCaring.aspx

An Aboriginal Child Placement Principle? | ALRC

http://www.watoday.com.au/wa-news/ab...219-2eorg.html

My understanding is that the preference is to place indigenous children within their own communities but as indigenous children are overrepresented, it's not always possible.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Yes, I understand that we need to do all of the normal things for a foster carer, I don't expect her to be dropped off next week. I've been told it'll be 6-9 months. I'm just asking if anyone has any experience with this type of fostering, as it wasn't something we discussed when we last went to an info night.

WRT not getting my hopes up - after 5 miscarriages and 7 years of trying for a baby, and then having to give up on my dreams of having a family, I'm used to dealing with things not turning out the way I want them to. Within seconds of getting the phone call though, my hopes were as high as they've ever been, and I already love this little girl like she was my own. It may not be easy, but it'll definitely be worth it.

[Mum2SweetCs]

No advice hun just lots of virtual hugs and heres hoping your wish will finally come true oxox

[danita]

Ill come back when I'm not feeding bubby. I think I'll be able to answer most of your questions

[nothing2lose]

Here is some more info...

Department for Child Protection - Western Australia - Frequently asked foster care questions

[danita]

I'm replying on my phone so forgive me If I miss some of the questions...


So I've been a carer for 10 years now and I'm not aboriginal nor is my dh. We have for the last 4 years fostered all aboriginal children. Training doesn't really differ as there is some cultural training when doing the foster care course. There are always ongoing training and learning that happens through out you time as being a carer.

We normally meet with the case manager and find out which tribe/ mob they are from. Depending on the families involvement will depend on how much culture will be implemented into their case plan. We have pictures of biological family around our home wherever possible and pictures of their flag etc. in amongst our toys we have aboriginal dolls and instruments. At night or other times of the day we play music that relates to their tribe/ mob. Depending on age will also depend on the language they use. As she's quite young she will most likely talk mainly English but may learn a few words from access visits with family when this occurs. Th children that I have will meet family regularly for contact visits and his is when some cultural stuff should take place. We also attend Naidoc week and any aboriginal festivals.
If the family wants them to attend age appropriate ceremonies the department of families and children's services will help organise these.

Having her own room will be lovely for her. Children attach their belongings as people often come and go out of little ones lives when they are in care. You will be surprised at how well she may adapt to being in your home. If the room is comfortable and her stuff is there she will most likely be ok. (Based on past experiences) if she doesn't come with anything this may be a bit different. As long as she knows we're to find you and you let her know its ok to come to you. Maybe a monitor in her room so you can her if she wakes. Some children are awake in the night but too afraid to move (from past trauma or being in trouble for doing this)

There's a lot of great courses when your a carer. I can pm you a few if your interested? If you have any other questions feel free to ask me good luck it's the most beautiful rewarding job in the world! After a 12 mth break I'm itching to start up again.

[ladybirdflies]

Quietly excited for you!! Danita has given a very thorough reply, amazing!! I hope it all goes well!

[Beatrix]

Fostering is a extremely long process to get involved in and you have to lay your personal life on the table.... inc. any recent marital problems (they will be able to access the centrelink records about your recent separation etc) and mental health issue's.

I don't want to knock you down hun because I would love you to get the family you dream of, but there are many many hurdles you will need to jump through for this which many people dont get passed

[Lenny]

Fostering would be an amazing opportunity and a rewarding experience. Foster carers can make such a difference by providing a loving home and nurturing environment.
Foster carers aren't a replacement for a child's family though and permanent care isn't necessarily the next step. It would be very hard emotionally if the placement were to end. I'm sure that's one of the main things on your mind already.

When you say 'we've been asked' is that you and your parents? Or are you planning on starting the approval process journey on your own? It's long - you'll need to get started on the paperwork and interview process ASAP!

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

I know they're gonna go through all our history. I figure that if I give it all I've got, and they say I'm not a fit foster parent, well, at least that answers the question, and I'll deal with the emotional fallout from that. But being in this fertile Purgatory is horrible. I've spent years trying to move on from wanting to be a parent, and I just can't do it, I am a parent - I just don't have a child.

We = Professor and I. The question has come from the girl's grandmother and great-grandmother. I rang DCP last week and they mentioned the possibility that, because the little girl isn't with the women who are asking, it's possible that the family she's with would actually like to keep her, which I hadn't thought of. I hope it's not the case. Well, obviously it would be better for her to be with family. I guess for me I hope it's not the case.

Even if this little girl isn't the one for us, we're still going to go through the process. I keep reading about foster kids being abused etc, and I figure that even if I'm a bit nutty, I've got SO much love to give. It's not like they're looking for perfect parents!

Danita, thank you so much, that was exactly the type of info I'm looking for PM away!

[danita]

I pmd you

[forshelby]

Oh, I got a huge lump in my throat seeing this thread. I have so much hope that you'll have a baby/child someday, however that may come about! I know you'd walk through fire to have a child, and you, my friend are an AWESOME mother. I can see that already.

I wish it was easier for you, but then again I know that very rarely are worthwhile things easy. At least in my experience, anyway. Keep us posted

[LimeSlice]

Do you actually think this is a wise option to pursue currently?

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

For some reason I didn't notice that this thread had been added to, I just came in to update and saw the extra responses. Forshelby, that's so sweet, and you're right, I would! Thank you

LS, I'm not sure what you're referring to in particular, our recent separation, our housing situation, or my mental state. All worthwhile objections. The short answer is - that's up to DCP to decide, and I won't hide anything from them.

As for the long answer - we've just refinanced our mortgage and are now financially able to live in our own home easily; we're just waiting on the current lease to expire. Mental state - I've spoken to my psychiatrist about this, and she believes, as do I, that having someone to care for, someone completely dependent on me, will actually help me by taking me out of my own mind and at it's very basic level, providing one big honkin' distraction. Of course, there's no way to know until it happens, and DCP remains in constant contact anyway, so if there was a problem, it wouldn't be a problem for long. And our recent separation - I don't know how that's gonna go with DCP, we'll hafta find out the hard way.

----------------------------

UPDATE

We've got our first home assessment and interview tomorrow evening, and I'm so excited!

The family of the little girl have asked for her to be moved to us, as the family she's with - who are actually NOT biological family, they are just emergency carers - are not able to keep her. DCP have said they can't guarantee anything yet until they've done the assessment, but the family are adamant. Once they found out we were unable to have our own children, they actually wanted us to have her more, because they reckon she will 'fix' us. Apparently that's what happens in Aboriginal culture, a childless couple will be given someone elses child, and then they can have their own We'll see! But they are adamant, and they're all writing letters with the help of their social worker to DCP. Even though we're not blood family, they call us family, and they're excited to be able to see bub a couple times a year, whereas they haven't tried while she's been in care so far. It's an interesting dynamic, one that I don't quite understand, but if they're happy, I'm happy!

We've cleared out the room she'll have here, sanded the walls, and removed the blinds. Tonight I'll be ripping up the carpet which is approximately 400 years old, and we'll be painting and recarpeting. I'm very aware that we may not end up with her, but we're still going through the whole process and will foster a child, if the dept will let us. So we're decorating the room fairly neutrally, and I'm making some curtains with an animal print on them, so it's suitable for either gender.

My parents and another of my sisters (qualified child carer) have also expressed interest in being respite carers, not just for our child but for others as well. Parents can devote 2 weekends a month, and I think my sister is happy to do it 3 weekends a month. So they're all going through the process too!

[ButterflyForever]

I hope things are moving along nicely for you.
I am a carer through Docs and am caring for my granddaughter and her half brother not related to me.
My case the placemement assessment although thorough, was rushed through as the children needed to be removed and placed urgently.
Any questions, don't hesitate to contact me,
Crossing everything for you,

[Mummato2]

LS, I'm not sure what you're referring to in particular, our recent separation, our housing situation, or my mental state. All worthwhile objections. The short answer is - that's up to DCP to decide, and I won't hide anything from them.

I had a similar thought to LS, from the perspective of the mental health hurdles you've experienced as well as the issues with your DH (separation, housing etc). I worry for you and the impact a full time little one has. Your life changes dramatically and sometimes it can be a huge shock. My advice is have a good village around you and always have your mental health team at your fingertips to debrief. It sounds like your mum and sister are doing just that.

That said, I am happy for you to have this to look forward to. I'm pleased you're not "hiding" anything from DCP, although they're so thorough you wouldn't have to worry. When they decide to register you as a foster carer it's because they've gone through your application with a fine tooth comb and are happy you have met the requirements to provide a safe and stable environment for children.

I have a close friend with 4 foster kids (she has PCOS and can't have her own, ivf etc attempted for years). She is a beautiful foster mum. the first bubby she got left her care after a year and she took it hard. Since then, she's learnt to let go, but what she provides these children is nothing short of a true blessing. They are sincerely loved and treated as her own.

Good luck with tomorrow - I'll be thinking of you both and waiting for the update!