At my 6 week check up my OB saids things are a little tight downstairs due to my tears. It's not that he's stitched me up too much, it's that where I tore, I tore sideways either side, and the way it has healed is a bit tight. I guess the scar tissue?
He said to try DTD only when really in the mood and to try it a few times and if there is pain after trying for a while then I need to see him and I may need it fixed up down there. Obviously DTD is the best way to stretch things out down there.
We have tried DTD once but it was hopeless. I felt in the mood and then we started things and I could feel my mood slipping away. But I kept going. Anyway it didn't happen in the end. It was hurting too much! DH barely touched me! I think I was stressed and tense, knowing that it could hurt. How am I going to get this to work?! And it's hard to find time, let alone time when you're in the mood. I'm so stressed about it all being "broken" down there and it never working well again.
I'm hoping it's all in my mind. Surely it's not that tight that DH cannot fit?! :eek: I guess I'll have to keep at it.
Not sure if this helps but after having #1 I also had an episiotomy It took a few weeks for me to even consider DTD again only to find like you that being unsure of the pain the mood was lost, the scar tissue does take a while to heal, my only advice is to take it slow and talk to DH then even thou it sounds wierd try using a rain coat that worked for me mabye cause the smooth feeling (or lube) not sure but worth a try.
Last edited by motherduck; September 13th, 2006 at 05:04 PM.
We found that it was easier at first to use heaps of lube and no condom, with Dh making very sure he pulled out, because I found the latex can be very dryng. Also you could have a few drinks to try to relax yourself so you can get in the mood better, but only if you are that way inclined anyway.
Apparently in about 7 months I will be a qualified midwife - yikes!
1,248
I was the same after DS 1 we tried a couple of times and it was excrutiating! After having Silver Nitrate applied to some Proud tissue at 3months post baby from the healing and 7 months after giving birth we successful DTD.
I was so scared of the pain and damage that had been done by the forceps that everytime my DH wanted some I got panicky!
Eventually we just took it really really slowly and stacks and I mean stacks of KY was the only thing that helped. Eventually I gained confidence that it wasn't going to hurt - but it also took me a while for me to trust that my DH would listen to me when I asked him to stop or change etc.
Having said that though - don't despair! After having No 2 I was "back on the wagon" so to speak within 8 weeks and things are absolutely better than ever! And I mean way better than ever!
Hello, it took us over a year to get back to DTD - very messy tear scar which was painful for a long time (though not 'tight' like you describe - I wonder if that's vaginismus due to anticipation of pain? Which is like an involuntary spasm that doesn't allow penetration). One thing my dr did was prescribe a dose of oestrogen vaginally for several months, it helped repair the internal tissues. And then it was just a case of time healing all wounds, and learning to trust DH, like Relle said.
Tanya Re the condom thing - you might like to check out the non-latex ones, they are much less irritating (even tho you pay a lot more for them).
:-)
Yeah we are using condoms for contraception too – but I agree, they can be drying. I don't mind lube though. We tried heaps of that. But it was hurting and DH was saying he was barely touching me!
I did think of having a few drinks to help me unwind, but I am not drinking alcohol while BF-ing.
Marydean – I don't know if it would be vaginismus. My OB has actually informed me that it is tight down there.
I sort of wish we had tried to DTD before my 6 week check up – before I knew about the tightness, IYKWIM. I think now that I know, it's going to make it harder because I'm scared.
Will try again soon ... or DH suggested maybe I should try things out on my own for a while, IYKWIM, just to understand my own body and it might be less scary.
I tore with Maddy & it healed really quickly & no big deal when I finally was ready to DTD again....
But I had an episiotomy with Indah & it's a deeper incision than a tear, as it's into muscle & stuff, it took a lot longer to heal, I waited probably about 12-14wks before letting Dh try even & I kept saying it hurts, it hurts!!!
so we waited & then we used lube & did it slowly & I'd say probably the last 2-4 mths it's not as tender, it's not painful anymore, but I can still feel a tnder part which I guess it the thicker scar tissued skin???
Take it slowly & yep maybe a few drinks & tell your DH you have fears & please stop if you ask him to!
Fee, yeah, maybe help yourself first & it's still only 2 mths so dont rush!!!
Massage massage massage!!!! Its sooo important!
I had a tight scar too, and everytime we tried to DTD it ended in tears. So scary, and just yuck, and totally meant I wasn't relaxed or interested.
Lube did help alot.
But - the real breakthrough for me was when I got AF back quite quickly (about 8w??) even though I was fully breastfeeding. Cause I'm pretty active with netball and all, I used tampons after teh second cycle, and it hurt like hell, but within about 2-3 months it was a different story. Inserting the tampon must have massaged the scar in some way, and it just broke down all the scar tissue. I am 100% convinced you could do this yourself through massage.
I've just checked with my midwife re my scar tearing in the next labour, and she gave me a very detailed pamphlet on perinium massage. It looks like the goer.
Hopefully something like this will make a big difference for you!
I had an episiotomy and forceps with Dd and i know it took quiet along time for me to get relaxed enough to enjoy sex again. I think we used a fair bit of lube because i surely wasnt makeing it, Lol.
Just take your time and make your partner realise and listen to you.
Healed too tight after episiotomy
Registered User
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks