Nine Year Old Boys

[tiggerandpooh]

short of pulling my hair out from complete frustration... thought I would throw it out on here to see if anyone has some amazing idea on how I can get through to my nine year old son! It is so incredibly frustrating at the moment... what do I mean the moment... it has been frustrating for MONTHS!

In my house both my big kids receive pocket money for the chores that they are responsible for. We have two job sheets, that they swap week about. Laura, my daughter, gets on and does what she needs to do, gets her pocket money, without too much fuss and bother, just does it.... Nathan on the other hand... my god! pushing wet cement up a hill with a stick would be an easier task!! I have tried letting laura do all the jobs, and get paid extra for it in the hope that if it hurt Nathan at the hip pocket he would WANT to do the work... he did come and ask me if he could start doing his jobs again, so I guess that part worked... but I am soooooooo over constantly asking him to do what needs to be done, I am so over nag nag nag nag. Its like he is on a different planet! He can start something, get distracted, and be standing there in the one spot doing nothing... sometimes I feel like he does it on purpose just to irritate me.

I'm just so sick of nagging him, and feeling constantly frustrated. What am I doing wrong????

[*Nessa*]

Everytime you have to tell him to do something dock him 50cents and he still has to do the chore.

Plus if he gets in the rears make it continue on to the folowing week.

maybe when he sees he is working for nithing he might clean up his act.



Thats what my folks used to do.

HTH

[Pretty Butterfly]

I truly beleive it is just the onset of "teenage brain". My son is also the same. I have started to tell him no playstation or friends over or phone calls till its all done. I also started to pay per job, straight after he's done it, so the pay off is immediate. He then understands no job, no payoff. He's getting better, but teenagehood is around the corner!!!

[Cricket]

Maybe an itemized list of what each chore entails would help him focus on what to do next?
ie. dishes means 1. clear table 2. rinse dishes 3. load dishwasher 4. wash large items 5. wipe counters and table
or something like that?
Otherwise, maybe a time limit? If chore x is done within x minutes, your pocket money is all yours. For every extra ten minutes, you lose x amount of pocket money?
Time is money - that's a real life issue. Learning efficiency is important for life.

Good luck with that! And keep your sense of humour!

[visitor1]

My parents used to do the same as Jodie. Pay as i done a chore. If i done it but not how it should have been done id get less money. If i went out of my way and done extra things id get a 'bonus'. Either more money or something id wanted, a trip to the movies, a lolly etc.

So punished if i didnt do the job or complete it
Rewarded if i done extra or a good job of my chores!

Big HUGS...i hope Nathan starts changing for u...

[AnyDream]

Try making the consequence more related to the thing he needs to do, ie if it's unstacking the dishwasher, don't serve dinner until the plates are unstacked to eat from. If it's folding laundry, let him run out of clothes completely...etc. He'll soon learn the value of what needs to be done.

BTW you are not alone, I have a highly distractable 9 yo DD, we *still* get the timer out for some tasks otherwise she just wanders off to la la land and 45 mins you're still waiting!

[Bathsheba]

Ok, just another suggestion to throw into the mix:

Stop nagging. Immediately. By nagging you are helping him to tune out. He is subconsciously confident that you can be relied on to do his thinking for him. Your reminders are like a crutch... you need to remove the crutch and let him fall down. You might think that he won't be able to think for himself but he will if there are more negative consequences for tuning out. He has to learn to associate "tuning out" to "missing out". So let him tune out and let him suffer. It's the only way that you will stir within him the desire to be forward thinking. He needs to know that there will not be a reminder. He needs to be worried about forgetting.

My DD was starting to go down that path. Like my DH she was starting to show signs of becoming a bad time manager. It was noticeable each morning as she was trying to get ready for school. Because she was given a lift to school by DH on his way to work he constantly nagged her and beseeched me to do "more" for her so that he wouldn't be late etc. At first, because I wasn't working I didn't mind... and did more. But one year I returned to uni and needed to be out of the house early myself to attend lectures. I made it clear that i was not available to help nag DD each morning. I stopped getting involved. DD was at an age that she was capable of doing everything anyhow... even making her lunch (she was 6/7 yo). I actually noticed some improvement. But the biggest improvement was a few years later when we moved house and she had to get HERSELF to school, as well as make lunches etc. I tell you what! Because it was her sole responsibility to get herself to school she then realised that it was totally up to her. I had a new baby... I often didn't even get out of bed each morning... it was just a kiss as she left for the day. She was never late for school. No one nagged, she just knew that the buck stopped with her. These days her time management skills are better than the average child her age (13). She thinks ahead and does what needs to be done at the right time. All because I wasn't there to nag.

[Mum0809]

My brother is 9. My mum also does what Jodies does. That way he sees his reward immediately and it is easy to get him to do it.

[Lucy]

I've had a little experience with a 9 year old nephew. And I do pretty much what Bathsheba is suggesting. With a lot of love, of course,but he has learned to be a lot more responsible.

It took me weeks of "Mate, I am not going to nag you. It is your choice." He got it after a couple of weeks.

[butterfly*kisses]

In the words of my illustrious mother.....

"your problem starts and finishes with one thing - the name NATHAN!"

LOL! Sorry - I couldn't help it! The reply was screaming at me from the inside!

PS - if you didn't guess, I have a brother called Nathan! LOL!

[tiggerandpooh]

lol acbryett.

I ended up doing a supernanny chart - with football(soccer) as the theme, and (touch wood) it seems to be working. He gets to move up a man which is equivalent to a dollar when he does his jobs with out us having to remind him constantly. and it moves down a man if we have to. There is a bonus at the top too - which can be equivalent to money, or a special treat. I think because he is such a visual kid it works.

thanks everyone for your suggestions. I think part of my problem is that he reminds me soooo much of his father - my X and that colours my judgement. When his father moved in with me, he was incapable of doing anything because his mother had done EVERYTHING for him. Its my aim for ALL my children to be self sufficient independent individuals when they leave home - not mumma's boys!