Hi, I miscarried my second child, a girl we named Harper Grace, about 6 weeks ago. I was induced at 19 weeks and 5 days after my waters broke. Most days I am ok, tonight I am really struggling. I have become so over protective of my daughter and I'm worried that this will have a detrimental effect on her. When do you feel normal again?
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
One thing i have realised through losses in my life is that you find a new 'normal' when you are ready for it and not a moment sooner...
Welcome to belly belly Nic - I am only sorry it's due to such sad circumstances. I am terribly sorry for the loss of your daughter. Sadly there are many of us here that understand from personal experience how hard and long this road is.
One thing I know is that you will never again feel the same. Your daughter's life and death has opened a part of you that never again will remain closed. I know now almost 2 years after I lost my 2nd Angel daughter (2nd mid trimester loss) I still open that part of me and cry. However the grief eases as does the pain. The sadness for me remains as a gentle reminder of the life that was.
I decided I was going to learn what I could through my loss - to take up the challenge of growth that this hideous experience was offering.
The road is long - and it isn't a continuum. Some days will be good and some will be hellish. Lean on us, lean on your friends and family. Take the time you need - this is your journey and you will do it in your time.
Sending you my love and support.
Last edited by Inanna; September 17th, 2008 at 09:36 PM.
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Hi and welcome to BB. Sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. I wish I could tell you when life goes back to normal but I don't think it really does. Our lives change when we lose a child and we as parents change our lives to adapt to our loss. I still after two years grieve for the loss of my son but the road gets less windey as you learn to deal with your grief. The pain never goes away but somehow you learn to deal with that pain. The feeling of being overprotective of your daughter is so natural. I feel exactly exactly the same with our three children. I hope you find lots of comfort and support here on BB, sending you lots of .
Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement. I have friends to talk to but they haven't experienced what I'm going through so it's comforting to be with people who know what it feels like and can give actually give advice.
The absolute best piece of comfort I received after I lost my first baby was from my brother in law (they had lost a baby the year before). All he said was 'it does get better'. And it does, it does get easier with time. I still have my sad moments almost two years on, but it is easier to have them now than it was then.
I like what cindyb said - you reach a new type of normal.
After losing Noah, I spent as much time with him as I could, then when it was time for me to leave the hospital, I couldn't get out of their quick enough... all I wanted to do was grab my older 2 children and never let them go. I have moments now that I become very over protective of them, but I am more so over protective of Harrison. Harrison was conceived 3 months after I lost Noah, and he was born the same month that Noah was born in. Harrison was born 17 days before the 1 year anniversary of Noah's passing.
For a little while there, both my DH and I would slip and call Harrison, Noah.
I don't think I will ever get past the over protectiveness, and I don't think that is such a bad thing. My DH levels me out and tells me when I am being over-the-top, but most people are understanding, as I am sure Harrison will be when he is old enough to understand.
As Deb mentioned, our lives are never the same after a loss, there is no way they could be. Allow yourself to grieve and know that everything you're feeling you have every right to feel.
Huge hugs to you
hi!
i too lost a daughter August 9th and she was my 2nd later term loss. I am still myself struggling at times and find that i have been different with my 2 kids since those losses and esp after madisons passing - all the emotions from jacks passing for who i was still grieving for, were doubled which obviously impacts on family life, positively and negatively.
the above girls are right -there is a new "normal" that you become and sometimes we can't understand that, much less anyone else in our lives, but you have to be ok with the fact it is "normal" (i hate that word!) for us! My nights have just slowly started to become better, i find the days ok as i am busy, but the nights when you are alone and everyone else is asleep can be a nightmare when left with raw emotions. We are entitled to our outbursts of that emotion - we just don't know how or when they are going to happen and i know there are times when i have been so frustrated by it!
i still find it so hard to accept madison is gone as she looked so perfect, it is hard to wrap my mind around why she would be taken away from us! But i also have a happy sadness (if that makes sense) when i think of her because of that innocent beauty!
Later when i get time i will write out a poem (its long) i put in one of the forums somewhere last year. A friend sent it to me after Jack passed and it speaks so much truth i wish i could send it to everyone in my life so they would understand in part my grief!
please take care - know it takes time! And feel free to use us all for support! I feel very safe here in this site and it has been a lifesaver for me at times!
x jo
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