Daughter being harrassed

[Mumma2three]

My daughter is in Year 4 and I found out that the boys in her class are harrassing her. She has been saying for a few weeks that they swear at her (well she has said they've sworn for the whole year) and I just told her that they are boys and they must like her....

Anyway, today she came out crying and said the boys had just cornered her in the locker room and said "You are a b*#tch, you hump boys". The teacher was in the computer room so they obviously thought it was their chance. She then told me that last week one of the boys had said "do you wanna s*ck my balls". I can't believe it. Anyway, I went to the teacher. Now he is a male and is the only male in the school and I had heard a rumour that he got all the difficult boys BECAUSE he's a man. So the girls in the class just have to suffer. I also realised it's the "average" girls, because they wouldn't put the top of the year or their work could suffer (grrr I get so annoyed when I realise this).

So, I went to the teacher who ways "we delt with the sucking issue last week"/ Oh ok, well I didnt' know. And then he said to get my daughter (who at this point had gone off to dance class and didn't want to tlak to the teacher) to see him tomorrow and tell him what happened.

My husband says this would be sexual harrassment if it was in the work place, and that they should suffer severe consequences. I am sure this isn't the only two times and Im going to go to the principle. Do you think tha'ts sufficient or is there something else I should do. Has anyone experienced something similar?

Thanks xo

[LaDeeDa]

OMG Webbmag that is disgusting and completely unacceptable. no little girl should have that said to her especially not by her peers.
If it was me I would go straight to the principal and then the school board if your not happy with the response.
I hope your DD is ok ...

Good luck
xoxoxox

[foreva*your*mummy]

Absolutly go to the principle and if you are not happy with what is done take it further. That is totally not acceptable behaviour and should never be allowed. My mum always tells me you are the only one with your childs best intrest at heart and will fully protect her. So go with you gut instinct!!.
I really hope she is ok . xoxo

[Heaven]

Go to the principal!!!! They will have to take it more seriously than that.
Just horrible, your poor DD

[Beach Mama]

As a teacher many issues get dealt with at school, alot of the time without parents being aware of what has happened unless their child goes home and tells them. This works majority of the time, as usually both parties are somewhat at fault and dealing with it at school means that is usually the end of it and builds resilience in the kids. HOWEVER the nature of what has been said to your DD should have been discussed with you, and the kids who have been doing this should have pretty severe consequences. I would definately get your DD to talk to the teacher tomorrow, then after school, I would talk to her to find out what he said/did, then bring it up with the teacher again and find out what happened or what his response is. If it still seems like he is giving you the brush off(which to me it sounds like) I would then let him know that you aren't really satisfied with the way the school dealt with it and make an appointment to see the Principal.
Hope that isn't too long winded and you get to the bottom of it. The boys should have parents contacted and then be dealt with according to school behavioural policies (writing an apology note, yard duty etc.)
Good luck.

[AnyDream]

Oh hun that is awful. I wouldn't let it stop with the teacher, i'd be bringing it to the principal's attention and asking the offending children's parents to be brought in and told about the incidents that are occuring. We had a similar thing happen to my DD1 a couple of years ago and the school reacted very strongly, offending children were suspended and not allowed to return to the classroom until they had apologised in full to my DD and her friend, and only once my DD and friend indicated they were happy for the boys to return to the classroom. That's how serious this sort of thing is and that's how seriously the school should be taking it. Our school cluster is a leader in 'restorative practice' which is the current best practice for bullying and harrassment and I must say it was very empowering for my DD to come through this process and have her rights protected and upheld.

[nic]

OMG, that is absolutely not on. Your poor DD (and you).

Going to the principal is a great idea, does he/she even know about the 'sucking issue"? If they don't, it might be helpful for it to be brought to their attention, and if they do know, why did they not contact you about it?

Have these boys parents been informed of their behaviour?
What is the school going to do to ensure this doesnt happen again, (as it sounds like it has and will be an ongoing issue)

goodluck, hope you can sort this out quickly.

Nic

[AnyDream]

PS Make an appt with the principal first thing in the morning and when you see him/her make sure they understand that you want to know the outcome of whatever process the school takes. If they don't take it seriously I'd be ringing the state education department.

[Pretty Butterfly]

I would be seeing the principle IMMEDIATLY, and there is a chance he doesn't even know, if the teacher is keeping it quiet.

I would also be demanding that the boys parents be brought in to discuss their sons behaviour, and ask the principal what action will be taken against the boys. Your DD needs protecting, and when at school, that is there job.

These boys are around 10 yrs old, and need to be taught NOW that this behaviour is not allowed. And there parents need to be aware of the disgusting behaviour.

Our school has a ZERO tolerance for anything like this, and just last year 2 boys fighting OUTSIDE of school hours, but in uniform and on the grounds, were expelled. That may be harsh, but thats why my kids go there!!!

[Chocaholic]

I agree with the others. Go to the principal and if you are not happy with his/her response, go to the Education Dept ASAP. Tell the principal that you are NOT happy that you weren't informed about the sexual harrassment of your daughter.

Also I would be requesting counselling for the boys if that is possible. The must have picked it up somewhere and if it is at home, then they need to be protected too.

[DiannaQ]

I agree go to the principal even if it's just to let them know that you're not going to take this lightly.

Poor DD and poor you - and someone needs to teach these boys some manners - gosh I'm dreading the school years already - little $hits

[Je$$_84]

OMG... I couldnt believe what i was reading ... I really hope ur DD is ok.... I have a DS and would be mortified to find out he was behaving like this...And a DD and would be freaking out if it were her. i think that the parents of both/all kids involved should have been notified especially because of the nature of what is happening... No one should ever be in this position especially not someone in Yr4

My husband says this would be sexual harrassment if it was in the work place, and that they should suffer severe consequences.

If this was done in high school even it would be delt with as sexual harrassment... It is no way at all on...

I would see the principle.. But also have a good chat with your DS... Hopefully this is the first and last of this situation... i just wanna give her a BIG hugs... poor girl... what a horrible thing to go through.

[saslia]

Hello - My name is Stewart. The computer was on when I got home from work. As a secondary teacher (3 dd's ??) I know exactl how you feel. As a male (and a dad) like everyone says .. this is not on. Fact is - its bullying. Bullying in most schools (in wa anyway) is a suspendable offence. Give the school a day to listen to your little one's story and see how they respond. Ask the principal what was the consequence of the behaviour. If it is a suspension - then usually this calls for a conference before the students are allowed back into school. This is where you inform the parents of your side of the argument. Insist that you go. If these boys arent suspended - ask why, and ask loudly and often.

I hope this is of a little help. Unfortunatately - this advice is coming from a male. My daughter attends the same high school I teach at. The one incidence of bullying this year she had my response was to line up the little sod and give him the true story of how Dads look after their daughters (which would end up in a negative manner for him !!!!!) My 12 year old was more worried about me doing that then anything the bully said.

Good Luck - and remember, dont stop until you are satisfied with the outcome.

[mrsmac]

At this age those kind of comments can sometimes indicate that the children themselves have had some kind of sexual harrassment/abuse. I would go to the principal or the Primary assistant principal and talk to them.

[Phteven]

your poor little girl. What a horrid experience.
I disagree totally with the teacher's assesment that it was dealth with because if it had been properly dealt with they would be aware of how totally unacceptable such behaviour is. As a society, if we don't teach boys what kind of sexual behaviour is acceptable we're letting them and our daughters down. I think that for your daughter's sake and for their sake you should approach the principal and insist on stronger measures for innappropriate behaviour - you're doing them a favour in the long run by sending them a clear message.

[Beckibee]

Meg, I can't believe poor little Tilly is having to go through this. What gets me most is what appears to be a very blase attitude of her teacher towards the whole situation.

Can you organise an appointment with Tilly, the teacher and yourself? It doesn't sound as though she feels very comfortable discussing what was said with the teacher (what little girl would?!) on her own and maybe needs your support?

[Mumma2three]

Thank you all for your responses!
I have called the school and am waiting for the principle to call and book an appointment with me.
I found out a few more things yesterday. Apparently alot of the harrassing is to a group of girls, so mostly it's not just DD (still DISGUSTING, but at least it's not JUST my daughter being targetted). They are obvioulsy showing off. MrsMac I did think that it could possibly be a result of sexual abuse too but I do also realise that some kids are allowed watch whatever they want on TV and there is some CRAP out there. So I will voice my concern to the principle, but wouldn't want to assume anything. But yes, that is how the cycle seems to continue. It also concerned me because I don't want my daughter brought into that cycle and thinking it's normal and then acting out infuture (sexually) because of this abuse.
There are also some issues with girls in DD's class and I have a feeling because of the boys behaviour over the year, the girls are starting to use the bad language and getting a bit of a reputation with the parents, so I want to make sure it's not DD and also if it is, for me to be able to work on that. Honestly, why so difficult to bring up kids!!!!!
I do think this male teacher has been lumped with a bunch of difficult boys and he has NO idea how to deal with it. He's not a psychologist or behavioral expert and I am annoyed he's been given all the "naughty" boys. What a joke, particularly for the girls. But at the same time, he does have a responsibility and I feel he has not dealt with this problem all year and now the parents are suffering.
I've also heard that parents of girls in other classes are GOSSIPING about our class (my goodness, no wonder kids are such gossips) but Im wondering if it's to make themselves feel better about their kids and their kids imperfections. My attitude is to take a look in your own backyard first!!
Thanks Stewart for your input. I do believe that bullying should be zero tolerance in all schools. I am not sure why they chose not to take it further. I will be asking.
I did find out that one of the girls fathers went to the boys mother and told her what her son had said, so at least she is aware. I want to know why the school didn't inform her, it wasnt' just a "boy" thing it was a GROSS comment that he probably doesn't even know what it means and is going to get into alot of trouble in the future if he keeps it up.
Anyway, will let you know what happens, and thank you all again! xo

[MamaPan]

HOw awful!! I dont think it is appropriate that your daughter had to go and tell the teacher what happened - I know I would have been v embarrassed to say something like that to a teacher (let alone a male one) and she has done nothing wrong so why is it put in her court to discuss in depth with the teacher. she told you so you can help her. when i was in high school someone flashed at me pretty aggressively on a bus on the way to school (and a friend). we told the teacher and then had to describe in depth to police and our school principal. i was SO embarrassed and justwanted to drop it... woudl have been a lot more comf if my mum could have handled it for me (and iw as a lot older than grade 4)
i think at this age all parents need to be involved, it isnt even that the boys are 'bad' - they are just learning, mimicking bad behaviours and there is an opportunity to stop it now before they are older and more impactful.
let us know how you get along.