I'm so sorry Samcougar - my heart is breaking for you. I'm glad you can find some comfort from the ladies on here. Goodbye Riley, you must have been far too beautiful for this world. Take care of yourselves, I wish you all the strength you need to grieve for your beautiful baby boy. xx
Samcougar, I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your precious son Riley. You and your DH will be in my prayers How very beautiful that your son was communicating with you through the butterfly. He is truly free and at peace. Take care of yourself.
Reading your story was like reliving my own all over again my first baby, my daughter Isabel was born sleeping 9 weeks ago at 30wks and 5days. It was like you were putting words to my feelings. So please no that you are not alone.
If you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here and like you I work at a supermarket. I went back 3weeks after Isabel was born and it still hurts me to this day. So if you need any advise or just someone that knows what you are going through and will be going through just let me know.
I am so sad to hear that your Little Angel Riley has flown to the Angels
I got the biggest shivers all over my body when reading about your butterfly- i am even getting them again now just thinking about it- i know for sure that was your little man making a connection with you.
I have two Angel Children- Darren (18weeks) and Zahra(34 weeks 5 days)- and butterflies are my symbol for my son as well- after i lost him i would see them everywhere- they would fly around my car as i drove and when i find mself thinking about Darren- sure enough a butterfly is never far away.
I agree- you will need to very strong to go back to work so soon- and i would almost recomend you dont- even though i know all to well how hard it is to be home alone- i also know what it is like to try and go to work in a very public place. I was working in a pub when i lost Zahra- and i went back to work about three months later and customers- though the mean well will break your heart.
I had the problem of some of my customers not knowing what had happened.
The would approach me with the best of intentions asking me how the baby was- did i have a boy or girl? How am i enjoying motherhood? And that was sooooo hard to handle. I lost count of how many times a day i had to tell someone that my baby had died. And then continue on with my shift with tears welling and attempt to be friendly and serve more cutomers.
I dont mean to scare you- but no matter how many people you think may know and no matter how small the supermarket- i can almost gaurantee that this will happen to you and i know how dificult it will be for you- and i just think you should be prepared and maybe take it one day at a time- if your employers are understanding that will be a huge help- but just make sure you have the freedom to be able to say "im sorry i have had enough today i am going home"
I didnt spend alot of time with my angels either- with Darren i didnt see him at all- he was born with the sac intatct- and i have a photo of him that the midwives took, but thats all. and with Zahra i had an emergency c section and was very out of it for some time- i did spend some time with her- but looking back not as much as i would have liked- but at the time it was enough as like you all i could do was cry
Try not to feel bad about not saying all that you wanted to, Riley knows how much you love him and wanted him and would have cared for him- and you can still show him that by remembering him- and visiting his grave often and talking to him still. He will always live in your heart and be a part of your life forever- and he chose you to be his mummy- and he knows that you miss him and love him.
I am rambling now and crying just thinking of you- if you ever want to talk please dont hesitate to pm me.
I am so sorry that you came home from hospital with empty arms- it is one of the hardest thing you will ever do in your life oxox
Goodbye Riley- May the Angel Babies Welcome you with love
I had read your posts about the teddy bears for Teddy Love Club. That is wonderful that you are collecting bears for us thank you. Your bears in meory of your baby will reach out to many families. The program has grown incredibly since I first stated it in 2002. We run the program in many hospitals across the whole of Australia.
We also are not associated with any other bear giving program that you mentioned.
We have the latest edition newspaper avilable to be downloaded form the TLC website.
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How very beautiful that your son was communicating with you through the butterfly. He is truly free and at peace. Take care of yourself.
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