Oh hun, huge huge hugs to you my darling friend. I get so emotional when Josh's due date (12 Feb) or his angelversary rolles around. Worse still, no one but me remembers, You have a lot going on but I really think your boys' due date is really the true trigger. It will always be in some way, sometimes smaller, sometimes bigger. All I can say hun, go with the flow, cry the sad tears for your boys, feel your pain, let out your grief. You will always feel the grief as you very well know. Just some days it's a bit harder than others. You've lost two loves of your life. Deep in your heart you know that kind of love will never be equal to another. You are allowed to grieve and cry and feel the pain hun. It is good to let it all out. Huge hugs sweetie, I'm thinking of you, just wish I could give you a big hug in person .