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OK, dinners I can do...
And the buying a star idea, is really fantastic! Ofcourse, id love to give her a piece of jewellery, with his name and birthday etched on it... perhaps I'll do some research about this.
Thankyou so much for your responses...
Is it normal for someone like myself to feel guilty? That they tried so hard to have this little baby, and lost it... yet my pregnancy was not planned, and I still have my baby?
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Oh MB, I really feel for your friend, and for you too as it must be so hard to see your friend going through such a terrible and tragic experience. As you know I've lost my little one at 21 weeks back in 2008, and it was hell. I wish my friends and family brought me meals and helped me with house work, but they didn't and most didn't know what to do/say to me so I mainly got phone calls every now and then. Lucky for me I have the most amazing DF who did all the house work, and fed me when I didn't want to look at food. It's just that he was grieving too, and it would have been nice for him to have some help too.
Inanna's response was fantastic, I nodded to everything she wrote, especially about acknowledging the baby's birth as that is so very important. Most of all be there for her when she needs you, and encourage her to speak about her baby. When I lost Josh, most people were scared to bring him up. I felt like he never existed and he did! Big hugs hun, I know you'll provide your friend with plenty of support, and believe me she will need it. As for being pg, don't feel guilty hun. You are feeling guilt b/c you still have your lil one and she's lost hers. Just appreciate your little bub and consider how lucky you are.
Big big hugs sweets x
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I did think about asking you Beata, but didnt want you to feel like I was being intrusive- so just posted here, so whoever felt like they could answer, and give advice, could.
I guess I understand why people only phoned you when you lost your little one- I really want to give that support to my friends, but at the same time, I am feeling that fear of bringing him up... and not knowing what to say! I will have to find out first if they are comfortable having me there (although, my Mum was there yesterday and said that the mother was asking about me and the baby - so it might be ok) and then I will do some groceries for them or take them some meals.
I was thinking about the father of the baby before- as I had found this amazing piece of jewellery I could get for my friend as a rememberance item... I know he is suffering just as much as she is though, and if I am to get them a gift, I want it to be something that includes him aswell.
Will know the funeral details today... its going to be a very difficult experience, I think... for everyone.
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MB, I would never have thought of you being intrusive (but I guess I can understand your hesitation) as I love talking about Joshua and I wish more people would talk about him too! My mum was/is the worst, she won't even mention him unless I start the conversation first, and even then it's like she just wants to forget. She was always eager for me to move on from day one, but I won't even go into that, I'd be here all day!
I know what you're saying about being afraid to bring your friend's baby up in conversation and not knowing what to say. But believe me, she will be glad to talk about him as it will be acknowledging the fact that he was born, and not trying to ignore the fact. I think the best thing you can say to her is that you are very sorry for her loss, and that you are there for her day or night when she wants to talk. I think offering to be there for her no matter what time of the day is really lovely and she'll know that she can really count on you for support. I also think that the jewellery idea is really nice, and for you to include her hubby too is extra special. You're a beautiful friend MB, don't forget it!
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Thanks Beata...
I had thought perhaps a painting of their baby would be a nice gift for them... I was kind of hesitant at first- as I thought it might be uncomfortable for them to know someone else has photos of their precious little baby, but the father's parents actually contacted me this morning, and asked that I do a painting for them of the baby- and so this is what I will be giving them.
I also asked them about how they would feel having me there, and they are ok with me being there, which is great. They are suprisingly positive and their faith in God is so very obviously helping them get through this time. Such strong people. I know that I would not be anywhere near as positive or strong!
2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
MB, the painting is a beautiful gift. I wish Joshua was bigger so I could have one done too. If it wasn't for my faith in God too, I don't know where I would be today, so I'm glad that the faith is pulling them through this.
Thinking of you and your friend
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You are such a beautiful person for thinking so much about them
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I lost my baby at 36 weeks a boy, the painting is really a wonderful idea and from my experience that would be very appreciated. Please don't forget to keep asking your friends (both mother and father) how they are months later... this is when i feel i have needed the support from friends the most and this is when friends tend to think you are moving on.
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