I found out my baby had passed, only a couple of days after Mother's Day, 2004. The following year, Mother's Day truly sucked. I didn't feel like I was a real Mum even though I had DS1. I was pg with DS2 at the time, but wasn't bonding with him at all. I just felt kind of... blah.

What really annoyed me is that XH didn't acknowledge Mother's Day at all. Not for DS1, for our lost baby, or for the baby I was carrying. It was, to him, just another day. To me, it was the memory of all that I had lost. I should have had two babies, nineteen months apart. I should have had my daughter with me. I should have had my family celebrating, the fact that I was (and am) their Mum. But it didn't happen. And it broke my heart.

Tash, on Sunday, do whatever you feel like doing. Cry, yell, scream. Take a cricket bat to your mattress (helps with my anger anyhow). Each person is different, their reactions are different. But we all grieve our children who are no longer with us. Our memories and hearts will always be full of them, but it's days like Mother's Day, Christmas and anniversaries that are so difficult. Our memories will always be here.