Mothers' Day after loss

[LionsandBears]

For babyloss mamas only:

I'm not looking forward to Sunday at all. I'd rather just stay in bed with my head under the covers and pretend it's not happening. What's traditionally been a happy happy day won't be.

What's everyone doing this year? We've got my mum coming over for lunch. There's no way I'm going out to celebrate. DH asked about buying me a card. He gave me a card from bub last year. I don't want that this year. I said, just get me one as your wife. I don't want one from DS. He's gone. I don't want one from this bub as I'm just not ready for that yet. But I'm still a mum, so I still want a card.

The only Mothers Day gift I want is to have my son back alive and well and that aint gonna happen. So right now I'd rather the whole day just disappeared.

Does anyone have a more positive way to look at it?

[Aries]

Tash I am so sorry you are feeling like this. Mothers Day is the same week as my angel's birthday. Last year Mothers Day sucked. I felt like it was a slap in the face that bubs wasnt here. My family were trying to make it a beautiful day saying that I was every bit a Mother and giving me advice how to handle it all.
My advice to you? Do whatever you want to. Let out anything and everything and dont let anyone tell you how to feel. You are a Mum, but you dont have to celebrate if dont feel like it. Maybe take the day an hour at a time? Its not really much help I know.

Take care xx

[TeniBear]

Last year I spent the day desperately wishing someone would wish me a happy mothers day, and ended up cracking it massively when no-one did - Scott ended up getting mad too, because I wouldn't tell him what was wrong The only card I got was from the SIDS and Kids counsellor

This year things are different, obviously, but I'll still be annoyed/sad if my card isn't from both my kids. Assuming I'm even getting a card, Scott's a bit clueless :-/


Sent from my iPhone so forgive the speelung misstacks

[Amity]

I found out my baby had passed, only a couple of days after Mother's Day, 2004. The following year, Mother's Day truly sucked. I didn't feel like I was a real Mum even though I had DS1. I was pg with DS2 at the time, but wasn't bonding with him at all. I just felt kind of... blah.

What really annoyed me is that XH didn't acknowledge Mother's Day at all. Not for DS1, for our lost baby, or for the baby I was carrying. It was, to him, just another day. To me, it was the memory of all that I had lost. I should have had two babies, nineteen months apart. I should have had my daughter with me. I should have had my family celebrating, the fact that I was (and am) their Mum. But it didn't happen. And it broke my heart.

Tash, on Sunday, do whatever you feel like doing. Cry, yell, scream. Take a cricket bat to your mattress (helps with my anger anyhow). Each person is different, their reactions are different. But we all grieve our children who are no longer with us. Our memories and hearts will always be full of them, but it's days like Mother's Day, Christmas and anniversaries that are so difficult. Our memories will always be here.

[LionsandBears]

The only card I got was from the SIDS and Kids counsellor

mine arrived today. It helps a bit

Thanks Divvy and Aries

[kateo]

I got a gorgeous necklace from my little Ellen via my lovely hubby last year. He got a card with a blue wren (which we have seen here since our Ellen left) and he wrote "you will always be Ellen's mum". I was so stressed he wouldn't remember and he went to heaps of trouble. This year he asked what I wanted and I said a magazine subscription that I had planned to buy myself last year as a "baby arrival gift". I'm only just ready to get that mag now. He sent me an email saying he'd organised it today.
He'll be away racing this week-end but he has checked about a million times that it's OK. I would rather he was home but he's gotta have a life. I am planning a video doona day on Sunday I hope.........

[blessedatlast]

I hate Mothers day too.. Last year though I spent the day with another Mum who had lost her twin girls about 10 days before me in a really similar situation (scarily similar, her bubs were 24wks and survived for 11 and 12 days.) I took my scrap books up to her place and we shared pics and stories. It was a nice day. I felt like a normal Mum talking about her children.. This year, I'm on call for work. I hate it too because my Mum lives so far away so I can't even see her. Mothers day sux.

[Maisy]

The sad thing is I dont think I can ever enjoy mothers day again. DH got me a card from him, my 3yo and Sophie and that was a nice touch. We visited her at the cemetery. I'm so glad I didnt work on Monday as I didnt want any questions about what I did on mothers day. Looking on my FB i noticed a lot of baby loss mums did the same thing. So sad there are so many of us missing our little ones.

[Tegam]

mine arrived today. It helps a bit

Glad something helped!