My beautiful angels.. (subsequent living child mentioned)

[Rosey]

What a beautiful picture. Thank you for sharing. Hugs.... I can't fathom how you must feel...

[dory]

Hey Blessed..... how are you feeling today? It's hard, the lead up to anniversaries and also it's hard just sometimes for no reason you can find. I hope you got through ok.

Taite and Seth are often in my heart, as are you my friend. They are blessed to have you as their mumma as is your lil button.

4 years...... oh lordy how time flies.

[blessedatlast]

I am feeling ok Dory.. I've been a bit up and down.. Not only is it nearly the twins birthday, but this time last year we were having a very traumatic time in NICU, as well as my relationship ending so I am feeling triggered by a lot of things. Most of all though, I feel lucky that Button is here and we can honour his brothers beautifully this year with my Mum too.

I feel like I am on a roller coaster... Up and down, spinning around, sometimes so fast I can't catch my breath. The emotional highs and lows I can feel is unbelievable. Sometimes I feel like I'm the luckiest person alive to have what I have, other times I can't believe what I went through to get it and think it's so unfair. Sometimes i feel detached like I'm an outsider looking in on my life. Other times I feel raw emotion so intense that there's no mistaking that this is in fact my life and my experience.. It wasn't a bad dream..

Anyway, I'm not sure if that made much sense. I'm just writing thoughts as they come while i have my amazing one year old asleep on my chest At this moment i am lucky.. Definitely Blessed.. At last

[dory]

Nope, made complete sense..... that's a lot to deal with in a year, in four, in a lifetime..... go gently.