I have not been on for a while but I do know how you feel. We lost our son Zachary at 35wks5days. He was stillborn and they don't know why. Even the autopsy revealed nothing. I find that I still have days when I cry all day (and it has been 11 weeks since Zachary died). I am finding that there are more babies around than ever and I try avoid going out if I can. It hurts so much to see babies.
My sister has 2 kids and her youngest was born in March. I found that I couldn't talk to her or see her kids on Skype for the first couple of weeks as I could not handle seeing them. I felt guilty but at the end of the day you need to do what is best for you. I have learnt that I have to look after myself as everyone else has their own life and often don't know what to say so they say the wrong things. Give yourself as much time as you need, cry whenever you want to - I do.
I am here if you want to chat. I hope you are feeling a little better (even though I know things will never be the same).
Hi ladies,
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I've read each of your replies and really appreciate the kind words and support. I still cry several times each day but I'm doing my best to keep busy, even if it's just doing something like mundane tidying up the linen closet. I don't have very much to tell you except that we brought our baby's ashes home on Wednesday. We have him resting between the pillows on our bed so if he needs us, we're right there...
Re: GPs - A colleague recommended a lady doctor to me and I've got an appointment to see her next week. I'll also arrange for my ex-GP to forward my notes to her so I don't have to go back. My sister has been seeing the same GP for almost as long and she is now looking to go elsewhere as she has noticed that he has been very complacent about her healthcare (she has PCOS).
I have Zachary's ashes at home too in our bedroom. We can say goodnight to him every night that way. Take comfort from that - I know I do. I have been doing a crazy clean today to keep my mind occupied. I hope you can get some comfort and support from our words. Take care xx
Just a quick update. I've seen a new GP - she was brilliant and I'm so glad I've made the break from my old doctor. She's happy with the way I've healed postpartum but very concerned about my moods. I've had another very low week, and spent much of it hiding out in my office crying. She referred me to a bereavement psychologist and I've got an appointment to see her on Friday but at $190 per session I don't think I'll be able to afford many sessions. The doctor was also concerned that I was told the genetic testing results would take three months so she is going to call the hospital on Monday and see if she can find out something. I was also told that the current waiting list is 8+ months for genetic counselling but she seems to think she could get me in right away as an urgent case.
The only thing the doctor couldn't really tell me is when it would be ok to try again. I've been told that I should wait for one cycle, three cycles or just wait until my body tells me I'm ready. The doctor said she'd make enquiries and let me know.
(Edit: I've just found the TTC after late loss section on the forum -- time to hunt down some answers!)
Last edited by batty; October 19th, 2008 at 07:20 AM.
Glad you are feeling more confident with your new doctor. I have had an up and down week. Some days I wonder where it all went so wrong and why it had to happen to me! I get angry and then really sad. I miss my little boy so much and every day I wish he was here.
I am starting back at work fulltime on Monday and I am so scared. I still find I have days where I have no motivation to do anything and now I am going to have to go to work whether I want to or not. It is scary!
I hope you are getting stronger. Just know I am tyhinking of you and sharing your grief.
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Batty, hold Little Max close- take care xoxoxo
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