I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend's beautiful little girl. What a beautiful name she has too!

You are amazing ... it is not easy to go through that with someone.

I can give you a couple of pieces of advice - I found it relatively easy to be there for my friend when she lost her twins before the funeral. We made casseroles, gave flowers, DH mowed their lawn (I think it was therapuedic for him because he had lots of emotions he was dealing with - he didn't just mow, he weeded every garden bed - their yard looked amazing which I think was a testament to how hard DH was finding dealing with it as well).

It was really hard after the funeral was over. I think that DH and I just went into support mode beforehand, but once everything settled down, it got a bit harder. I think that was when she needed support the most. To her, it seemed like everyone had just gone back to normal life and hers had changed forever. We made a conscious effort to be with them when they wanted us there and to leave them alone when they needed that. I don't remember saying a lot to her about her babies, I just let her talk. She did, everytime we saw them, for months and months afterward and still sometimes now. We talked a lot about everyday things as well. We invited them out to dinner a week after the funeral and they came out to a restaurant (they didn't have other children at the time). We never put a lot of pressure on them to do anything, but were very conscious not to leave them out of anything that we would do before.

My DD1 was born about 3 months after they lost their twins. We told them everything first, in private. We let them come to the hospital before anyone else, in private (even before my parents). I don't know if that bit is relevant to you but it is something that we did. It was the first time they had been back to the hospital where they lost their beautiful girls. They needed to process it all.

Even now, 3 years down the track, I have sent flowers on every birthday. I usually don't drop them off because I want to give them space as a family, but I would have given them presents if they were with us, so I give flowers instead. It lets her know that I still remember her precious babies.

Sorry, I am crying as I write this as the pain is still raw and your story reminds me so much of hers. It is so very very sad.

You are a great friend. It is hard to know the right thing to do. I think the most important thing is to always remember. Never forget their precious baby. I think that is what my friend found hardest is that everyone seemed to forget and tries to gloss over it. Don't gloss over it.

I don't know if that is the sort of thing you are after. I wish you lots of strength through the next few weeks and months. It is a hard road to walk but she needs people who will walk it with her.

to you and your friend.