My situation is different, as I consider Isaiah a mid loss, not a late one, and we birthed at home. But we still had to go to the hossy, so can share that part of it.
Once we found he had passed, we were booked for induction 2 days later. I know our Maternity unit well.. it has 3 normal birthing rooms, all in a row, and you can hear every noise from them.... maternity unit is just around the corner, so you can hear the ward as well.
I was told there was no where else to birth, just one of the rooms... I was DREADING it so much.......
Luckily, he came at 3.00am at home, before we had to go be induced. Adam rang and told them I was fine, we will call in later in the morning.
About 10am we went to maternity, and had to walk through the entire ward, then birthing unit, carrying Isaiah.... it was horrendous.
Once there, we were put into a birthing room, with 2 labouring mums on either side... even more horrendous. We had to walk through the labour ward waiting room... just hideous.
The middies were so lovely, but I could hear the birthing mums, and the nursery, and the ward.... had we had any family/friends come, they would of been in the labour waiting room, and then the labour suite....
There is no seperate room or area at our hossy, its just a maternity/nursery/birthing rooms all in one section. I think your idea is absolutely beautiful, and very much needed at many hospitals.
Thank you all for your responses. It's heartening to hear some hospitals have thought this through and have some resources. It's so frustrating that such a basic service isn't offered at all maternity hospitals. Babyloss happens and it's always a shock. There should be something as basic as a bereavement room available at all hospitals.
I was given a private room close to the midwives station and a little away from the new mums, but still in the maternity wards. It was explained to me that I needed to be there for post natal care from the midwives and they knew how hard being there would be on me.
I found it to be fine. Yes I woke a few times to babies crying and it didn't bother me too much, except that it make my milk flow I think the hardest part was wheeling Noah past all the happy new mums with their chubby pink sleeping babies in their plastic cribs. They would look in my plastic crib and quickly look away. That sucked. It would have been nice to be able to wheel my son back without the awkwardness.
I got to spend as much time as I wanted and DH had a fold out bed in my room. Most of the time I made him stay in bed with me as I just wanted him to hold me and I wanted to hold him.
I think your idea is brilliant Tash, I definitely hope the hospital finds a way to make it a reality.
We had a private room on the delivery ward it was right away from all the other rooms where women where giving birth i had a senior midwife assigned to me who deals with stillborns and late term termination and the after care she and one other midwife were the only ones i had to see plus the doctor i could still hear women giving birth and babies crying which was very hard.
I was given the choice of going to the maternity ward after Abbi's birth or go home there was no way i could go to the maternity ward so i went home 4 hours after her birth we spent 1 hour holding her and looking at her then the nurse took her away to be weighed and have her footprints done then she was gone.
I think every hospital should have something in place to make the process of losing a bub as comfortable as possible so parents dont have to deal with other pregnant women or new babies at such a difficult time.
We lost Ellen at 41 weeks on 1/1/10. We met her and said good-bye to her at The Canberra Hospital. I went into hospital for a check up and they said her heartbeat had stopped. Mind you this took one midwife and two doctors until we got a straight answer. They were going to keep us in the room we were originally in but then checked and the "special" room was available.
The special room has a double bed (which is where I laboured) and hubby was able to stay with me for the night I was induced. The room is on the maternity ward and you have to go past all the other birthing rooms to get to it. I heard other babies and other women in labour while we were there. Ellen was born the next evening and we went home at lunch the next day. We weren't really offered to stay in hospital longer but we did get to spend time with our baby and hold her. One of the midwives took lots of photos of her for us. There was no offers to check on my health after her birth. I thought that I was sent home early because I had caused the death of my baby and they didn't want to look after me because of that. On the other hand I don't think I'd have wanted to go to a general maternity ward anyway and I don't think they have other options.I was to go to Queanbeyan hospital with my baby for a few days after she was born, because she died I didn't do this. This meant I didn't get any midcall so noone checked on my health after birth. The fact I didn't get this care has made me extremely worried and upset with this pregnancy.
I believe (in conversations with staff at TCH) that the new maternity section will have better facilities and a separate entrance for people suffering pregnancy loss. I was told there would be a special waiting area and room/s that were sound proofed.
Good luck with your plans
we were given the largest birthing suite on both occasions it is down in a far corner and they put a sign on the door to let people know what is going on, were were able to stay there until we were ready to leave
LionsnBears - was wondering how you were going with your bereavement room?
Was also wondering Me+bub+him how you went with Greeenslopes PH and whether the new maternity wing has something special.
It's heartbreaking reading some of the experiences we've all had. I am not sure why but I've not shared mine... I birthed both Amelia and Sophie at the same hospital... Sunnybank Private. Amelia was birthed during the day, and Sophie during the middle of the night. There are four birth suites there. Even though for Sophie I know there were other women birthing I didn't hear them. But maybe I was in my own special world. There are no special birthing suites as best I can tell for still birth or for those at high risk perinatal death.
As I was admitted to hospital a while before labour was establishing and it proved clear it could not be stopped, I was admitted to the maternity ward. I didn't know any different for Amelia, but was comfortable with it, and was comfortable with it for Sophie. In the end I stayed as an antenatal patient on each occasion less than 24 hours anyway.
Following the birth of both Amelia and Sophie DH and I were allowed as much time as we wanted in the birth suites with our babies. I think we were there for about 3 hours for Amelia and about 5 for Sophie. We were left alone but had regular check ins by the middies.
Postnatally I was given the choice of being in the maternity ward or somewhere else for both. I couldn't imagine being anywhere else but the maternity ward. I didn't want to be any more physically removed from Amelia and where she had been born. I didn't want to go to a ward where I would just be another patient, with nurses I didn't know. I didn't want to go to a place I didn't know. For Amelia, the maternity ward was packed so we went into a smaller room. DH stayed the night on a rollaway bed. There was no charge for him to stay overnight nor for his meals. For Sophie, we were given a room with a double bed and DH stayed the night. Again there was no charge for his staying or his meals. Either antenatally or post natally actually.
It was hard in some ways hearing the new borns cry, but is some ways it gave me hope? Hope that other people were able to hear their baby cry and that maybe one day I would? The only difficulty really was after Sophie was born the couple in the room next to ours fought all night, yelling, wailing and banging doors. It was tough to hear that. And tougher to hear their little baby cry through all of it. We might have stayed an extra day with Sophie as I wasn't really that well, but the fear of having to endure that couple again chased us home, and there were no other rooms spare in the maternity ward. For Amelia we were ready to come home the next day. The hospital had no issues with us staying as long as we needed ( but I suppose we never really pushed them on how long was ok).
We were never expected to be in public with our babies. The hospital policy is that the middies attend to transporting the babies through the ward. There were no special cots, just the same cot that a newborn would get. I know the policy at the Mater in Brissy is that the middies attend to transporting too, after an heartbreaking situation involving some bereaved parents and well wishers.
On all but one occasion we were attended to by middies who were experienced in perinatal loss. We had private rooms both times. The hospital doesn't really have a formal policy on memory boxes. They stocked the SANDS booklets. When we went home after Amelia was born her things were given to us in a plastic bag but the middie also included some roses with it. That didn't happen for Sophie, but I think we had our own memory box, or special bag by then. I am working with the hossy to improve that aspect of their care and I have donated a few memory boxes and other things. It's nicer to leave the hossy with a box, even though it's not the baby you were hoping for, it's nice to have something for your baby, just for your baby.
HB was born at the same hospital, and the treatment we received was no different between a live baby and babies who had died - except that I think every staff member who knew us came to visit and were excited for us. But in terms of the tenderness and care. Even though it's truly the most wonderful blessing, like anything with bereavement, it's a mixed blessing. I couldn't help but remember Amelia and Sophie, and Nicholas, and there is a part of grief that can only come forth once you've been blessed. Even though the middies weren't necessarily all trained in bereavement, most were pretty sensitive.
I am hoping that I get to experience the "normal" experience rather than the bereaved parent experience this time around. But you can be certain I will be far more clera about what I want, mostly because I know from experience what I want. I'll be at the same hossy again, with any luck.
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