LionsnBears - was wondering how you were going with your bereavement room?

Was also wondering Me+bub+him how you went with Greeenslopes PH and whether the new maternity wing has something special.

It's heartbreaking reading some of the experiences we've all had. I am not sure why but I've not shared mine... I birthed both Amelia and Sophie at the same hospital... Sunnybank Private. Amelia was birthed during the day, and Sophie during the middle of the night. There are four birth suites there. Even though for Sophie I know there were other women birthing I didn't hear them. But maybe I was in my own special world. There are no special birthing suites as best I can tell for still birth or for those at high risk perinatal death.

As I was admitted to hospital a while before labour was establishing and it proved clear it could not be stopped, I was admitted to the maternity ward. I didn't know any different for Amelia, but was comfortable with it, and was comfortable with it for Sophie. In the end I stayed as an antenatal patient on each occasion less than 24 hours anyway.

Following the birth of both Amelia and Sophie DH and I were allowed as much time as we wanted in the birth suites with our babies. I think we were there for about 3 hours for Amelia and about 5 for Sophie. We were left alone but had regular check ins by the middies.

Postnatally I was given the choice of being in the maternity ward or somewhere else for both. I couldn't imagine being anywhere else but the maternity ward. I didn't want to be any more physically removed from Amelia and where she had been born. I didn't want to go to a ward where I would just be another patient, with nurses I didn't know. I didn't want to go to a place I didn't know. For Amelia, the maternity ward was packed so we went into a smaller room. DH stayed the night on a rollaway bed. There was no charge for him to stay overnight nor for his meals. For Sophie, we were given a room with a double bed and DH stayed the night. Again there was no charge for his staying or his meals. Either antenatally or post natally actually.

It was hard in some ways hearing the new borns cry, but is some ways it gave me hope? Hope that other people were able to hear their baby cry and that maybe one day I would? The only difficulty really was after Sophie was born the couple in the room next to ours fought all night, yelling, wailing and banging doors. It was tough to hear that. And tougher to hear their little baby cry through all of it. We might have stayed an extra day with Sophie as I wasn't really that well, but the fear of having to endure that couple again chased us home, and there were no other rooms spare in the maternity ward. For Amelia we were ready to come home the next day. The hospital had no issues with us staying as long as we needed ( but I suppose we never really pushed them on how long was ok).

We were never expected to be in public with our babies. The hospital policy is that the middies attend to transporting the babies through the ward. There were no special cots, just the same cot that a newborn would get. I know the policy at the Mater in Brissy is that the middies attend to transporting too, after an heartbreaking situation involving some bereaved parents and well wishers.

On all but one occasion we were attended to by middies who were experienced in perinatal loss. We had private rooms both times. The hospital doesn't really have a formal policy on memory boxes. They stocked the SANDS booklets. When we went home after Amelia was born her things were given to us in a plastic bag but the middie also included some roses with it. That didn't happen for Sophie, but I think we had our own memory box, or special bag by then. I am working with the hossy to improve that aspect of their care and I have donated a few memory boxes and other things. It's nicer to leave the hossy with a box, even though it's not the baby you were hoping for, it's nice to have something for your baby, just for your baby.

HB was born at the same hospital, and the treatment we received was no different between a live baby and babies who had died - except that I think every staff member who knew us came to visit and were excited for us. But in terms of the tenderness and care. Even though it's truly the most wonderful blessing, like anything with bereavement, it's a mixed blessing. I couldn't help but remember Amelia and Sophie, and Nicholas, and there is a part of grief that can only come forth once you've been blessed. Even though the middies weren't necessarily all trained in bereavement, most were pretty sensitive.

I am hoping that I get to experience the "normal" experience rather than the bereaved parent experience this time around. But you can be certain I will be far more clera about what I want, mostly because I know from experience what I want. I'll be at the same hossy again, with any luck.