14yo DD drinking... HELP please...

[Fleur]

J got banned from the school bus a while back for really stupid behaviour. He was banned for a whole term. We told him to write a letter to the bus company and cc to his school. He wrote it (fairly well) but never sent it so we just let him continue to be banned from the bus and he had to walk or ride to school. I don't think he cared too much though. Hopefully your DD cares more than he did/does!

Can't make them care, can you I think she would but just casue she wouldn't want to walk, lol. FWIW I think it's good that he wrote the letter anyway... I guess it's about teaching them consequences where you can isn't it...
speaking of which one suggestion I had was to let her drink so much (at home) that she would be vomiting & really sick & then she wouldn't want to do it anymore. Which I guess is trying to show consequences, but still I dunno about that one

Thanks Pan & Dianne

[Smoke Jaguar]

Jasp, I think the research project is a fantastic idea - far better than a TAC commercial that us humans have a knack for blocking out! That could be 'consequence' enough. Consequences have to make sense to make an impact.
For me, I think 14 yo is far too young for alcohol consumption, but if it's already in her reality there's not much option except to go down the road you're taking. The research project will go some way to teach her that 'with freedom comes responsibility'. Responsibility to herself and her brain, first and foremost is what she will discover - abusing alcohol will do damage to a brain that is nowhere near fully formed and will affect her options for a great life (which I assume most people want!).
'Punishments' teach kids how to avoid them, not the reasons for the punishments, so the project is more of a self-help tool, really
Good work

[mrsmac]

I wouldn't bother with the drink til she is sick at home, I know my DD and her friends have been that drunk and it doesn't stop them (lets face it many of us have been at one point and whilst we vow never to drink again we do!)

I think you are doing a great job.

[Fleur]

- abusing alcohol will do damage to a brain that is nowhere near fully formed and will affect her options for a great life (which I assume most people want!).
'Punishments' teach kids how to avoid them, not the reasons for the punishments, so the project is more of a self-help tool, really
Good work

Thanks Mayaness - And yes, she certainly does have aspirations for a good life. Fingers crossed that helps.

Mrsmac, that was pretty much what I thought. If only it were that easy to fix! but I don't think it works like that...

[Ozziehoffy]

Jas, nope can't make them care!! I think you're doing a great job.

Mrsmac, I think you're right there!

[Inertia]

I know I am a bit late on this but I need to add this for anyone thinking of it.

Do not not not try the "Make them drink so much they are sick" approach. Everyones body metobilises alcohol at a different rate. A person can give themselves alcohol poisoning before they even realise they have gone too far. No one knows what is a safe amount for someone - I can barely handle alcohol at all. Last time it only took two glasses of cuvee (Champers) to set my body into purging mode to try and get rid of it. My fever spikes, I am nauseous to the point of vomiting and I need to use the toilet - all at the same time. Which is a problem because I can't hold myself upright at all. That was one disaster DH should never have had to experience. It was a shock to both of us because I never used to have such a problem. If you see that with yout own child it would kill you to know its your fault.

Then there is your OWN punishment for doing it. You'd obviously call an Ambo and get their stomach pumped, then the hospital would call DoCS and you would be so far up the creek for providing a minor with alcohol that you'd never have to worry about teaching them a lesson again. NOT what you want. When you want what is best for your child, you need to do it in a way that wont risk them being removed from your care and put with people who may not care whats best for them.

In your case, I think you handled it well. Researching the affects of Alcohol is a good thing for teens to do I reckon. Sure, its not immediate consequences and their bulletproof attitude will most likely overpower the common sense they gleaned from it, but as that frontal lobe develops, that logic and knowledge is already there for them to realise - hang on a tic, I cant survive without a liver!

[Fleur]

Thanks Inertia. That is exactly one of the things that concerns me with teenage drinking. No-one knows their limits - it's dangerous.
Sadly I have realised we were just too trusting & have been taken advantage of...ah well we know better now and so does she.... the reins have been tightened a bit.
I do think (*hope) she learned a bit.
I tried searching online for teen education programs, all I could find though seemed to relate more to kids with a serious drug / alcohol problem rather than kids wanting to test their limits.
And I've got three other kids to go through this with...oh boy