Hi, this is my first attempt at starting a new topic. Sorry it will be a bit long.

My eldest daughter has just started high school this year. I divorced her father when she was 1 and she spends every 2nd weekend and some holiday time with him. She goes to ballet & jazz 2 nights a week (one class of each), and does Cello at school. She seems to make friends easily, does well at school and generally is a good kid and no major worries.

What I'm trying to deal with at the moment though, is an increasing tendency to treat us like servants, speak to us disrespectfully, answering back, arguing, complaining, lying (about trivial things), being mean to her little sister, not accepting responsibility for basic things etc.

For example, her bedtime is 9pm, and tv/computer/radio off at 8.30. She is supposed to just read quietly in bed til lights out at 9. If I don't go and check, she will stay on MSN (has computer in room) til after 9, then when I catch her & remind her of the rules, I get an earful of whiney "I didn't know what time it was, I didn't do anything wrong, why do you hate me....."

Her only chore is to empty the dishwasher in the morning and keep her room tidy, but I have to keep reminding her, and she complains. Last night I asked her to take some bottles out to the recycling, and she 'forgot', like she often will when asked to do something.

She had keyboard lessons at primary school, and was asked if she'd like to have private music lessons at high school too as they were available. We spoke about it, I explained it was a commitment because we had to budget/pay for it, we went to the info evening, we spoke to the music co-ordinator about choosing an instument etc. She chose Cello. I drive her and pick her up when she has the Cello. The other day she said she wanted to give it up and was unaware it was optional and not compulsory. I was furious, and reminded her of our agreement that it was entirely her choice, but she was now committed to it for the year. Last night she brought it home and was proudly showing us what she'd just learned.

She often complains about walking (about 3 blocks) to school and says it's not fair that I won't drive her and her bag is too heavy. I've driven to her friends houses and seen how far they have to walk!

She loves her little sister and they do enjoy being together, but sometimes she just picks on her for no reason, making fun of every mispronounced word, butting in if she sees Ruth getting any attention. Also, she reacted badly when we announced my latest pregnancy, although she adores our baby boy.

I just seem to be approaching the issue the wrong way or something. I've sat down and had talks with her about how I deserve to be treated with respect. Maybe it's just an awkward age of being very inwardly focussed or something. She's a lovely kid really, I just can't stand her sometimes!! And the thought of her one day getting really mad at me and demanding to go live with her father scares the hell out of me (was just reading Jackie's story of daughter's school friend). She's only 12!! I'm sure I wasn't impossible and rude until I was 14, lol.

Any advice?