Do you allow

[jlk]

Hey all, not quite a teen but my oldest daughter is 12



Dye her hair - I told her when she is in high school & only done at the hairdressers
Shave her body - Trying to put off the shaving as long as we can
Get piercings anywhere - at least 16-17
Swear - I'd rather she didn't
Drink - Hopefully not until at least never! LOL
Smoke - NEVER EVER (I'm a reformed smoker)
Go out of a night - not till older, not that heres much go on in our little hick town! LOL!

[~Jo~]

Dye her hair - Jess has had hers done a couple of times, foils, by a hairdresser...shes 13
Shave her body - Emily and Jess are both allowed to shave their legs
Get piercings anywhere - they have earings..Jess is wanting a belly button ring OMG
Swear - nope
Drink - NO
Smoke - NO
Go out of a night - mine are still babies..so do sleepovers..everything arranged and dropped off/picked up

Jo

[rolymogs]

.....

[Lea13]

I too don't have a daughter... let along a teenage one lol but this is how I would imagine I would deal with things.

Dye her hair: not until she can pay for it herself. My mum did this with me and it made me appreciate the cost of it. It also prevented me from colouring my hair till I was over 15 and had a job.
Shave her body: Most definitely yes
Get piercings: besides the ears, not until she can pay for it herself. And even then probably not as she will no doubt be at a private school which will not allow them.
Swear: Not in this house (though that means I will have to stop swearing myself lol)
Drink: I'm with rolymogs on this one.
Smoke: Never
Go out for the night: Up to 15 - sleepovers and friends supervised parties only, over 15 supervised parties, movies with either pick up and drop off by myself or someone we trust

Here's another one...

Would you let your teenagers go in the cars of her teenage friends?

Personally unless I know the friend and trust them, then no.

[aussienic]

i don't have a teenager yet but I will have a teenage girl in about 13 years!

Dye her hair ~ not sure.. prefer her not to at all but I will say 13-15
Shave her body ` anytime after 12
Get piercings anywhere ` ears when she asks.. but preferably not before 8. prefer no other peircings

Swear ~ depends on the word.
Drink ~ 15 if at home with us otherwise 18 ( same rules apply to the boys)
Smoke ~ prefer they didn't but legal age is 18 so after that I guess I don't have a say
Go out of a night ~ school things ect any age parties. not sure. not even sure how I feel about my boys doing this

[soul]

Nope, I don't drink. I think that drinking alcohol is one of the biggest perils in our society and will very much be brainwashing my kids about the evils of it. Don't have to worry about it with Jessalyn or it will kill her liver.

Smart cookie!

I was allowed to drink form the age of 12, my mother would pour me a glass of wine and sit and drink and smoke, and smoke pot "With Me", so I dont believe that crap about, if we dont allow them then they will binge and rebel. I drank myself stupid because I "Was" allowed. I was treated like an adult and given it because mum let me, it made me worse, it made me think I was a adult and so therefore encouraged me to do adult things, if she had taught me alchol was for adults and that there was a "Legal" barrier for under 18's, then I would not have done half the things I did. Kids need to learn there are rules not only in ones home but in there country too and they must obey them. I dont think confusing them with, well its not legal yet but hey, go ahead one glass wont hurt. Give them the taste then tell them they can only do it in bits till they turn 18. For us we wont encourage it and we will teach them what it does to ones body, hopefully they will continue to use the wonderful healthy brain they have now and say NO , or at least till they are of "Legal Age".

Oh well each to there own I guess.

My kids hate the stuff so I am so lucky.

[Mother Goose]

Great thread - DH and I argue about these kinds of decisions all the time (thankfully we have a little under 13 years to agree! )

Dye hair If she has the same kind of hair I did - nope. I have natural highlights and I will encourage her to appreciate that. If she really wants it coloured - when she can afford to pay it herself and has it done by a pro.
Shave body Yup - like one of the other posters said - I can't imagine being the only girl with hairy legs/armpits. I will encourage waxing as opposed to shaving.
Piercings DH and I have MASSIVE arguments about this one. We have agreed that if/when she asks to have them done, we will take her to get it done (if she is over 6). Other piercings will be discussed at the time. My sister has an eyebrow ring which looks very nice (makes her look more feminine believe it or not).
Swear Well, if DH doesn't can his swearing I won't be able to do much about this one...
drink Working in the field of alochol and other drugs, I look at this from a slightly different perspective. I will educate my daughter (and any other children I have) about the potential dangers and risks of consuming alcohol (and other substances). I will encourage them to not drink until the age of 18 (and will also educate them about safe drinking behaviours and "harm minimisation" to try and ensure "safe" drinking). If she is adamant she wants to drink before 18 - it will be only in the presence of DH or I so we can monitor how much and her safety. I have no hesitation in taking her to the hospital to have her stomach pumped. I hope common sense will prevail with her and she will not give in to peer pressure.
smoke Over my dead body... and her fathers. We hate this habit. However, we will use the same methods and tactics as with drinking. Education. Once she is 18, we can't really stop her so we will endeavour to give her the tools to make the right decisions and hope she uses them in the right way (and NOT SMOKE!!!)
go out at night This will depend on her age, her friends, society at the time. Most likely, in her early teens, she will be restricted to sleep overs at friend's and only when parents (that we know and trust) are present. When she is older, we will let her go out if she is dropped off and picked up by DH or myself (or someone we know and trust). In her senior years of high school she can go out on a Fri OR a Sat night so long as we know exactly where she is and what she is doing... and is home by curfew. Once she is 18 she can do pretty much as she likes within reason.

Getting in the car with friends I've cleaned up too many car accidents where teens have been driving (and also lost a couple of friends due to car accidents) to let her get in the car with anyone wily nilly. So long as I know the friend and have been in the car with them to witness their driving (on more than one occassion) - not a problem. BUT, not late at night/early in the morning and NOT if anyone has been drinking/taking drugs. Even if the driver is sober, they could sucumb to peer pressure of their intoxicated friends. I would also be looking at the kind of car - can the driver safely manage the car? I would much rather have a phone call from DD at 2am to come and pick her up from a party than a knock at the door at 2am to find the police standing there to tell me she has been in an accident. And I certaintly don't want to answer my pager to be called to an accident which involves my daughter...

[soul]

Does anyone think smoking is worse than drinking? I personally think they are equally bad!

[mrsmac]

Interesting thread Soul. I actually do have a teenage girl so its very topical ATM!!!
Dyeing hair- she has had foils a couple of times since she was 14 and now has it nearly all a couple of shades lighter but i insisted she pay for it and that it was done by a hairdresser.
Shaving I insisted she start waxing her legs not shaving and she is now grateful as she has quite fine hair and does it herself or uses her epilady. She shaves under her arms though.
Piercings She got her ears done at 8 and DH did the top of her ear a few months ago when she wanted it done. Interestingly he said no to belly button whereas I wouldn't have minded.
Drinking I don't encourage this and she seems t be the one at parties looking after her drunken friends which seems to have put her off. We have let her have a cruiser at new years when she was 14/15.
Smoking I would never let her and she is still fairly anti, I am an ex smoker so am more anti smoking than non smokers I think LOL
Swearing trying to stomp on that one ATM!
Going out at night we do let her but we have to know where she is going and who with etc before we let her. We don't let her go to parties where there will be no adults. She has a boyfriend so she often goes out with him but usually to his house.
getting in the car with friends This is really tough when it comes to the crunch!! We said no to anyone on their Ps driving her but she does have a couple of sensible friends we trust and her BF who both we and his parents have spoken to about safe driving but its still scary.

[aussienic]

Does anyone think smoking is worse than drinking? I personally think they are equally bad!

I don't do either except for the occasional sip of DH's beer ect...

I would prefer my children didn't drink but I think it is unrealistic to think that way..

but i agree. I think they are both bad but I think drinking in moderation is ok.. Does that make sense?

[lilima]

Hi,
Well I don't have adaughter, so I am going to base a lot of my answers on what I did, and my nieces.

Hair dye - my preference is for not until they are old enough to afford it themselves. I don't see the need for a 10 - 12 year old to dye their hair. Anyway the school I went to did not allow it (un natural looking colours), so I must have been about 16 when I put a semi permanent rinse in over a shcool holiday period.

Piercing. My dad wouldn't let me get my ears pierced. I was 17. In saying that, my sister was 16, and my youngest sister was 12!!! I think I would wait till about 10 ish, and only if they are asking for it to be done. I also wouldn't want them wearing big hoops etc at this age, as I don't think that it is appropriate for young girls. My little sis was 16 when she had her belly done. I guess that it alright, although I would try and discourage it. (a bit of a hypocrite as I have one!!!) I really don't think earings look good on boys. Some schools don't let boys have them anyway, and the school that DS will probably go to it is a no, no.

Shaving - Someone wrote that it depends on the child. My friend had a 8 yo girl with a mono brow. She was so upset about it, one day my friend walked in to find her holding a razor about to shave it!!! Anyway she started having her eyebrows waxed, as well as her legs. THe poor little girl had quite a lot of body hair. SO I think whatever age it is necessary. Kids can be very cruel. (by the way, she is a beautiful girl regardless!)

Alcohol - I suppose we have a legal drinking age for a reason. I would discourage drinking till 18, although kids will be kids, and I owuld much prefer them to come to me than sneak out and drink. I work with teenages with severe profound brain injury and see the results first hand!!!

Smoking - I would be EXTREMELY angry if I found out any of my children became smokers.

Going out - sleep overs where I know where they are. Supervised parties with no drinking from about year 7. Movies as long as I pick up and drop off - I don't know, I guess I would have to wait till DS is older to know what age I think is appropriate!!

Going in car with teenage driver - scares the begeeses out of me. (again it is working with young people with brain injuries.) I used to go in the car with my friend's brother and sometimes his friends. They were crazy drivers. At the time we thought it was funny.........

[Lulu]

Belle is 15.

I made her wait until she was 12 for ear piercing, I wouldn't encourage anything else.
She wanted to dye her lovely blonde hair black - NO WAY! She had blue foils in over the holidays when she was 13, but I made her wait until she was 15 to dye it. I do it for her, and she has to maintain it. No black as it looks revolting, and no crap roots - she must pay for it herself. I have to admit when I relented on the hair dye - a nice brown actually suited her better! I pay for a good cut. No way is there to be bad hair. I'm not a barbie doll, but there's no excuse for ratty hair (or white "court shoes").
I showed her how to use a razor at 13, she can do whatever...

You all probably know my stance on drinking and smoking.

I swear like a trooper myself, but I always pull her up on it if she does. The occasional s word when you stub a toe, or a-hole to describe a boy is ok, but I don't want it to be part of her everyday vocab.

supervised outings at night, big groups of friends during the day and mummy ALWAYS knows where she is.

[Rouge]

I'm not going to say what I am and am not going to do because I have learnt from that one where I ate my words shortly after birth.

I think everything is ok in moderation, alcohol inclusive. I think nicotine has more dangerous addictive qualities, which does lead to cancer whereas alcohol if moderated and consumed wisely has found to be beneficial. I agree with Ryn when it comes to alcohol, Paris has tasted wine and doesn't like it so thats fine with me I'm sure I'm seen as an irresponsible mother in some circles but I was exactly the same as a child being around my grandparents who believed in a 5 pm alcoholic beverage ritual and I was the only one in high school not out binge drinking before legal age Its not just about saying yes or no its about educating for the what if's.

Shaving whenever she feels she needs to (after menstruation starts ), piercing it will be depending on her school because it will private catholic, Hair dye same deal with school, Going out it depends on age and who the company is and how well my child can be trusted (and a number of other elements), teenage driving does worry me more than anything to be honest but we will deal with it when it happens.

All of this will open to discussion when the time comes. I refuse to forbid anything due to the fact that I think it leads to rebellion and added angst during teen years, which I hope to minimalise. The most important thing to me is that my children feel that they can talk to me, and that they will be heard.

[soul]

Lulu2 I dont know your stand on grog and smokes, but I certainly agree with you on all the others!! lol

[Lulu]

It's nope and nope!

[Rouge]

LMAO @ black hair, I never thought I looked revolting But then had my mother said that to me I would have wanted to do it twice as much.

[soul]

Oh, lol, same here!

[sushee]

Dyeing hair - I didn't want her too as she had the most beautiful straight long hair, but since she was going to anyway, I did some streaks for her. But since then she's done it all and is atm trying to grow all her tatty hair out and has vowed not to dye her hair again.
Shaving - yes, she started on her own.
Piercings - I got her ears pierced when she was 8, but she got her belly button pierced when she was in year 9 and kept it hidden from me for a year. She needn't have bothered because I wouldn't have cracked it over a belly button piercing, but I did crack it when she got her eyebrow pierced. I made her take it out.
Drinking - I won't allow it in my house, but I know she drinks. She's growing out of the binge drinking phase, so that's a good thing.
Smoking - She was anti-smoking growing up, but guess what? She smokes now. She won't smoke in front of me because she knows I won't like it, but she does in front of her dad and her grandparents (my mum, who is a smoker, gives her ciggies) However she's working and earning her own money so she buys her own ciggies, and whileI disapprove, I don't think I can stop her.
Swearing - nope, not in my presence, and she knows it.
Going out at night - yes. Well, she IS almost 18 and she works nights. But when she was younger, she had to let me know 2 days before a party, had to organise a lift there and back either with me or another parent, and had a curfew.
getting in the car with friends - another thing I didn't approve of, but I knew was happening. But not until she was 16+ though because before then she didn't know anyone who could drive.