Found a Bong!!!!

[Glamourcide]

I agree that she should (if at all possible) move back into the house where she can't get as much past you. All my friends who lived in caravans, garages/sheds or in converted spaces 'under' the main house around this age were doing it to sneak a bit of pot, ciggies and booze past their parent(s).

Try to stay calm. Obviously toss the bong out - they're hard to track down these days (not hard to manufacture out of juice bottles etc, but the metal conepieces are getting a bit scarce), and let her know (as calmly as possible!) that you simply can't condone or support her smoking pot. She'll probably (okay, definitely) get mad about it, but try as hard as you can not to engage her in a full-scale argument.
I was using pot recreationally at that age (didn't have a bong or anything at home, I'd buy a foil maybe once a fortnight or once a month and smoke on weekends at my friends' houses) and would have been sooo embarrassed if my parents had found out and confronted me. For right now, it'll probably be enough for you to just tell her that you found it, that you won't allow drugs or drug use in your home, and give her a bit of time to digest that before you sit down for a talk about it. I'd like to think that her use is 'casual' - I'd assume that having her own bong means she's using pretty frequently, but there honestly doesn't have to be some deep-seated reason she's smoking pot - it feels good, most kids see it as 'no big deal' and it's kind of fun, especially when it can be a form of 'bonding' amongst friends and it's a taboo thing to do.

So my advice would be to just tell her that you're aware of it, that you've disposed of her equipment, and tell her that you want to talk to her when she's ready - you'll probably get a lot more sense out of her if you give her a day or two to think about it before trying to discuss it, itms. Good luck to you, I know this must be really hard for you to get your head around but try to stay calm and hold your ground on not allowing her to do it under your roof. At 16, she's pushing boundaries and trying to assert her independence, but you are her parent and you need to make it clear that while she is a minor, what you say goes. Keep us posted, good luck. xx


ETA: You posted again while I was typing. I agree with Sopdet on the whole 'invasion of privacy' thing - this is probably more likely to upset her than the fact that she's been busted breaking the rules. I know as a mum it makes perfect sense that you were just looking for your camera, but in her eyes it means you don't have any 'respect' for 'her space' or privacy and whatever argument you have against her pot use, she will just come back to, 'Well YOU invaded my privacy' to try and whitewash the fact that she's done the wrong thing.
Unfortunately kids also see the 'own space' and paying rent as a virtual free pass to do what they like, itms... she's giving you rent and living separately from the rest of the house, being treated like an adult - and probably assumes that means she can act like one. I think your approach of giving her a warning that if this continues, she will lose the van and be back in the house, is a good one - but be aware that she will probably try to sneak under the radar again and if it comes down to it, she'll probably threaten to leave home again. You and your DH will need to decide whether you can follow through with the ultimatum and watch her walk out, or let her continue breaking rules in order to keep her nearby where you can at least supervise her. That choice is yours and yours alone, and I certainly wouldn't judge you on it (my parents also took the 'harm minimisation' approach with me when I was a little older and smoking and drinking, they preferred to have me in the house doing drugs than having me move out and not being supervised or able to seek help when/if I needed to). Best of luck with it, just know that she may be legally 'almost' an adult but that she still has a lot of growing up to do. She'll get there eventually, but it can be really hard to stick with her and watch your kids make dumb mistakes over and over. x