HELP with 7 year old not eating ANYTHING!!

[spreckemily]

Hi everybody.....I am almost bald with pulling my hair out over Emily. She refuses to eat anything these days, except of course junk food...(which we wont give her!!)

She will eat some fruits and the occasional cheese sandwich, but when it comes to tea time she wont eat any meat (except on taco night) and just picks at her veggies and constantly harrasses us for an hour until we crack and give in and send her to bed. (Iknow that's not the right thing to do, but I am at my wits end!!!)

Any suggestions or similar experiences shared would be great.

Thanks:frown:

[Tigergirl1980]

Have you tried making things that are new and interesting, maybe she's bored with her food? Or maybe you could try making something that looks like junkfood but is actually quite healthy??

All kids at many stages go through pickiness, and she won't starve so don't worry about that, she will eat if she's hungry enough. Maybe you could try giving her options like say "Well you can either eat your dinner or you can clean your room/feed the pet/pick up all your toys etc"? Not sure if they will work but might be worth a try?

[Liz]

I have no direct experience with this, but just wanted to tell you about a friend of mine. She has a daughter who is about 8 or 9, and eats hardly anything too. But they went to my mums for a steamboat dinner (it's an asian meal) .. which is where you basically cook your own food in a boiling pot of soup in the middle of the table. So you take a bit of meat, put it in your little basket, and sit it in the soup to cook it. Kinda like a fondu where you just sit and cook bits and pieces all night. Anyway... they've never seen their DD eat so much in their lives!! She also eats more when it's taco night. Perhaps the participation of cooking or assembling her own dinner is what gets her to eat?

Anyway.. just thought I'd share that. Perhaps you could give something like that a go.

I was a fussy eater as a kid - wouldn't touch vegetables (started to when I was 20! LOL) My mum often gave up with me too. She never replaced it with junkfood, but basically let me fill up on what I -would- eat.

I hope others can give you some more suggestions.

[Trillian]

She will eat some fruits and the occasional cheese sandwich, but when it comes to tea time she wont eat any meat (except on taco night) and just picks at her veggies and constantly harrasses us for an hour until we crack and give in and send her to bed. (Iknow that's not the right thing to do, but I am at my wits end!!!)

It sounds to me like this is a power struggle to her - now I know that is as cheesy as a Dr Phil episode, but that's what it sounds like. She might be starving hungry, but she has 'won' the battle by making you send her to her room kwim? Have you tried setting up a eating plan - where you sit down together and work out what she can eat for the week, like put down where all her snacks will go and if she eats her main meal without complaint, then she can choose a snack of her choice for later in the week? If you show that you are giving her some 'control' over what see eats, she may be a bit more co operative with you. It could also make her feel like she is growing up and being treated with respect if she is allowed to help plan the weekly meals.

Good luck

[Baby~amore`]

i really like Sherie's idea - sounds very Dr Phil but absolutely perfect.

Giving her some control and the option of two choices ... and healthy homemade junk food like do you want Tacos or healthy home made pizza on Monday night ... homemade crumbed chicken and oven baked wedges/carrot sticks - and into the bargain you & DH chose their favourite another night with her in agreement that everyone gets a turn.

Then maybe a star chart with reward (special treats/snacks/book/outing) if she has a week of attempting to eat most meals.

Maybe go out with her and buy a kids cookbook /apron etc to get her more invloved and get her to help write shopping list or tick off things.

My cousin now almost 22 lived for years pretty much on a processed chesse sandwich and the Drs told my Aunt she would be fine.She grew but she was stick thin back then now she is normal.

It can be a battle sometimes with kids - with Mums determined to do best for the children but they can't win against all the junk food ads (KFC/Red rooster).

Goodluck.

[johT]

i would try not to make a big deal of it, or label her. kids can get annorexic so young these days...you can not control her eating - that is what she is trying to do, its not about you at all. dont make food a reward. dont make food an issue (as hard as it is!).
stop sending her to her room for not eating, but id say for whinging is ok. maybe if she is hungry after her meal she can have 1 slice of bread or one piece of fruit? a glass of milk? might stop the whining..aslong as she does eat good food when she does eat she will be fine, even if she skips your wonderful dinner then has the good food afterwards) she will eventually grow out of ignoring family meal times if no attention is paid as humans are naturally 'sociable'.
i like the idea of getting her to help you. can she help decide the menu? HELP YOU COOK?
THE ASSEMBLE YOUR OWN MEALS IS A GREAT IDEA (oops caps sorry) - homemade pizza is another..
the buffet/load your own plate is also great...especially if its a social occasion like a party, BBQ, friends/family over for dinner, or a special visit to an all you can eat buffet.she needs to realise (on her own) that her choice of food is yummy and fun. sometimes kids eat more at their friends houses than at home? they try new things
can you ask the school to do a cooking lesson, where the whole class helps to make something (say fried rice for example - or another country's food as part of a study about that country??)
goodluck with it


ETA-- i do not like the reward ideaLOL

[johT]

just found this on babycentre/parentcentre/bigkids/nutrition;

How can I avoid arguing with my child over food every time we sit down to a meal?
For many families, sitting down for a meal together often means fighting over food — what's on the menu, who's eating (or not eating) what and how much. But who wants that night after night? To avoid mealtime squabbles, try not to talk about food at the table. Merely serve the meal without comment. Of course, if your child is a picky eater, holding your tongue can require a lot of restraint. But your child will benefit in the long run if you don't harp on her eating habits throughout the meal. "It's your child's decision whether or not to eat, what to eat from what is being offered, and how much of it," says Nancy Hudson, a registered dietitian at the University of California at Berkeley.
But what if my child keeps refusing to eat what I serve?
Your mom may have rewarded you for cleaning your plate with a bowl of ice cream after dinner, but that just taught you that veggies were the punishment and dessert was the reward. Instead, try this approach: Serve at least one food you know your kid likes; don't discuss eating habits; and clear the table when the meal is over — even if your child doesn't eat all her food. If she wants dessert, give it to her without much fanfare, but vary what you serve — some nights dessert is ice cream, some nights it's fruit. And don't make any foods completely off limits. Your child will just end up sneaking those foods at her friends' houses or buying them herself when she has her own money.

How can I be sure my child is eating well enough?
Remember that ultimately, your child is the one in control over what she puts into her body. If you decide for your child when she's hungry or when she's had enough to eat, "She won't learn to recognize when she's hungry and when she's done, and you're setting her up for eating problems later, such as obesity, overeating, or controlling food," says Hudson. "Children are amazingly good at self-regulation. They may eat almost nothing one day, and then the next day they eat a ton of food." But when you look at their consumption over a week or a month's time, they do a pretty good job of getting what they need from different food groups — as long as you offer them a variety from which to choose. So, pull up a chair, relax, and try to enjoy your meal. If you do, your child will, too.

[Tracey]

Yep, Maddy is tiny & some days she doesnt eat much except a couple piecesof fruit, her school lunch box is sometimes still full & will then say she's tired & will head off to bed early, I let her but the next morning she will be hungry & will have a big breakfast etc.
I then tell her she was probably so tired as she had given her body any fuel to work, they also did healthy eating plans at school last year & talked about foods etc..
I let her choose once a week what she'd like to cook with me for dinner, lately she has written a shopping list for me & I have grabbed her ingredients she thenm tells us to rest etc & she has peeled & cut carrots, chopped tomatoes, capsicum, cucumber, lettuce, spring onion & mushrooms & thrown it altogether & made a Maddy Salad... She will eat this, yet if I had previously offered her a salad she'd say she doesnt like it all mixed in, but because it's hers & hse made it herself she will eat it (It's actually good for all of us!)
She helps me make homemade pizza & it's the only pizza she will eat, she helps with lasagne & although she says she hates melted stretchy cheese she eats it coz she has helped....
I now get her to make her own school lunch every morning & it's generally all gone!

I think giving her the chance to help, maybe write a weekly menu plan with her, but I agree DO NOT MAKE IT ABOUT HER FOOD!!!


Maybe tell her your finding it difficult to think of some yummy dinner meals & if she could give you a help with it, dont tell her coz she doesnt eat you wnat her to make a menu of stuff she will eat...

I agree that the rewarding with trearts causes food issues!!


Dont stress either, I know my sister would be in tears over her son & lack of eating to the point he was in the dark eating tinned spag with mashed veggies in it... She & he were hysterical but if he'd have a spooon ful he'd be rewarded.... In the end a Dr told her to lighten up, he'd not starve himself & rather than offering food, taking it away sending him to his room & being in knots, just say OK your done, I'm putting it away now, removing it & saying Ok you can leave the table (which meant he wasnt joining in with her, Dh & DD's evening chat & meal) meant he felt left out & after a few days of helping Mum in the kitchen etc, he eats lots of different things now...

My cousins son only eats toast with butter (not marg) & bread with butter..... He is still fine!?

[annie123]

Hmmm , this sounds like us 10 yrs ago... my now 14 yr old was likethat. To make matters worse she was skinny as! So of course you worry bout what she eats even more. What I did for a long time was make frozen portions of what she liked, luckily this was mostly spag bol . If I knew she would hate what we ate , she had her own defrosted meal. Now she''s going on 15 and still v skinny , she often doesn't eat or drink much ... but when she decides to ... she eats us all under the table ! Funnily it's usually taco's for her too. A paed once told me , that kids will never starve themselves and fighting over food is wasted emotion and energy. Best not to make a big deal out of it, I also used to give her a vitamin supplement which encouraged appetite which used to help. Keep offering her healthy food choices !!!
xx

[johT]

yes i was a fussy eater as a kid, and stick thin, turned out i really didnt like meat and turned vegetarian at 15
so now i still get called a 'fussy eater' (usually when others cook for me or go out to dinner) but i can eat what i like and i enjoy it :biggrin:

[blue_hebe]

Although I can't speak from first hand experience, I'd have to agree with all those that have mentioned allowing Emily to help in the preparation of the meal. It's worth a go, and sometimes just more exciting if you've helped make the meal...

[spreckemily]

Thank you all for your suggestions. DH and I are going to read over them together and have a meeting between the two of us, then have a "meeting" with Emily and work with her from there. I like the idea of her helping in prep., getting a cookbook and planning the menus.

Will stop sending her to her room. I have been stressing too much obviously. Will let you know how I go.

Lot of Love and Thanks

[AnyDream]

Hello! Yes definitely a problem in our house. Made worse by the fact that the food she complains about is always something she has eaten and enjoyed in the past!

I just wanted to pop in and say the latest round of food struggles in our house started in Dec, and it turns out she's actually a bit anemic (you can check the mucus membranes under her lower eyelid and it should be a nice healthy Pink colour - not pale). Apparently this reduces their appetite. Once she started taking her chewable multivitamins (I quizzed the pharmacist on best dosage for iron for her age and weight) then things have started to improve again. I can see her appetite coming back over a period of time.

Things that work for us:
We set the timer for 20 mins and if she's not finished it goes in the bin
DH doesn't get dessert (usually a dairy&fruit combo) if she doesn't finish her plate and then no more food before bed
She gets to choose a family meal once a week
She helps to cook sometimes (always a winner)
Put less on her plate so there's less for her to have to get through
I praise like crazy when she does eat what' s on her plate
I do plenty of kicking DH under the table cos he likes to nag her

The 20 min timer is the parental sanity saver. She knows this now and if she dawdles for the first 10 mins she has to put on speed to get her dinner in on time. Fortunately our timer beeps every 5 mins so it's a godsend.
HTH

[Bathsheba]

Excellent advice there Marydean I also agree it sounds like a power struggle... and rest assured that very few children, if any, have ever willingly starved to death. I'm lucky in that my kids aren't fussy.... maybe it's becuase we aren't (DH and I). My sis has fussy kids but then again SHE is a fussy eater too. Sorry i don't have anything esle to offer but I just had to say I hope your DD responds to some of the great ideas in here... let us know!

[kerry]

My x's son (8.5) is the same. Unless its junk food he isn't interested and there is no way he will be eating vegies.

Things that help...
He doesn't have to eat everything, but he des have to taste every thing.. like have 5 peas, have to bits of carrot...etc)
Serve his meal on a smaller plate, it makes it less daunting and also less likely to serve too much.. the beauty of giving an underserve is that often he will ask for more.
Involve him in the weekly meal plans. Ask what he would like for dinner through the week and compromise on those things you know you can do healthy options of.
My fav trick - I have an exercise book I write recipies in that work and I cook more than once, that way its easier to find it if I need it, well I started a section in it called "**'s Recipies - food ** likes"... When we had dinner if he asked for more or said something was nice I would ask him if he wanted to add it to "the book"....I would get a yes, no or maybe next time. When I planned meals for the week I would get him to help and I would say, would you like something from your book this week. Obviously he wanted every meal from his book but we would usually compromise with 3 meals and then if he ate well through the week I would usually do a surprise meal from his list on the weekend as well.
This works better with boys, but call things by alternate names... Brains and worms (spaghetti & meatballs), Tiger toast (tasted cheese & vegiemite sandwhich, toast one side then put vegiemite on the other, cut cheese into thing strips and place on toast so there are black and yellow stripes, then grill)... Fatbombs (cheese, sweet chilly sauce and ham sandwiches).

I tried not to make a huge deal, but as he is on medication he needs to eat a certain amount so that he can have his medicine. That said I never made him clear his plate, but would use the old, I bet you can't have 3 spoons of that... i bet you can't have anothe one... it actually works.

I always offered desert, yes as a bribe... he didn't have to eat everything to get desert but if he didn't eat a reasonable amount or there was a carry on over the vegies etc, He would get the tiniest serve but he still got the serve.

OK that's all I can suggest... wishing you luck with it.


Hope something there is helpful.