How Do I Let Go ...

[Peach]

My DD#1 is turning 12 this year. My little girl is growing up .. and I can't cope with it. We are extremely close and she tells me everything (Well I hope so!) How can I let go ...

:: The other day she came home and said her friend and her had asked this boy out for another friend. I immediatly felt sick and panicced on the inside ..

:: She bought home a note saying she had been selected for interschool sport and was travelling by bus ... but I have always accompanied her to her sports days and been a volunteer parent on all the excursions ... what if she falls over and hurts herself and I'm not there ..

:: School camp is 4 days long in some country town 6 hours away .. this will be her first camp she is so excited .. I feel so sick trying to think of excuses not to let her go .. I'm mean huh ?)

:: I wont let her have sleep overs because I don't know any of her firends parents well enough

I need some help advice in step to take to help me let go .. I know I have to .. but its so hard.. can you love your children too much ?? Is there such a thing?


Jen

[Indadhanu]

Awwwwwwwwww jen :hugs: I don't have any kids yet, but wanted to give you great big hugs cos I know in 12 years time I'll be just like that LOL

Oh, and I don't think you can love your kids too much I reckon you love them just about right!

(P.S. I think my mum did the same thing when I went on my first camp... 7 nights camping in Carnarvon, Qld at the age of 10...! Though she did end up letting me go, with lots of tears at the bus!)

ETA:

The other day she came home and said her friend and her had asked this boy out for another friend.

I can just imagine their conversation in the school yard "my friend wants to know if your friend will go out with her...?"
"Um, ok I'll go ask"...... "yeah he says ok"
"Ok, I'll go tell her... um, can you ask him when she can come over and hold his hand?"
Hehehehehe! Well, at least, that was pretty much what happened when I was about 12! It's all so cute!

[paradise lost]

Aw, you have a young-woman-in-the-making there

With the boys thing, leasha is right. The boy i "went out" with at 11 i used to wave to at break time. That was the sum of our "relationship". Very intense! LOL. And i know there are kids of 12 pregnant on the news, but really that sort of thing happened when i was a kid and when my MUM was a kid (her sister got PG at 14 and married the dad and is still married to him 58 years later) it's just that it wasn't on the news. It's blasted about by the media as if it's every 2nd girl but it SO isn't.

Maybe you could make an effort to talk to the parents of her closest friends, to check them out a bit and make sure you feel ok about them before sleepovers? Or you could let YOUR DD have a sleepover and talk to the parents when they drop their girls off?
I don't even let anyone babysit DD, so i'm not pretending i know what it feels like having to let go, but you know you have to and you will, you're already preparing for it mentally, so don't panic. You won't have to arrange her wedding tomorrow, just take each day as it comes and don't beat yourself up for feeling protective. Be honest with her about how worried you are so that she realises you're passing a big responsibility to her to look out for herself at these new exciting events and outings. Then she can make you proud and you can BE proud and the two of you can continue to talk openly together.

Bx

[aussienic]

:hugs: I am sure i will be in here posting my very own thread in the next few years..

As it is I dread sleep overs and days away... heck I even miss the little bugger when he is at school. I cried one day when he came home and told me he had sat alone at lunch time

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Awwww, Jen, I wish you were my mum!

Sleepovers were never a problem even in primary school, weekend trips with brownies (age 7 onwards) and week trips with school (age 11), they attended sports things but didn't bother to watch as they thought I was going to lose, they happily let me go off at 16 on holiday with another girlfriend without knowing anything about where we were going (it was booked by an adult with whom I was friends but to whom my parents had never spoken, let alone met). My sister had "boyfriends" from age 11 (I guess that was never going to be an issue for me).

I wish my mum loved me enough to be strict!

[pollyanna]

Oh Babe,
God i feel for you. It is so hard. I'm learning this through personal experiences. My eldest is 11 I'm very protective,but i'm getting better. Little things that have happened over the last 2 weeks. My son said "Mum i have a special secret to tell you" I said "What honey"He said close the door its really special. There is a girl in his class at school and her girlfriend went up to my son and said Emily really likes you.Caleb(ds),didnt get IT. So the girlfriend Re itterated. No she REALLY likes you. She thinks you are cute and funny and she likes your jokes. I can only imagine how he blushed because he blushed as he was telling me. But then he said "Mum you know the best thing of all is that i REALLY like her too and she dosent even know. I just thought how cute!!!
Then a few days ago the kids said can we go 4 houses down and say hello because there are kids out the front and we want to play with them. I said no.Then the kids were like mum, we have lived here for 8 months. How are we ever going to make friends if you wont let us out of your sight for a minute?Then i really analysed things. i thought they are so right. I need to let go a little;just a little. so i supervised over the fence and told the kids they had half an hour to get aquainted and then they could all play out the front-where i could see them. Then they came and introduced themselves and let their parents know where they were, and i let them stay for 30mins. nice kids. But 30 minutes is long enough.One of the kids a boy is 16 though and Caleb didnt understand that i didnt want them playing alone together. a 5 year age gap is too much,but i said he was welcome here;so i could supervise. As for the sleepovers he has had heaps and we have had lots here but only because i'm very close with the parents. I think just like you i would have an imposible time with it if i didnt know the parents.As for the camp let her go. its a good,safe enviroment.It will do you both the world of good. When Caleb went on his 4 day camp with scouts ,when he returned i watched the bus pull in and he was already crying when he saw me at the bus stop. He was the first scout off the bus(and got best scout at camp)and all i could hear was him yelling "Mummy"unashamedly. And we cuddled and cuddled and he had so much to tell me. It has helped him to be more independant and realise that his actions have repercussions. that he is getting big enough to be responsible for himself and to develop his own problem solving skills.But it is so very very hard to release that bind. I want them with me all the time but i tell myself that i'm actually hindering his social development if i cant force myself to let go a little. Thats the only way i get through it.
HTH
Goodluck with it-i know its very hard

[tiggerandpooh]

Polly anna you couldn't have said it any better...

Jen - you sound exactly like me - it takes me ages to feel "safe" to let DD and DS to have sleep overs (prefer them to come here) and letting them go on a camp was sooo incredibly hard, it hurt, (but we did it, and they had a ball!!) I even freaked at letting them catch the school bus! I remember standing at the kerb, waiting with them, and my heart beating fast. It was like letting go of their hands in a way!

i have a just turned 12 dd... and watching her grow and change in front of me this last 12mths has been incredibly hard. at times I didnt think I would get through it... it triggered me on so many fronts. (I was sexually abused as a child, and as my children get to ages where things went bad for me - I feel it profoundly) but I had a conversation with both of my big kids in the last week - and i was proud of them, and their responses - they know how to keep safe, we are connected, they have stretched their wings, but they are still connected... and that has happened because I have kept them safe, and taught them how to do it for themselves - something noone did for me.

Your doing a wonderful job hun - and you will get through this... I promise.