I don't think there is a teenager out there who doesn't know how to turn on you and blame you for their problems. I got the 'you were never there for me' assault on many occasions too, yet I felt like all I was doing for a long time was try to be there while I was actively being pushed away.
Thank you Sushee! When I got that comment the other day, it actually comforted me that what was going on was not a "real" problem between her and me, funnily enough. It was just so blatantly untrue and such a distorted image of how things have been, that it reassured me that she is wrestling with internal demons and I didn't blame myself. That was a massive step forward for me, and it was good.

Jennjorja, thank you for that advice! I will pm you. Coincidentally, just as I was opening this thread, my dd rang me at work and told me she's made an appointment to see her counsellor this week We instituted some fairly stern consequences for the money being taken and she's responded well to a firm hand, again. She says she is really really enjoying being at school but she is clearly massively stressed about being there, and took half a day "sick" on Friday. I really want her counsellor to help her work out healthy ways of dealing with her anxiety levels, and identify what's causing the anxiety.