Mobile phone and internet rules

[little_O]

Just wanting to compare mobile phone and internet rules. DD seems to think ours are too strict, I don't.

These are ours:

Mobile phone

• We will pay for credit once a month. If credit is used before the month is up, they either have to wait or pay for it themselves FAIR
• We must have all passwords for phones and if we want to go through it, we can at any time Nope. I think this is a little OTT. Whilst I didn't have a computer growing up .....don't think they were invented but I did have a diary. I still have it. In fact some of things I wrote would have made my mother's toes curl (as would the notes we passed around class). Did she ever snoop at my stuff. No.
• No phones in bedrooms, either during the day or night. Phones are to be left on charge in family room overnight. Depends on their age. DS1 17 uses his phone as his alarm to get up in the morning. DSD 14, when she was staying with us, gave us her phone at night, due to her gettting phonecalls from her brother in the middle of the night.

If any of these rules are broken we confiscate their phone.


Internet (goes for phone internet as well)

• No computer in bedrooms at any time of day or night. Computers are to be left on desk in kitchen overnight. That would be like my mum telling me I couldn't read my books or write in my diary at night. DS1 studies in his room and, well without his laptop ... DSD had her laptop in her room when she was staying with us. She used hers to play games. I do however, insist that they don't leave their laptops chargng overnight - you'd be surprised how big a difference it makes to your electricity bill
• We must have all passwords for FB, email etc Nope. I am friends with my kids. If they block me or restrict what I can see then we have a chat.
• Only add people they know personally to any social media account they have That's a given. If I don't know who someone is who's made a comment (particularly in DSD's case as there have been issues) I will ask who they are.
• No chatting to random people As above

Do you think those rules are excessive?

While rules are good, I think that you also need to give your children some freedom to use their own commonsense.

I would say, instead of taking the phone away at night, no using the phone at night after XXpm. If they betray that trust then the phone is taken away at night for X period of time. Same goes with the computer.

If you want your kids to trust you (and your judgement) then you have to trust them as well.

The way I see it though, it's the Internet that's the issue more so than the computer. The computer sure is needed for study etc, but the Internet is why it has to be out in the open. Lets face it, back in the good ok days of msn, I used to be on msn and studying year 12....not smart, and was potentially dangerous.

To me a diary is completely different. Did you publicize your diary, print it for the world to see? Diaries were private, not like Facebook.

I agree though I wanted that element of independence and there is no way I would want my mum going through my stuff as a teenager. However I always knew she could if she had to.

[little_O]

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I use the same motto on my kids that my mother used for me: if you can't do it in front of me then it must be wrong. In other words, if you have to hide and don't want me to find out, then maybe you shouldn't be doing it.

This is what I am referring to. Your ds is still abiding to the rule because he's not using it per-say. If he's going to lie to you, there are bigger problems. You should be able to trust them.

If they aren't using it for an alarm though, why do they need the phone?

[Cass72]

The way I see it though, it's the Internet that's the issue more so than the computer. The computer sure is needed for study etc, but the Internet is why it has to be out in the open. Lets face it, back in the good ok days of msn, I used to be on msn and studying year 12....not smart, and was potentially dangerous.

To me a diary is completely different. Did you publicize your diary, print it for the world to see? Diaries were private, not like Facebook.

I agree though I wanted that element of independence and there is no way I would want my mum going through my stuff as a teenager. However I always knew she could if she had to.

I shall agree to disagree. Clearly we have differing views. I have no trust issues with my son and hope that it remains that way.

[Tinks]

Of course I respect their privacy. We don't go racing to their phones and read all their messages, log onto their fb etc every night when they go to bed. In fact, I've gone through DD's phone twice ever and if you'd like to know the reasons behind that, you're welcome to PM me Lime.

[Sopdet]

I think your rules are fine Tinks. Trust is earned and there are consequences to actions, if you break the rules, then you pay the price.

[feeb]

Growing up we had a computer from when I was 9 BUT off course no internet then, but even when we did have internet was still superivised access and computer was always in communal area and mum and dad would regularly check what we were doing. Even in year 12 and when at uni and home for weekends was the same. There view was if everything was ok was no need for us to hide things from them. Even in chat rooms they would be often sitting there, to be honest didnt fuss me mainly occasionally could be embarrasing but oh well.

[LimeSlice]

I wasn't having a go, Tinks, just offering a different perspective is all.

[~clover~]

Personally, the way I was going to deal with kids & study etc was to buy a desk top computer. I have a lap top, but I want a desk top for the kids. They can have net access, but I can stop that at any time.
I agree that a diary & the net are very different. You don't get creepy men pretending to be 15 year old boys in a diary. You don't accidentally let out your address or party details to the whole high school/town in your diary. The Internet IS a dangerous place & I will not be risking my kids safety for trust & dd1 is already understanding this.

[Arcadia]

Just wondering if the monthly bill shows times of calls or texts? I would rather give my kids the phone and ask they observe the rules and then have a way of checking. I use my phone for reading, as a calendar, alarm and clock. I also browse BB through the night when I can't sleep. I don't see this as a problem, and I believe it's more important to teach your kids about appropriate use if the device and then monitor it rather than restricting the device. I would consider a filter for porn though because I think it is inappropriate that extreme porn is so accessible.

[littlelara]

I've always thought that their moby's (when the time comes) will be switched off and handed over at 8:00 every night, and no computers in their rooms.
The way I see it, no one has access to them after that time.