I'm glad it's working out so well for you and her. Under the circumstances it sounds like a great pro-active solution rather than getting no-where just trying to reason with a teenager as i know they're determined not to listen to adults when they know best (I was awful).
My hubby went to boarding school and although he had a few issues he looks back at it as a great experience having made lifelong friends and wouldn't be where he is today without having gone.
I didn't see your previous thread Bath (been slack at updating my Platinum and it was probably in that section) but good for you for trusting your instincts on this one. You were doing it with the best motivation, which wasn't to punish her but was to keep her safe AND to help her reach her potential. I'm sure you talked to her about it heaps and she understands that.
We basically had to threaten to kick DSD out before she 'got' it in terms of what was OK and what was not OK. Not my preferred parenting style, not something I did lightly but the circumstances warranted it IMO. So I totally understand that you were willing to try something that you never thought you would. No point being dogmatic for the sake of it. Like we always say, every situation is different.
So pleased for you and for DD that everything is working out. Sometimes it's just too hard for them to avoid temptation(s) themselves because of peer pressure or whatever, so we have to make it easier for them.
It sounds to me like your DD is at boarding school because it was the best thing for her, and not because you couldn't be bothered to deal with her. The motivation behind the placement matters a lot in how she is likely to deal with it, I suspect. Well done on a tough decision made with love.
LOL funny how sure we are of what kind of parent we think we're going to be...until we are one
I had an uncle who went to boarding school and loved it! So much that his 13yr old son has started at the same school this year and was very excited to do so.
You've done what you feel is best for your DD and it seems to have worked, Well done I would think it was a very hard decision to make, but it's proved to be the right one
My 13yr old brother has been refusing to go to school on and off for the past 12months and my dad's now looking into boarding school, although my brother is dead against it and they don't know how they'll get him there if he refuses to go
Bathsheba we had similar issues with dd#2 and if I could have afforded to send her off to boarding school, I would have, in a heart beat. As it was, we had to just tough it out at home.
I'm glad your dd is settling in well. Do you worry about her escaping on little night adventures where she is?
Escaping? LOL no chance! The school rang us last Friday to get verbal permission to let DD stay the night with my sister and her family... even though the staff have met her (sis)! Every time a student leaves the grounds it's a sign-in sign-out affair. There are at least 2 dormitory staff on duty at all times and even if she did escape the locals have been known to ring the school and ask why a student is doing this or that and does it have the schools' endorsement. My cousin who went through this school went with 3 other year 11 girls in a taxi to the boys school one night... the driver thought it was a bit odd so rang the school to check if that was ok... it wasn't and the girls were suspended for a week (sent home). They didn't do that again. My cousin loved going to the school and the last thing she wanted, at the end of the day, was to be expelled.
Update: Things have been going well. DD went through a phase of being friends with some year 9 girls (the year below her) who were known to push boundaries but it seems as if she has grown tired of them. The year 10 co-ordinator rang us and reported back to us that DD is doing very well in class. Unlike at her old school where DD had totally disengaged from actual learning she seems to have had a change of heart at her new school. It seems that down here in Vic the curriculum was ahead of the NSW one where is she... and for once in her life has found herself at the top of the class! She seems to be capitalising on this thankfully.
Next month we are going to fly her home for the school holidays... how time has flown!!!
Toomany: Hope your DD#2 has settled down now... everyone says years 9 - 10 at school are the rough ones for girls...
I tell ya what Bath, after the weekend we've had with DSD, I started looking into boarding schools myself last night too! Seriously. Not sure I will be able to cope with more DSD dramas on top of health problems, newborn and toddler.
It's great to hear that it's working out so well for DD and the rest of the family too.
Thankyou for being so understanding everyone! I knew i could trust you! i was agonising over whether to share this development with you because i do feel negative judgement from some extended family members (on DH's side who were close enough to help us if they really wanted to but didn't)... this doesn't include my extended family, especially my sister and BIL who have really taken DD under their wing as if she was their own DD... my family agree that this is a good school (they live in the area) and believe she is in a good place too. My sister is giving me almost daily feedback and various school staff members have also given us some very positive feedback regarding DD's positive body language and attitudes. She has already made friends it seems
Zaidie: so true! i told myself "why have children if you hand them over to others to care for" but at the end of the day if you trust the carers and it's bringing out the best in your child then sometimes it is the better option. She is still my daughter... through and through... she is as stubborn and determined but compassionate and forgiving and this is serving her well for the first time in over a year. I really do feel that the ex boyfriend was exploiting those attributes and turning her powers to evil rather than good he even rang us to see if he could play the same game with us; saying that he was a different person to the one that held up the service station with a weapon 2 years ago... all very well but why then are you selling drugs to 15yo girls??? Same mindset: total disregard to the law!
Anyhow, i know that this may not necessarily mean the end of all problems... teenagers are programmed to push boundaries... the staff know this and share my belief that you need to give them safe boundaries to push! It is not a stifling school... DD has already said that her teachers are so much more relaxed than the ones at her old school here in the city. I certainly got a good vibe from the senior staff... down to earth, friendly, but no nonsense when it comes to mucking up just for the sake of it. Looking back some of DDs teachers down here were a bit too softly softly "let's be friends" but all of a sudden getting strung out when the girls weren't respecting them. I think DD was a bit confused at times.
Another point that is spot on LZ is that DD is certianly meeting lots of girls outside her usual experience! Many, for example, come from remote farming stations... they have never really befriended a girl from the Big Smoke before. Apparently they thought it was hysterical that DD didn't know what a "plough" was! But DD said they weren't mean about it I think DD and i are both looking forward to the day that she gets invited out to one of these stations and experiences a very different walk of life.
Last edited by Bathsheba; April 23rd, 2010 at 05:36 PM.
A couple of my girlfriends went to boarding school and absolutely loved it. I think it can be especially good at around year 9, when girls are at their naughtiest. Teaches them maturity. I was desperate to go when I was a teenager - there was this school in NSW where you could keep your horse there and I pestered my parents for years to send me. But they didn't. (And they didn't buy me a horse either!)
I think it sounds like a great decision for your whole family. My brother and SIL sent their eldest to boarding school fo year 12, as he was just getting violent and not studying and hurting the other kids. It cost a fortune, but they were very caring whilst also being strict and he seemed to respect the house masters' boundaries more than his parents, so it worked out really well.
I wanted to go to Boarding School, and my parents nearly did send me to one, but I changed my mind because I had already been living with extended family for a while and missed my parents, so went to live with them instead.
Well they then sent me to a rubbish local high school... and I barely finished.
Things could have been quite different for me if my parents had been as good as what I get the impression your like as a parent. Im pleased your dd is settling and I hope it is the making of her - of course all the more because of the supportive committed mum she has.
I was a day kid at a school that had boarders, many from farms and it was a great experience from both sides of the fence. I went to my 20 year reunion recently and many of the borders who had been there together were still friends. For some it really does just work - I hope it's that way for your DD.
Hmmm, my mum was down on boarding schools: her little sister sent my cousin to one. So I grew up believing in "what's the point of having children to give them to others to look after."
Yeah well, can't be a SAHM so got used to that idea pretty quickly.
And, looking at it, boarding school was the best thing for my cousin. He's a great chap now. I wish I'd been to boarding school as a teen. Or my sister had. Or we both had gone to different ones. Far better going to boarding school for a bit than ending up disliking your mother!
I want DS to go to a boarding school, but one nearby so he comes home at night. Because of the way you meet so many people with so many backgrounds - who will be returning to those cultures so don't feel as if they have to lose them. Because of the opportunity to stay over if he needs to, for whatever reason (hmmm, that thought is putting me off more children!).
Sometimes people need to get away from everything. When you need to do that before you're an adult, boarding school can be the best thing that happens to you. I hope that's the case for your DD.
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I would think it was a very hard decision to make, but it's proved to be the right one
i was agonising over whether to share this development with you because i do feel negative judgement from some extended family members (on DH's side who were close enough to help us if they really wanted to but didn't)... this doesn't include my extended family, especially my sister and BIL who have really taken DD under their wing as if she was their own DD... my family agree that this is a good school (they live in the area) and believe she is in a good place too. My sister is giving me almost daily feedback and various school staff members have also given us some very positive feedback regarding DD's positive body language and attitudes. She has already made friends it seems
he even rang us to see if he could play the same game with us; saying that he was a different person to the one that held up the service station with a weapon 2 years ago... all very well but why then are you selling drugs to 15yo girls??? Same mindset: total disregard to the law!
I think DD and i are both looking forward to the day that she gets invited out to one of these stations and experiences a very different walk of life.
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