My cousins (both girls) attended boarding school during their teen years. They lived on a farm and because they were both heavily involved with sport (couldn't do it otherwise) their parents allowed them to board at the school, a girls' school. This arrangement seemed to work really well. They would return home for the weekends and school holidays. Honestly, they have the best relationships with their parents.... always have had. Lots of affection, even in public. My aunt and uncle are quite strict, no nonsense kind of people too. Last time I spoke to them they highly recommended the boarding school option... I always thought that was a "cop out" solution until recently! I think the fact that the school would be enforcing all the routines that I find hard to be consistent with: supervised home work sessions, dinners eaten at the table without ipod head phones and involving polite discussion, keeping living quarters tidy and organised. Because I have the large gap between my children I often find that I am "caught up" with dealing with the boys routines and can't focus on my DD as much as she needs, especially of an early evening. I can barely help her with her homework... the boys make noise and want to be involved... fortunately DH does that after the boys have gone to bed and when i need to fall in a heap somewhere!
Our biggest problem is that we have no extended family that are available or active in the raising of our kids. They are nearly all in the country. If only I could send my DD off to stay with them occasionally!
I grew up in a blended family. My parents separated when i was 12. My stepfather was pretty violent too. It got so bad that when he threatened to send me to boarding school I eventually agreed!!! But obviously he decided that he had better things to spend his money onSo life went on with me at the local highschool... getting pretty bad grades because I was so distracted by an awful homelife.
I really think that if we had my cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents around to reinforce everything that I was telling DD that it would be better. DH tries to be her bestfriend instead of a parent half the time. I'm left to be the "bad cop" in the "good cop, bad cop" scenario he kinda constructs. The worst thing is that he disagrees with me infront of her about consequences for her poor behaviour
DD tries to be the boys' mother as well. She barks orders at them. Tries to tell me what to do and how to do it. Whips them up into a frenzy while I am trying to cook dinner every night then wonders why, when she has had enough of them and wants to watch TV, wonders why they are all hyper and wanting to jump all over her! This is an almost nightly event. I've taken to separating them all at about 6pm otherwise the house is like a zoo (they end up fighting).
She won't keep her room clean either but she will happily tidy the boys' rooms so i'm as relaxed about that as I can be. She keeps her bathroom in a total state of filth though. Hair everywhere. I can't stop her from cutting her own hair. Y'know I thought I was going to be fine with the whole teenager thing. I thought I was a pretty open-minded person with a fairly alternative aesthetic... but I never expected my DD to have such an opposite aesthetic. She is such an attractive girl but the look these days is just so plain ugly! But I guess that's their role: to define themselves as totally different to "us". Rest assured that whatever clothes and hairstyle that you dislike the most will be the one chosen by your teen DD. If you are a Goth they will probably prefer a neat and conservative style worn with a twin set! If you are a hippy mumma your DD will emerge in a suit and hair in a tight bun!
I have friends that make me feel like I must be doing something wrong: maybe it's ME who has become boring? They are friends with either no children or very young children. Well they are lucky I'm not the kind of person who will tell them: "I told you so!!!" if and when they have a teen to raise!!!
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it's so funny watching friends become parents a decade or so after you started and seeing how much they end up contradicting themselves. Our closest friends (a couple) knew us waaaay back when we had our DD. I was 25 when i had her just before Christmas 1994. These friends invited us to their New Year's Eve party a week after I gave birth. They were childless as were all the people who attended the party. When we were first invited I gave a non-committal reply to the invitation... saying that we weren't getting much sleep and were still adjusting to parenthood (I had never heard of a babymoon at that stage). Anyhow they told us that just because we had a baby wasn't an excuse to go all boring "COME OVER!!!" they demanded. So we did. As we arrived our DD was sleeping in her capsule. Our hosts told us to "just put her in the spare room with the coats, she'll be fine"... so we did... and I proceeded to check her every 10 minutes... never relaxing enough to actually enjoy the party... we left soon after midnight knowing that a good nights' sleep isn't garanteed for us, unlike the rest of the part goers... and neither of us were drinking of course, you can't do that and be in charge of a newborn! Fast forward 11 years. This couple have their first baby. We drop in and see them at their place and only stay about 15 minutes because they are obviously exhausted, this is about 2 weeks after the birth. 3 months later we invite them over and they say "oh no... it's just too hard to go out with the baby and we're just sooo tired". Hmmmmmm! Needless to say they have forgotten how they accused us of being boring... we're not reminding them... but it's fascinating to see them doing all the things they had contempt for prior to having children!
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