Teenager and Porn

[MrsFabuloso]

I have no experienve with teenagers, but.....If you do confront him, did you have permission to look on his phone? If you didn't, then you shouldn't technically know about it, kwim? So if you do say something to him, make it a general comment/discussion, rather than 'I was looking on your phone and found this' then he will just get defensive and not trust you anymore. I know I would feel violated if my mum was checking out my stuff.
And I agree that it is something that should be spoken about openly, that porn isn't realistic, but that he is a teenager and will most likely not stop looking at porn of some sort...ever!!
Good luck.

[The[cookie]Doctor]

I have no experienve with teenagers, but.....If you do confront him, did you have permission to look on his phone? If you didn't, then you shouldn't technically know about it, kwim? So if you do say something to him, make it a general comment/discussion, rather than 'I was looking on your phone and found this' then he will just get defensive and not trust you anymore. I know I would feel violated if my mum was checking out my stuff.
And I agree that it is something that should be spoken about openly, that porn isn't realistic, but that he is a teenager and will most likely not stop looking at porn of some sort...ever!!
Good luck.

That's an excellent point, my mum read my diary when i was about fourteen-fifteen and it shattered my trust in her, i believe it's why we had such a tough relationship before i moved out of home. Had i not known it wouldn't have made a difference. So maybe avoid telling him you saw it and/or know about it and see if you can get your DH to discuss with him.
However, i do agree that it will be an entirely normal part of him growing up and while you may not agree with it it's likely to happen for a long time. I do think a discussion about how the objectification of women in magazines is not cool and how the porn industry is not realistic and can be considered degrgrading would be healthy in him establishing a more appropriate view of women for when he does become sexually active/in a relationship.

Maybe remind him that seeing as you're footing the bill for his mobile he has to play by your rules until he has a job to pay for his own?

[dragonstorm]

1. knock on doors
2. DH + DS talk time
3. hes a boy
4. even your husband did it
5. we all do it
6. cant stop it
7. dont try
8. ask him if he wants to show you his porn(after a while)dont snoop
9.confiscate any porn found and send it to me. ROFLMAO

i have a son whos 11mths old i am dreading the day myself

dragonstorm

[Enchanted]

I agree with what Ashlea & Kellie said.. my Mum read my diary too and it also shattered my trust with her. I felt so betrayed by her for such a long time.

IMO I don't think you should raise with him what you saw on his phone but as others have suggested I would get your DH to have a chat with him about "things".

Godd luck with it... I don't envy you. I am sure that in about 12 years time I will be wanting your advice as to how to deal with it!!

[Schmickers]

I agree with Limeslice. At his age, seeking out sexual material - either out of curiosity, for pleasure, or both - is a really normal part of his sexual development. You can either repress it - and risk teaching him that sex is either dirty or wrong - or accept it, and teach him that sex is normal and healthy.

I hear what you are saying about porn, though, and it strikes me as someone who has seen a bit of it in my time, that there is "good" porn and "bad" porn, and maybe this would be a good time for your DH and DS to have a bit of a man-to-man about the difference. And also the fact that, as mentioned, pornographic pictures or movies are a fantasy, made up solely to provide sexual stimulation - and just like an action movie, while going out guns a-blazing and doing karate kicks looks really cool, we would never do it in real life. The same with porn. You might mention the problems in the porn idustry with the exploitation of women, drug use, and sexually transmitted diseases, if you really want to get into it. And certainly mention that some porn is degrading towards women when it shows them being submissive, or being abused, while other porn shows women who are equal partners in the sexual experience, and which type is the most acceptable.

[Kitt3n]

just leave him alone! no offence, but its just none of your business mum!!

if you approach him he will feel as though you have completely intruded on his privacy, and there is a huge chance he will never ever feel comfortable coming to you with anything ever again.

just leave him be, you have a healthy young man on your hands so be happy!

[Trillian]

Gosh, I remember the boys I went to school with and from the ages of 14-17 their one goal in life was to work out ways to get a hold of pron - whether it be magazines or videos. It was a healthy outlet for them while they were going through puberty and as far as I know none of them turned out to be sexual deviates - they are all married with kids now and who knows - maybe all their porn watching as a teen held them in good stead to become good lovers as adults? And they think they are pretty cool too if they can brag about seeing it LOL. When my DH was around 11-12yo he coveted this set of playing cards he had with the nude women on them - remember those? He would secretly take them to school and he and his mates would ogle them during lunch LMAO - picturing him doing that is just too funny for words.

However, there is a difference between teenagers exploring and just wanting to know what all the 'fuss' is about to becoming fixated with it and needing to have it kwim? I think if a big deal is made of it he is less likely to come to you with any RL issues he may have so take a 'gently gently' approach and try to bring it up in converstation without mentioning that you have gone through his phone. Teenage boys are really quite delicate creatures when you talk to them about sex (hard to imagine I know) and he is likely to get embarrassed - think American Pie - so you don't want him to completely clam up with you about it.