Did you have a Babymoon?

[LuluHB]

I didn't have a babymoon either time but am seriously considering one this time. Following DD1's birth I was feeling the best I had felt in nine months so was eager to be out and about with my new bub. With DD2 I was home from hospital within hours of her birth and got right back into it all, until I developed viral vertigo when she was 5 days old that flattened me for a few days. Otherwise I had done heaps of prep work with frozen meals etc and we were lucky enough back then to have a cleaner coming once a fortnight so things just went on as normal. With both girls I was out and about with them within days of their birth.

This time around I am seriously considering a longer stay in hospital just to get a bit more of a rest and a bit of time to establish feeding with DD3 without having to worry about doing that while still looking after DDs 1 and 2. I know my mum will be great at helping out, but I've never been comfortable with my mother cleaning for me so it would all be child or baby based help. Likewise my DH is extremely hands on, but in a way I think it may be easier for my girls if I'm simply not in the house while we try and get feeding established. Not sure. They'll be out a bit during the day with kindy and pp, but I still have to play that one by ear, and given I'm not good at being in hospital I'll probably read this thread again in a few months and wonder why I didn't take my own advice and stay in hospital for at least one night!

I truly feel far more energised and healthier in those first few weeks after giving birth than I ever feel during pregnancy, so I'm climbing the walls pretty quickly if I'm not out doing stuff. I love the idea of a babymoon - especially the way Ash has described hers.

[~Hestia~]

With my first I had completely stocked up the pantry and freezer so we didn't have to leave the house or cook. But I was so keen to show off my brand new bub we had a never ending stream of visitors. My sister was sitting in our driveway when I came home the day after giving birth! I was so proud I didn't mind at all. I was so exhausted in those early weeks from the birth and having a newborn that DH had to blow dry my hair and help me get dressed. In hindsight I should've been a lot more easy on myself.

So with our second born in December I was very vocal during the pregnancy about having time just for the four of us. Again I had filled the freezer and the pantry full of everything we could want. I had taken on a cleaner who was coming once a week. I came home the same day and though I had visitors in the house before I even got home, we then had no one for about 5 days. When I was ready to have people over I wasn't afraid to say no if it wasn't convenient, I probably only had two or three visits per week. My DH was home for ages, I think it was 8 weeks, he did everything and all I had to do was lay in bed and cuddle my bub! I actually felt fantastic after my 2nd birth but I still loved taking it easy and enjoying those early weeks as much as I could. I will always cherish that time.

In regards to going out, with my first I felt very stir crazy and went out quite a bit! With my second we still went out but it was more for DS1, we took him on car rides to see xmas lights, out to see santa, to the local playcentre...I took advantage of my sleeping newborn and my carrier and always enjoyed being out with my family

[Julie Doula]

Ash, that sounds like babymoon heaven! And it's so important - it makes such a difference long term. I wish every mama had a real babymoon and real support - I think our PND rates would be lower.

This post by Gloria Lemay has some suggestions: After the Birth, What the Family Needs

PZ, I'm so sorry your post natal time was so stressful. Last thing you needed.

This article, How other cultures prevent PND also has some interesting thoughts:

In my work as a Doula, my focus is on the mother. I want to provide whatever it is that she needs to feel comfortable, nourished, relaxed, and appreciated: to facilitate a harmonious transition for both mother and child in those profound first days and weeks after birth. A mother needs someone who cares about how many times the baby woke to nurse in the night, how many diapers were changed, how her breasts are feeling. She may need her back massaged or her sheets changed, or she may need someone to provide an abundant supply of water or tea, salads ready-made in the refrigerator, a bowl of cut-up fruit. She needs to be able to complain about how little her mate understands what she's going through, and perhaps, some gentle reminders of all the contributions he has made. She needs someone to hold the baby so she can take a shower or even go to the bathroom; someone to answer the phone when she's napping; someone to water her plants or garden, to clean the kitchen and bathroom, to keep up on the family's laundry. She may have many questions and concerns that only an experienced mother can understand. She needs patience and kind words and a clean and calm environment (Webber, 1992, p. 17).

While our culture continues to lack supportive postpartum rituals, the work of individual women can make a significant difference. Many are surprised that this decidedly "low-tech" intervention can work. Yet this is perhaps the most important lesson we can learn from the cultures that Stern and Kruckman described. We must begin to change the way we think about providing care for new mothers. This care should not stop once the baby is born, but should continue throughout the postpartum period.

In conclusion, we have learned that women can make a comfortable and peaceful transition into motherhood. Postpartum illness is not inevitable and in many cases can be prevented. It is time that we recognize and meet the needs postpartum women. The health of our families depends on it.

[jackrose]

I didn't first time, made sure I did second time though!

First time was c-sect birth and was 2 weeks out from Christmas. Lots of visitors, not much help from DH, no family around to help so I was up and at 'em straight away. It was not good. I had heaps of trouble breastfeeding, was an emotional wreck, much more than gentle baby blues and developed an infection at my scar site. Thank goodness my DD1 was a well settled baby as I did manage to catch my breath and survive.

Second time I had a homebirth and knew much more about post natal needs. I knew that I needed to set up a good support network and take things easy after birth, modelling myself on so many other cultures where new mothers are expected to rest and focus only on baby for 40 days. This was reinforced by my midwife who ordered me to sit on the couch for 2 weeks and only get up to go to the toilet or go to bed. I thought she was mad but I had trusted her implicitly up to that point and she had never steered me wrong. Interestingly, at my 6 week check up when I mentioned that I was amazed at how well my lady bits had healed and how I felt that I had no lasting effects of the vaginal birth even though I was expecting to never feel the same after stories from my friends, my midwife was not at all surprised and explained that the 2 weeks off my feet had allowed my body to heal. I knew I trusted her for a reason .

How did I wrangle it? Well, Dh is pretty useless when it comes to looking after me, the kids and house (love him but it is the reality!) so I called on my mother and asked her to stay for a few weeks. I was really lucky to be able to do that, as she had retired and could spare the time. She was awesome, took care of DD1, the house, the meals, everything. I was very lucky and after my other experience, I knew it.

Interestingly, at 3 weeks, when mum went home, I had to go to the shops to get something and I bumped into a Chinese lady there who could not hide her horror when she saw me with my 3 week old in my arms! I guessed she was shocked to see such a small baby out and about and I was right, she asked me how old DD2 was and explained that in the culture she does not leave bed for 4 weeks and would never leave the house. I told her I thought it was a wonderful system and we do have a very strange system here where we are expected to leap back into life straight away She wanted to know why it was this way in Australia and the only thing I could think was the disconnection between the generations and community. For her it was a given that her mother or her mother in law would come over to help. That, sadly, is just not the case for us - generally. Most people I have talked about this with are usually gobsmacked to think that a new mum should be in bed for 40 days, or at least resting. I find it so sad that we cannot see the benefit or normality of that.

I have made it my mission now to sit new dads down, or dads to be, and spell out the benefit to them of allowing their wife/partner a minimum of 2 weeks rest. I tend to skip past most of the obvious benefits for bonding/bf etc as there can be a bit of eyes glazing over and 'oh that hippie stuff again' attitude. I have found that focusing on the benefit to a new mother's vaginal healing is a big motivator! I figure, if Dad is motivated to help mum rest, it is more likely she will.