I didn't first time, made sure I did second time though!

First time was c-sect birth and was 2 weeks out from Christmas. Lots of visitors, not much help from DH, no family around to help so I was up and at 'em straight away. It was not good. I had heaps of trouble breastfeeding, was an emotional wreck, much more than gentle baby blues and developed an infection at my scar site. Thank goodness my DD1 was a well settled baby as I did manage to catch my breath and survive.

Second time I had a homebirth and knew much more about post natal needs. I knew that I needed to set up a good support network and take things easy after birth, modelling myself on so many other cultures where new mothers are expected to rest and focus only on baby for 40 days. This was reinforced by my midwife who ordered me to sit on the couch for 2 weeks and only get up to go to the toilet or go to bed. I thought she was mad but I had trusted her implicitly up to that point and she had never steered me wrong. Interestingly, at my 6 week check up when I mentioned that I was amazed at how well my lady bits had healed and how I felt that I had no lasting effects of the vaginal birth even though I was expecting to never feel the same after stories from my friends, my midwife was not at all surprised and explained that the 2 weeks off my feet had allowed my body to heal. I knew I trusted her for a reason .

How did I wrangle it? Well, Dh is pretty useless when it comes to looking after me, the kids and house (love him but it is the reality!) so I called on my mother and asked her to stay for a few weeks. I was really lucky to be able to do that, as she had retired and could spare the time. She was awesome, took care of DD1, the house, the meals, everything. I was very lucky and after my other experience, I knew it.

Interestingly, at 3 weeks, when mum went home, I had to go to the shops to get something and I bumped into a Chinese lady there who could not hide her horror when she saw me with my 3 week old in my arms! I guessed she was shocked to see such a small baby out and about and I was right, she asked me how old DD2 was and explained that in the culture she does not leave bed for 4 weeks and would never leave the house. I told her I thought it was a wonderful system and we do have a very strange system here where we are expected to leap back into life straight away She wanted to know why it was this way in Australia and the only thing I could think was the disconnection between the generations and community. For her it was a given that her mother or her mother in law would come over to help. That, sadly, is just not the case for us - generally. Most people I have talked about this with are usually gobsmacked to think that a new mum should be in bed for 40 days, or at least resting. I find it so sad that we cannot see the benefit or normality of that.

I have made it my mission now to sit new dads down, or dads to be, and spell out the benefit to them of allowing their wife/partner a minimum of 2 weeks rest. I tend to skip past most of the obvious benefits for bonding/bf etc as there can be a bit of eyes glazing over and 'oh that hippie stuff again' attitude. I have found that focusing on the benefit to a new mother's vaginal healing is a big motivator! I figure, if Dad is motivated to help mum rest, it is more likely she will.