Hey Steffi

Just want to second Ash on the Juju Sundin book. I was driving myself a bit bonkers when I was pregnant but it really calmed me down because it concentrates on what you CAN do to manage your labour rather than just saying why you shouldn't have an epidural etc. etc. It's full of practical techniques that I found really helpful. And her big thing is that as long as you know you've tried your best, you can't feel disappointed with your labour.

Given your fear about panic attacks etc., I also think, as Ash said, it would be useful for you to look into hypnobirthing.

Basically, I guess what I'm advising is to look at pain management techniques rather than relying on willpower and crossing your fingers.

It's also important that you trust your care providers. Hopefully you will build a good relationship with your ob - I trusted mine 100% and he really calmed me down when it got to the pointy end. Not sure from your post whether you will get midwifery care throughout your pregnancy (rather than the labour itself) but if not, that's where a doula will be important because they can support you through the labour and not just at the tail-end when your ob will be there.