Over 40 and TTC

[Luna]

I am 42 years old now and just had my second miscarriage. After the first one, I wanted to start TTC immediately and I really believed we will have our baby. This time, I am terrified that even if I do get pregnant, the baby will die again due to some chromosomal abnormality because my eggs are just so old. I would like another baby, but I am just so terrified... And I really do not feel positive.
Are there any ladies in a similar situation? Theoretically, I should know that it IS possible to have a healthy child after a miscarriage and after 40, but maybe that was just a fluke? I cannot shake a feeling that I just got really really lucky with my daughter and it will never happen again :-(

[Miss.B]

Luna, I'm so sorry about your recent m/c Yes, our eggs are getting older (I'll be 40 in May) but there is still a good chance for a successful pg for you. I guess you have to think that there are higher risks with being older, but are you willing to take the chance? I am currently 34 wks pg after a successul IVF frozen cycle back in July 09. Sometime later in the year (I'm thinking as soon as my AF comes back after the bub is born) I will do another fully stimulated cycle and it scares the c**p out of me but like you, I would love a sibling for this little one.
The feeling of 'it will never happen again' is just our fears talking, but I do believe with positive thinking and a strong desire of a positive outcome anything is possible!!

GL hun with whatever decision you decided to take, but my advice is 'Take the plunge!' and hope for the best!!

Beata x

[Luna]

Thank you Beata, you have no idea how much your post means to me. I will try to explain, but you will probably think I am really superstitious and nuts. Maybe I am.
Well, first of all, my real name is Beata (are you Polish by any chance?). So when I see the first reply from a Beata and it is one with "I am pregnant" I cannot help but think this is a good omen and everything will be OK and I will be like you soon. Pregnant.
When I was pregnant with my little girl, I had a really bad bleed at 6 weeks. I was so sure that everything was over. But when the ultrasound technician said "hi, my name is Faith" I somehow got this hope going. And then we saw the heartbeat, and everything was fine. So after that, I am even more superstitious and nuts.
Do you know if you are having a boy or a girl? Are you planning to breastfeed? I did, and my period did not return for 11 months, so if you are, you may have to wait with nb 2 a bit!
Thanks so much for writing to me, this really makes me feel so much better. You have no idea.

[Miss.B]

Hi Luna,

Yes, I'm Polish!! Wow, what a coincidence (or more like our paths were ment to cross???). I'm a strong believer in 'signs' that we are sent, and always take notice of them (no matter how small!). I'm having a little boy in mid march. I'm glad all went well in your first pg (although you've had a wee scare), and there is no reason why you shouldn't have another successful pg. Good point about the b/f, my OB told me the same thing and I plan to b/f for at least 6 months as time is of essence to me too! I hope I'm able to b/f, a few of of my friends had issues with it.
I also had a litle boy in Oct 08, but lost him at 21 weeks. He was from the same IVF cycle as this wee one. I had a very big fibroid that got in the way of my otherwise healthy pg, and I went into very premature labour. He was so perfect and we named him Joshua. I just feel so blessed to be pg again, I know my little angel has sent me this little baby.
So I pass on my blessings to you, and wish you with all my heart all the luck in the world in trying for another baby.

PS Where do you live?

Beata xxx

[Luna]

I am so sorry you lost your first little boy. I cannot imagine how devastated it must have been to lose a perfectly healthy little baby and so late in your pregnancy. But not too long and you will have your little boy here to hug and to kiss. I have to say that I only started getting better after my first loss when I got pregnant again and I was quite better after she was born. Nine months of nerves in between, but I do not have to explain that to you.
I am in the US, in the Philadelphia suburb, so a whole different time zone :-). I found this site after my first miscarriage and it helped me a lot. I mostly just read other people's posts, but it was nice to know there are so many women with the same experiences. Made me feel less nuts ;-).
I had some problems with b/f too, because DD did not quite know how to latch on. I had one of those electric pumps, and it really helped - I could pump and feed her from the bottle until she learned to take it "from the tap". She eventually learned. The beginnings may be hard, but do not get discouraged. Even if the health benefits of b/f are still being debated, it is really convenient, particularly for those night feedings, so worth it!

[India's Mum]

Hi Luna

I am in the same boat as you. I had my first baby at 41 and wanted to try again when she was 6 months but my husband wasn't sure he wanted anymore and it took six months to convince him. We started in September 08 and conceived in March 09 only to lose the baby at 11 weeks. I lost another at 5 weeks soon after and then again on Jan 2nd at 11 weeks. I keep thinking it must be my age and now, at 44, I am mad to try again but the OB thinks it could still just be bad luck. I spent 7 months pregnant last year and it's daunting to think of trying again but I guess we are. The OB tells me has two 46 year olds and a 47 year old who conceived naturally that he is currently treating. I really didn't want to be this old having babies but thats just how it is.

I think one loss can just be bad luck. I know lots of people who have had miscarriages and they are all ages. It's hard to contemplate going through it again but chances are all will go well next time.