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Mummy2chloe

that is so funny how our dads birthdays are on the same day weird ah we do have alot in common dont we. i have just been looking on the net about depression as my councellor said there is a test you can do where you answer a few questions to see if you have it or not so i have done about 5 tests and all came back that i have depression i just for some reason dont want to believe it and feel like i dont want to tell anyone does that make sense. but i will speak to my docs i just hate taking pills like anti depresants as i no people can get addicted to them and i really dont want to be dependant on tablets. Also my dad is really good he has harvey alot for me and he has my sisters 2 girls at the same time they love it he takes them out for pizza then they watch a film go to bed and then he takes them for a big walk around the woods so its nice he usaly does it once a month i dont no alot of grandads that will have 3 grandchildren on his own cos my mum and dad are not together people think my dad is great for having them it sounded weird calling him grandad then dont no why i think its cos he is only 44 so quite young to have 2 daughters ages 27 and me 23 and then 3 grandchildren anyway i am babling about nothing again sorry what am i like anyway i had really bet get back to work i have loads of customers to chase up but i really cant be bothered to do anything speak soon.

Munchy xxx

munchy

yeah we do have alot in common dont we he he he. when i found out i had pnd i told no one, i was ashamed and very embarressed about it all, still to this day alot of my family dont know about it, and i was the exact same way about the tablets, i really was not a believer when it came to depression and tablets, i hated knowing that i needed to be on tablets, it made it feel so much more real and serious but the good thing is THEY WORK and they wouldnt give them to you if you really didnt need them, and i too was worried about being addicted and stuff plus the possible side effects they might have on me, but honestly everything was so much better once i was on the tablets, i never got addicted to them the only side effects i had were some headaches but hey i had them before i started taking them so it made no difference, and they way i tried to look at it was that i wasnt going to be on them forever, only just for now till i give my body a chance to sort it out, bacause depression is an illness which alot people dont know that, my gp told me once " its like having a broken arm just you cant see it) its a hormonal imbalace in your brain, you havent given this to yourself it has just happend, your body has been through sooo much over the last year or so and this is its way of telling you.
no matter what my sweet, i am always here ok i will be by your side every step of the way

take care chicken

hope you have a great day at work

Mummy2chloe

hello hun i feel so crapy today i told dh about the depression thing and he said well your cant be that depressed about your life so that comment just made me angry and i said how do you know but i felt like he wasnt believing me and it makes me think well maybe i am not maybe i should just see how i get on by myself i dont know ever since my concellor has said it i have been in a funny mood i think i always thought i could have it but now someone has actually said it it makes it feel more real i sat on sofa last night having a think about what sort of person i am at the min and i am deffinatly more moody i get irratable short tempered with everything very very sensitive starting to avoid certain things like my christmas party at work feel down about my weight and the way i look i could go on all day and when i looked it up on net it is all signs of it i am gonna go docs today and see if i can bring it up i feel like this week i have been worse but then i am due on which doesnt help i just want to sort myself out for harvey as i shout at him when he is not even do anything that bad and i am getting annoyed at him for things that didnt used to bother me and then i feel guilty for shouting and want to cry cos i feel like a bad mum its such a visous circle. Thanks for been there for me to talk to its noce when someone understands i just feel like i am on my own with this and no one really cares. i just want to be how i used to be a happy bubbly person what like to have fun and enjoy life and i was so layed back.

Munchy xxx

hey munchy

oh my sweetness i really wish i was there to give you a huge warm hug, i think its a great idea that your going to the doc today, hopefully he will be able to help you by either putting you on meds or suggesting something else. But i believe that us women are pretty clued on to when there is something not right with our bodies and just like you i knew there was something not right, i was far from my normal self. i was always cranky and tired and just plain annoyed with everything and anything so i sort of knew something was wrong but was scared to really do anything about it, in the end it took me 6mths to do anything about it but honestly i was so much happier when i got things sorted out and i look back on it now and think why did it take me sooooo long to do something about it, you know what i mean????

i truely think your an amazing woman, you are doing the best thing for you and your family by going to the doctor and getting things sorted out. As for your dh maybe you should sit him down and have a huge heart to heart with him and tell him absolutely everything so he can then understand why you are stuggleing. Please dont ever doubt in your mind that your a bad mother cos you are not, you are a loving and tender mother and i can tell that just by the way you talk about harvey, and honey its ok if you lose your temper, we all do it we are only human, as a parent we all get pushed to some point so please dont worry, but darl what you have gone through in the last year or so has been big and its very much life changing to lose brooklyn would of been devastating and then you started facing the ttc journey which in its self can brake any strong woman down cos its god damn bloody hard, so you have had to deal with ttc plus the loss of your gorgeous little girl brooklyn, my god sweetie you are amazing and dont you ever doubt that.

ok i will stop talking now otherwise i will keep going on, i hope i havent upset you thats the last thing i want to do is make you cry, just really wanted to tell you that you are one of the strongest women i have ever met and i look up to you.

please sweetie let me know how you go with your doctor today i will be thinking of you

take care my friend

Hi honey

thanks for the kind words you choked me up i am trying my hardest to hold back the tears as i am at work you are so right we do no when something is wrong and i just want harvey to have a nice mummy not one who shouts at him all the time cos he doesnt deserve it he is such a good little boy i am so proud of him. its weird you saying i am amazing woman and that cos believe me i dont feel like that not one bit i find it hard when people say good things about me even if dh says you look nice i will say to him you are only saying it to make me feel better poor bloke. i think i will talk to dh after christmas as he has to exams coming up in december and dont want to reuin his christmas so i might see if docs can give me some tablets and just keep it to myself for a while i hate putting my problems on people i am the person where people always come to me not the other way round thanks for understanding i just cant seem to find anyone who understands at the min in my head a feel alone i think i am gonna try and get a laptop asap so i can come on hear when i am at home that way if i want to cry i can. well i will let you know what docs say but i will have to tell you monday as i dont work fridays so will let you know i just hope they can sort me out some way or another i wish i had a magic wond and make everything ok anyway thanks again hope your day is good and that i havent put a downer on things take care honey.

Munchy xxx

Hello

i finally got an appintment at docs they were so busy anyway i saw a lady doc i usally see this man doc who is great but this lady was even better i feel a bit down at the moement so nothing new there i got my results from my blood test to see if i was ovulating and she said it came back saying i am not but they took the blood on day 21 of my cycle and cos my cycle is every 32 days she said they will do another one at day 25 as they could have tested to early i really hope that i am i couldnt stop crying when i got home keep thinking that i wouldnt be able to have any more children which sounds stupid but i was feeling emotional also they are getting my dh to do a sperm test to rule that out and they have put me on anti depressants called citalopram which should help as well so i am glad that there are doing things so rule things out also i am 2 days late which is weird as i have been on time the last 2 months i was gonna do a test but thought what was the point if i didnt ovulate although i could of later on i will probably come on in the next few days my head is everywhere at the min. i hope i am not rambling on after the docs i went to see my best mates nephew he was born at 27 weeks and is in speacial baby care unit he weighed at birth 2lb 1oz he is so lovely yet so tiny i just bought back the memories of brooklyn and how small she was and seeing all the other babies in there there was a little boy born at 24 weeks and was starved of oxygen for 5 min and is now brain damaged it was so heartbreaking been in there i felt so much for the parents very sad. anyway how you going with everything hope you are good.

Munchy xxx

Hi everybody. Haven't been on in a while because I've been real busy with work and stuff. Nothing bad, just ordinary life and too much of it.

munchy: I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles with depression--I'll keep you in my prayers. You've had a lot to deal with lately, so try to be real good to yourself while you're working everything out. Especially with the holidays coming up.

mummy2chloe: AF is coming anyday now (I started spotting), so I'm upping the optivite dose. So far, no reactions. And yes, I have three healthy children that I thank God every day for.

Best wishes to everybody!

hey

munchy how are you feeling sweetie?? i have been thinking about you so much lately, have you started taking your antidepressants yet?? sorry to hear that your not ovulating but at least your finally starting to get some answers, hopefully dh sperm count will be good, please let me know how things go ok. take care mate

tempus moriendi hey how are you, so good to hear from you, was wondering where you got too. has af arrived yet?? its good that your not suffering any side effects, with any luck by you upping the dose might be what you need to get that bfp, i am so excited for you please let us know how you go with it all. what are your kids names and how old?? did you struggle to fall with any of them?? wow 3 kids i bet they keep you busy;) and i know what you mean i thank god everyday for giving my my gorgeous little girl,

please take care ladies

Oh yeah, AF arrived full flow yesterday. Then we can start trying again! I had to go on clomid back in 1995 because my periods got more and more sparse then stopped. The clomid made me ovulate, but I didn't get pregnant until my "drug holiday" after three cycles of clomid (back then they usually only put you on for three cycles, then a couple months off then start you back again. Do they still do that?) But anyway my oldest was born in 1996.

Hi Eveeyone

i am good had a really bad panic attack last night and this morning my face has broke out i have patches of red skin all over my face not sure if it was cos i got my self so worked up last night i was so scared that someone was gonna happen and then i just burst into tears couldnt control it i woke my dh up and he was trying his hardest to understand how i was feeling he is going away tonight for 3 nights to do his final exam and i think thats why i feel so anxious i have my friend staying with me for 3 days which will be really good but i no i still wont feel safe if that makes sence. but on the other hand i am now 1 week late on my period i am getting excited as i keep thinking i am pregnant cos i have no symptoms of anything apart from feeling sick all the time but i have no Af symptoms like cramps headaches bloating getting hot nothing and when i am pregnant i usally get no symptoms and then around 6 to 7 weeks i will start getting pregnancy symptoms i really want to do a test but am scared it will be a BFN i just dont want to be dissapointed and my dh wants me to do it after his exam as he knows it will be a huge distraction god i really hope i am fingers crossed girls. i forgot to say i havent got anti depressants yet as i am waiting for af cos i dont want to take them if i am pregnant so will wait and see. Tm fingers crossed that you get that BFP this month coming.

take care everyone.

Munchy xxx

munchy ooooohhhhh my god i am really excited for you i really hope that your pregnant, what a great chrissy present, you so have to keep me posted cos i wont be able to stop thinking about you now till you tell me hahahahah

oh i really hope you are, best of luck honey i have EVERYTHING crossed for you sweetie.

Thanks mummy2chloe

i am gonna do a test on thursday morning i think which is dh last day of his exam so when he finnishes hopfully i will be telling him some good news and then we can celebrate him passing and me being pregers god i really hope i am i would be so so happy words just cant describe i was sitting at work today and had a strong feeling in my head that said i am pregnant i really think i am but dont like saying it incase im not i bet its just my body plating tricks on me ah well only time will tell i will keep you posted

Munchy xxx

good luck munchy.... if you are- then we can be belly buddies together... good luck!!!
starbright!!

check out the ticker!!!

Thanks starbright i will keep you posted i really want to do one in the morning but i am gonna wait take care honey keep your fingers crossed for me would be great if we were belly buddies sounds exciting i just hop that i am in my head i keep thinking im not cos its sounds to good to be true.

Munchy xxx

Dear munchy: keeping fingers (and toes) crossed for you and hope you have some good news--finally! I also hope you find some relief from your anxiety.

Thanks Tm had my first night without hubby wasnt to bad as my best mate stayed with me still felt a little scared but i feel asleep so that was the main thing so only 2 more days till he is back and i cant wait. Can anyone help my mind is going crazy with thinking am i pregnant i just cant focus on anything as thats all i keep thinking about i keep getting these little pains in my tummy that makes me think i am gonna come on but i dont the pains arnt really painful they just worrying me cos i keep thinking i am probably not cos i have been having the pains for a few days now they come and go throughout the day but i just keep going to the toilet to check to see if my Af has arrived or if there is any sign but there isnt so far sorry to go on i just want to be pregnant so bad and i cant wait to do that test on thrusday morning but at the same time i am scared it will say no.

Munchy xxx

I'm not sure how much help I can be other than to say I'm pulling for you. In my own experience PMS and pregnancy feel the same (except when I'm preg I have to get up in the night to use the potty). And I had cramps in every pregnancy--even the keepers.

But I just read today in my "Getting Pregnant" book that depression and anxiety can be symptoms of a thyroid disorder. Have you been tested?

Of course, the emotional roller coaster of TTC after MC can screw up your emotions, too.

Tm

hello hun what you said about the af and preg sysmptoms being the same it is true but i have no af symptoms like i normaly do and with my 2 pregnancys i have had i never got any symptoms till around the 7 week mark so am hoping i am i think i have been checked for tyroid i had a blood test that tested pretty much everything so i think all is ok there well i can get today over and test in the morning i feel so anixous about it all i just want to no either way well it is 9.39 in the morning here so so will try my hardest to wait till tommorow morning thanks for replying.

take care and i will let you all no the results tomorrow.

Munchy xxx