Trying to Conceive After Miscarriage or Loss October '08

Tam and Jen Jen... see sometimes you just need to step past and keep going ;)

Tam and Jen Jen.... good catching up with you both tonight.... I still claim absolute innocence..... even though i cant spell it..... :nahnah: :angelic:

and its now officially the 15th of October Pregnancy Infant Loss awareness day so its into pink and blue I go

Moring Gurlies!

dellydoo...I wish you coulda seen the instant smile when I read "petal" so sweet thank you! I am keeping you in my prayers...that you may be blessed soon

jen...I didn't have a too crappy Monday...Lee and I are still working on some things...some days are better than others but we are communicating AND we ARE having SEX :dance:

issy...wow your words were so on point...you did an excellent job explaining!

WTH...aww...:hug:

Krystie...:rofl: @ orangutan...you are such a silly!

Time to get on this pile of work...have a wonderful day ladies!

:bluedust::pink-babydust:
:stickyvibesboy::stickyvibesgirl:

:noaf:

Will have to do persies later..... Angel and Tam had me trapped in chat all morning (see, Angel, I'm following along in your blame-game!). It's all their fault..... promise I'll be back later! :grouphug:

:angel::angel::angel::angel:
Thinking and praying for all you beautiful women today and for our missed and treasured angels.
I don't know why they had to leave us so soon but as someone on BB said once I think they were too pure for this world.
I take heart that they are there waiting for us one day.
I hope the awareness is raised a bar today so that people like us have the support readily available for when they need it.
God bless you all and your angels.
:angel::angel::angel::angel:

Hello to everyone.

Tam - that's ok. i'll forgive you :rofl: AF has left YAY. And I'll start polishing those shoes shortly.

BTW - I sent an email to Ruthie and here's her reply:

Hi Sweetheart!!!!! I miss my belly belly girls!!!!!.... The move went well...yet I still have no internet till the 21st.... I'm in a friends house using hers....

OMG A LOT has happened here...... After my D&C on the 12th I bled like for 2 weeks..then things got back to normal and we kinda missed ..you know..sex. LOL (blushed) so we "did it" like maybe 3 times.....and guess what??... I got 2 faint lines in 2 $ tree tests last week.,....
looks close to this one...maybe a tid bit fainter but def you can see a faint line in the attachment I included to this message is an example pic, mine is a bit fainter.. its not from my last pregnancy it has been 5 weeks since so my HCG levels from that pregnancy went to zero a week after ... hwo i know?.. I did test and watched how the lines faded to nothing again...


I'm not so excited.... this is so strange I'm saying this but this is the first time in my life I DON'T want a BFP!!! :(

I was hoping to Try in Nov with the Specialist.... cuz Hubbys Health Insurance kicks in on Nov 1st..if I'm pregnant right now I can't afford the meds I need so that I don't miscarry agaian. :(

I just have fear..fear of being pregnant again and all the heartache if I m/c again.

Ssooooooo To make sure I'm testing Thursday morning with a First Response..its the only test I trust if it shows a line too then I'm DEF pregnant again...if it doesn't then I will be so very happy.... I will feel more confident getting pregnant with a doctor walking me through.. ( a Perinatologist)
...so its all this suspense...my symptoms??.. ALL.. ALL the symptoms I had with my Angel pregnancy!!!!! So it has me all jumpy.


So I will manage to let you know how it went after the 21st when I get internet back.
So that's my news..and if I am indeed pregnant I conceived w/o meds..which sounds great..but yet I know I will miscarry. :(
If it's real I'm abour 3 weeks close to 4 so My Due Date would be somewhere around June or July?
so thats why I'm not looking forward to a BFP yet..I was hoping for a Dec BFP...oh well...

Thank you so much for thinkingof me... please let my BB girls know I miss them and love them very much!!!

you can copy paste this message there if you want.. I hope I can findmy way around to find you gals.. I bet many threads have started.. :(
Miss you!

Hugs to you all..and on the 21st I WILL update you!!

Ruthie

Smi - glad to know that you and Lee can talk nicely :ROFL:

From the post I put on the other forum I visit I now have had three replies. All three will be lighting candles tonight (one lost twins many years ago, one almost lost her bub at birth and the other will just support us) It's a beautiful response - the word is getting out there AWARENESS = SUPPORT

JEN - Java works :clap::confetti::leap: i'll be able to join you in chat now.......

Thanks everyone for your support of my idea. I think I was just concerned some people would think an email was impersonal (bit like breaking up with someone via text message). But Angel described it best by saying that it allows me to compose exactly what I want to say and gives people time to think about it.

Angel - I plan to include the poem "A pair of shoes". It sums everything up so well.

jonisteve - Sorry you've had to join us here. I see you've already found that we're a very supportive bunch. I hope you're stay here is a short one.

mummyof3boys - I'm sorry about your cousin. It isn't easy for us to deal with other pregnant women, but I think its even harder to see someone else go through the pain we have. I don't know what to say. :hug:

dellydoo - I hope your FS can give you some answers soon. I still feel a bit guilty for having a glass of wine or two.

Krystie - Great to see you're well enough to check in. :bellyrubs: for little chyan.

Easha - Chocolate is exactly how I get through AF. And maybe a glass of wine if I'm feeling strong. Give yourself a few days to feel disappointed, then you can focus on next month.

Tam - Hope the clomid works.

:bluedust::pink-babydust::stickyvibesgirl::stickyvibesboy: and :hug: to everyone else

Which of these tests can the dr do and what are just simple bloodtests?
Angel and Tam have convinced me to be more proactive with what is happening with my body and I want to be armed when I go see my dr!

* coeliac disease
* MTHFR homozygosity
* anti- beta II glycoprotein
* prothrombin gene mutation 20210A
* anticardiolipin anitbody
* plasma homocysteine
* antinuclear antibodies
* prothromin 3
* protein C
* Free protein S (antigenic)
* RVV test
* Delta KCT
* Lupus anticoagulant
* Factor V Leidin
* Chlamydia
* Mycoplamsa/ ureplasma
* Chromosomal analysis

Hi all,

I'll def be lighting my candle tonight in rememberance of my angel that was not meant to be part of this earthly world and for all my friends including all of you ladies who have also lost angels!

Big :hug:to you all for today and tonight!!!

Quick Question as you may notice I now have got myself a TTC ticker, can someone tell me if the ticker updates daily or if I have to manually do it every time?

thanks sorry for no persies will def come back and do that tonight since hubby is off playing touch footy and I have the house all to myself!! yay for me time!!! :D

Happy October 15 everyone! God bless all our little :angel: babies!



WTH--So sorry to hear your iVF was cancelled, I know you're SO disappointed! :hug: Hope the trigger injection helps you in catching that egg Good luck on Friday with the FS! Chin up, hon.... saying lots of prayers for you!



hannah--I think your e-mail is an awesome idea! I don't think it's cowardly at all, I think it's brilliant! :hug:



larz--You know you're welcome to stay as long as you need! :hug:



Krystie--No, no, no.... Angel's the schmuck, not me! You must have some preggie brain going on! I'm pretty sure that Auntie Angel is the one teaching little Chyan to flip the bird! You better keep an eye on that one! She insists she's a prune, but we know how she really is deep down... you should have heard her in chat today... she always said we were corrupting her, but let me tell you.... poor Tam got to see Angel at her finest! ROFL

plc--What a beautiful thing to say! Thank you! :grouphug:



megsmum--Aww, cycle bud, hope these *belly rubs* help your cramps go away! Hugs...



Shouting a big hello's to dellydoo & Milla! Sending big hugs to you both!



Easha--Good luck with the chinese herbalist! *HUG* Really hope it helps, glad to hear you're being proactive--you're such a trooper! Hang in there, hon!




Angel--Hey schmuck! Guess what? I got my pin! :leap: It's so cute, it has little feet inside a heart with a teardrop, and says "Always in my :heart:"

Thoroughly enjoyed chat this am! ROFL Did you ever find you voice? Hope it gets better soon!

Oh, btw, you actually spelled innocence right! But nobody here believes you're innocent! Nice try.... they should include brainwashing as a forum rule/reg! ROFL



mollycat-- ROFL at you calling me a cheat! Yay for getting java to work! Now you just have to stay awake to use it!



Tam--Enjoyed our little chat this am! You could really give Angel a run for her money! You fit in rather well with us, I'd say! Could be lots of trouble with plc and Krystie! But lay off the smart arse pills, will you please? ROFL *whip*

Thanks for counting down my TWW with me! :hug: Ooh, and enjoy the temping! Don't forget that I warned you first about how addicting it will become! Are you already becoming a fellow chart stalker? Really praying that the Clomid works for you! Best of luck, will be here to cheer you on!





joni--Big *HUG* for you, hon. OMG, I SO vividly remember those feelings.... when you don't feel like doing anything but crying, forcing yourself out of bed, being impatient to just BE pregnant again! I so feel your pain! *HUG* I pray that your heart begins to heal.... time will ease your pain... each day will get a little better than the last. Just hold onto that!




smi--Wow! So that's why you've been so cheery lately! So does this mean you're back to TTC?


missbec--Sorry, I'm not sure about the BT's. Hope someone else around here can help you out! Good luck!



Mannie--Yes, the ticker will update daily. You usually have to make a new ticker at the end of each cycle.... some of them automatically update, but mine I always have to change. Hope that helps! :hug:

Thanks Jen darling - I needed that hug!
Hannah honey - I feel no guilt about the wine; I feel guilty for things that are intangible. The email was just so well received. What a great idea, thanks.
Mollycat - thanks for Ruthie's post; that is just wonderful news
Tam - I hope this is your cycle my darling!
Smi - I am so so glad I made you smile.

AFM - still waiting to hear back from FS - my ovulation is all over the shop so it might be next cycle before anything happens. Sigh.
Hugs
A

Just a short note on this Day of Remembrance.
You each have made our pain that little bit more bearable.
A heart-felt thank you.

Hello to all you lovely ladies, today is a day for us so I think we should all make a promise that tonight when all our work is done we will sit down with our angel candles burning and do something for ourselves.
It is strange that today is the day my DH cousin is giving birth to her :angel: she may have had him already, I haven't heard yet. My MIL & FIL went to see her last night, they put her on the maternity ward (where she could hear babies crying)to be induced. We are hoping the autopsy gives a reason so she will know why.
Thank you to all who replied to my post yesterday, I thought I was the biggest b**** for the way I was feeling, but your replies made me realise that yes I am the same with pregnant friends and new babies. Thank you for making me see that I am not weird for reacting the way I did.
I am thinking about calling in search and rescue, AF still is missing. 13 days late. Maybe I am, I dunno. Getting another HPT tonight to do in the morning. DH did ask if maybe AF came but didn't notice!! :wtf:
Thinking of you all :grouphug:

Jen - thanks for the reply will make sure to keep an eye on it...by the way I've been stalking your chart this cylce and the rise in temp on 7DPO looks very promising luv....this could be your month!! :bluedust: am :pray:for you!!

Miss Bec Tam is a doctor I'm sure she will know what most of those tests are goodluck with it all, I'm a banker and have no idea what any of those tests are, not even sure if I've had them myself....

ok back to work for me.....persies tonight...ciao ciao

Jen - problem no. 1 fixed - now to work on staying awake......

Mto3B - Don't you love it when they pop you in maternity. I had the same thing after my m/c. It was that or stay in the emergency dept. I must admit the hospital staff (except for the obs) was wonderful. Maternity found me a single room at the opposite end of the ward from the babies, the woman in the room next to me had her baby in the special care nursery so I didn't have to hear it. I had nurses sit with me during the night when they found me awake.

Wouldn't it be great if doctors, emergency depts or hospitals could hand out information on support services. I know when I left the hospital, I felt so empty. I had no idea of where to look for support. thinking back, it would have been good to have someone to talk to that had been there during the first few weeks.

I've had a reply from one of my emails from a work colleague apologising that she didn't offer more support. She was one of a few people that did.....

To all the wonderful girls on this thread (and the ones that have moved on) -- thank you for your support during the last eleven months. Without you, I wouldn't be where I am today. Thank you.

Angel and Hannah - I included "A pair of shoes" with my email. I agree, it sums it all up doesn't it.

Missbec - I'm not sure about the tests. I know after my m/c my gyno sent me for a huge list of blood tests (can't remember what they were for now). They cost a fortune and all came back clear. It's worth asking though

missbec - I might be able to help you out a little, I used to work in Pathology in my former life ;) I should warn you though, you'll be getting a LOT of blood taken for all these tests....HTH

* coeliac disease - don't know about this one....
* MTHFR homozygosity - blood test I think
* anti- beta II glycoprotein - blood test I think
* prothrombin gene mutation 20210A - blood test
* anticardiolipin anitbody - blood test
* plasma homocysteine - blood test
* antinuclear antibodies - blood test
* prothromin 3 - blood test
* protein C - blood test
* Free protein S (antigenic) - blood test
* RVV test - blood test
* Delta KCT - blood test
* Lupus anticoagulant - blood test
* Factor V Leidin - blood test
* Chlamydia - blood test
* Mycoplamsa/ ureplasma - blood test
* Chromosomal analysis - otherwise known as Karyotype - blood test

A quick hi to everyone else today :) I have DD at home today so no time for persies, but WTH I hope you are going OK today :hug:

I'll just add this too seeing as today is Remembrance Day, massive thanks to everyone on this site who supported me through my m/c and subsequent TTC problems. At least when it seemed that no one else cared I could still come here - thanks so much everyone :grouphug: I will be thinking of you all and of all our angels when I light my candle at 7pm tonight :(

I've already had several responses to my email. It was quite humbling to receive all those supportive responses. I think there was an arrogance in my unwillingness to tell people because I assumed they wouldn't understand. I guess it goes to show that you should give people a chance because they WILL surprise you.

Thankyou all for your support over the last couple of months. I really don't know how I would have coped without you all. I've bought a candle especially to light tonight for all of our :angel: babies. I have a work dinner on tonight (can you believe it?) so it won't be lit at 7pm in Adelaide, but it'll be 7pm somewhere.

Angel Babies- your site is amazing, touching and beautiful

Only 3 hours until candle lighting time for me here in Tas.

I think this day not only is good from the point of view of educating others..... it is also good for us..... We get to a point where its "under control" and we keep moving forward day by day.

For me today, I have taken the time by myself to really listen to the songs... read through the poems..... sing the songs (not a good sound considering i lost most of my voice last night)..... but sing them anyway... and the tears have just poured out..... not in a crappy way but in a memorial way....if that makes any sense at all.

So today I have spent the day with my little angels..... I love them as much as ever... I miss them as much as ever.... They are my little angels and today is my day just for them.

While I can I want to thank everyone I have met on this site since I first logged on.... the 1st January this year.... the day after I lost Krystal and the day I lost Cameron...... I have met so many amaizing ladies.... some of which i am waiting to hear the good news....NICKSTER.....yes... singling you out...I was at the most down point I had ever been....If I was to read back on the posts I did back then I think I would just lose it..... But these wonderful ladies were there... they understood....and even though most of them have now moved on.... I now have another group of wonderful ladies that I get to be with each day.... they are there for me and I m there for them..... So to all of you... thankyou for making this journey just that little bit easier. Huge hugs to you all :grouphug:

Thanks for the poems Angel. Absolutely lovely and very touching, they brought tears to my eyes again for mine and all of our angels....

xx

Just to let you lovely ladies know - posting poems and songs is welcome and lovely. However this thread is for chatting about TTCAML and we ask that it be kept to that. You will see we have a thread specifically for sharing poems/lyrics etc. I have moved AngelBabies contributions there.
Also - when posting please post just once with all your messages - consecutive posts for different messages creates extra load on our site - a long post is absolutely fine...

If somebody has any problems/queries/concerns you can contact myself Mistyflying or Niliac.

You will find the poems HERE

Once again we are reminded. But NOTHING can take away from today.

Well its 5pm my time (QLD) and I confess.... I lite the candles earlier today. I have one sitting on either side of the TV...... But for those of you sticking to the rules :redface: its starting to come up to 7pm.... well actually if you were over in NZ it would be 7pm.... so betty boop.... if your still lurking... time to light..... :)

My candle is lit. I miss you baby boy.

I had a beautiful lunch today with my heavily pregnant girlfriend and I was reminded that I am so lucky to have wonderful friends who support me in here and in my real life. Thank you ladies, I honestly do not know what I would have done without you all over the last few weeks.

May today bring some peace to us all.

Adele

I just wanted to post these again in the thread, as a single post. I hope you don't mine that I have added a little bit of formatting to them.

A Pair of Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they dont hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Cameron Azrael & Krystal Sariel

We'll never get to hold you,
Or look upon your face.
We'll never get to show you,
Our love through our embrace.

We'll never have the feeling,
Of you calling out to us.
We'll never know the feeling,
Of you looking up to us.

Why you were taken away from us ,
We'll never really know.
We look around for a sign,
As to why you werent to grow.

There is nothing we can do right now
Our minds are an absolute mess.
There is confusion, sadness, sorry,
And anger I must confess.

Our tears can not bring you back,
Back into our world.
You are gone from us on this plain
We'll meet again I know.

So until that time I ll say to you,
And you must listen to your mummy.
Watch out for us when we come one day,
Your mummy and your daddy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Why did my babies have to leave?
Why did they have to die?
I'm left down here just wondering,
Why are we left to cry?
What did I do to make them leave?
Why Lord, could they not stay?
You knew I'd love them very much,
Why take them far away?

'My child', said God, 'please understand
I hear you as you pray,
Your children never left you,
For in your heart s they'll stay.
I needed your sweet angels
In my nursery up above,
They learned life's lessons quickly,
My child, you taught them love!

I let them visit often,
As in your bed you sleep,
They come and lay beside you,
And gently strokes your cheek.
When troubles fall upon you,
And you don't understand,
I send your Angel Children
To guide you by the hand.

Please trust in me as on your way
In life you gently tread,
For Babies are right beside you,
I tell you, they're not dead'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remembering

Go ahead and mention them,
the ones that died you know.

Don't worry about hurting me further,
the depth of my pain doesn't show.

Don't worry about making me cry,
I'm already crying inside.

Help me to heal by releasing,
the tears that I try to hide.

I'm hurting when you just keep silent,
pretending they didn't exist.

I'd rather you mention them,
knowing they will be missed.

You asked me how I was doing,
I say "Pretty Good" or "Fine"

But healing is something ongoing,
I feel it will take a lifetime.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DO YOU REMEMBER?
Do you remember all the days, the hours, the moments
That you shared your life with me, nestled in my womb?
The feelings of joy, the happiness I felt knowing you were there?
I do. Do you remember the day I lost you, that day filled with gloom?
When I felt my world collapse around me, my heart filling with regret
At the thought of you just dying inside of me? Yes, I do.
Can you remember me talking softly to you whilst you were growing
Inside of me? Telling you all of our plans, even your name?
I can. Do you remember hearing my voice singing softly to you?
Can you still feel all my love for you even though you have left?
I feel it still. Do you feel it baby, do you remember me, your mummy?
I hope so , for you are still locked in my heart, locked so
Tightly, and I'll never let you go 'til it stops beating and I see you
In Heaven, and you say, 'Mummy, I remember you, yes,
I remember it all.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


DEAR MOTHER
Dear mother, dry your tears today, you know I love you so.
It hurts me much to see you cry, oh mother, don't you know?
I'll never leave you all alone, I never left your heart,
God took me by the hand that day but said we'd never part.
He kept His promise to me, I visit all the time,
You are the sweetest mother an Angel here could find.
If I could write a letter, I'm sure you know I would
To let you know I'm safe from harm and Heaven is so good!
I'm here with many Angels, so many that you know!
Our family sends all their love to you on earth below.
We know one day we'll meet again when one day you come home,
We've saved a place for you dear mum, it's near our Father's throne.
We'll wrap our arms around you mum and lead you up God's stairs,
'Til then dear mum, please carry on and dry those streaming tears.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHY?
Why did you have to leave me?
Why did you have to fly?
Was I not meant to keep you?
Why do I have to cry?
I want you back here with us,
Things will never be the same.
How can I carry on just now
And play life's awful game?
I hope one day we meet again
In Heaven up above,
I hope you all can feel
That I'm sending you my love.
Just play on precious Angels,
But will you promise me?
The day I'm called to Heaven
You'll be at the gates for me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear God,
Please love my Angels that dwell with you above,
Please hug them for me tightly with your precious, tender love,
Dear God,
Please sing them lullabys as they lay down to sleep,
Please comfort them and just be there if they should ever weep.
Please let them know I love them both and wish I understood
The reason they're in Heaven, please tell them to be good.
Are fluffy clouds their pillows, to lay their heads at night?
And do the stars just twinkle to give them little light?
Will you watch them all so carefully and always hold their hand?
And answer all the questions that a child can't understand?
Do you tell them all about me, do they know just who I am?
Are they with my family, my Nana and Grandma?
God,
do you ever pick them up and sit them on your knee?
And rock them oh so gently if they ever cry for me?
God,
do they play with children's toys in Heaven up above?
And have they met your precious son that died for us in love?
I have so many questions Lord, I want to understand
Just why my little Angels are up there, was their life planned?
I dwell down here and feel like we're a thousand miles apart,
Please help me God, please hear my plea,
Just mend this broken heart!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A MOTHER'S GRIEF
She carries such a heavy heart, her tears will often flow,
Seems everyone's avoiding her, seems no-one wants to know!
Her grief she carries all alone, nobody seems to care,
Or help her ease this burden, this burden she must bear.
Her baby has just left her, but where, where did he go?
Why did he have to leave so soon, and will she ever know?
A mother's grief's a lonely path, she only wants her child,
For other's understanding, their love, if only mild!
To talk of her lost baby, acknowledge her real pain,
To tell her life will soon be bright, she'll see her child again,
For he has gone to Heaven, an Angel up above,
Where there's no tears or dying, just great eternal love.
Try understand this mother's grief, praise God it was not you
That lost your precious, wanted child, for he was wanted too!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These are two songs I listen to when I want to feel close to my 's
Celine Dion - Fly
Avril Lavine- Slipped Away
Maybe you would like to listen to them tonight while your candles are burning
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Think Before you speak

Dear friend, today you broke my heart,
In a place that was unbroken.
You did it with your thoughtless words
That should not have been spoken.

You know that I am grieving
That my pain is deep and real
Your hurtful words pierced like a knife
How do you think I feel

You may not suffer my loss
Or share this lonely grief
But I m mourning my baby,
Who s life was much too brief

I m sure you dont know how I feel
I dont expect you to
dont ask me to get over it
thats something I cant do

Without grief there is no healing
Its a journey I must make
Its not the path I would choose
But one I m forced to take

No matter how you choose to see
What I am going through
I need compassion and support
I d do the same for you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just Say ?Im Sorry?

You dont know how I feel
Please dont tell me that you do
There is just one way to know - have you lost a child too?
You'll have another child!? - must I hear this each day?
Can I get another Father , too, if mine should pass away?

Dont say it was gods will
That s not the god I know.
Would god on purpose break my heart,
Then watch as my tears flow?

arent you better yet??
Is that what I heard you say?
NO! A part of my heat aches -
I ll always feel some pain.
You think that silence is kind,
But it hurts me even more.
I want to talk about my child
Who has gone through deaths door.

Dont say these things to me,
Although you do mean well.
They dont take the pain away;
I must go through this hell.
I will get better slow but sure -
And it helps to have you near.
But a simple 'I m sorry you lost your child?'
Is all I need to hear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Where You Are By Josh Groban
To Where You Are

Who can say for certain
Maybe youre still here
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
Youre still an inspiration
Can it be (? )
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know youre there
A breath aways not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isnt faith believing
All power cant be seen

As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
cause you are mine
Forever love
Watching me from up above

And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know youre there
A breath aways not far
To where you are

I know you?re there
A breath aways not far
To where you are
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Name By George Canyon
The words to this song are from the unborn baby. This one still brings tears to my eyes every time i listen to it.... it is so beautiful and exactly how I see it.... They are still up there our little angels.... waiting.


Its cold in here feels like everythings upside down
I can feel you talking but I can barely make out the sound
I been kicking around these parts, feels like a year
Im gonna change this world if I ever get out of here
She wants to dress me in pink, paints my bedroom blue
And I just laugh to myself, because only I know the truth
This love is my only emotion
Havent learned any fear any pain
Its kind of funny with all this commotion
I guess theyve got me to blame
And they dont even know my name
And they dont even know my name

Well Ive never felt so ready, think its finally time
Cause that big old world is waiting, and its mine all mine
Just then everything got real quiet, it got real bright
And a man took my hand said dont worry, your momma's gonna be all right
Then he opened the gate, & I followed him in
Said you can wait right here till its your turn again
And his love is the one true emotion
Heaven knows no fear no pain
I never got to set my wheels in motion
But they loved me just the same
And they never even knew name
Didnt even know my name
You loved me just the same
And you didnt even know my name
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fly

Fly
Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wing of Heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again

Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this memory bittersweet
Until we meet

Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget

Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miss You
Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

Na na la la la na na

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't

Oooooh
I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by

Now your gone, now your gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now your gone, now your gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere your not coming back

The day you slipped away
Was the day i found it won't be the same noo..
The day you slipped away
Was the day that i found it won't be the same oooh...

Nah nah, nah nah nah, nah nah
I miss you

Trillian.... no need for additional comments..... just a Thank You :hug:

Good morning you wonderful ladies

The 15th has only just started in the uk, still only 8.30 am

I will be lighting my candle at 7pm tonight in rememberance of our wonderful :angel:


I would just like to say a massive thank you to all you ladies on BB. Without you i dont think i would've got through the past 3 months or so. you have been my saviour. when i have felt down, you have been here to comfort me. when i have needed someone to talk to, you have all had ears to listen. I genuinly believe i wouldnt have got through this without you.

From the bottom of my heart - THANK YOU

:grouphug: :hug: :loveshower:

Angel - Thank you so much for all the poems and songs. I can't begin to explain how much they have meant to me today while reading them all and thinking of my angel. Many of the poems caused me to shed tears, but they are healthy tears. Thank you for all you have given us.

Trillian - Thank you for returning the words to us.

To all the wonderful ladies that have come and gone from this thread - Thank you from the bottom of my heart. We all sought this place out for the same sad reason, but in doing so we found a wonderful place filled with amazing people. I can't begin to describe how much you all helped me through what was one of the most difficult times in my life. You are always in my heart...

[COLOR="Magenta"] A BIG THANKYOU LADIES you were there when I needed to talk to someone who knew what I was going through, thankyou again.

I'm very excited today as I have ovulated and know my cycle is now back on track finally. At my acupuncturist today she pressed down on my ovaries and felt my lymph nodes and I felt some pain in my right ovary and she confirmed that I had ovulated as it was still very tender, she was as excited as I was, so we DTD yesterday morning and we'll be doing it again tonight just in case, but lets hope we caught that special egg yesterday!!

I'm wearing Pink and Blue and my DH has also said we will say a little prayer tonight when we light our candle that jesus is looking after our angel baby ane all the other angel babies up there til its time for us to meet again

lots of love and hugs to you girls jen, angel, dellydoo, megsmum, mollycat, joey, issy, ruthie, toccara, Tam, Bec, 21, babyfever (where are you??) :stickyvibesgirl::bluedust::SAAF:and to all the ladies like Larz , Krystie, and Jenushka oh and JOey who are blesssed to be carying now I pray that you have a fabulous wonderful experience and look forward to joining the mothers club at some stage in the future.... :grouphug::bluedust::bluedust::ttc:

Mannie...... I would have been so out of luck today wearing pink and blue...... lucky i'm still recooping at home. I dont even think i have ANYTHING pink in my cupboard..... I m a black/purple kind of gal.

Ohhh I had a tear when i read that your DH suggested you say a little pray tonight... HUGE hugs to you both:hug:

and :leap: for ovulation .... come on little dudes...:sperm:.....swim.....:egg:......swim..... :fertilise:

Hello ladies,
well after lurking for some time and having some of my questions answered in the forum (thankyou!) I have come to join you. I figure that today as awareness day is a good time to 'come out' a little and talk to you all. Its not 7pm in Perth yet but I will be lighting my candle this evening.
I really admire all the strength that you all show. I had my mc in July (@ just over 6wks) and while DH and I are TTC again (now cycle 4) I am still surprised by my grief sometimes. It seems to sneak up on me at unexpected times. I have realized I am tracking what could have happened in my mind- ...well now I would have been 12 weeks.. we would be telling people... now I would have starting getting a tummy... etc.
Anyway, sending you all lots of :grouphug::bluedust::pink-babydust:
I will be around quietly, if you know what I mean. I'm not sure how to add a cycle 'ticker' but I'm at D4 (AF arrived way early this month D24?!?!?) and I'm resisting temping as I think I'm obsessing a little too much at the moment but I will be following all your stories (lots of :goodluck: to you all) and will try not to bore you all with mine too much.

Here's hoping for :bfp: for us all,

Indy

Indy.... welcome... but as I always say.... wish you werent here :hug:

Today is a fabulous day to come join us..... Sorry obviously for your loss but if you ve been lurking for a while you will know that its One Day At A Time.

Now as for the tickers there are a few ways of getting them. FIrstly if you look right up the top of the page where there are pink tabs... third from the left it says Pregnancy Tools. That has a range of tickers there for expected dates..... For TTC you can go to fertility friend and there are some others as well.......

Also if you want to personalize your signature when you have done your ticker... if you look at the left hand side of the page.... near the top bt not at the top..... you will see in purple "user profile" you can go through there to update your profile.

While your here... dont be afraid of anything you say not being understood... you would be surprised.

Sometimes things happen and you just sit there and say yeah.....


At 7pm...... here in Brisbane... the heavens opened up like they havent in years. The lighting and thunder is enough to send shivers through you and all I could do is sit here and go yep.... heavens crying and my candels are lit

How Beautiful!!!!

I'm sat here reading that crying!

God is watching over all of us xx

Welcome Indy :)
I lit my candles at 7pm, I hid in the bedroom to hide my tears and cried for myself which is something I rarely admit to doing.
I received the phone call at 7:45pm tonight while my candles were burning strong. Riley Jason was born still at 7:15pm:angel:. 27 weeks and 2 days worth of love and hope. I am praying so hard for his mummy and daddy and I hope like us they will be able to one day ttc again.
My love to you all tonight. :grouphug:I am now off to do my groceries and I think another hpt is going to find it's way into my trolley.
Change of plans DH has now gone shopping and i am in CHAT if anyone wants to come

I love, miss and think of you my angels everyday, mummy will see you soon, until then keep flying free :angel::angel: xxxx

Angel Your light is on. Just seeing if you wana chat. Molly is in.

I too wish to use this very important day to pass on my heartfelt gratitude for the love, support and unending kindness I have received from the ladies here. I have said it before and will say it again - I could not have begun to heal without this place to come to. Thank you :grouphug:

My darling baby girls - Mummy loves you so very very much. I think of you every day and feel you near me always...

Already feeling quite emotional (it's my first angels due date this Fri) but wow - am sitting here actually sobbing! The tears won't stop rolling down my cheeks. I think I have kept this locked away for a little while now - feels very healing to grieve properly and physically again. There is a definite 'power' in the air today - feels very tangible.

The poem titled 'Do you remember' is amazing and I can't stop reading it - thank you for bringing those back....

Take care wonderful women

xx

P.S. Today's hcg's were on track and I guess doubling nicely - don't have an actual number, but am just going with it and trusting Dr A.

Hi Ladies,

Hope everyone is doing ok on a particulary difficult day. The support on this forum is just amazing. I am so glad I have joined and only wish I had done it earlier. For the last 12 months I have felt like what I am feeling is not normal and I shouldn't still be so upset and obsessed with falling pregnant. Now I know that everyone here had gone through the same roller coaster of emotions that I have. As sad as I am that any of you have to be here, it is also a relief to know I am not alone.

I could never have imagined there would be so many wonderful, caring people out there, I'm just sad that such lovely people are going through such a difficult journey!

Been trying to keep it together today as DH is away for work and won't be back until tomorrow and I don't want to start crying and get myself all upset while I am alone. Too late, I have read some of the poems. They are so beautiful and so true. I think I needed to have a bit of a cry, I have been trying to be too strong lately.

Apologies for the negative post, I am just home alone feeling sorry for myself.

Sending a big :hug: to you all.

Welcome to Belly Belly Indy - I am only sorry that you find yourself in this thread... May your stay be short my love... As you are new have a read through the Belly Belly Guidelines - you will find them HERE. To make a ticker - scroll to the top of this page and click on the pink "ticker" tab - you will find directions there. Or if you hover your curser over someone elses ticker you will see who it is made by and can go to that website. Goodluck on your journey...

Mummyof3boys: Big hugs :hug: it is hard being the one at home taking that call also - be gentle with yourself... Fly safely little Riley... :hug: