Naomi - I hope the near future brings you the results you want. It is so hard TTC with both of you in 100% so I can only imagine the distress when you are both on a diferent time path. Make sure you pop in here and let us know how you are going.
Lisa - what is your actual EDD?? It is a very difficult time but (in my experience anyway) the lead up to it was far worse than the actual day itself. Try to take some special time for you and DH to remember your baby in the way you feel is appropriate. I went to Mass (not a usual experience for me but it felt right at the time) and lit candles at home. I also cuddled Caitlyn (her urn anyway). DH was on nights which was even harder but we spent time together in the days after.
I completely understand about your body trying to go back to its usual cycle. I am usually 28 days exactly but I am currently 30 days. This has brought me back to a Saturday AF which is where I was pre-pill. I am happy too - the downs when AF arrives are hard to manage but that does go away (or ease) and now I am back in the hope stage where anything is possible. Sending you a big hug and know that you can email me anytime if you want to chat.
Meredith - thank you so much for your hug. I'm hoping the clomid will (finally) work too. Are you feeling better?? I hope you are and back to enjoying the movements of that beautiful, sticky, stubbourn, growing bubba!!!
Sarah - Huge hugs to you. I empathise with those very difficult emotions. I am desparately wanting to be pregnant but it doesn't take away the fears. It is the biggest decision - just making the plans to TTC again. And yet, to be pregnant takes away that special link with Caitlyn. At the moment we share an experience that is unique and that will change when I am pregnant again so where does that leave her?? I want to be pregnant, but I don't want to lose that connection with her. This is part of my morbid and dark thoughts that I rarely share (too weird for most to manage). Please feel free to email me any time you want to chat and don't feel like this is the forum (even though the girls are fabulous!!).
Kirsty - you need a hug too!! It is so hard when you and DH are at a different stage. My poor DH would love us to be pregnant again, but even so, the TTC journey is possibly more difficult for him than for me. He has to deal with me (and that isn't always easy!!) and the disappointment each month as well as knowing there is nothing he can do additionally to get pregnant. Probable more important for him (he's medical too) is that when we do get pregnant, it is back on the rollercoaster of the unknown path where he can't do a thing to make it safe for me (and a baby). Men have a desire to protect and *fix* things for their family. Pregnancy is such an unknown and it leaves them feeling vulnerable and weak (which they aren't). I hope the RWH gives you some answers and a plan that allows DH to reconsider the TTC journey.
Jayne - You make me laugh (and yet fearful - the loo paper checking all night makes me worried .... about me when I get there!!!!) I hope you are still feeling absolutely appalling (in the nicest possible way of course). Roll on Tuesday and the scan.
Bel - look at that ticker you clever thing!! I hope you are well.
Nic - a big hug. Know we are here for you.
Jan - good to see you back (although taking timeout for you is good too).
Amy, Shan, Kazz, Nola (and anyone I have missed - sorry!!) I hope you are having a lovely day.
Michelle - You are so wonderful, thanks for all your kind words, not just for me but for everyone. As for Caitlyn, she will always be your firstborn, and you will forever have a connection with her. Being pregnant again will help mend some of the pain but it can never replace her or your connection. You will always be her mummy.
My edd was 29 July - and I think you are right about the lead up being so difficult. I think in the coming week I might take up your offer and email you.
dh has suggested that we do something special on that day. We are just deciding on what to do.
will do more personals and catch up with the rest of you tonight,
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