Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss ~ March 2009

[jen805]

Hannah--You are NOT admitting defeat by taking meds to try to control your depression! Like Shortcake said, depression is a chemical imbalance--and you've said yourself that it's something that you've been dealing with for some time. You've given it every ounce of effort to manage on your own, but sometimes things like this can't be managed on our own.... and like cherished said, it's doesn't have to be a permanent solution! I took Zoloft in the past, and I have to admit that I called it my "happy pill"-- I truly think that it was something that was beneficial to my needs at the time, as I started taking it after my first 3 m/c's. We do what we have to do to feel better--not only better, but just to feel human sometimes. I think you're not only courageous, you're dedicated to making you dream of a family come true! If you were defeated, you would simply give up.... you're more determined and dedicated than ever--that's a positive achievement that you should be proud of! I wish I could somehow get you to see yourself in a different light than you do--the way WE all see you, and the way your DH sees you-- you really have so much to be proud of yourself for! Maybe the meds will help that sink into your head!

[sallyk61]

Good morning ladies,

I think I should of been far more positive about the acupunture, I slept so well last night, still woke up tired but Im thinking thats only because I have 2.5 weeks of terrible sleep to catch up on!!

Shortcake- Thanks for that. DO you mind if i ask (Im sure you have already said it) but did you have a d & C?

Hannah - STay strong and trust your decissions. xxoo

Coco - I totally understand. And the worst part is it 'seems' so unplanned!!! This friend of ours who is a total party girl (and either I wonderful actor at being the 'drunk; girl or didn't know till a few weeks ago) just announced too. I go from hate to just 100% sadness its not me. All I think is normal, just so horrible to feel.

I think Im so fustrated because it is our decission to make and if something doesn't work I dont want to feel like people are thinking 'I told you so'.

I felt so wonderful and un-touchable when I was pregnant and I just I make good and positive choices now so I can be again...

I dont think Im obsessing its jst nothing else seems importatn, and this is coming from a SERIOUS shopper who hasn't bought a thing since well before christmas!!!

today is a day for all of us of only positive, forward stepping days!!!

xxoo

[jen805]

cherished-- I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to welcome you sooner. I'm so very sorry to hear of your recent loss and the op you have to have on Friday. As I'm sure you've noticed, you're among friends that understand and want to support you through your journey. I'm glad that something I've said has given you a sense of 'normalcy'--I know how relieved I felt when I found this thread, and read the other stories and the feelings that everyone was experiencing, and I realized how good it felt to feel not only 'normal', but accepted and understood! Your motivation yesterday to lose those extra kg's was inspiring! I agree that it's easier to be motivated once you declare your intentions and put a voice to your goals, definitely easier to hold yourself accountable! Wish you the best of luck! Oh, and last thing, I've heard it takes about 4-6 weeks for AF to show after a D&C (is that the same as a curette?). I look forward to getting to know you during the next phase of your journey! *hugs*



Mel--Sorry to hear about your BT results While I know part of you didn't expect it to happen first cycle after the op, I know that another part of you really hoped and prayed, especially with AF being late, that it was going to be the magical answer to your prayers! *hugs* I hope that since she's already late, she'll at least be considerate enough to be really late, so that you can have a AF-free vacation! Unless, of course, you'd rather just get it over with, then I wish she'd just hurry the hell up! Anyhow, I wish you a safe, happy, carefree trip where you can shop like a maniac, dance on the tables (take a pic if you do that!), drink 'til you feel free and uninhibited (without the vomiting and hangover!), and just be merry! Will definitely miss you, Smelly Mel! lol... Big *hugs*



erybery--Honestly, hon, my heart just truly breaks for you! I don't even have the words to tell you how sorry I am that you're experiencing this! Please know that you and your little bub are in my thoughts and prayers! I'm praying for a miracle for you! Stay strong!



Possums--I'm so sorry that you've found yourself back in this thread! Not that we aren't happy you're here, obviously, but the circumstances that bring you here are heartbreaking! I pray you find some solace from your sorrow. *hugs*



babymiracles--I'm sorry to hear you'll be taking a bb break, my fishy friend! I really hope you change your mind! I will have to whip out my Jedi powers to try to subconsciously steer you back towards the TTCML side! Can't believe the wedding is in less than 4 wks! Is the waistline on your wedding dress expandable?!?! I'm sure your wedding will be beautiful--I'm still waiting for my invite to show up in the mail! LMAO... j/k Anyhow, will miss you bunches, friend!



MO3B--Take me out of my misery, girl, and POAS already! LMAO... Sending more anti-AF vibes your way!



meh--Best of luck with your low-key, no stress approach this month! I think it's inspiring! *hugs*



megsmum--My other fishy friend! *hugs* So glad to hear your u/s went well, although I had to go snooping in PAML to find out! I do understand, tho, so no need to explain yourself... I wouldn't be me if I didn't give you just a little bit of a hard time! lol....



Greenslw--Sorry for your rough day! I hope today is better for you!

[jen805]

sally--Glad to hear you slept better last night, hope there's plenty more good sleeps to come! I take it this means you enjoyed the acupuncture?

Totally understand those feelings of nothing else seeming important--the desire to be pg, especially so soon after a m/c, is so totally overwhelming.... the feeling of being robbed of that joy is disheartening, and I still have that feeling, (over a year later), of knowing that I'll never feel truly happy until I'm pg again. It gets easier and more manageable each day, and you just have to stay strong and hold on to that faith that one day you'll be holding your forever baby in your arms!



Shortcake--Another Seems like our lives are wasting away in 2 week increments! At least you're keeping busy with the packing! How's it coming along?

[Shortcake]

Jen-Ugh yes it feels like my life is wasting away in 2 week intervals. Packing is slowly coming along. I am working 12 hour days so I'm exhausted by the time I get done packing after work. How did you make out when you called the Dr?


Sally- I had to have a D&C. I pray that your cycle returns to normal for you quickly.


cherished- Is curette the same as D&C? I had a D&C and had to have medication to bring AF back. However my Dr had said it usally takes anywhere from 4-8 weeks depending on your body and how far along you were. HTH!

[Cherished]

Hello again girls... perhaps now is a good time to let you all know that I am addicted to the net so I will probalby be posting heaps

I believe a Dilation and curettage (D&C) is the same as a curette... Thanks for the info jen805 and Shortcake... I hope my period it is back ASAP!!! but more importantly ovulating ASAP I have booked in for acupuncture 2 weeks after my op for some hormone balancing and I know that works so I am fully hopeful that all will be well very soon.... On the acupuncture note, when I very first got my period at age 13 I had 30 day cycles... than a few years later went on the pill and than a couple years after that depo (which was so bad) then back on the pill... You know how the story goes, anyway my periods were than 28 days... The first time I had acupuncture she found that my hormones were all over the place and the very next cycle was 30 days and from then on they have been 30 days (except last Dec?????) which is what I feel my body is meant to do naturally Just thought I would share that with you all.

God that 2 week wait is just soooooooooooooooooo Looooooooooooooooooooong!!!!! I am hoping mine will pass quickly when we are back into cycle.... I am going to start doing a project or something.... Paint a picture, ride a bike??? join second life on the net and make me a cyber baby in there (I am totally joking about that btw)

Chat later, I'm going to relax for the rest of the day and prepare for tomorrow...

[Shortcake]

Cherished I know what you mean 2WW are so awful. Dh is now asking when AF will arrive again he said that he knows it is driving me crazy with all the 2WW. *He is so thoughtful.

[nicjay]

Greenslw - I'm so sorry for your loss.

Cherished - I'm so sorry for your loss as well Its so hard dealing with people in the aftermath of a m/c isn't it? Those who do know what has happened to you don't know what to say and those who don't know just prattle on with stuff that just makes you feel worse. I had a curette after a missed m/c at 12 weeks and it took 6 weeks for AF to return, my ob said the normal time is 4 to 6 weeks generally. It was the longest 6 weeks of my life. And as for that TWW, well I went through so many of them I just got so sick of wishing away 2 week chunks of my life!

Jen - You're a sweetie Sorry to make you snoop, but I know I'll never forget the anguish I went through after my m/c and during all our TTC problems - I don't want to rub salt into anyone's wounds by coming here and posting all these pg updates KWIM? But yep, I should have known you'd give me a hard time LOL I'll try to put up a pic in the gallery next week if bub cooperates!

Shortcake - Sending you heaps of AF vibes! Stupid witch!

Eliza - Oh no I so know how you feel, I just got to the point where I was avoiding anyone IRL or online that I knew was pregnant or that I thought may be pregnant. It is like a stab in the heart, I hope you don't mind me saying this when I am pg myself, I know only too well those feelings unfortunately and I'll never ever forget them.

HannahD - I hope you get some relief from your depression with the meds I don't think that you are being weak at all, you are just doing what you have to do to get through this - this is what we have all had to do in different ways. Take care of yourself.

Mel - I'm so sorry about the BFN. Stupid, stupid AF!! I have had this happen on a number of cycles and it is so depressing, once I even did a HPT only to have AF arrive hours later Anyway, hope she arrives for you soon and have a lovely time in Melbourne. I have everything crossed for you for next month!

Sallyk - There is so much conflicting advice on how long to wait. I was advised one cycle to allow my lining to recover which seemed to make sense to me and TBH I did not want to wait any longer than that - I just wanted to be pg again! As it turned out it took us ages to fall pg again, so who knows if I should have waited longer or not? But I would do whatever feels right to you.

Possums - Massive hugs to you hun. It is such a long hard road to recovery but I'm hoping that you start to pick up again soon.

A big hi to Rhi, MO3B, fifi, meh, mrzbaby, charm, boble and anyone else that I have missed. Sorry for only limited personals, but I do lurk and check up on everyone and think of those who are finding the going rough. As I said above, I'll never ever forget what I went through I only wish there was something I could say to help you all, but be kind to yourself, do what you have to do to get through and don't beat yourself up for feeling those negative feelings! everyone

[Greenslw]

Thank you for your kind words, venting does indead help.

I went to see a medium before Christmas (bit of fun) she said that babies were all around and just listening to her tape in the car on the way in has calmed me down, realising a loss is a loss but not the end for my TTC jurney. And that's what it is a jurney. with all the ups and downs of a well driven countrey road. I think yesterday I needed to stop and have a look at the view which I have.

DP is being so good, I really have been pinching myself at how supportive he is. I am blessed.

My step son also, he's 15 and could be a real Sugar Honey Ice Tea but he's not. We've been keeping him up to date with all the steps too, just so if I'm in tears or moody he doesn't think I'm completly mad well maybe I am some days too. But I am human

Sallyk I'm going to have some accupuncture soon fingers crossed it unblocks some nots in my back

Shortcake good to do things for fun anyways and keeping busy sounds like a good plan to me.

Hannah no way is going on meds a bad thing. If you need some extra help to boost your mood take it.

Mel enjoy the shopping and food in Melbourne I am GREEN with envy.

MrsBaby I think you are the bravest most patient lady I've ever met. there is no way I could put TTC on hold even if I knew it wasn't the right time. You are so strong. with DH smoking if you find a way let me know

My class is sleeping! I'm not kidding they are all asleep. It's assingment day and I told them that if they've finished they can do anything they want I so want to make a loud noise but feel mean (evel Greeny is trying to escape). I really am in a much better mood today.

have a great day

[Angels 1 Angel 2]

Hannah--You are NOT admitting defeat by taking meds to try to control your depression! Like Shortcake said, depression is a chemical imbalance--and you've said yourself that it's something that you've been dealing with for some time. You've given it every ounce of effort to manage on your own, but sometimes things like this can't be managed on our own.... and like cherished said, it's doesn't have to be a permanent solution! I took Zoloft in the past, and I have to admit that I called it my "happy pill"-- I truly think that it was something that was beneficial to my needs at the time, as I started taking it after my first 3 m/c's. We do what we have to do to feel better--not only better, but just to feel human sometimes. I think you're not only courageous, you're dedicated to making you dream of a family come true! If you were defeated, you would simply give up.... you're more determined and dedicated than ever--that's a positive achievement that you should be proud of! I wish I could somehow get you to see yourself in a different light than you do--the way WE all see you, and the way your DH sees you-- you really have so much to be proud of yourself for! Maybe the meds will help that sink into your head!

Jen You are Soooooo right as usual!

Hannah...... There is confusion sometimes between depression as in .... "I m Sad or Upset"..... and Depression as in a "Mental Illness.... a Chemical Imbalance" They are so far removed from each other. Unfortunately I am not a novice on this subject and would not be here today without the high levels of medication I had to take daily in order to beat it. So 'giving up' is not taking medication 'giving up' is allowing the illness (and thats exactly what it is an ILLNESS) to take over you. There is no difference between taking medication for some other illness as what there is taking medication for a mental illness. I myself had to make the decision after losing my angels whether my health was able to cope with going straight back into TTC or going back onto some medication to balance my serotona levels. Because over the years I had learnt many Cognative Therapies to use day to day I decided to go back into TTC. Whether that was the right decision I dont know.....It made it very difficult with numerous days where I felt on the edge of falling, maybe it would have been better to take the time but we feel like we have our backs up against the wall sometimes when it comes to TTC like that clock keeps ticking louder and louder.

Please Hannah...... look after your health as your first priority.... your little babies that are on their way in your future need their mummy to be strong and healthy.

[jen805]

Angels 1&2-- Now you've gone and said the magic words: "Jen You are Soooooo right as usual!" You know, you'll probably regret saying those words to me one day! Now if only I could hear those words from DF's mouth!

BTW, I'm sure you already know you're among friends!

[Angels 1 Angel 2]

Jen Jen..... I thought ALL husbands.. or soon to be husbands.... knew how to say that line.... didnt you put it in your contract to make sure he says it to you weekly.... sort of like, yes I ll pretend your the head of the house as long as you know AND SAY that I m always right

[jen805]

Angels 1&2--Yeah right! You haven't met my DF!!! No, honestly, he'll admit when he's wrong, IF he really thinks he's wrong! Or I prove him wrong!

[Angels 1 Angel 2]

Ok..... I confess... wishful thinking on my behalf as well...... DH is never wrong even when he is wrong he s still not wrong..... he s said sorry twice in about 7 years....... but hey... a girl can dream cant she....and besides, the important part is I know that Im right

[jen805]

Steph-- You're in my thoughts and I'm so very sorry for what you're going through! What Angels 1&2 said is so beautifully stated, and so true! Feel free to vent here--you're among friends that understand!



boble--Our little recruiter! Good for you! Best of luck with your swab results!



Angels 1&2--See, your DH and my DF would probably not get along too well--they'd both always have to be right, so they'd butt heads!

[jen805]

Ooooh, Smelly Mel the table dancer! This wasn't back in the deli days, was it? I'd pay to see a pic of you dancing on the table, just letting go and having a crazy fun time! You deserve it! Just don't overdo it--try to stay away from worshipping the porcelain god! And, please, no broken legs!



Shortcake--When I called the dr's office to make my appt, they said the soonest one was May! So I had them send a note thru to the nurse (the same nurse I've had since '91, so it's great that I know her), and she's going to try to get me in sooner. She actually called yesterday to try and get me in yesterday, but it was minimum day at DS's school, and the appt. would've been right when I was picking him up and selling popcorn and pencils. Bummer.... so she's going to keep my name by the phone and call me when she gets a cancellation... but as of now, I don't even have one scheduled, so will keep everyone posted! Thanks for asking, btw! Try not to work yourself too hard!



cherished--We love dedicated bb post-ers! You wouldn't believe how busy this thread used to be! Where now there's usually 1 thread per month, we used to easily go thru 2 per month! Some of us are chatterboxes--definitely makes for a better read! I used to post so much, I was accused by other bb members of not having a life!



Greenslw--It always helps to stop and look at the view! Now what I really want to know is how the heck you got your whole class to go to sleep? I couldn't imagine any of the classes at the school I work actually choosing a nap over anything else! Did you bribe them, pay them, drug them? j/k of course! If I were you, I wouldn't be contemplating making a noise to wake them up, I'd be as quiet as possible... posting on bb!



megsmum--Hope bubs cooperates for you on Mon! Can't wait to see a pic! That means I'll have to go snooping for the gallery again--I still don't have mine! Big *hugs* and bellyrubs for you!



Rhi--Retail therapy freakin' rocks! lol... Hope it's helping you feel better!

[Cherished]

Morning girls and I hope you all have a bright a beautiful day!!! Love to you all

Steph29 Welcome I just joined this group on Tuesday (or wed?) and already know I am among friends... I look forward to sharing our TTC journey together

jen805 & Angels 1 Angel 2 HAHAHAHAHAH re the DH or DF always being right.... My wonderful hubby is ALWAYS right!!!! In past relationships "I" was the one who was always right... soooo I thought it would be mega annoying but strangley it isn't Instead it is comforting to know I can always rely on everything he says and count on his advise etc to always be the right thing Plus he isn't the arrogant "I'm right" type of person... he's just supportive and gently leads all the people in his life in the right direction BLESS HIM!!!

sallyk61 We have decided to TTC after my first period.... So I hope that doesn't take any longer than 4 weeks to arrive...

megsmum & jen805 DH had an accupuncture session yesterday and she also told him I should wait 6 months... You've got to be joking!!!! Obviously we are going to ignore her advise!

mrzbaby I am no expert but I wouldn't worry too much about old blood making it's way out of your body... if it were new blood I think it'd be a different story.. lmao re the water... Hey perhaps you can bottle it and sell it on ebay as a magic fertility potion hehehehhe

AFM Yesterday arvo I started to get a pretty sore stomach... If I wasn't having a D&C today I'm sure a natural miscarriage wouldn't be far away... Is it strange to prefer the D&C rather than going through a natural miscarriage???? Physically and emotionally I just don't want to do it the natural way.... God I wish I had of got to have a scan at 8 or 9 weeks instead of 11, than I would be a month further into TTC again But I wont dwell on the past... Happy days are ahead loosing weight and conceiving our bub... YAY

[mummy_of_3_boys]

First thing this morning I got up and POAS, thought it was time....... while waiting my 2 minutes AF showed her ugly/unwanted head! I AM SO MAD Why couldn't she have come 5 mintues before I wasted a test and why did she have to come at all? Why did she have to come 10 days late and get my hopes up yet again? I feel like someone is playing a cruel game with me. Needless to say I got a


I HATE YOU AF I HATE YOU AF I HATE YOU AF I HATE YOU AF I HATE YOU AF


I hope you girlies have a better day today