Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss ~ March 2009

[mummy_of_3_boys]

Hi Ladies,

Thought i would pop in and say hi.

Havnet done a persies post in a while, i just find it so hard to keep up. I do check in every day tho to see how you are all getting on and for for you all.

I feel that i shouldnt be posting in here anymore now that i have my bub on the way, i fell that you may think that i'm rubbing it in. I feel guilty for posting. I for you all to get that special bub that you deserve and we can close this part of belly belly down and everyone move over to PAML.

Love you all ladies especially my Friday girls! Fridays arent the same if we dont catch up!
Jen, MO3B, Mollycat, Krystie; PLC and not forgetten Angel - my special girls! (notice your names are in your typing colour on fridays )

Well i think thats enough from me today.

Hope everyone is ok and a massive from me xxxxx

Fifi, I am speaking from my own personal opinion but I am sure others will agree.... you are not rubbing anything in. You make our happy ever after seem less far fetched. Love you too snooks

[coco1411]

I just logged into facebook and was looking through the usual updates from friends etc you know? And then I see the one thing I could NOT hande today after an especially difficult day...One of my husbands friends fiancees has posted pictures of an ultrasound of their baby which I didnt know existed on to her facebook...To see that was like a bullet ripping through me and tearing me apart or blowing my heart into oblivion. I am feeling so jealous & reaaaally ANGRY right now that I should be doing that, i should be that far along that I have pictures to post to show my friends.

I have been crying all day feeling depressed and angry and resentful having lots of "why me"'s and "what did I do"'s although I know it wasnt anything I did....

I need a lifeline here, i feel like Im in a deep muddy hole and I cant get out. I still have no sign of period and the last test I did was negative. I am 12 dpo and Im not testing anymore, just waiting to see what happens and Ill be able to see with my temps anyhow and checking my CM..

Hope you all had better days than I have.

Love Eliza

Sucks!

[coco1411]

Mel & Cherished1: Hi and thanks for that Info!! Im sorry to hear bfn but the melbourne trip sounds like a great one!!! Will be good to get it off your mind! Shop for me while you're there please, I love shoes and Im a size 9

Cherished1: You physically just made me cry. Im so sorry to hear about your loss, we were both unsure from the start though werent we? Im sorry you're in here but at the same time I just felt so happy to see your name

We can go through this together and grieve together. It sucks so much that NOTHING said can ease the pain. (I know everyone is in the same boat here in saying that..)

Belly Belly has been my saviour, I quite literally couldnt go through this without it.

[Shortcake]

fificlaire- Please stay around. You give me hope and I love hearing how you and bub are doing!

HannahD- Big ! I pray that the meds help you. And remember depression is a chemical imbalance and its not something we can always fix ourselves. Hope you catch that eggie!

Rhi- Hope your day is going well!

Sally- I honestly think the waiting period depends on yourself. My OB told me that as soon as DH and I felt ready we could try again. They usually want you to wait one cycle so they can have a better EDD but she said that there is no added risk. I hope this helps.

Greenslw- Vent away! We are here to listen and support you hun.

Cherished- I hope you feel better soon. Rest up on your 5 days off.

Mel- Hope you have a good trip. Sorry about your BFN. You and I are in the same boat right now. Have fun shopping.

Mandy- Try posting again. We have a new thread every month and you might have posted on last months thread.

meh- Sorry to hear AF arrived. DH and I have decided to have fun and stop "trying". Hope you get your BFP soon.

Coco- Sorry to hear your having a bad day. As for you question I had to have medication to bring AF on after my m/c. And I took the meds and got af and now I"m back to square one with no AF and no BFP. I pray you recieve AF soon and things return to normal for you. As for the feelings at seeing your friends ultrasound pictures that was one of the worst things for me. A girl that I know is due right around the time I should be and it kills me looking at hers.

MO3B- Sending lots of vibes your way.

Babymiracles- I hope your wedding is beautiful. You will be missed if you decide not to post in here. You and bub are in my thoughts.

Possums- Big hugs for you! I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I hope you find comfort here.

Erybery- Good luck on your scan Wednesday. You and bub are in my prayers.

Mrzbaby & Charm- sending you both lots of AF VIBES! I pray you both get BFP soon.

Jen- How are you doing?

AFM- Still no signs of AF. I called the DR and they said to give it 2 more weeks and see if af arrives. If she doesn't arrive by then they want to run tests. So for now DH and I are BDing just for fun. I'm not going to chart or test of any kind. Just packing things right now and trying to keep busy.

To anyone I missed sending lots of baby dust & sticky vibes!

[jen805]

I've self-declared myself guilty of being a big fat lurker! Just didn't get around to posting yesterday.... have to get DS ready for school, but then I have no plans this morning, so will be back to catch up! I have so many posts to read thru! I did want to tell Mandy, tho, that I checked your profile for posts that you've made, and you posted in the TTC 6+ mo's #1, and in the TTC after recurrent m/c threads. However, you're more than welcome to join us here--we would love to share your journey with you!


Promise I'll be back later for a huge mega-post!



Also had to say fifi--Don't you dare leave us! You're always supportive and positive, and you would certainly never rub anything in our faces! I'll at anyone who says otherwise! Luv ya bunches! *kiss*

[jen805]

Holy cow, I had like 4 pages of posts to read and catch up on! Not sure if I'll have time to get them all done now, but here's a start!



coco--Aww, hon.... remember that even though it doesn't seem like it, those feelings of jealousy, anger, sadness, the "why's?" and "what if's?".... it's all part of the process that you have to go through in order to grieve and heal! I'm so sorry, I know that doesn't make it any better for you--but I know for me, I felt like those feelings made me feel completely inadequate because I didn't realize how normal, natural, and necessary it is to have those feelings! I know what you mean about bb being a savior--it's been my lifeline.... more of a home than even my real home, because it's truly the only place I feel safe enough to express my feelings and emotions without making anyone feel uncomfortable. About your AF question, I bled for 7 days with my m/c (natural), then had a short 25 day first cycle. My 2nd cycle was my longest ever at 31 days, and AF stuck around for 6 days, then gave me a break for 1 day, and came back for 5 days of spotting. 3rd cycle was 30 days... my norm now is usually 28 days, but just wanted to show you how different it was for me every month--it definitely took my cycle a while to figure itself out! Anyhow, hth, and hope today is a better day for you!



mrzbaby & charm--Sending you tons of AF vibes! Picture how ridiculous I look doing this d@mn AF dance! mrzbaby, I'm glad that your last D&C was finally successful--third time's a charm! I'm glad that your OB appt went well--and super excited that you're giving the Clomid a go! Best of luck! Maybe the Clomid will give DH some incentive to quit smoking ASAP!



sally--Hope you enjoyed the acupuncture, and it works as well for you as it has for the other girls!



boble--You need some I hope today is a better day for you!



and big for Rhi!



Ok, just those few took waaaaay longer than I thought! Will have to finish the rest later. DF is starving, and it's a minimum day at DS2's school (always on Wed.), so have to grab DF's food before I have to be at the school to sell popcorn and smencils! I haven't even showered! OMG.... promise I'll be back to finish later!

[Cherished]

Morning my lovely friends

coco1411 thanks so much I feel so much emotion and comfort from your words I don't know what else to say xox

I'm sure I've missed heaps of chat since I joined but I noticed on the post jen805 made that she talks about feelings of jealousy, anger, sadness... I am so relieved they are normal! The day after I found out we lost our bub I crazely went to work... One lady started randomly talking about how I needed to have private health for when I am in hospital having babies and went on to describe how awful it was in a public hospital for some of her friends.... After finding out the day before that we lost the baby we were deciding on Tues or wed if we would keep our higher private cover as we have already had it for 18 months and it costs so much money... than not knowing how long it would take to concieve and then having it for another 9 months after we conceive etc... AHHHHH it just seemed so unfair to spend so much money with such an uncertain future... I am rambling now! Anyway we decided to keep the cover because the OB we saw on Monday was SO wonderful under the circumstances we wanted to have him when we do get pg again Then I thought about all the pregnant mums we have coming in and all the clients who come in and ask me if or when I am getting pregnant (which happens almost every day)... GOD it is soooooooo painful!!! I came home and said to hubby "I am never asking a woman if or when she is having a baby"! I am so thankful I don't do that anyway because you never know if they have experienced what I have just been through... I was so looking forward to telling the other pregnant ladies (some of whom are just so lovely) that I was due in October Now I just get to see them bring in their babies instead I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about?

Anyway I have a question for everyone as I look to the future and TTC concieve again... Is there a standard sort of time frame it takes to get your period again after a curette / mc? Just want to prepare myself.. Thanks and I hope everyone has a great day

[jen805]

Hannah--You are NOT admitting defeat by taking meds to try to control your depression! Like Shortcake said, depression is a chemical imbalance--and you've said yourself that it's something that you've been dealing with for some time. You've given it every ounce of effort to manage on your own, but sometimes things like this can't be managed on our own.... and like cherished said, it's doesn't have to be a permanent solution! I took Zoloft in the past, and I have to admit that I called it my "happy pill"-- I truly think that it was something that was beneficial to my needs at the time, as I started taking it after my first 3 m/c's. We do what we have to do to feel better--not only better, but just to feel human sometimes. I think you're not only courageous, you're dedicated to making you dream of a family come true! If you were defeated, you would simply give up.... you're more determined and dedicated than ever--that's a positive achievement that you should be proud of! I wish I could somehow get you to see yourself in a different light than you do--the way WE all see you, and the way your DH sees you-- you really have so much to be proud of yourself for! Maybe the meds will help that sink into your head!

[sallyk61]

Good morning ladies,

I think I should of been far more positive about the acupunture, I slept so well last night, still woke up tired but Im thinking thats only because I have 2.5 weeks of terrible sleep to catch up on!!

Shortcake- Thanks for that. DO you mind if i ask (Im sure you have already said it) but did you have a d & C?

Hannah - STay strong and trust your decissions. xxoo

Coco - I totally understand. And the worst part is it 'seems' so unplanned!!! This friend of ours who is a total party girl (and either I wonderful actor at being the 'drunk; girl or didn't know till a few weeks ago) just announced too. I go from hate to just 100% sadness its not me. All I think is normal, just so horrible to feel.

I think Im so fustrated because it is our decission to make and if something doesn't work I dont want to feel like people are thinking 'I told you so'.

I felt so wonderful and un-touchable when I was pregnant and I just I make good and positive choices now so I can be again...

I dont think Im obsessing its jst nothing else seems importatn, and this is coming from a SERIOUS shopper who hasn't bought a thing since well before christmas!!!

today is a day for all of us of only positive, forward stepping days!!!

xxoo

[jen805]

cherished-- I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to welcome you sooner. I'm so very sorry to hear of your recent loss and the op you have to have on Friday. As I'm sure you've noticed, you're among friends that understand and want to support you through your journey. I'm glad that something I've said has given you a sense of 'normalcy'--I know how relieved I felt when I found this thread, and read the other stories and the feelings that everyone was experiencing, and I realized how good it felt to feel not only 'normal', but accepted and understood! Your motivation yesterday to lose those extra kg's was inspiring! I agree that it's easier to be motivated once you declare your intentions and put a voice to your goals, definitely easier to hold yourself accountable! Wish you the best of luck! Oh, and last thing, I've heard it takes about 4-6 weeks for AF to show after a D&C (is that the same as a curette?). I look forward to getting to know you during the next phase of your journey! *hugs*



Mel--Sorry to hear about your BT results While I know part of you didn't expect it to happen first cycle after the op, I know that another part of you really hoped and prayed, especially with AF being late, that it was going to be the magical answer to your prayers! *hugs* I hope that since she's already late, she'll at least be considerate enough to be really late, so that you can have a AF-free vacation! Unless, of course, you'd rather just get it over with, then I wish she'd just hurry the hell up! Anyhow, I wish you a safe, happy, carefree trip where you can shop like a maniac, dance on the tables (take a pic if you do that!), drink 'til you feel free and uninhibited (without the vomiting and hangover!), and just be merry! Will definitely miss you, Smelly Mel! lol... Big *hugs*



erybery--Honestly, hon, my heart just truly breaks for you! I don't even have the words to tell you how sorry I am that you're experiencing this! Please know that you and your little bub are in my thoughts and prayers! I'm praying for a miracle for you! Stay strong!



Possums--I'm so sorry that you've found yourself back in this thread! Not that we aren't happy you're here, obviously, but the circumstances that bring you here are heartbreaking! I pray you find some solace from your sorrow. *hugs*



babymiracles--I'm sorry to hear you'll be taking a bb break, my fishy friend! I really hope you change your mind! I will have to whip out my Jedi powers to try to subconsciously steer you back towards the TTCML side! Can't believe the wedding is in less than 4 wks! Is the waistline on your wedding dress expandable?!?! I'm sure your wedding will be beautiful--I'm still waiting for my invite to show up in the mail! LMAO... j/k Anyhow, will miss you bunches, friend!



MO3B--Take me out of my misery, girl, and POAS already! LMAO... Sending more anti-AF vibes your way!



meh--Best of luck with your low-key, no stress approach this month! I think it's inspiring! *hugs*



megsmum--My other fishy friend! *hugs* So glad to hear your u/s went well, although I had to go snooping in PAML to find out! I do understand, tho, so no need to explain yourself... I wouldn't be me if I didn't give you just a little bit of a hard time! lol....



Greenslw--Sorry for your rough day! I hope today is better for you!

[jen805]

sally--Glad to hear you slept better last night, hope there's plenty more good sleeps to come! I take it this means you enjoyed the acupuncture?

Totally understand those feelings of nothing else seeming important--the desire to be pg, especially so soon after a m/c, is so totally overwhelming.... the feeling of being robbed of that joy is disheartening, and I still have that feeling, (over a year later), of knowing that I'll never feel truly happy until I'm pg again. It gets easier and more manageable each day, and you just have to stay strong and hold on to that faith that one day you'll be holding your forever baby in your arms!



Shortcake--Another Seems like our lives are wasting away in 2 week increments! At least you're keeping busy with the packing! How's it coming along?

[Shortcake]

Jen-Ugh yes it feels like my life is wasting away in 2 week intervals. Packing is slowly coming along. I am working 12 hour days so I'm exhausted by the time I get done packing after work. How did you make out when you called the Dr?


Sally- I had to have a D&C. I pray that your cycle returns to normal for you quickly.


cherished- Is curette the same as D&C? I had a D&C and had to have medication to bring AF back. However my Dr had said it usally takes anywhere from 4-8 weeks depending on your body and how far along you were. HTH!

[Cherished]

Hello again girls... perhaps now is a good time to let you all know that I am addicted to the net so I will probalby be posting heaps

I believe a Dilation and curettage (D&C) is the same as a curette... Thanks for the info jen805 and Shortcake... I hope my period it is back ASAP!!! but more importantly ovulating ASAP I have booked in for acupuncture 2 weeks after my op for some hormone balancing and I know that works so I am fully hopeful that all will be well very soon.... On the acupuncture note, when I very first got my period at age 13 I had 30 day cycles... than a few years later went on the pill and than a couple years after that depo (which was so bad) then back on the pill... You know how the story goes, anyway my periods were than 28 days... The first time I had acupuncture she found that my hormones were all over the place and the very next cycle was 30 days and from then on they have been 30 days (except last Dec?????) which is what I feel my body is meant to do naturally Just thought I would share that with you all.

God that 2 week wait is just soooooooooooooooooo Looooooooooooooooooooong!!!!! I am hoping mine will pass quickly when we are back into cycle.... I am going to start doing a project or something.... Paint a picture, ride a bike??? join second life on the net and make me a cyber baby in there (I am totally joking about that btw)

Chat later, I'm going to relax for the rest of the day and prepare for tomorrow...

[Shortcake]

Cherished I know what you mean 2WW are so awful. Dh is now asking when AF will arrive again he said that he knows it is driving me crazy with all the 2WW. *He is so thoughtful.

[Greenslw]

Thank you for your kind words, venting does indead help.

I went to see a medium before Christmas (bit of fun) she said that babies were all around and just listening to her tape in the car on the way in has calmed me down, realising a loss is a loss but not the end for my TTC jurney. And that's what it is a jurney. with all the ups and downs of a well driven countrey road. I think yesterday I needed to stop and have a look at the view which I have.

DP is being so good, I really have been pinching myself at how supportive he is. I am blessed.

My step son also, he's 15 and could be a real Sugar Honey Ice Tea but he's not. We've been keeping him up to date with all the steps too, just so if I'm in tears or moody he doesn't think I'm completly mad well maybe I am some days too. But I am human

Sallyk I'm going to have some accupuncture soon fingers crossed it unblocks some nots in my back

Shortcake good to do things for fun anyways and keeping busy sounds like a good plan to me.

Hannah no way is going on meds a bad thing. If you need some extra help to boost your mood take it.

Mel enjoy the shopping and food in Melbourne I am GREEN with envy.

MrsBaby I think you are the bravest most patient lady I've ever met. there is no way I could put TTC on hold even if I knew it wasn't the right time. You are so strong. with DH smoking if you find a way let me know

My class is sleeping! I'm not kidding they are all asleep. It's assingment day and I told them that if they've finished they can do anything they want I so want to make a loud noise but feel mean (evel Greeny is trying to escape). I really am in a much better mood today.

have a great day

[nicjay]

Greenslw - I'm so sorry for your loss.

Cherished - I'm so sorry for your loss as well Its so hard dealing with people in the aftermath of a m/c isn't it? Those who do know what has happened to you don't know what to say and those who don't know just prattle on with stuff that just makes you feel worse. I had a curette after a missed m/c at 12 weeks and it took 6 weeks for AF to return, my ob said the normal time is 4 to 6 weeks generally. It was the longest 6 weeks of my life. And as for that TWW, well I went through so many of them I just got so sick of wishing away 2 week chunks of my life!

Jen - You're a sweetie Sorry to make you snoop, but I know I'll never forget the anguish I went through after my m/c and during all our TTC problems - I don't want to rub salt into anyone's wounds by coming here and posting all these pg updates KWIM? But yep, I should have known you'd give me a hard time LOL I'll try to put up a pic in the gallery next week if bub cooperates!

Shortcake - Sending you heaps of AF vibes! Stupid witch!

Eliza - Oh no I so know how you feel, I just got to the point where I was avoiding anyone IRL or online that I knew was pregnant or that I thought may be pregnant. It is like a stab in the heart, I hope you don't mind me saying this when I am pg myself, I know only too well those feelings unfortunately and I'll never ever forget them.

HannahD - I hope you get some relief from your depression with the meds I don't think that you are being weak at all, you are just doing what you have to do to get through this - this is what we have all had to do in different ways. Take care of yourself.

Mel - I'm so sorry about the BFN. Stupid, stupid AF!! I have had this happen on a number of cycles and it is so depressing, once I even did a HPT only to have AF arrive hours later Anyway, hope she arrives for you soon and have a lovely time in Melbourne. I have everything crossed for you for next month!

Sallyk - There is so much conflicting advice on how long to wait. I was advised one cycle to allow my lining to recover which seemed to make sense to me and TBH I did not want to wait any longer than that - I just wanted to be pg again! As it turned out it took us ages to fall pg again, so who knows if I should have waited longer or not? But I would do whatever feels right to you.

Possums - Massive hugs to you hun. It is such a long hard road to recovery but I'm hoping that you start to pick up again soon.

A big hi to Rhi, MO3B, fifi, meh, mrzbaby, charm, boble and anyone else that I have missed. Sorry for only limited personals, but I do lurk and check up on everyone and think of those who are finding the going rough. As I said above, I'll never ever forget what I went through I only wish there was something I could say to help you all, but be kind to yourself, do what you have to do to get through and don't beat yourself up for feeling those negative feelings! everyone

[Cherished]

Yickes.... Just reading your post megsmum... This is gong to sound so stupid but I have no idea on this stuff!... Do you have to wait a certain time before TTC again after a mc or D&C?

It sounds like many of us are blessed with wonderful partners or husbands.... It is in times like this you know how lucky you are...

Sorry for posting like a mad woman! not doing much today but checking my computer every couple of hours inbetween watching movies

[nicjay]

Cherished - Like I said above, my ob told me it was best to wait for one cycle ie. until AF returned after the D&C. This would allow my lining to recover. BUT there are just as many carers out there that will tell you there is no need to wait, start trying again as soon as you feel ready. Not to mention others again that tell you to wait 2 or 3 full cycles as well! It can be very confusing! I was even told by an acupuncturist that I should have waited for 6 months can you imagine that!

I would be guided by what your caregiver recommends really because they know you best, but I think in the end just do what you feel is the right thing for you. If you want to try again straight away (or wait a bit) just go for it!

HTH and good luck with whatever you decide Oh, and I should say too I'm no expert just my humble opinions.