Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss ~ September 2010

Funny Reet, I think my DD's had Hb's around the 150 mark from recollection tho it is a little hazy. DD1 has decided from ages ago that she would like another sister. No go zone for boys apparently. Then yesterday (mind you we havent told her) she out of the blue said there is a baby in your tummy. I said 'is there' she said 'yep' and started laughing. I said 'what is it a boy or a girl' she said 'a boy'. Now this is the kid who insisted from day 1 with preg with DD2 there was a pink baby in there so maybe it is something?? Hmmmmmm.

I know what you mean about wanting time to fly by quickly and say wooohoo I'm so many weeks. I cant wait to reach the 12 week milestone HURRY UP!!

Clairesmummy and Melster thinking of your both FX

Kell thanks sweetie!! I can only keep my FX!! Cant wait to hear about your scan.

Good Morning all- Bit chilly here this morning...bbrrrrrr.......well now I am officially stressing as I had a temp dip this morning only by .3 of a degree but still a temp dip........they have been higher than normal post O temps but not this morning......ooohhh the suspense is now driving me insane I was so tempted to POAS this morning just to get it over with but i didn't I don't want to see 1 line. Cramps have gone woke up feeling pretty good then got out of bed and felt a little lumpy in my throat then that turned into feeling like I was starving. I just wanna know but I don't wanna know if it's a BFN I've been feeling so good about this cycle now I'm feeling like I am losing the plot......help me please....

Ok first of all I will do persies later, just letting you all know I'm nearly sure my 2WW is coming to an end ladies.....and no it's NOT good news....:wall: just been to the loo, sorry if this is tmi, but when I went to the loo and wiped I had some pinkish blood on the paper.:cry: So looks like AF with be raising her ugly unwanted head again. I have never had implantation spotting before so guessing this is NOT from implantation. I feel so lost right not I just feel like screaming and breaking something or just crying my eyes out. Give me a few minutes and I will probably deal with it and move on but right now I feel like this whole TTC journey is just all to hard and feel like giving up, but I probably won't. :cry::wall::cry: So much for positive thinking hey, what a waste of good vibes this cycle has been yet again. I'm feeling very angry with myself as well as very dissapointed that my body has let me down yet again. Sorry about the whole me me me post but I had to get my feelings down before I start crying liking a baby.

oh clairesmummy i'm so sorry. i remember the feeling so well. you poor thing. all that waiting and hoping and positive thoughts and now nothing. big hugs to you today. let yourself be angry and wallow and scream at the universe and soon enough you will be back to your wonderful positive self and ready to try again next month.

Hold out though, it might not be AF ??

thinking of you. xo

Forshelby...i think i started bleeding properly on the wednesday...so id be due this tuesday i would say......and my eyes nearly dropped out when you said 28 cycles LOL.....im glad it was only two....you must love you're man a great deal to do that for him...

Reet...wow, hopefully i get my bfp too then

Kellbell...thanks hun..i know i have really started appreciated having my daughter here in my life and healthy...for some woman that dont get that chance at all....i just look at her and love her to bits..i love her with everything that i have...and i should be grateful...

For me, i have a snuffly nose feels like im getting a cold, been getting period pains and stabbing pains in my ovaries...felt so hungry in the middle of the night, i feel quiet grumpy and moody, a pimple has just popped up, my lips are cracked, and i have been itchy....but it could be anything really

Clairesmummy........i dont know what i can say to take the pain away but i wish i had the words. I know exactly how you are feeling though babe. I wish there was something i could do for you to make you feel ok. I am here for you if you need me. I can feel you're heart ache and dissapointment...its such a gut wrenching thing.....and i am in the same boat as you...................i am hoping for you that it is implantation or something else and that you are actually pregnant. Maybe you should do a test just incase you are.....you just never know babe.......

Clairesmummy- I am so sorry AF is being so cruel to a few of us atm :( I had the same thing as you this morning and also never had implantation spotting with any of my three pregnancies :(

sorry to hear damprye :(

Thank you for your thoughts ladies it means alot to me...
Damprye- I so know exactly how you are feeling darl, my thoughts are with you right now.I'm so sorry darl sending you lots of cyber hugs.
AFM-Not sure about anything any more but I seriously feel like giving this up as a real bad joke, we have been trying to conceive now since Sept. 2008 and 1 MC and 1 Chemical PG and a crap load of BFNs I really don't think I will ever be able to give me and my DF our much wanted bub. My Dr doesn't want to do anything and just keeps telling me give it time it will happen you can obviously do it as you already have 1 beautiful DD. Yeah well I want more than just one why can't it just happen. There comes a time when you have to say enough let downs and heartache is enough and I truly think I'm nearly at that stage ladies. I'm more devastated now than what I have been since my MC. I feel like a total failure to our r.ship and feeling like DF deserves better than what I can give him. God this really really sux to be me today. Don't get me wrong DF would stick by me through thick and thin and would never leave cause of this but I just feel so hopeless right now it's cruel.

oh clairesmummy darling, you sound really down.

your stupid doctor!!! get a new one. if you've been trying to conceive for 2 years with no success (other than your 2 MC's) then i would find someone else who can do some tests and start making things happen.

you're not alone. and i bet your DF doesn't think you're a failure!

wish i could say/do more darling... :(
i'm so sorry.
xo

Reet - I keep thinking I'm imagining it though, but then I get a 'strong' one, and it feels almost like a bubble bursting, or even being 'flicked' from the inside. It's really interesting, and I'm wondering how come I'm feeling it earlier. I'll try and figure out how to post my 14wk belly photo I took.. hehe. And yes, you ARE lucky not to be throwing up. I still get the waves of nausea though, and it's starting to drive me a bit crazy. I just want to feel great again! My energy has returned though somewhat. I think i was actually nesting yesterday, LOL.

Mum22 - That's a great HB. My little peanut's HB was only 118bpm at 7 weeks, and I was a little bit worried, but it's now up to 167, so feeling a lot better about that. Oh and I understand how hard it is to find things you feel like eating. Weird, but I am also a fan of the cheese right now. LOL

Clairesmummy - It's hard not to be shattered at a BFN, I remember how down I felt when I got mine, it's really difficult not to feel like that. I think it's only natural. Maybe have a plan in place like I will do 'x' to cheer myself up if it's a bfn. I don't know if that'll help or not... I just read on further and see you're 'pinking'. Please try not to despair, I'd never had implantation spotting either, but did with this pg. I hope you aren't out for this month... FX hun. And about your dr, perhaps see someone else? They are supposed to help you after 12 months... perhaps you could see a fs if you can just get a referral??

Kellie - 8 weeks, yay for that! I love the little lemon picture, too.. very cute. Good luck for your scan next Friday!

Melster - Well, I honestly didn't have a choice. I mean, what right do I have to force my wishes on him? There is no compromise when it comes to parenthood. You can't make someone want it, especially not my DP. All of a sudden one day (I was crying after a nasty b**** I know said something awful about my mc) he turned to me and said 'let's have a baby'. I cried even more, LOL. At first I thought he was just saying it to make me feel better, but here we are, and he's excited! After his reaction to our surprise pg, I never thought I'd see him so happy about a baby. He's been proudly telling friends, and showing the u/s picture... it's really sweet. Anyway I think I got off the track here, my point is I didn't wait because I love him, (I do of course) I did it because I love our baby. And I wanted him/her to have two parents who WANT him/her. Also, it's about respect. Nobody should be forced or tricked into something as huge as being a dad. (Surprises are different though, and I was keeping that baby no matter what) And finally, I was only 23 when I mc'd. I figured I had a couple of years to burn anyway. Turns out HIS clock started ticking hehehe. Enough about me though, sounds like some interesting symptoms there... I had all of those. Still do, actually. Good luck! I hope this is it :)

AFM - Posting some pics as per Reet's request. WARNING: U/S and belly pics. Do not click if you would find these upsetting.
Our Family pictures by ihavepms_18 - Photobucket
There are some rather old pictures in the other album... LOL, back from when I was 18 and having fun with my new digital camera. Those were the days! Try to ignore the oldies... :)

Shelby- Thank you for your lovely kind words darl, I usually always have plans to bring myself back up again after a let down and it always involves riding horses, this month I told myself if I get the dreaded BFN I was finally going to finish breaking my gelding into saddle and start riding him this stratergy has always helped me in the past but for some reason I feel totally gutted right now. I always feel dissapointed but not to this extreme IYKWIM. I think I will be following through and TRYING I say trying as we don't have alot of DR options out here, to find myself a good DR that will help me with this. I sit here typing with tears just rolling down my face and I'm not even sure why I feel so bad this time around it's not like anything has changed or I had any big symptoms saying I may have been UTD. Hopefully a good week end away at our Draft and a fair few rum and cokes may make me see the brighter side of life again......I usually have 0-1 rum and cokes at a draft this time I think I may have a few more than that.
Love the pics of your baby bump and US darl, congrats again I know I have said it a few times but after seeing your pics it's so much more realistic now and I am just so happy for you.

damprye...sorry to hear!!!

Clairesmummy....i think you need to get another dr as well....find one that understands and will do something about this......Please dont give up quiet yet!!!!!!!! has there been anymore blood....seriously i think you do a test....

Forshelby.....i loved those photos...its so strange when you picture someone with only there name and convo and then see a photo...

Yeah i know what you're saying...you cant force anyone to do something against there will...and you're right especially with parent hood...

Clairesmummy - Aw, I don't know what to say! If it helps, I've been there and I know how hard it is to pick yourself back up again at the end of the month. About the drs, all you can do is try, I guess it's a process of elimination. Perhaps even travel to the nearest built up area for a better selection of drs? :( Hopefully the rum and cokes and the Draft can cheer you up. I'm also really touched you would look at my pics with the way you're feeling. I hope it didn't make you sadder, and thanks again for your kind words. I do like the bump right now... speaking of, I need to feed it, STARVING! I'm about to head out and do some boring errands.. hopefully something amusingly unfortunate will happen to me so I can come back and cheer you up with tales of my random mishaps. I've got a jobsearch interview today (I KNOW... who will hire a pg woman, this is just stupid) so maybe that will make for an entertaining story! Or maybe I'll just have to have an alfresco pee? :grouphug: Hope you're feeling better soon, hun.

Melster - LOL, how did you picture me then? I hope you didn't look at the old pics... LOL..... I loved the camera back then.

Shelby- Your photo's never made me feel bad darl, they make me feel really happy for you darl, don't ever think that your pics or stories of your PG would make me feel down. I am truly thankful I get to see and read everybodies PG stories they are all wonderful and it does make me feel warm and fuzzy to hear all about everyones PG stories. LOL at you thinking you may have an alfresco pee that would make me laugh big time, picturing a PG peeing in some random inner city car park.......thank you far bringing a smile to my face darl.
Melster- No more bleeding as yet but AF is not due until Monday for me. I think it's a huge waste of time testing as I don't think I am UTD and I'm shattered enough now I don't want to confirm it with a BFN. Thank you so much for your support darl it truly means alot to me. FX for you and I truly hope you do get your BFP darl. Sending you massive amounts of baby dust and sticky vibes.

Forshelby greta photos love the bump!!

Clairesmummy. I'm sorry sweetie if it is AF. Tho it could still be implantation or just spotting (like me) and you could still have a BFP!! I would do a test if I was you :)

Forshelby.....LOL LOL i didnt picture anything bad...i dont know how to explain it..(i know in those photos you're younger) but i picture an older person/lady.... because of you're knowledge and posts etc..maybe short hair.....i dunno LOL

Clairesmummy....i know hun, i just want to take the pain away from you...especially if there was a chance you're pregnant...I know how bad it feels to get a BFN.......and why you dont want to confirm it.........im just worried that there is still a small chance you're pregnant.......see how you go in the next few days and if its the only bleeding you get.........

Thanks for supporting me at this time...im not so positive myself that i am pregnant..coz im scared.....i dont think i am but im wondering if i am surpressing any symptoms and feelings so the let down isnt as bad if i am not......maybe we will be able to TTC together next month as well and pick each other up......Dont give up darl......i know how bad it is right now....but if you're not pregnant in two weeks when you can start trying again maybe you're spirits will be lifted again....go have that drink, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 whatever it takes and release some of the stress and sadness....