TTC after Miscarriage or Loss ~ January 08

[tempus moriendi]

Happy groundhog's day! In case you don't know what that is, on February 2, the groundhog Punxatawny Phil from Hobbler's Nob, Pennsylvania checks for his shadow. If he sees it, then six more weeks of winter. If he doesn't, then spring is just around the corner. He saw it, unfortunately.
(I've heard there's a crab in Atlantic City, New Jersey who predicts the weather, too, but obviously he's just a cheap Phil rip-off)

nicksterUK: no! not the laptop! but at least you can still post

ll80: maybe your masters degree is meant to be--and the universe is taking care of it for you? Good luck with the new car thing, too

Angel Babies and Katiegirl: sorry about AF, but you sound like you both have a real good attitude about it.

Do any of you ladies

[Baby Angels]

Well I am going to give myself a big pat on the back. I just had a client of mine come in with her newborn and I proceeded to design the interior of her house for her as she walked around breast feeding it. I couldnt bring myself to talk about her baby which im sure she would have felt strange about because with such a tiny baby i m sure it is the constant point of conversation with people around her......... But I did it!!!!!!! I constantly felt the twinges inside that wanted to just scream out about how unfair everything is but I kept them under control Now considering AF is currently visiting, my emotions were kept together....... Good On Me!

As for AF..... Ohhhh goodness..... she s not here for a visit..... she s here for a spring clean! I have NEVER been so emotional or so heavy..... has anyone else experienced such a change in the first AF after m/c.

With my herb,I m not sure whats actually in them. They are chinese herbs and the taste like ..... ummmmm ..... ummmmmmmm CHIT!....... I bascially take it, then quickly before even taking another breath i eat something or drink something. I m not complaining though. Having just finished an IVF cycle where you are having injections every day.... I can live with 5ml twice daily of a yucky drink.

Well thats it for me, hope every one is having a great weekend, I m at work at the moment but taking 5 to keep myself together after a complete design... (couple of hours)... with newborn in toe.

Good On Me!

[ll80]

good on ya AngelBabies, I'm happy for you!!

I haven't had af yet after the m/c so I can't help you there, if I do get it at the normal "regular" time I would get it sometime this week.

Sadly no car as yet, DP still wants to look at a couple more.. grrr.

Hope you all had agood weekend..
I have been cooking up a storm, so much for being good.
BUT I did go for a huge walk with the dog and plan on doing that everyday!

..Laura

[Baby Angels]

I found the words to this song a while ago. It was recommended to me. I read the words and thought.... ohhh sweet. Then didnt think much more about it. Last night I was downloading some songs on itunes. I decided to do a search for this song. It wasnt until I played the actual song that the penny dropped. Its an unborn baby in his mums tummy singing it, before he passes and goes to heaven. Highly Highly recommend you all try and listen to it... not sure you may be able to find it somewhere online.

My Name
Performed by George Canyon


It?s cold in here feels like everything?s upside down
I can feel you talking but I can barely make out the sound
I been kicking around these parts, feels like a year
I?m gonna change this world if I ever get out of here
She wants to dress me in pink, paints my bedroom blue
And I just laugh to myself, because only I know the truth
This love is my only emotion
Haven?t learned any fear any pain
It?s kind of funny with all this commotion
I guess they?ve got me to blame
And they don?t even know my name
And they don?t even know my name

Well I?ve never felt so ready, think it?s finally time
Cause that big old world is waiting, and it?s mine all mine
Just then everything got real quiet, it got real bright
And a man took my hand said don?t worry, your momma's gonna be all right
Then he opened the gate, & I followed him in
Said you can wait right here till it?s your turn again
And his love is the one true emotion
Heaven knows no fear no pain
I never got to set my wheels in motion
But they loved me just the same
And they never even knew name
Didn?t even know my name
You loved me just the same
And you didn?t even know my name

Just thought I would pass it on.

[Katiegirl]

Thanks Angel Babies - I just found it on youtube and I shed tears. It is perfect. Will have to download it from itunes as well.
And well done today with your client. Glad to see you doing so well, and also giving youself credit for it. I think we all try to hard to be 'nice' to others that sometimes we forget to give ourselves pats on the back for how we are coping.

I am also proud of myself for how well I did last week facing so many people for the first time and confronting my fear of seeing certain people.

I had to work yesterday at a tradeshow, so the weekend has felt far too short for me.

[Anthonysmom]

Angel Babies - Thanks you so much for those lyrics. They are beautiful. As for an awful AF IKWYM. Mine wasn't the first after mc but the second. I got it last Saturday and it was soooooooooo heavy!! Also I was an emotional mess too. The only good thing is it only lasted 3 days. By Tuesday it was gone, not even spotting. i also love how upbeat you are. It helps me. Thanks

Barbara

[Baby Angels]

Thank you for your comments. As for AF... looks like she isnt staying for long either. Damn shame that..... and here I was hoping she would hang around for a bit more of a social call.

I do have to confess.... I didnt take my temp this morning. I rolled over, looked at it and thought..... (insert a lot of unpleasant words here) Mind you I doubt that will do anything at all to my chart missing the second day of the cycle. I meant it when I said my emotions have been everywhere. Layed in bed last night and just cried and cried.... DH just looked at me and then just cuddled me.... kept asking what was wrong..... As they do.... and i just kept cuddling him. Then I wake up and I m all tough..... telling the thermometer what it can do and where it can go.... in no uncertain terms.... at least it knows who s boss now.

As for DH. Sometimes I just feel so sorry for him. He s now married to the freaky woman.... obviously he wants to fix everything... but cant. I ve never really celebrated Valentines day.... As long as i get a card off him i m all good..... but this time round I m doing a scrapbook for him. Probably sounds strange but he knows I m doing an IVF one and then one for each or our angels... and he keeps asking to see where I m up to, he likes looking through it. SO he has no idea at all that while he thinks i m working on the IVF one i m actually working on the Valentines one.... I say Valentines reluctantly... its more of a " I love you" scrapbook..... Doesnt help me finishing it when 2 nights ago I had the pooooops with him ..... Decided to not do it that night...... dont think those pages would have turned out to lovingly.

Anyway..... Off to bed, way past my bed time.... alarm goes off in 4 hours.

[Canary]

Hey Guys,
I am really pleased to say that AF arrived with me two hours ago, so I logged on specially to share the news! She has bought a new symptom with her, I never used to get back ache...Ow! Now I can start a new chart, at CD1 and not 27, and TTC properly like the rest of you guys. As there are a few of us with AF now, or recent AF, we will all POAS at about the same time! Great!

Can anyone tell me how to get my cycle ticker and website link from the fertility friends webite onto my signature?

Angelbabies, you bought a lump to my throat with the idea of an 'I love you' scrap book, what a great valentines day present. And well done with the client + newborn scenario.

I have a confession to make, that I am not as brave as you are. On Friday night, one of colleagues was having a leaving do before she went on maternity leave and I didnt go. I cope well bumping into her at work and having a quick chat about how things are going with her pregnancy, but I did not feel upto facing a whole night of baby centred conversation. There are some things that I'm not ready for yet, but I'm sure I'll get there...

I am really looking forward to this week. Although I have to work tomorrow night (boo), I am going to the theatre on Tuesday ,with the girlfreind who let me talk for hours just after the m/c, and then on Thursday I'm going to have the haircut that I promised myself after I read about Nickster's new hairdo (yes, it took me that long to book it!) So two fab things to look forward to this week.

I hope that you have all had a good weekend.
C

[Anthonysmom]

Angel - Hey my DH is married to a crazy lady too. DH is desperately trying to make everything all right, in typical male fashion. you gotta love them for it. anyway cry away. as a good friend once told me don't hold a drop in. and i love the scrapbook idea. i may steal it.

canary - ah, another person i can congratulate on her period. so weird isn't it. I also now have bad back pain with my "new" period. but no cramps so i'll take it. and you are right we should hopefully all get BFPs at about the same time. Have fun this week, enjoy the new 'do. also I use lillypie for my ticker so I can't help you with FF.

katie - Sorry for the "short" weekend. and good for you with seeing people. it is about the hardest thing to do these days. you do deserve a pat on the back.

as for me today is DHs bday (he is 33) it is also the Superbowl here in the States. We are going to a gathering at my cousin's house. I am hoping his BIL doesn't come and bring his infant son. I am not good with boys yet. weird. hope everyone id doing well.

Barbara

[nicksterUK]

Hi ladies, hope you've all had a good weekend- seems there are some lovely af's happening (fingers crossed bettyb for you too xxx)

Canary- get on to the ff website (you have to become amember but it's free)- choose your ticker and icon (it's dead easy- if I can do it anyone can!) then 'copy' the html details (it shows you), open up BellyBelly- your profile, edit signature and 'paste.'
I haven't worked out how to change the ticker to show a countdown to testing for pg yet- DH and I are hoping we might be fertilizing, but I'm not building my hopes too high. It'll either be a BFP or af on Valentine's day

Angel Babies- my af (the only one so far) was really heavy and I was really upset/hormonal for a while. It was a good spring clean, but my body obviously needed it and I've felt physically 'normal' since. I know that TTC has an element of 'control' now because I have dates to work from and to (Bet I missed flippin' 'O' this month tho- probably got jiggy either side and missed it completely
Well done for coping so brilliantly with your client and her baby x
Also thanks for your songs and poems. I'm afraid I'm a bit of a 'hard nut' and don't get too sentimental about such things- whereas DH blubs at loads of stuff - even adverts on telly! He cries at the news, or sad films, bless him- while I just chuckle at him (not in a horrible way)

what's POAS? It sounds hopeful--I want one!! (do I?) lol xx
sending to you all- hoping to turn af's into BFP's xxxxxxx

[Katiegirl]

Wow so many of us have AF at the moment. We are obviously in sync with each other. At least we will all get to do the dreaded 2WW together! Day 3 of AF for me and I don't think it shows any signs of going away. My old AF was always 5-6 days so I would be happy for that to return (I never thought I would ever ever say that!!!).

Nickster - POAS is pregnancy test. Fingers crossed you timed well this month. What day will you test?

Angel Babies - I have the same kind of days as you. One minute a crying mess, the next minute strong and stoic. I think that is the nature of grief. My DH also finds it hard. He wants to comfort and fix things but knows he can't. He also admitted a couple of weeks ago that sometimes he just wishes he didn't have to think about the MC and having another baby, but that he also knows that it would not be fair for me to not be able to talk about it. Classic Catch 22. Since that conversation, we have actually both being doing well, and this past week we did not have a single argument. I love you scrapbook idea.

Canary - I think it is fine for you not to go to the baby shower. I think that would be torture. Just look after yourself and try not to worry what others will think. A work colleague told me the other day that I need to be selfish. I loved hearing that! She was saying that if I don't want to do something either now or in the next pregnancy, than don't do it.

Barbara - I hope you had fun at the Superbowl party. And if your BIL did bring his son, than I hoped you were okay.

I think that is about all. I had better go and get ready for work. Have a lot on this week.

[bettyboop]

i have had a really bad weekend , most of it crying,went to visit a friend yesterday after i pilled myself together , then she announced she was preg, i was happy for her as she had a M&C on our wedding day , but i lost it when i got home, that is 3 great ladies preg at our church.
Wow AF is busy , i am about to O.

[tempus moriendi]

Uhmmm...my temp dropped this morning and I started spotting. AF should be here full flow tomorrow!
I've read that women who live together menstruate at the same time. My mother and I were in sync, and when I went away to college my suitemates and I all had AF at the same time. But I never heard of it happening to women who communicate over the computer!

Angel Babies: you're very brave.

Canary: just take care of yourself emotionally right now and take all the time you need.

Anthonysmom: who're you rooting for? I'm not a fan of either team and neither is DH. I just like the commercials LOL! Good luck with your party and I hope you are able to enjoy it.

[Katiegirl]

Hi All. Well we are truly in sync - not only do I have AF with you all but like Barbara and I think Angel Babies, I have had it for 2 days quite heavy and now today on Day 3 it looks like it is ending! What is with this. I was hoping for my normal 5 days. It may still start up again, so will wait and see.

[Anthonysmom]

Katie - My first cycle after AF was like that. Went away for a day then came back for two more. This time around three days and out. We are all as one.

TM - Sorry about AF. I live in New York so I am rooting for the Giants. Plus I hate the Patriots. Yeah and we won!

Betty - Sorry about your tough weekend. We have all gotten AF, so yours is coming. i just know it.

I just got home from the Superbowl gathering. It was fine. No babies. I know it is selfish but I still have a hard time. I also found out that I have a bridal shower the day before Anthony's EDD. I don't know how I will handle it. arghh!

Barbara

[Katiegirl]

Hi Barbara. This is AF no. 2 for me as well. I guess after all our bodies have been through it is only natural that it will take time for them to return to some semblance of normalcy.

Do you have to go to the bridal shower? DH and I are planning a 2 or so week holiday over the time of Nathaniel's due date. I just want to get away and have a nice holiday where we can spend time together and relax. What do you have planned for your EDD? If you don't think you will be up to the bridal shower, than just be selfish and don't go. I know it goes against the grain to say that, but I think it is important that you put yourself and your emotions first at this time in your life. I am always worried that people will think I am rude etc if I don't want to talk about babies or go and see them...but really it isn't my problem and if they don't understand than that is their fault. I am trying to not care so much about what others think, and just do what is right for DH and myself. So take care and say no if you need to.

Well AF is a mystery for sure. It was so heavy when I woke up (TMI) and now nothing! No idea what is going on. I kind of hope it returns later today or tomorrow just so I can feel like it is happening. I really want to start TTCing properly this month. I was almost relieved when AF came on Saturday as I think doing a pregnancy test would have terrified me.

[AJC]

Hiya

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend.

Anthonysmom: yay for the Giants. I love NY so much, it's been 12 mnths since we were there and we still talk about how much we loved it every day! DH had a day off today so watched the game - of course now he's keen to get back over there again. If no bub by Nov we'll probably head over there again. ALso - It's not selfish to find it hard to be around babies, I find I'm worse with pregnant women. I feel bad for feeling that way but that's just how it is.

My cycle doesn't seem to be in sync with y'all because I think I have just O'd. FF doesn't seem to have picked it up yet but my (.)(.) are sure telling me that I have and my interpretation of my chart is that it has too. Had a huge temp shift yesterday (up) which I don't think was accurate (well quite such a huge jump anyway). Was woken up by the noisy ****atoos in the tree outfront and fell back to sleep - interrupted sleep usually gives me an odd temp but never this much? Bit of a mystery but the next few days should give my a clear idea of what is going on. Have high hopes for this month but my chart looks like it's a mess so won't be surprised if af arrives. Last month's chart was perfection but we weren't ttc then as hadn't had all clear from ob?!?! Anyway, life goes on and we have a nice short break planned for March so am trying to focus on that.

Angelbabies - the George Canyon song is lovely. Thanks for sharing that with us. Of course you should be proud of yourself the way you to handled your emotions so well on the job the other day.

Hugs for everyone and let's that this month is the last in here for all of us!!!!
for everyone !!!!!

[Baby Angels]

Catch up time.... Ok so it might be a long post... I hate rushing a good catch up.

Cycles in sync...... wow thats some powerful moon vibes going around the world. So thats why not many posts were in the first 2 days..... so many of us off crying and being emotional.

AJC..... we cant have everyone in sync.... it throws the month out.... this way if we have some of us 'O" and some of us AF then we pretty much have the month covered looking forward to BFP As for the pregnant ladies.... understand... understand....understand. I look..... ohhh and they seem to be everywhere... and just go off into another space. They obviously havent done a damn thing against me, I m thrilled for them infact I look at them and hope they have gotten over some crucial times. I m thrilled for them..... but incrediably sad at the same time...........

AJC... if you are "o" what the heck you doin here girl.... you should be dancin the night away

Katiegirl..... Soooo completely agree about putting yourself and DH first at the moment. I m also known at the moment for being just a tad blunt. ESPECIALLY with people who are constantly complaining about things that just dont rate. OHHH it get s me soooo mad. Again.. I want to give them my shoes... tell them to go for a walk and when they come back.... i have this visual image of slappin them so strongly accross the face and cursing at them..... I just dont have the time for it. My time is spent running my business, looking after my teenage boys... well supervising them anyway and taking care of myself and DH. I havent got time for petty b***s***..... oooops i m ranting.... shhhhhh

ANYWAY i agree with you. I believe that we will get through this by allowing ourselves to deal with each day as we need to and by allowing ourselves to focus on ourselves.

Anthonysmom...... same again.... if you dont think you cant do the bridal party then dont. if your not sure if you can do it then dont. If you know you can then great. Thats how I look at it and then if I do cope with it then I take the time out to pat myself on the back. I view things pretty simply now....... if they are a "friend" then they know what I ve just been through and am still going through.... if they are a true friend they would understand. If they arent a true friend then why the heck would I put myself out there to that degree in the first place.... told you I ve been a bit blunt lately.

Tempus..... Only brave on the good days.... or should i say good moments.... I ve cried more tears than i thought possible.

Bettyboop...... I think we will break out the drinkies and cheer any day now..... fingers and everything else crossed for you.

Nickster..... well ummm not everyone can do the FF tickler thing.... I stuffed mine up so bad i got stubborn and said... Dont bl..dy want one anyway... and now i refuse to have one...... ohhhh did i leave the stubborn side of me out of the picture so far.... dang... now i ve let it slip... yep... one stubborn girl here... So now I dont even go on the web site. I use a computer programe for my temping and I use my natural therapy peoples web site for temping as well because the information goes straight to them and then they work it out. My little computer programe cracks me up... each time i enter information it decides what it all means and then a pop up appears explaining it to me..... gotta love it.

Canary..... Baby shower..... OHHHH GOODNESS.... no chance..... no chance ..... NO chance... and what s more I wouldnt even consider the slightest possibility of putting myself through it. Maybe in a few years time .... maybe.... ohh but goodness..... no chance I would be strong enough for a baby shower yet. I think i would feel physically ill it would hurt that much..... Now as for the scrapbook... your welcome too it.... I ve been thinking a lot lately about DH... and relationships so much so that I do have a question in a sec for everyone.

Firstly though.... I m just doing a count up of who s got a visitor (AF)

Canary
Katiegirl
Tempus
Myself

I m sure i ve missed someone....

Well for me she is hot and cold.... and moody... ohhhhh GOODNESS......LOL

One thing I really would like to know.... I would love to know in a bit of detail how each of your DH are dealing with it all. I watch my DH constantly. The other night we both went up to bed. He had gone upstair earlier and was in my 16 year old sons room with him working on a jigsaw puzzle. When we got into bed he was trying to cheer me up by tickling me and laughing........ and we were just .... or really he was... joking around with me about all sorts of silly stuff.... and what do i do..... I burst into tears... Now up until that point most of the time he has been able to keep himself together, but this time he got up out of bed, got dressed and went to go back downstairs. I asked where he was going and he said "i can t take this right now so i m just going downstairs" That of course made me cry more and tell him i needed a cuddle. He kept asking me what was wrong and what i was crying about and i couldnt tell him..... I was just crying.

It made me think about it more though.... How is everyone else s DH coping and how do we keep our relationships strong through all this.

Well that is certainly enough for me..... Not my fault I had to do such a large post... its all of you who all of a sudden wanted to post and i had to catch up.