If it makes you feel any better I remember one day having a complete freak out at my mum about being pregnant (Jayvan was a surprise) and wishing that I wasn't because it was all just so overwhelming. I feel guilty for it everyday, like my wish came true, and I dwelled on it alot - what could have happened if I never said it? I think we just have to remember we aren't to know what the future holds for us, unfortunately, and because of that we can't always be accountable for the things we think or say after the fact.