Trying to Conceive after Late Loss, Still Birth or Recurrent Miscarriage April '08

[Rozzie27]

Jo,

yes, not having a cause has both drawbacks and ironic advantages. It would have been best I guess to know a cause that could be treated and prevented for the next time. My doctor said that some consider stillbirth with no cause to be a continuation of Sudden Infant Syndrome, which usually has no reason or warning. It has risk factors (alcohol, drugs, smoking, asthma, overweight, older) but I had none of those so I can't mitigate against them anyway! Frustrating.

Thanks

[jen805]

jo-- about your ultrasound! I knew you would find a strong 9 weeks--:woot: Jack is looking after you both very well, making sure your wishes come true! Had to giggle at the thought of you being chased by a goose! DF works at a water treatment facility and there's 7 ponds of water (poop water, actually), but all kinds of ducks and birds live by these ponds. Whenever we go feed all these birds there's these 2 geese that also live there, and they've scared my kids off several times with their hissing--like snakes or something! They're big bullies to the other birds, as well, they are quite the instigators! I can picture Jack on the back of that goose chasing you around for fun, trying to make you laugh! I'm sure the show the ducks put on was all for you! BTW, thanks for the welcome, it means so much to me!


Rozzie-- I pray you get the answers you're looking for! It's great to hear that your dr. plans on staying on top of things for your next pg! Good luck, hun, you're in my prayers!


Katiegirl-- After what you've been through, don't beat yourself up for feeling like you do! Of course you would feel sad! But I'm SO happy for you that you will soon have a beautiful, healthy, baby of your own to cherish and love! I'm sure Nathaniel had a big part in this new pg and is keeping an ever-watchful eye out for his little brother or sister!


Hi to Hammi and Anthonysmom! Hope you're both doing well.....

[Katiegirl]

Hi all. Just a quick one to let you know I am having the first of my weekly u/s with my ob. As we lost Nathaniel around 15 weeks (but got to 20 without knowing) my ob has recognised that the next few weeks are going to be hard for me - so he has me booked in to see him every week up until 20. I am a bit nervous as I find scans difficult (because that is how we found out about Nathaniel) but also reassuring. I keep telling myself to be positive but sometimes fear can be overwhelming. I will let you all know how it goes.

Jo - I can't remember is I congratulated you on a wonderful 9 weeks scan? If not, than fantastic news! And I am so glad that you were able to take time out to remember Jack, even if it was an emotional experience. It sounds like the birds put on a good show for you.

Jen - thanks for your lovely words. I don't think I was quite prepared for how I would feel about my friend's baby. DH's dad said he was talking to the father and he mentioned that they are well aware of how difficult this is going to be for us. They have always been lovely and she especially has always been very sensitive. I think we will go back in about 2-3 weeks as then the baby won't be quite so newborn. I have been having quite a few tears about Nathaniel lately. I think it is the realisation that he would be with us now if he had made it. How are you doing?

Barbara - just wanted to see how you are going and if the BT had all been good?

TM - I read in the other thread that AF has arrived again. I am sorry that this is taking longer than you want it to. I hope you are not too disappointed

Hammi - I hope you are doing ok as well?

Simba - not sure if you are still checking this thread much but hello anyway. Did you end up going to the S&K support group? I didn't and for some reason I have started to feel a little guilty as SIDS have been so wonderful. I will definitely be going to the Frances Perry night this month.

That is all until I have the scan - take care and big hugs

[Simba]

hi all havent been on for a while so will take me a bit to catch up on what's been happening.

Rozzie - sorry for the loss of your son your heart must be just breaking right now. sending you big hugs. welcome to thread i am so glad for you that you have found your way here as it will give so much support. i took a few months to find my way here but as soon as i did it helped so much. obviously i wish we all didnt have a reason to be here but ykwim. feel free to share as much or as little as you like we are all here to listen and be there for you. as you were talking about reasons my little lani had a knot in her cord. she lived for 16 days but her brain had been damaged from the lack of oxygen so she couldnt survive. so for me i have a reason and yes maybe it does help sometimes to know that it wasnt anything i or anyone could have done but at the end of the day it doesnt make it easier, she still isnt here. so for you i hope that you get the answers you need but dont beat yourself up i am sure that you did all that you could do. take care of yourself and thinking of you.

jen - of course you are welcome here. yes we have all had different journeys to get here but we all feel the same pain and also the love for our children that we lost. i really hope your TTC journey is a short one.

jo - congrats on reaching 9 weeks! glad too that you special day to remember jack turned out so well even with the cold melb weather and the goose (maybe that was jack trying to make you giggle)!

katie - no i didnt end up going to the s&k meeting. i had thought about it but i ended up having a late meeting at work and have been really tired lately so decided to give it a miss. i still might go to another one down the track though. but will definitely be going to the frances perry one in a few weeks. good luck with your weekly scans - although they will be a little tough i hope they also give you the reasurance that you need to keep going each day.

Hammi - hope your visit to the ob goes ok.

Barbara - hope that you are going ok. i will check the other thread to see if you have posted in there.

TM - sorry to hear that AF has arrived - what a tough journey you are having. sending you big hugs.

As for me - all is going well. i will be having my 12 week scan next tuesday so counting down the days for that. the hunger and tiredness has really kicked in this week so i guess that is all a sign that things are still going well in there. havent quite sorted out my work situation yet but its close so will let you know soon. anyway think i will head off to the couch (my second bed!!)

take care all....

sim

[jen805]

Katiegirl--Happy Mother's Day!! Hope you have a great one! I know you're missing Nathaniel, but I hope you can find comfort in the fact that you have another blessing on the way! Soon you'll be holding your precious bundle of joy, your gift from Nathaniel! Good luck on your weekly scans, I'll be for you!!


Simba--Happy Mother's Day to you, as well! Thanks for the welcome! Good luck with your 12 wk. scan on Tue! Praying all goes well for you!

jo--Hope you have a great Mother's day! Spoil yourself and be spoiled!!


Rozzie and Hammi--Hope you're both doing well! Happy Mother's Day to all!

[Katiegirl]

Hi everyone - just a quick one to say that I have had another scan today - and all looks good. Baby is measuring around 14weeks 6 days - so 3 days ahead of schedule. I have another scan next Tuesday. Just nice to see the baby again and be reassured all is moving ahead.

Very tired and have a busy 2 days ahead as exhibiting at a tradeshow - not good for a preggers woman! This will be the last tradeshow I have to do so I will keep that thought in my mind. I am planning to finish up around Sept - so starting the countdown. I still haven't told work...in fact haven't told many people...I think I will wait for 15 weeks then will let work and others know.

I hope you are all well - take care.

[Simba]

hi all just a quick one for me. just wanted to let you all know that i had the 12 week scan a few hours ago and all was great - saw a little heart beating away and little bub gave mum and dad a few waves and thumb sucks. the measurements showed that i wont be 12 weeks till thursday but i thought that was close enough to put up my ticker!

so after a pretty emotional day on sunday i am feeling lots better. i was thinking of all of you and hoped that you had a nice day. i will be back another day to catch up more - our study doesnt have heating so its too cold to sit in here for long!

take care everyone.

sim
x

[jen805]

Katiegirl & Simba--So pleased for both of you on your recent scans! It has to be so reassuring to see your sticky bub's hearts beating away! Hope you both had an amazing Mother's day, though I can imagine it was probably an emotional time for you both! It won't be long now, and you'll both be holding your precious babies! Have a great day!

[jo76]

hi everyone!
i am still sick with the flu so have been completely knackered to say the least! Add the 4 toilet runs a night and i am not getting too much sleep at all! lol! I had a wonderful and stressful mothers day! I celebrated on saturday as i had to work the sunday and i got brekkie in bed and all the usual trimmings. Come sunday it really hit that i would have had jack by then and he would have been a week ish old so that was hard. I got home from work and they had got me a photo frame that i wanted (the large ones with all the cutouts to stick your photos in) and had cut out things from the magazines and drawn pictures of us and out them in the frames. There was one that had magazine words cut out that said baby and then jack so it was nice the family had remembered him in such a wonderful way.
i hope you all had a wonderful mums day!

barbara - how are you? i hope i can see an entry in the preg section as you have'nt been posting here so i hope all is ok! I hope you have a healthy thriving bubs!
katie - i had to laugh at you doing another tradeshow as i have remembered your dislike in previous posts! I can't believe you have so many but i am glad this was your last! you need to rest and that will not happen at a tradeshow!!! I am really happy to hear that your scans are continuing to go well and it sounds like your baby is gonna be a strong one! Their growth is certainly sprinting along so i hope that gives you great comfort!
simba! - i am also really happy your 12 week went well, one hurdle over so you can breathe now! I am really looking forward to mine in 2 weeks with a sense of happy nervousness! If that makes sense - so yours has given me a boost!
jen - thank-you for your continous kind words - i hope you realise how much they mean! you always have the right things to say to us all!I am so glad you have joined us all here!
Rozzie and Hammi - hope you both got through mothers day ok! sending hugs to both of you!
TM - hope you are well, you are not far from my thoughts! please let us know how you are!
take care everyone! i won't be MIA for so long next time! Too much going on not enought hours - you all know the drill...ha1
take care xxjo

[Katiegirl]

Hi all. I was all ready to go to bed and then made the fatal decision of turning on the computer to check my work emails...big mistake and feel all annoyed at people now! So bed will be a bit off I think. My DH would be so angry to hear I was replying to work email at 11:30! Stupid.

Jo - the tradeshow was ok but yes I hate them! I kept reminding myself that this was my last. I still have not told work so I am sure some people just think I have a huge pot belly going on. Only 2 weeks until your 12 week mark - you are moving along nicely! So glad your family made a fuss of you on Mother's Day and especially that they remembered Jack.

Simba - congrats on the excellent scan. It is such a relief to see the heart flickering away. I hope all is going well. Will I see you next week at the support group?

Jen - thanks for your messages of support. It means to much to know you are all behind us! I can't wait to return the favour when it is your turn.

TM - I hope you are doing ok. Like Jo, I to think of you often and I even said a special prayer for you yesterday. I was sitting there thinking about things, and you popped into my head so I asked God to send you a special present.

Barbara - where are you? I hope you and the bubs are doing well. Come back and update us!

Hammi and Rozzie - I hope you are both well. What is news?

Well, not much else from me. The baby is still very very low in my pelvis (which makes external scans hard). My ob has said the baby will move up by week 16 but so far it has not happened. I really want the baby to move up so that the scans can be clearer - this of course will mean my belly will be even bigger than it is now (which I am quite looking forward to) but my secret will be a secret no longer. My DH thinks it is ridiculous that I have only told a handful of people (and I told them prior to 12 weeks) but no one since the 12 week scan. I think sub-consciously I am waiting until I have had the scan at 15 weeks (which is around the time Nathaniel died) to get the go ahead. It is a mental hurdle for me. I quite like not sharing this baby with people. I haven't even told my 3 brothers or my father! Crazy.

Okay I really should try to go to bed. Take care everyone.

[Hammi]

Hello everyone. So nice to see some tickers in this forum. I'm happy to hear about all the bouncy little bubs at your scans. Just thinking about scans scares me, I don't know how I'll be able face looking at an ultrasound image in my next pregnancy after the last one I saw.

I went back to my obs for my check up this week. All is well with me and preliminary results showed no abnormalities with Hamish. The obs said the hospital told him it'll be at least two months before we get the full results because tests for live babies take priority. Of course I understand this but it's still hard to hear. The obs, who was so clinical and didn't even bother turning up for my delivery, was uncharacteristically kind and warm. I could've done with a bit of them when I had Hamish!

He said to wait till we get the full autopsy results before trying again but he said there's no reason why I can't have a healthy baby and my next pregnancy won't be considered high risk medically, just emotionally.

Did I tell you that DH and I doing a preconception program with a naturopath? It's just basically eating wholefoods, exercising and taking some herbal and vitamin supplements. They recommend doing the program for 4-6 months before trying for a baby. It gives us something to focus on and feel positive about.

I've been praying a lot for Hamish hoping that he's safe and happy wherever he is. I miss him so much and sort of want to punch people out when they tell me that he "wasn't meant to be". He was so, he was here, and he was born and he was perfect. Grrrrrrrrrrr! I also hate it when people refer to his birth as a miscarriage

[jo76]

hammi - your post bought tears to my eyes! All our babies were meant to have their mark in the world - they were concieved in the first place! I am glad that you are starting to get some results back eventhough they are not a "comfort" as such after all that you have been through. I can't imagine what it is like to wait for that long -i had to wait a week and that was mind numbingly long for me! So take care of yourself while this medical side of things is all still going through the paces for you!Katie will be able to share her experiences of the nautropath as she was seeing one herself. i think it is a great idea as it is a really positive step forward and from katies posts (i can't speak directly for her!) she seemed to get alot of her visits to one.
As for people referring to hamish as a miscarriage - its hard i know. I feel very similar in that because i was'nt showing with Jack (i tend to not show at all till at least 6.5 months although this time i have a beer gut look going on!!!lol!) i think it was always taken a little less seriously than if i had been one of these women who show the minute the test is positive. Does that make sense? If i had lost him with a rounded belly i really believe people would have been more sensitive to his death as it would have been a visual preganancy for them...i hope this makes sense, just my views of my experience, but its to say i kinda get where your at! (can i blame the above paragragh on preg brain -its seems rambled!!!)
For everyone though - i picked up Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy today. It retails normally for about $20 but got it for $7.95 so i had to get it! I am already a few chapters in and it is so lighthearted and fantastic. I already feel better about EVERYTHING! So if you want to smile get it. I am so glad i found it! (i read her book about her son having autism and thats why i could'nt go past it, she is truthful and funny and i loved her last book!)
take care everyone! Esp you hammi!
x jo

p/s katie - what were you thinking checking work at 11.30! Your DH is'nt the only one upset with you! REST!!!!!! and also one of the girls at work is onto me about being preg., I have told my mgr just in case there are any dramas and apparently this other girl who is studying final year nursing went up to her and said about 5 different reasons why she thinks i am pregnant. I told my DH as he has wanted us to keep it quiet for now and he said well if she can keep her mouth shut then tell her. Which i am a little confused over, he will let me tell a girl at work who he does'nt know but he won't tell his dad or stepmum?!?!? men!!

[Katiegirl]

Hammi - you know it never bothered me too much saying that Nathaniel was classified a miscarriage - I think because I had to have a D&C rather than deliver him. Then I went to a support group and the midwife who runs it asked me if it bothers me that he has been labelled an mc - until then I never really thought about it. It kind of stopped me and I had to think about it - and yes it does a bit. I guess I always say we found out at 20 weeks and that makes people realise how far along we were. Overall I have been lucky and most people have been very sensitive - but I too hate the 'these things happen for a reason', 'it is nature's way', blah blah. I hate it! I want to say - thank you but this was my son and that gives me no comfort. Aaghh people just say things that they think offer comfort but really it is for their sake not ours - that may sound harsh but I know I have been guilty of it in the past. We say cliches just because we can't think of anything else to say. I learnt a long time ago that 'sorry' is usually enough. Rant over.

I think its great that both you and your DH are doing the naturopath together. I couldn't even get my DH to take 1 multivitamin a night - meanwhile I have been taking the most horrendous tonics and about 10-12 tablets a day! So I think it is wonderful that your DH is taking responsibility for it as well - my naturopath used to tell me that creating a baby is 50/50, but some how when it came to DH taking his tablet...not so even!

Jo - I hate when people act all super sleuth about pregnancies - especially given our situation. I have not had anyone come up and ask me, but my stomach is looking quite round so they either think I am preg or just carrying a lot of weight in my stomach. I have said that I would get really angry is anyone asked me if I was pregnant, as I think it is insensitive. Good to hear you have told your manager. I still have not told anyone at work besides 2 close friends, so probably need to do that next week after the 15 week scan on Tuesday.

Well as for me, work is really bugging me today. Too many whingers - and as you can tell from my above rants I am thoroughly over people in general hehe. I can't wait to finish up but that won't be until Sept. Seems a long way to go.

Ok well I must sound very annoyed with the world today. It is good to let off some steam. Hope you don't mind.

[Hammi]

Hi Jo, yay for preggy brains! I hope I catch it off you in a few months' time :-) I was starting to show, in fact, two days before I lost Hamish someone at work said "Wow it's really happening now!". I'll always remember that because I was standing there grinning at my baby tickling me inside my tummy. That was the last time I ever felt him.

Katie, those multi-vitamins are horrendous. We gag and gag when we take them. Were your pills really huge too? And the tonics, my DH is convinced ours are just grass clippings mixed into mud water. They really taste like it. So do you think doing all of that helped you with this bub?

Are you in marketing (because you mentioned doing a tradeshow). I am, and I hate events!

Goodnight everyone, hope you get loads of angel kisses in your dreams.

[Katiegirl]

Hi Hammi. Some of my tablets are huge - DH calls them horse tablets. I have always thought the tonics were like having to have a shot of rough bourbon or something. I have been taking them since January and I still hold my nose. I do feel they have helped me prepare for conception and also helped with my health during this pregnancy. It might be a mind over matter thing, or it might really be helping. Either way, at the least I went into this pregnancy knowing that I was taking plenty of supplements and that gave me a confidence boost.

And yes I am in marketing - for conference and incentive industry industry. I used to be an event manager but have moved into the marketing of destinations now. I too hate trade shows and yet I always seem to be organising one. If I wasn't pregnant, I truly believe I would be looking for a new job, as I feel so unmotivated with this one.

Well I just woke up - so I have had about 13 or so hours sleep. I am guessing I needed it.

Have a great weekend everyone.

[jen805]

Good morning ladies! It's been a few days since I've posted here in this thread, but I've been in and out, lurking, reading your posts, and of course, you're all always in my thoughts and prayers!


jo--Sorry to hear you were sick with the flu. That was a couple days ago, so hopefully you're feeling much better by now! So glad to hear about your great Mother's day, and the way your family included Jack in your picture frame! Hope you thoroughly enjoying your


Katiegirl--Can't wait to hear about your 15 week scan! It will be such a relief to get past that 15 week hurdle, and finally begin telling people you're pregnant! Hope you have a great weekend!


Hammi--So glad to hear about the preconception program with the naturopath that you and DH will be taking. How great that you have something to focus on and look forward to! Also, really good news that your next pregnancy won't be considered high-risk. Obviously, emotionally it will be difficult getting past the milestones, but I have faith that you'll conceive at just the right time, when everything will be perfect, and you'll have no complications! That's my prayer for you, at least! I know how much you must miss Hamish, and how much you love him. Remember he's always with you in mind, heart, and soul--and nobody can take that from you!

I hope you all have a great weekend! I'm supposed to be O today according to my chart, so I guess we'll see what happens. DF and I have been very busy for the past week, so hopefully this will be our month! Will be busy for the rest of the weekend! for us all!

[Angel Babies 3]

Hammi,
I know it is no consolation for you, but even the medical profession would say that you had a stillbirth and not a miscarriage. Any baby over 20 weeks is classed as a birth regardless of the delivery method. Again I say, I know that won't make you feel any better about losing your precious child.
I find that other people who haven't experienced a loss seem to feel better about saying it was a miscarriage. Because they weren't fully involved with the baby they find it hard to even acknowledge that it really exsisted. It can be so darn irritating and upsetting.

I can't take away your pain but I hope that it brings you some comfort to know that I know that you have suffered the loss of a very much loved and wanted, darling baby boy.

Take care my dear,
Debbie

[Katiegirl]

Hi - just a quick one as I have it in my head that Jo is having her 12 week scan around now (or today) - so I wanted to wish you the best of luck and can't wait to hear the news.

As for me - I have my scan in 1 hour...I am very nervous. You would think that having them weekly would make it a little easier!