Trying to Conceive after Late Loss, Still Birth or Recurrent Miscarriage April '08

[sryan]

Hi all and goodmorning ,

I am not new to this website, but new to this chat area and I wanted to introduce myself and give you a little history.

My name is Sue and my DH (Clayton) and I have had 3 miscarriages in a row. We unfortunately do not have any live children at this stage.

My third M/C was the hardest, as it was a IVF bubs and I had a scan at 7 w 4 days and had a beautiful strong heartbeat and perfect size. Unfortunately my beautiful little angel stopped growing around 8-9 weeks (My gut feeling is that my FS asked me to stop Metformin at this stage!!!). I ended up miscarrying at 12 weeks naturally.

I have a thyroid and high insulin problems and have been seeing a fertility clinic in Adelaide called Repromed. My Professor at Repromed has finally agreed that my thryoid & high insulin could be the reason for my m/c and he is sending me to a hormone specialist.

Finally!!! I have been given more testing and are awaiting on my results. I am also just started see a natural therapist and so far she has totally amazed me, she picked up my issues straight away and we are working on them.

I am currently awaiting for AF to arrive (after miscarriage) and then set some goals for the future. We are having a few months off, and start again, hopefully naturally or by IVF.

I look forward to getting to know you all and wish you all the best in TTC.




xxx Sue xxx

[jo76]

heyall,
well i had my 12 week ultrasound this morning and i am very happy to say there was a heartbeat! I think i freaked the girl out (she prob would have been the same age as me) as when she asked me to hop up on the bench thing i burst into hysterical tears and she was left wondering what she had said wrong. Thankfully DH was there and did the quick explanation for me and she raced off to get a box of tissues. So as for getting weekly scans Katie, i really don't know how you do it! i was so stressed the whole time throughout this one againand even asking her not to turn the screen on until she saw a heartbeat, which she generously did. Then she made a point of picking out everything for us so we saw our babys body parts etc and that helped. I really think it helped Dan being there also as i think this baby became "real" for him. In previous pregnancies our babies have been real when he has seen my belly grow or felt movement. Then i asked to book in the 17 week scan as that will be the one purely to ease my stress and the receptionist went and got the sonographer as obviously the next appointment is normally the 19-20 week scan. So by then i'm in tears again and the sonographer asked if it was a viablity one (THAT WORD AGAIN!!!! hate it!!) and i said yes. ARGH!!! So until about an hour agao i have just felt on edge! My stress levels were so high even though i have nothing to stress over as i have a happily moving bubs! deep breath!....
sryan - you are welcome to join us here! I am so sorry to hear of your loss but know we all very supportive of each other here! I am really happy to hear that you have a supportive medical (can't think of a better word!) network around you as i think that really helps us all on the other side of family and friends. Waiting for your next AF is always hard but please try and take care of yourself throughout all of this and know we are all here also!
katie - hope your scan goes well and it relieves some of your stress too! These babies must surely know how much love is already carrying them through our hopes for the future! Our news is still quite under wraps, my irrational fears also, so don't worry! You are not the only one out there!
Barbara -hope you and evie are going ok!!!
simba -how are you? Hope you are well and truely over your MS and feeling the happy effects of preg now!
jen- any news? how is everything with you?
hammi -hope you are taking care of yourself too!
x jo

[Hammi]

Congrats on your scan Jo! Time to add a ticker soon!

I can imagine that I'd be exactly the same as you at any future scans. Just imagining walking into one of those rooms is enough to bring on the tears and panic attacks for me. But your bub rewarded you with that ever wonderful beating heart... so happy for you!

Hi to everyone else!

[jen805]

Katiegirl--Glad you enjoyed your weekend in Brisbane, and you had a safe trip! Tell that crazy woman in your head to relax and enjoy your scan today! I know all will be well, but still happy you get to find some weekly comfort from your scans! Ooohh, maybe they'll be able to tell what you're having today! Good luck!!


sryan-- I'm so very sorry to hear of your losses. I had 3 m/c in a row after I had my oldest son, but went on to have my younger son with no problems. Had a 4th m/c in Mar., and it doesn't get any easier. I'm praying AF comes quickly for you, so you can heal and begin your TTC journey again. Do you take a thyroid replacement? I had an overactive thyroid back in '92 when I was in high school, and had to have radiation. I have to take Synthroid everyday. It's strange because when I was pg. with my oldest son, my body started producing the hormone again, and I had to be taken off the thyroid pill. Then with my younger son, it stayed the same the whole time, and I never had to adjust the dosage. I'm glad you're getting tests tests done so that you can hopefully get some long-awaited answers. Good luck!


jo-- Yay, so glad your scan went well! So happy for you that you saw that strong How sweet of the lab tech to point out all the baby's body parts! Now breathe, relax, and enjoy! Now to get that ticker done...


Hi Hammi-- I love your little tribute to Hamish!


AFM--AF showed her nasty face on Friday--a day early even! She was pretty rough on me day 2, but is much better now, already looking close to gone. I ordered a thermometer on Saturday--maybe that will help me know a little better what's going on, at least I'll know for sure when I've O'ed, so I'm not surprised when AF shows! Also started taking B6 about a week ago, and bought some preseed to try during those sessions! If I get a BFP this month, I won't know what it was that helped, but I'm willing to try anything! Gotta go pick up the kids from school. Talk to you all soon, hope you all have a great day!

[Katiegirl]

Hi All - to start the scan went really well. The baby was in a great position and facing up so we got a lovely view of the full face etc. No way to tell the sex though as the machine in my Ob's room is just not powerful enough to get a clear view. The baby was moving around well and giving me some kicks, but because of my anterior placenta I felt nothing!

Jo - wonderful news about your 12 week scan. I totally understand the emotion involved and I don't blame you for crying. Trust me, I struggle each week with my scans, but I think because they are with my Ob (besides the 12 and future 19 week one) they don't feel quite so daunting. I don't like the idea of them saying the 17 week scan is for 'viability'....they have written down our histories and if we are prepared to spend the money then why ask!!! I think scans will always be difficult, because for us they have bought the worst kind of heartache. I am glad though that things are moving forward nicely for you, and especially that your DH has been able to connect more with your pregnancy.

Hammi - I still get awful memories from my 20 week scan with Nathaniel. I think they are probably going to be images that haunt us forever. I hope you are doing ok? Just know that when your time comes for another baby to enter your life, you will have all of us to talk to about your anxieties etc.

Jen - thanks for the good wishes etc. Sorry AF arrived early for you, but I am glad to hear that it is moving on and you can start a new cycle.

Sryan - welcome to our little group. I am so sorry to read about your losses. To lose 3 children in a row must be heartbreaking, but please know we are all here to support each other. I hope you find support and comfort here.

Hi to Barbara and TM - hope you are both well.

[Hammi]

Oh Jen, stupid AF! Boo hiss to AF!

Katie, can you believe I got excited because you mentioned the prospect of me having another baby in your post! No matter what I think in my head, hearing someone else say that I will have another baby makes it seem more possible and I get a little glimmer of hope. How are you going with work? Counting down the months till you go on maternity leave? I was in a meeting today trying to negotiate the details of an endorsement deal while fantasising about giving birth to a crying baby! If only they knew!

Hi Sryan. Sorry your losses have brought you here but at least you're now in supportive and sympathetic company. Good luck with TTC.

[snowie]

Just popping in to say hi! DH and I have had 4 losses Apr '07, Oct '07, Feb '08 and Mar '08. We have been TTC for 2.5+ years after his VR. He has anti-sperm antibodies and well I think I'm broken I have endometriosis (cleaned up in Lap) and suspect PCOS - without the PCO if that even makes sense? We have had recurrent loss testing and are both 'normal' what ever that might be. I'm feeling pretty cranky about the whole loss thing and then the process of grief.

I'm currently waiting on AF - silly old cow. My temp took a dive this morning and it's looking like another 10day luteal phase for me and another reason to think I'm broken. (Charting for 2+ years now)

[sryan]

Hi all,

Firstly I wanted to say thank you for welcoming me to your group. Yes it is in bad circumstances, but you all seem such a wonderful group to join.

Congratulations Jo for your fantastic news. How exciting and I wish you all the best for a happy and healthy pregnancy.

jen805 it is so difficult having so many miscarriages, but it is wonderful to hear stories that say there is hope..... Yes I am on thyroxine medication for my underactive thryoid.

Hi katiegirl, I am so happy your scan went well. Do you want to find out the sex of your baby???

Hi Hammi & Snowie, I hope to get to know you better.

Well with me, I am awaiting to hear the results of all my blood tests etc etc. Its funny, in one way I want to have something wrong, so we can work on fixing it, but in the other I dont want anything to be wrong and feel like a dud... Confusing huh

I am also still waiting for AF to arrive, it has now been 4 weeks since m/c and am starting to get some spotting and cramping, so hopefully soon.

Well hoping everyone has a fantastic day.

xxx Sue xxx

[cindee]

love and wishes to all.
hoping im going to be pregnant soon, bit scary though.

[sryan]

Hi Cindee,

Hello and

Sorry to hear of your losses last year and I wish you all the best in TTC.

I look forward to getting to know you.

xxx Sue xxx

[jen805]

Katiegirl--So happy for you that your u/s was a success, and that you got to see a full view of the face! Can't wait for you to start to feel those kicks and bumps--I think that's the best part of being pg, is feeling all the movements. And it's so funny when the baby gets bigger and starts to move a lot--it looks like there's an alien moving around in your tummy!

AF came and went... woo hoo! And I got my thermometer and preseed yesterday--they even sent me a little baggie with some much-needed baby dust! So took my first temp this morning, it was 97.59, don't know if that's good, bad, or normal, but it's a step in the right direction so I'm happy with it! Will try the preseed closer to O. Chinese gender chart says if I conceive this month it will be a girl--it predicted both my boys, so fingers crossed! Now I just need that BFP!


Hammi--You should be excited about the prospect of becoming pregnant and having a child--it WILL happen, I just know it!


sryan--Good luck with your BT results! that all is well with you!


snowie and cindee-- Sorry to read of your losses. Praying that your TTC journey is quick and you're blessed with BFP's soon! I look forward to getting to know you both!


jo! Hope all's well with you and your sticky bub!

[sryan]

Hi all,

Hope you all had a fantastic long weekend.

Well AF arrived on Sunday early morning (1st one after miscarriage.) Seemed so heavy and horrible. Anyway at least we can focus on the month ahead.

Catching up with Natural Therapist on Thursday again. So looking forward to that. I am struggling a bit with "eating for my blood group". I am so missing eating chicken!!!!

Well hoping everyone has a wonderful day.

xxx Sue xxx

[jo76]

hey everyone!
hope all the aussies had a fab long weekend! I got to see the fab (and very spunky!) Michael Buble' on sat night but got home at 12am and felt like i had a massive hangover the next morning when i woke! I guess 12 am is now officially pushing it for my social life! lol! But it was worth it! A great night with mum nonetheless!
On the baby front -nothing much to tell although i think my belly button may already be starting to pop a little. i have a belly ring which means it is time to get the not-so-nice- looking plastic kind so i can retain my hole after for my normal belly ring. The top part of my belly button only seems to be coming out a bit and i only noticed this morning so i guess this weekend i'll be racing off to my piercer!And then I saw a 4.5 month preg girl in our shop on mon and she looked so cute with her rounded belly. I can't wait to have that beautiful roundness not just the wobbly bloated look!
hows everyone else?
sryan - although we dont think it at first getting our 1st AF after our losses IS a huge step for our bodies so even though they are horrible it does have a small positive in there! I know what you mean about food groups etc, i am a vegetarian, which does'nt sound that difficult but it really can be to get things that don't conatin chicken and stock etc. I have heard the blood type diet work really well so stick with it and hopefully you will get the results for your body that you need!
katie- good luck with your weekly ultrasound. can't wait to hear about your baby in this one!
barbara - if you are still reading this forum i am trying to keep up with your posts in the preg forum. Please take care of you and go back to the docs if you want more answers! its your body and baby! I have decided to wait to my next ultrasound for the jump over unless i get a bout of confidence in the meantime as i am still feeling quite vulnerable!
hammi and jen - hope you guys are ok!
xx

[Hammi]

Hello everyone. Well I went into work today and people asked 'How was your weekend?' to which I replied 'My husband and I drove down to the south coast to spread our baby's ashes." Silence... Actually I didn't tell everyone that. Just the people who kept asking after I gave the small talk answer.

So that's what we did last weekend. My parents are Buddhists and we've had Hamish's ashes at the temple they go to for the past few weeks. The nuns there have been doing a service for him every Sunday. According to Buddhist belief, the soul goes to its next destination after 49 days after which time the person's ashes must be scattered into the sea to free them from this life.

I didn't want to give up Hamish's ashes, but I didn't want to be the one who jeopardised his chances of going to heaven.

So on Sunday we went for a long drive. We finally found a small beach with a big cliff-face and decided that it was the right place. I read a prayer and DH opened the urn and released our baby's ashes into the wind. I was OK until I saw his tiny little bones. I'd been telling myself for weeks that those ashes aren't Hamish, they're just his earthly remains, but there's no mistaking that he was real and now he's gone when I'm looking at his bones. I'm not OK with seeing his bones and I can't stop thinking about them.

I think of those bones then I think of the legs they used to be and how they used to kick and kick. Then I wonder why those legs had to stop kicking, and why I didn't get to see them crawl, and walk and run.

Despite all that, I did get a sense of closure knowing that we've done everything we could for Hamish to go to heaven. I really hope he is there and that he's happy and safe.

[jen805]

sryan--Sorry to hear about AF, but hopeful that your body will ready itself for a quick BFP! Good on you for being able to be positive and focus on the journey ahead! You have a fresh start now, so stay positive and have faith! Good luck with the naruralist--here's some cyber chicken--made to your exact liking! lol... Have a great day!


jo--So good to hear from you, it's been a while! Glad you got to get out and enjoy Michael Buble! You know, I've always wondered what pregnant women did with their belly piercings when their belly button starts popping out! lol... I've always wanted to get mine pierced, but I've seen so many get infected that it makes me think twice. I do have my tongue and ears pierced, though, and one other one that I'll leave unmentioned! DF has his nipple pierced, eight holes in his ear, his tongue, and two other unmentionable that he did all himself (with the exception of his tongue). Crazy! He also does his own tattoos! BUT, he's never given birth--so I win, hands down! Glad to hear things are well with you, and looking forward to seeing a ticker sometime soon! (hint! hint! )


Oh Hammi... It sucks that closure can be so painful! I wish I had the magic words to say to make you feel better, but honestly, I can't find them at the moment... I'm just so sorry and pray you're able to find a safe, peaceful place where you feel comforted and supported. I know Hamish is watching over you from heaven right now, helping you through those dark days! Sending big and thinking of you always!


Hi Katiegirl! I left you a message in the other thread, but just wanted to say hi again, and I hope things are well with you!


Hi's and hugs to everyone else! Hope you all have a great day!

[Katiegirl]

Hi Everyone. Sorry I haven't been around. I have been very busy with work and have also had a friend staying with us for a week. So no time to post, but I have tried to keep up with you all.

sryan - I am glad to hear that you have positive thoughts about AF. I found it quite confronting, but at the same time I was also desperate for it to arrive. It means that your body is healing and you will have your chance again.

Hammi - what a beautiful way to send Hamish to heaven. I know it must have been difficult to spread his ashes, but I hope you can find comfort in knowing you did what was right. Also - it is only natural to have memories that will haunt you. I am sure we all have them, and unfortunately it is now part of the uniform that we all wear. I still have Nathaniel's ashes, and have wondered what to do with them - but i think I am happy keeping them. I have told my DH that I want Nathaniel's memorial box buried with me so that I know it will always be looked after. I know that seems grim, but I could not stand him just being forgotten. I hope you are finding some peace, and know that your baby boy is looking after you.

Jo - glad to hear you enjoyed Michael Buble. I have also had late nights this past week - first a work function where I didn't get home until midnight, then 4 other nights sitting up until 1:30 chatting to my friend. I was exhausted! I am also waiting for my belly button to pop - at the moment it looks like a big hole under my shirts - I have the round belly but need the belly button to smooth it out.

Jen - all this talk of piercings has made me cringe I am such a whimp - I would never be able to get one done (though my ears are pierced) let alone doing it myself!!! Aaaggghhhh Thanks for your message. All is going well so far - but I will know more this afternoon as I have another scan. I think I have started to feel movement - it is like someone tickling me from inside my belly. I never had this with Nathaniel, so I can only assume it is the baby moving. I can't wait for proper kicks. I still stress - especially if I think I haven't felt anything for a while.

Not much else to report - I have the BIG scan next week on Tuesday. It will be a relief to get it over with. I have a bit of travel coming up - next week to Canberra and then Hobart the week after, all for work. I will be glad to get it over with. Everyone at work now knows about the pregnancy, and the new CEO has given me permission to work from home from now on. Very happy about that (especially as I was doing it already - now it is legit!!!).

Barbara - will catch up with you in the Preg threat

TM - you are missing in action - I hope all is well.

[Inanna]

Welcome to Cindee, Syran and Snowie - my heart breaks for your goodbyes and the grief and loss you are feeling. Please believe in time that pain gets easier - you can put it into a box... Sometimes you open up that box because you want or need to. Other times someone will open it for you - and it hurts all over again... Sending you strength and love... You have come to a wonderful place full of wonderful women who will support you on the next part of your journey...

Hammi: What a beautiful way to say goodbye to Hamish. I practise Buddhisim too and I am glad you could feel comfort in your parents spiritual beliefs. Hamish was blessed to spend time at a Gompa - I am so so sorry my love I can understand how confronting and difficult it was to see Hamish's bones - and how hard it was to release him and say goodbye. Sending you all my love and prayers you wonderful strong Mama...

Jo and Katie congrats on your u/s...

[Katiegirl]

Hi everyone - the scan went well yesterday. The baby was making some lovely kicks and even waved to us. It has been amazing having these weekly scans as it is like watching our baby grow. So now I just have to get through the big morph scan next week. It is difficult to not get worked up and think about all the 'what ifs' but DH seems positive about it. We are looking forward to finding out the sex. I really think it is a boy but DH has said girl but has finally admitted he now thinks boy. So I think we will get a surprise if it is a girl - but a lovely one.

Flowerchild - thank you for the congrats. Your messages are always so lovely.