hi everyone been away for a little while. it was my angel Hope's first birthday yesterday...
and we got good news..... positive.... Yay.... just gotta wait it out the next few months now..
fingers crossed.... xxxxx
Last edited by cindee; August 26th, 2008 at 11:23 AM.
: forgot something
I've been lurking over the past couple of weeks but was in the middle of my final law school exams and didn't have time to post. I had 2 weeks off after losing Charlie and then had to decide whether to go back and finish my final 6 weeks of law school. I was so close and had worked so hard coping with a miscarriage and then ms etc with Charlie, I felt it would all have been wasted if I didn't finish. I decided to go back. Then DH got admitted to hospital to have gallbladder out and both DS and I got bronchitis. Because I had committed myself I just kept going and finally I finished my last exam last Saturday. I am so relieved and really proud of myself. I can't believe how much I had to overcome to get there!
Anyway, I have been so lost since I finished, everyone said going back would be a good distraction for me, but now that it is gone I have been very emotional. I miss my little girl so much and still have moments where I am in absolute shock that I will never hold her or see her blow out candles on a birthday cake. Just when you think you have dealt with it, something happens to break your heart all over again.
My 4yo DS was so strange (in a good way) all weekend. He didn't see me cry but he must have sensed I was a bit sad. He kept asking if it DH and I would sit with him and talk about Charlie. One night we were walking home from a restaurant and he pointed out the Charlie stars in they sky and then said don't worry Mummy, Charlie can sprinkle some magic dust and make a lovely pink jumper with hearts so she won't get cold. When we put him to bed when we got home he asked us to leave the curtains open so he could see Charlie out his window in the sky. I have a little box of keepsakes for Charlie and he asked if he could draw a picture for Charlie to put in her box. He drew this beautiful picture of Mummy, Daddy, Ethan and baby Charlie with a rainbow and a heart and a flower.
I love so much that he has such a strong connection with his little sister but I get so emotional when he says such beautiful things and sometimes don't know how to process it.
I am crying as I sit here typing this and wondering if it will ever hurt any less. I want another baby and to start ttc but don't think I am ready yet to cope with the stress of it all. DH and I are thinking December might be a good time. It will give me a chance to recover physically from the past 2 years studying and the miscarriage and losing Charlie as well as give me time to settle into my new job which starts in October.
Anyway, that is enough rambling for me. I guess I have well and truly made up for being awol the last few weeks. I hope you are all well and finding plenty to be happy about.
Tildy: I hope all turns out ok for you, it is so unfair that you have to deal with such worry. Why can't everything just run smoothly so you can relax and enjoy your pregnancy. I never realised how lucky I was during my first pregnancy, I certainly won't be taking anything for granted like that again.
Sue: so sorry about frostie, I think we had all become quite attached to him/her. Lets hope October is a good month for you!
Hammi: good on you for making a committment to get your body and mind ready to ttc in October. When you do get that BFP it will hopefully be a little less stressful knowing you have done all you can to give your baby the best shot at life.
Jo: I think of you often and hope you are doing ok.
Katie: I think I will have a champers for you when you hit 30 weeks. I get just as anxious worrying about you pg girls as I do thinking about my own next pregnancy.
Hi to anyone else I have missed, not really with it today.
Sue - I'm sorry frostie didn't make it. Hammi's idea on the pampering sounds good - you truly deserve it. My friend had a baby at the same time I had Alexander. It, of course, is very difficult to see her daughter and I difficult for her too seeing me upset when I see her baby. I also discovered that she felt so guilty for having a healthy child, when I didn't. Its hard because I just want her to appreciate what she has and feel happy that she has her daughter with her, not to feel bad about it. I don't know where I was going with that one but, it sounded like a similar story to your friends.
Tildy - a bit scary for you with the bleeding. I hope all is OK for you. Its good to have the extra appointments - it sounds like your midwife is good to book you in. Have you found your carers understanding?
Hammi - Good on you for getting the tests. I'm at the same stage as you. Booked into some preconception counselling and will have bloods done etc... We've decided to start in September also. I finally found an obstetrician I was happy to go to but when I went to book the appointment, she is now going off on maternity leave. I was devastated - its so hard to find the right person. I'm booked in with another doctor now, so I'll suss her out at the next appointment.
Hi Paula - I'm very sorry about Charlie. Its great that your son has such a connection. I try to talk to my 2yo about Alex, so that he will always know that he has a little brother but I'm not sure how much he understands. He knows that somethings not quite right but maybe as he gets older he will understand more.
Sue, I'm soooooo sorry your embryo didn't make it. I was so hoping this would be your month. I hope you can pamper yourself in the coming months so you're in tip-top shape to conceive a bubba.
Mrs Robbo, I think it's lovely your son has such a beautiful relationship with Charli. I don't have any children but I often think about how to bring it up with future children. I hope they are like your son.
Cindee, yay!! congrats!!!
Tildy, hope you're feeling OK.
Hammi, good luck with all your tests, I'm sure you're primed for a healthy conception.
Well we had a nice day on Sunday for Edward's EDD, didn't do anything special in particular, had yum cha for lunch, then went for a walk in the botanical gardens (and may I say not a good idea to go for a walk when pregnant after consuming 2 pots of jasmine tea!!), home for a nap then went to the movies. DH had some flowers delivered in the morning, but honestly we didn't really discuss Edward. After the horrible week preceeding I sort of didn't want to 'go there' and get all emotional. I just wanted to get through it. I found out last night that DH's brother is getting married in April, and the baby's due April 4. I imagined us there with a newborn, then got all teary thinking Edward should be here right now. I'm getting teary at everything, including a lot of TV ads. Damn hormones.
Thank you all so much for the kind words about little frostie. I so wanted it to work as then I wouldnt have to do the full IVF with drugs. Oh well. This is what we do to achieve our dream.... can't give up!!!
Cindee - Congratulations . I wish you a H & H Pregnancy.
Mrs Robbo - Congratulations on completing your law degree - what an achievement. It is wonderful that your son Ethan has such a connection with Charlie, though I can understand it probably hurts when he talks about her.
Rozzie - so glad you had a wonderful day for Edwards EDD. How are you feeling?? How is MS going??
Helen - my TTC Buddy in October. I am also getting myself mentally and physically ready for TTC in October. Hopefully it wont take us long and we will have BFP.
Tildy - I am so sorry about your worries with bleeding. Man why can't we all just have a stress free pregnancies. I will have all my fingers and toes crossed for you.
Katiegirl. I will be celebrating your 30 weeks tonight (early I know!!!) going out with some girlfriends tonight and I will have a sparking in celebration.....
Danek - how are you???
to anybody else I have missed.........
Well I have started spotting today. Very confused again!!! Man I really think I have trouble with progesterone or something (this is my gut feeling) as my temps are still up (you can look at my chart if you like). This happens all the time and I am way to early to start spotting.
Of course you get your hopes up that it might be implantation, but I feel its not and I will spot for the next 5-6 days and then get AF.
I am cathing up with my local GP and I might ask her (as I have another month before IVF) and see if she with give my progesterone cream, just to try for that month and see how I go.... what do you guys think???
this is probably a redundant question as I'm sure after everything you've been through you've been thoroghly checked out, but have you ever been screened for endometriosis? I ask because pre-mentrual spotting is a symptom. I had it and always had spotting forabout 3-4 days prior to AF, it's the only reason I got checked as I had no other symptoms (aside from infertility). Anyway just a thought. Otherwise no idea what could be causing it.
Registered User
. I wish you a H & H Pregnancy.
to anybody else I have missed.........
Bookmarks