Sue, I'm reeeaaallly hoping this baby sticks for you. I don't see why not though, all your signs and symptoms sound good to me so far. A word of warning from me though, charting after a BFP can do your head in- I did it for ages and would worry when I thought it wasn't high enough that my progesterone was low. It was actually a ridiculous high of 202 at 7 weeks so you just can't tell.
It's hard to know when to celebrate isn't it? But still, YAY!!! I hope the blood tests come back with great numbers.
Sue - I won't say congratulations just yet as I can sense you are keeping this lowkey (understandable), but I will send you massive amounts of positive and sticky vibes! I think your symptoms sound good. I know I have told everyone this a million times...but I did not test until 4-5 days after AF was late, and I got a BFN. I tested in the afternoon (at work go figure) with weak urine but even still the BFN was a shock. I then tested the next morning and got a very faint positive, same again the morning after. So a whole week after AF was due I went to the GP and she did a test, once again in the afternoon, and she got a faint positive. She took a blood test and told me that if I felt anxious over the weekend, to do another test to see if it was a stronger positive. So I went off and bought a different test (Discover Onestep) and the next morning woke at 5:30 and tested and got a really strong BFP. So I was 1 whole week past AF until I got a strong result. Plus on the day AF was due I had a temp drop like you, and then the temp continued to rise again. The fact that your temp is still way above the coverline is a good sign. Like you I also had the cramping and I assumed it meant AF was on its way, and now look at me 30 weeks later! So there you have it. Big hugs and hang in there. It would be lovely to get another BFP in here. We have been very lucky of late with the TTC mob.
Sue that is so exciting. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to stay positive but try and enjoy your BFP. i'm not quite up with all the BB thingies but i'm sending you sticky dust or whatever it is that you send people when they get a BFP Please keep us posted with the progress!
hey girls,
again sorry i have been MIA for the last few days. Have been lurking but my mind has been a bit all over the place again and i had a sook at mum and dads this morning (unintentionally). So then my poor dad got a bit upset and worried and i thought i need to get on here again and have a read. (re:silent support!)
First tho, you guys are really quite wonderful, thank-you for your thoughts for Friday, it turned out for those not in MELB to be a beautiful morning. I had a horrid previous 24 hours. we had asked to have her at home the night before and the morning they bought her i was a mess. Her coffin was so perfect and small and i was heartbroken to see our child there whne i opened it. Although i really struggled it was good for me to be able to see her and say goodbye on my own. I am really grateful for that extra time with her. When i first woke and even when we first got to the cemetary we could see some fog in the rose gardens but by the time we were ready to start the sun just came out for us which really made things sit a little better for me. I really needed it to be a nice day for her, it was a small strange comfort to me after watching the weather obsessively all week leading up. Judy who took the service was so wonderful and gentle in her words again and just goes above and beyond her job! We feel very blessed to have stumbled across her as her approach is so, so personal. She even bought a pamphlet for Dan about male grieving as she was'nt sure how he was dealing with everything. The kids released love heart balloons with roses attached, the pink one took off into the sky (i saw it as a sign due to the colour) but the white one hung around. My dad had a fiddle and then soon enough it was off as well. My step mum (in law) did'nt come as she had worked the night before and wanted to sleep as she was tired. We are most likely having to go over to there place this weekend for fathers day but to be honest i really don't feel i can deal with her. (Yes Katie, the hurt from it has finally stepped in!) It will be the first time i have seen her since Madison died and i'm not sure i can deal with that or her attempt at being supportive, sorry, that i will get!I do feel blessed that i could buy Madison an outfit and dress her like a mum does and get to place our book and a toy for her. (with Jack and madison i made a small scrapbook with photos of them with us and messages written from dan and i and pictures from the kids for them to be cremated with. I also have a snap heart necklaces and wear the half from each of theirs that they wore, around my neck) Dan and Josh took her over to the crematorium as we wanted to and did last time. We just doid'nt want anyone else to be the ones to do it. Josh really wanted to be a part of helping this time so it was touching to see Dan and our 2 kids (em had to tag along) take their sister over and say a final goodbye.
But i still cannot stop that countdown in my head, every new week, i am saying to myself 26 weeks, she would have been ok now...doing that damn countdown, to what?!!? Its almost a self torture that i continue to make myself go through, clinging on to something that can only exist and live on in my heart now. I have taken this week off work as well. (which is what i got upset about at mums) I have my long service coming up in Oct so want to go back for that but my heart is not there anymore. I really am not phased if i don't go back. Huge words for a workaholic! I have always drowned myself in work whenever something has gone wrong in my life, it has been my way of dealing with things but this time i am still holding that fear of going back and i am not sure why. I almost feel like i am at that waiting for the first day of school again. Its that unknown nervousness. I don't know if it makes sense but there it is...
as for you guys, i am on facebook too so if you see a Jo asking to be your friend its me! (i am in a photo with josh on mine!)
quick personals as i have well and truely taken over this posting!!!
sue - congrats to you, i am keeping fingers and toes crossed for a sticky bubs! It really is wonderful news!!! Try and be positive, i just read an article oin the wekend about fertility etc and although easier said than done sometimes, it rang true how far it can go for us!!
hgirs -try facebook, its easy and trust me i am clueless when it comes to things like that! hope you are going ok!!!
mrs robbo - please pack me in your suitcase, i would love a holiday to relax(although not so romantic for you and DH!lol!) and get some sun. Dunk Island is suposed to be beautiful!!!!!!We are still talking about one and will probably get over to Cook islands (we love it there) or fiji early next year. It will be great for you guys to do so if i don't get a chance to say right before you go - HAVE A GREAT TIME!!! (for me....!lol!) I also read your post about the parvo virus, i was tested for this in preg as my daughter got it, (from child care!!) when I see my OB next i will ask him if he ever got the results as i saw my GP but asked that the results get sent to my OB instead. I got told by my GP that it is'nt cosidered a problem but then that week in one of those weekly updates you can get sent with your bubs development etc it had a part about that. So of course it had that it is a problem in pregnancy and had different reasons for why it is so bad at the beg and the middle. i thought i would always wait to see my OB again as our GP was'nt concerned but then that appointment did'nt end up happening...
Hammi - how are you going? your statement about this site -i could have written it. So strange, but wonderful, how we are so bonded yet have never met? I am always thinking about people in here and have now found myself talking to my mum about how some of you are going even tho she has NO idea about this site or who any of you are!You are sounding so much more positive in every way of late - it does sound like you are getting to a good place!!!
tildy - i have said it before-you have amzing strength. I would be in a collapsed heap if i had to deal with what you have, and yet you continue to fight and believe and step forward!! I am so happy this bubs of yours is sharing your fighting spirit and it all seems to be false alarms!
rozzie and danek - hope you are well also and are on the way up too!
far too long a post! this is what happens when you lurk and don't post enough! Hope you grabbed a coffee (or water for those preg girls!) and got in a comfy chair for this one!
x jo
good to hear from you and I'm glad Maddison's service was how you wanted. Every week I did the 'how many weeks would I be' countdown, like you I knew it was pointless and painful, but couldn't help it.
I'm glad you have another week off, i hope when you do go back it's when you feel ready.
I also tell people about what's happening to you girls. I remember when I told my husband about Maddison he was so devastated, even though he didn't know you. Shared pain is so powerful.
Anyway, to you, there's not much you can do but take one day at a time right now, but know that we're all here for you.
I don't have long as I promised to pick DH up from work, but I have to send a message to Jo.
Thank you for allowing us to stand alongside you as you grieve for Madison. It is truly an honour that you feel this is a safe and supportive place and somewhere full of people who will listen and understand. Take your time with work, don't allow it to stress you. You need to put yourself first and at times you will even need to make selfish choices (ie. like with your stepmum). Do whatever you need in order to find some peace and the opportunity to slowly heal. It is only natural that you think about how many weeks you will be. I still work out how old Nathaniel would be and it still breaks my heart. And it is true about our shared pain in here. I rang DH the day you posted about Madison, and I was crying on the phone because it just hurt so much to see you going through this again. I talk about all of you to my DH and others, and share your good times and the bad.
Jo thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I am so happy that Maddison's service went exactly how you wanted. I must admit I cried when reading it and you really are an amazing mum.
I also agree, that it is amazing how much we get to know each other, without actually meeting!!! and how much we all care about each other.
You are all very special amazing women......
Now a little bit of info. Not sure if anybody is interested. I actually take Blackmores Conceive Well Gold Tablets and they are on special (as with the other BM pregnancy range) at National Pharmacies. I got a packet for $27.16 if you are a member.
Jo - the other girls have said everything I want to say, we all care very much for you and your family, and we have all shed many tears over precious little Madison. You are inspiring even if you don't know it, your strength shines through, but don't feel like have to be either! Do what you need, when you need to and just lean on us if you can.
Hi Jo, I am so pleased Friday went beautifully for you. I agree with the others, you are an amazing Mum. I wish I had thought of the heart necklace idea, what a wonderful way to keep your connection with your angel babies strong and close to your heart. Please take good care of yourself at this time, just do whatever you think you can handle. People will understand and if they don't then they're not worth worrying about.
Jo - it's so good to hear from you. Thank you for sharing with us your beautiful but sorrowful day. You've had to walk through a lot of fire so far, but I think this experience will help you in your grief and memories of Madison Rose.
I'm anxiously happy for Sue, but like Katie said, I won't say Congrats just yet, as I understand that you feel the need to be on more solid ground first. But I will say that it's a lovely kind of surprise to get, even if it's scary.
Sadly I don't know if we ever stop reminding ourselves of how many weeks or months or years the baby would be. I know I would have been 35 weeks now. I feel like the countdown to my EDD has started today -- a co-worker of mine has returned to work after being on paternal leave. I was put in to replace him when I was hired, and it was sort of the perfect situation because once he came back, I would head out for maternity leave 2 weeks later. He came back today, but instead of going on 7-8 months of maternity leave in 2 weeks I will be having a short vacation and then coming back to completely different tasks; I'm "superfluous" in the group that should have been losing me to maternity leave. :P It feels like a punishment, being cast into a brand new area to start learning all over again right after feeling like I'd just now learned what I was doing and learned how to cope with working full-time after months of varying levels of depression and sick-leave.
I also talk about you guys at home and with my family. My friends here in-person are all mired down in baby-bliss-land, and their lives are about diapers and nursing and complaining about not sleeping at night, so I don't belong with them right now. But I do belong with you guys; we're all going through similar things, and you've been a great help to me.
Jo, I am SO happy to hear from you. The way you've handled Jack's and Madison's losses, the thoughtful details you added to their goodbyes, and the fact that you can still come in here and cheer us on absolutely floors me. If you were here I'm afraid I'd have to hug you and cry all over you.
I also love the heart necklace idea - so simple yet so meaningful. Your little angels must be giving you all your amazing strength through those half hearts.
It was sadly lovely that your two older children were involved in Madison's service. It's quite incredible how much young children can understand and empathise with something as hard as death.
I counted those phantom weeks too. What if you try to recount the 22 weeks when you had Madison with you? A friend said something that really touched me last weekend. She said that Hamish's life might have been short but those 22 weeks were still his life. Madison must have left you with many wonderful memories. Hold on to those Jo, it's such a hard path you have to walk.
BTW, I peeked at your Facebook profiles. You're all hot!
WOW i've added more friends on facebook in the last 24hrs than the whole time I have been on there. Well not quite but it feels like that. All my uni friends have about 4000 friends each and always tease me about my small but special collection!
Tildy, I have also hit the countdown to EDD. One day I feel really good and strong and then the next I spend most of the day crying. I somehow had managed to stop counting the phantom weeks which made things easier but now that uni has finished I have more time to think about that kind of stuff.
DS has been really funny about everything lately as well. I filled you all in on some of the things he has been saying. Last night at dinner he bursts out and says 'Mummy I know a good name for a new baby', when I asked him what it was he said 'Charlie'. I had to try and explain that it was Charlies's name and we would think of another name together when it was time to make another baby. Then this morning during breakfast he says 'Mummy, I don't want us to make another baby', when I asked him why he said 'Charlie is my favorite and I don't want another one'. I tried to explain that one day Charlie might send us a new baby to take care of and he just got really sad and said 'But I don't want her to Mummy, I just want Charlie'. I wasn't quite sure what to say after that, he was so adamant and I was trying not to get upset and didn't want to say the wrong thing. Niether DH or I are sure how to tackle this one. We're just going to see if he forgets about it and if not come up with a plan. He is such a loving BB to Charlie and I think he feels the same kind of betrayal I'm sure we all feel when we first start making plans for a new baby, or trying to move on with our lives. I guess I'll just try and explain to him that we can still love Charlie just as much as ever but will also have another baby to love and play with.
Who would have thought I would ever have to explain such things to a 4yo.
Hammi - I am so glad you got answers to why Hamish is an angel. It doesnt make it easier to accept, but at least you know you did absolutely nothing wrong. How did you go with the GP on Monday, did you get a referral to the new OB?
Tildy - How are you going with the bleeding etc???? Mine has actually stopped, so I am so hoping that all is OK.
Katiegirl - Congratulations on making it over the 30 week mark It is the downhill run now..... how are you feeling, is the baby kicking away??? Thank you also for your story, you really did help to make me feel a little more positive. I really don't think my Dr made me feel much more positive. Probably because of the way I was acting.!!
Helen - this is your month.... now how is all the temperature charting going???
Cindee - havent heard from you lately. Hoping all is well.
Mrs Robbo - Wow Dunk Island - you lucky thing. I hope you have a wonderful break. Your Ethan must have a very powerful connection with angel Charlie. It is so nice to hear that he is talking about him. It must be hard for you though, to try and make him understand what is happening.
Rozzie - thanks for the advice about the Charting. I just cant seem to stop. Though I think I will once I get my results tomorrow. It is already doing my head in!!!!
MrsRobbo your son Ethan sounds like such a precious little soul. I love how children can so easily articulate exactly how they feel. It is beautiful to read about the connection he has with Charlie, though I am sure it must break your heart at the same time. I know with my nephews and niece that they were very affected when my sister had her first loss - one of them cried, one got angry and well the girl...she acted like a drama queen. Then when she had the next child (an earth baby who is now 3) they all treated her like she was so precious. They still do, she is incredibly spoilt by the whole family. Then with the last loss, it all started over again. One son even decided to tell my sister that she and DH should 'just do that thing' (he was about 8 at the time) and could they let him know when they do as he would like another baby! One of my other nieces when she found out I was pregnant again, look puzzled and said 'But I thought you baby was in heaven' - it was so lovely to know that she had not forgotten especially as she is 6. So we explained it all to her and said this was another baby, and my brother has told me that she always prays now at bedtime for the 'baby in Katie's tummy'. Maybe when we need a bit of comfort and support in real life we should all go and talk to children!
Sue - yes this little girl is still kicking me away. I haven't yet seen the kicks from outside (as in my belly move) so hoping that will come soon. I do have an anterior placenta to the kicks have to get through a bit of padding first. Glad my story helped a little bit - I think I did about 8 or so tests before I stopped charting, so you are not alone.
Lan - I hope you are doing ok. I read the post when someone answered the questions you had about hypercoiling, so I hope this has given you a bit more information. And I loved your suggestion to think back on the weeks we had our babies rather than the ones that followed. I often get so stuck on the moment I found out about Nathaniel. I will try to remember the sheer joy I felt when I got the first positive BFP , we were so excited. Actually, crying now just thinking about it. Lovely idea and a good one for me to practise doing.
Tildy - so sorry you have to start a new position at work. I know it must be reminder of what shouldn't have happened. I hope you enjoy the holiday and it gives you the lift you need to return to your job.
Not sure who I have forgotten - but hello! Must get back to work.
hi im still lurking aroud. just been dealing with the morning sickness atm. also had a little spot a couple days ago but everything is good... still trying to ease DH into things though hes avoiding talking about things incase some thing goes wrong again but ive got positive vibes this time.. booked in to see a new OB hopefully she is good dont have much to choose from being in Taree. but been told shes the best. seeing my doc today for all tyhe basic stuff, BP check, hopefully its good..
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Please keep us posted with the progress!
I do feel blessed that i could buy Madison an outfit and dress her like a mum does and get to place our book and a toy for her. (with Jack and madison i made a small scrapbook with photos of them with us and messages written from dan and i and pictures from the kids for them to be cremated with. I also have a snap heart necklaces and wear the half from each of theirs that they wore, around my neck) Dan and Josh took her over to the crematorium as we wanted to and did last time. We just doid'nt want anyone else to be the ones to do it. Josh really wanted to be a part of helping this time so it was touching to see Dan and our 2 kids (em had to tag along) take their sister over and say a final goodbye.
It is the downhill run now..... how are you feeling, is the baby kicking away??? Thank you also for your story, you really did help to make me feel a little more positive. I really don't think my Dr made me feel much more positive. Probably because of the way I was acting.!!
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