Trying to Conceive after Stillbirth/Recurrent Miscarriage/Late Loss

Yeepee !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Paula, huge congratulations hun !!!!!!!:happyforyou: I am so so excited for you, that's just awesome news ! Wishing you a happy and healthy 40 week pregnancy (and a boring one at that !). Our power dropped off this morning in the middle of my post to you, and then I had to wait an hour to do it again !

Megan hun, I can't say I can help you with the pulling feeling, but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for you and hoping for a good result on Monday. The bleeding might not be AF so praying that it's just something to do with implantation. Fingers and toes and whatever else I can sross is crossed for you hun :crossfingers::goodluck:

All my love and huge hugs

Beata xxxooo

:dance::dance::dance::leap::happyforyou::hooray::h ooray: CONGRATULATIONS PAULA! How absolutely fabulous, and even more so with your GF there with you. I am so very happy for you. Wow 2 in one month, this thread is on fire!

Here is too Megan making it number 3 :pray:

Megan, I also can't offer any advice but I am praying so hard it's a little implantation bleeding or something. I won't be able to check up on you until Thursday so I hope I come back to some great news. Everything is crossed hun.

Hi girls. Popping by again and I have just read Diana's story and have been reduced to tears. Please know that Sebastian knows you love him and please don't feel guilty. I know that is easy to say but hard to practise but you must know your boy is happy and he wants you to be as well. You give him kisses and cuddles whenever you think of him or shed a tear. :hug:

You have all been through so much pain and grief - I pray you all get your much longed for BFPs soon and a beautiful baby to hold 9 months later. :grouphug:

Hi Katie,
I love your post, you are such a sweet girl.

I've heard this phrase the other day which I just wanted to share with you all, as it brought tears to my eyes. It said, 'You are at your best, when you are at your worst'. It's just so true for anyone who has gone through a loss. We are all very strong people, to have survived what we have survivied. It makes us not only strong, but resilient women, we can achieve anything.

B xx

Dear girls,

I have been lurking and not really posting much, but I wanted to say thank you girls for sharing your stories. I have shed so many tears reading your stories. Though I have had recurrent miscarriages, I have never had to ensure a late loss. You ladies are very strong and your angels know how much they are loved and are so proud of their mums and dads. :grouphug:

Megan - I still have my fingers crossed for you. I also got pulling early in pregnancy, so hopefully this is the reason.

Beata - Hope you are feeling better - 1kg that is huge!!!. Given a couple months break, I look forward to sharing your IVF and look forward to that BFP soon.

Katiegirl - Good to hear from you. Hope things are going well.

Jo76 - Sorry you got mixed emotions at the psychic. The course sounds interesting though - anything in mind???? Though it was positive with the pregnancy card.

Tildy - Yeah for a big bubs!!! It is such fantastic news. My Ob is saying that I will not have any more u/s, unless he thinks there is a problem. Man I am stressing about that!!!

Teagz - hopefully not now until you get Jayvans results, it must be so frustrating. Though congrats to you and DH on making a decision regarding TTC, it feels great to have a plan.

Theresa - How are you feeling??? Not long until the scan on 6/2. I will have my fingers crossed for you.

dd0207 - I found acupuncture very relaxing as well. You kind of feel enlightened when you leave. I hope this helps for you.

Berry - Glad blood tests came back positive, but sad you have to also wait so long for your results of your angel.

Paula - again I am so excited for you....

xxx Sue xxx

Also Lan - a special message for you.

I am so glad you posted and it is so good to hear from you.

Hope you are getting to that positive place and I just wanted to say, is that I miss you.

xxx Sue xxx

Oh Lan, it's so good to hear from you hun ! I almost missed you post if it wasn't for Sue! I totally understand you wanting a break, but please know that we all miss you heaps and remember we're always here for you. Even if you just want to vent, anything !
Have a nice long weekend hun, hopefully I'll chat to you soon. Go the Dragons !!!!!
Huge bear hugs and love always :hug:
Beata xoxo

:happyforyou: Yay for Paula! Oh, what a great start to the weekend! How are you and your visiting GF going to celebrate your big BFP?

Diana -- I second everyone's assurance that your are absolutely not a bad mother. It was your deep love for Sebastian that made the situation and the decision painful for you, and that heartbreak and grief over your little boy not having a chance does not a BAD mother make!

Lan -- I'm so glad you popped your head in. I respect your need to have a break from the BB intensity, but know that we love you and still hope things are going well for you! It's so true that we won't reach our goals -- a happy, healthy bubs -- if we don't walk through the fire of TTC and pregnancy. If we're not willing to risk losing our world again, then we will never get what we want. You're right, I wasn't 100% ready when I got pregnant again, and the stars weren't all aligned and life was far from perfect in all other respects, and I was scared ****less. But nothing was going to stop me. Knowing that doesn't necessarily make it so much easier for you in the moment, though... but I wish you all the strength in the world, hon.

I'm sorry that I'm not personal-ing everyone today, but I don't want to keep my butt in this chair too long. But I'm reading everything!

Oh thank you Katie, I am sorry I made you cry though. Say hi to little Anna for me x
Tildy, a big hug and thank you for your encourgement also x

Beata, take care of yourself and keep resting so recovery is quick.

Megan, hope you're ok and can't wait until next week when I can check up on you again. Sending you big hugs.

Hello to all our pregnant mammas - which now includes Paula WOO HOO!!

Big hugs to the TTC-ers.

Hi Lan, glad you popped in. Thinking of you always x

Well I am leaving for the Gold Coast early tomorrow and back late Wednesday night so will catch you all then. Take care everyone.
Love Diana xx

PS: Sue and Beata, thank God you didn't have to use Synarel with your IVF cycle - the stuff is feral and makes me gag. I would rather inject myself 10 times a day than use this stuff.

Diana, that nasty synarel !!! But just look ahead of you hun, and there is that lovely light at the end of the tunnel. That's where you're gonna get to soon. Believe me, every yucky bit is so worth it. If it wasn't for IVF, I wouldn't have had Joshua, and I'll always be grateful for that.

Before IVF, I resented the fact that I had to do it, and was really angry that I couldn't get pregnant naturally. I really resented my DF for having a versectomy, so I just blamed him. I then I realised that he had it done because his ex wife almost died having the last child (she has lupis), so he decided to have the chop. He wasn't to know his marriage would fall apart only a few years later, and that he would meet someone else, and want another child. That is my DF, a very selfless man.

Have a safe trip, and a nice drinky for me at the tropical pool, you lucky duck ! :cool:

Love
Beata xxx

Beata, you're right, every awful sniff is bringing me one day closer to my dream so no more complaining here!

Your DF is a wonderful man. I can totally understand the fact that you wanted to blame him but his reasons were indeed selfless. At least you know you had success with IVF and you will have another baby with him - one to take home this time.

I better get to bed as I have to get up at 6am - yuk.

Paula - CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I am so excited for you. May you have the happiest and healthiest 9 months. Whoo hoo!!!!!

Lan - just wanted to add that when I found out I was pregnant with Anna I suddenly was more terrified and anxious than when I was TTC and absolutely desperate to be pregnant! It is a rough rollercoaster that we are all on and TTC is never easy, but it is very much worth it when you do get that BFP and finally your baby. Take care and be gentle to yourself.

Hugs to all - and still so happy for Paula! Yippee

hello girls!
busy weekend helping BIL move house stuff to ours and had to work yesterday, went out last night and work tomorrow but have quickly snuck on as i still did'nt know about Paula. Am so glad i did!!! What a teaser of an announcement! i was leaning into the scren as i was going down!!! CHEEKY!! But i am so so so so so happy for you and so happy your Gf is there to share in the wonderful joy of the BFP with you and DH!!!:dance::clap::dance:
Lan -I so want that horoscope - you are so up my alley asking! I LOVE that stuff!!! Send through -do you have my home email - i'll sms you in case! look forward to reading it!
And although we've been in touch - i am happy you are back on here too!!! Your little funny ways have been much missed!!! xxx
syran - lurking?!? do we need to read more into this , your ok???
berry -hope your going ok! you may be still ok tho -keeping you in my thoughts!!!
beata -you can be a big wuss! you've done so well!!! and i would have been nervous about getting the staples out too! Not the same league -but i remember getting my stitches out when i broke my wrist in everyway you could when i was preg with DS and they were the huge frankinstein type and i was freaking!!! Its another nice recovery sign getting them out and thats great! continue to take care of you ok!!!
have to go girls -sneak on is over! grrr! hi to all i have'nt got to yet!!
have a fab long weekend!!
xxxjo
p.s paula - :leap::happyforyou::hooray: you have lifted my day!!!!

katie -will facebbok you but just saw your sig says Anna is 2 months old!!! Where has that gone!!!!

Hello,

Well AF is well and truly here, so annoying, frustrating and upsetting all in one! :( Anyway, I guess it was unrealistic to get lucky on the first month, so will try and not get too down about it. I think my hormones are still all over the place in anycase.

Beata, I am sure you are glad that the op is over and done with and you can not count down to little frosties being implanted!

Lan, good to hear from you, hope you are doing ok. I am a dragon as well!!! Gosh, I hope the horoscope is right for us this year!

Good to hear from you as well Katie, hope Anna is doing well and sleeping lots for you now.

Paula, how was your weekend, did you buy a baby outfit?

Speak soon
M

Hi Girls,

Been a little bit quiet here, suppose it's the long weekend and everyone has gone away somewhere !

Megan, I'm sorry hun. I was so hoping for some good news from you...But you're right, it always is disappointing when we don't see that little line, but there is always the next time, and your little one will come when he or she is ready.
I'm reading this great book ATM called Echoes of the Soul by Echo Bodine, and it basically says that a child (they refer to it as a soul) comes to us when he/she is ready, not when we're ready. So the book says, we shouln't feel disappointed when it doesn't happen when we were hoping it would happen, but instead be patient as the 'soul' comes when it's his/her time.
Don't mean to blab, but it made some sense to me so I hope it helps you a litle bit too.
Bug hugs hun, and don't worry, invite your little one to come asap and I'm sure he/she can be persuaded !!

Jo76, you are right. I can be a wuss if I want to, dammnit ! I just don't like pain, but then, who does ? I really thought my pain threashhold was a bit higher, lol !

Katie, I can't believe your little girl has already passed the 2 month mark ! Woohoo !!
Next, you'll be telling us she's a year old ! Hope you're enjoying motherhood hun xx

Paula, have you come off the great big high yet ???? I'm still so exited you you hun, well done !!!!!

Big hello to who ever else is around :)

Lots of love
Beata xxx

ooooooooh thank you so much girls. I am still sooooooo excited and on such a high. Funnily just as I typed that a song came on the ipod called, 'I refuse to come down'... appropriate huh!!

So many personals to get through today....

Sue: I pictured you and Lily dancing around your kitchen and it made me smile (as if I wasn't already!!). Thank you for your excitement, it really adds to my excitement.

Jo (LM): it was so funny that you said straight away you thought girl because that is what I was thinking. Funnily enough I really don't care either way now. At one point on the weekend I was actually hoping boy, I've been to 2 psychics recently and one said boy and the other girl so who knows. I guess we'll all find out in about 8mths time!!

Helen: I see you're on the girl bandwagon as well. It made me laugh that you were racing off for your trip away but then checked my chart and rushed another post to put your money on a girl. Sounds like something I would do!! Hope you've had a great trip and look forward to hearing when you get back.

Lan: you came back for me!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy to read your post, made me feel like a celebrity that my BFP announcement lured you back to BB, even if just for a little while. I will so have to rush out now and get dark sunnies and designer clothes to go with my celebrity status. And of course some designer baby labels to go with it!! Oh and hang on... rubbing, rubbing, rubbing... there you go, belly rubs done and BFP vibes on are there way through cyberspace to you!!

Megan: I am so sorry that AF arrived for you. I was getting so excited about us sharing a BFP weekend together and having the same EDD. It will make the end of the year much more exciting though because instead of having all the babies come at the same time we will have months of excitement and anticipation. Your turn will come, I am so sure of it. You can have some of Lan's belly rubs if you like. Remember my belly is quite huge (from me eating more bad food) so there is plenty to go round!!

Teagz: A valentines day test sounds so romantic doesn't it. It would really add to your valentine's day celebrations wouldn't it. I will have everything crossed for you and I agree that this is indeed and lucky thread. Again, feel free to share the belly rubs!

Beata: Thansk for you excitement luvvy and I hopy you are recovering well. Its so exciting to think of all the BFP's we have yet to celebrate in here. I am just beside myself at the moment!

Diana: That sniffing sounds wicked, I know its easy to say focus on the end result but sometimes its virtually impossible isn't it! I just hope your trip to the GC is helping take your mind of it and that you have an awesome time so you're well rested for the BFP that'll be coming your way soon!

Tildy: I love reading your posts and totally agree with your comments to Lan. I remember when I first came on this thread and you were all just getting your BFP's or trying for them and I couldn't believe how incredibly brave and strong I thought you all were because I could barely contemplate at that time being able to open myself up to such pain again. What we are all doing takes more courage than most people will ever have to find in a lifetime and not just the being PG part but the whole journey including ttc. How lovely that we have each other to share the journey with. Whenever one of us is having a bad day, someone else is feeling strong and capable and can lend a hand and some words of wisdom.

Katie: You are like this pioneer woman on here. Having a 2mo baby. I am on a healthy kick atm and keep looking at all these after pics to keep motivated and prove to myself it is possible. Well you are my 'after pic' when it comes to producing babies. Anytime I have a niggle of doubt I look at you and go well if Katie can do it, so can I. How lovely that soon there will a whole group of new mum's in this thread. What an exciting 2009.

Jo76: I am so glad my BFP lifted your day. I hate moving so it sounds like a day moving BIL would not have been that much fun. Hows your ttc decision going. I really hope you are able to come to a decision you are happy with soon and selfishly of course, I would love you to be joining us PG women (how funny does that sounds!!) as soon as possible!

Who have I missed, surely someone....

As for me and my high. I am still on it. GF and I have had the best weekend. We spent all day Saturday baby shopping. I didn't buy anything but not because I was afraid, just because I couldn't find what i wanted. I may have another shop today.

I am feeling so confident but whenever I dont' feel nausea I do have a bit of a freak out. It just makes me realise how strong all you PG girls really are because even though I am confident this pregnancy is going to end in me holding a happy and healthy baby, when I do freak out it turns my blood cold and stops my heart and I have to do some quick reassuring to get past it. I am being so pedantic about everything I eat, drink and do. Partly because I want to do all I can for the bub, but mostly because if I am doing everything rght, it is easier to maintain my confidence.

My anchor point at the moment is that I have had a perfect cycle this month so no thyroid/progesterone issues, I have not had a drink since xmas day and have eaten only organic vegan (mostly raw) food, I have exercised 6 days a week for 6 weeks and most importantly, my GF had no idea about testing day and just happended to book her trip at this time. That has to be more than just a coincidence. We both think it was Charlie manipulating things to reassure me that everything is going to be fine this time.

So if I am ever having a freak out girls, make sure you remind me of my anchor point and that I couldn't not have done a single thing more to give this bub every shot!

Anyway, I have rambled for long enough but just wanted to post and say thank you so much for all your excitement. We are not telling people so to be able to share it with you beautiful girls has been a real honour. You are my rock and I hope in 8mths time you will all be dancing round your kitchens celebrating the safe arrival of my little bub!!

love you all
xox

hi girls
firstly huge congrats to paula on the BFP was so excited when i read those three little letters. we lost internet connection on thursday night and only got it back this arvo so was absolutely going bonkers not being able to see what you were all up to especially with dh on night shift. Hope all you other lovely ladies are all doing well and we have plenty more BFP in the coming months.
afm: am off to get my ivf drugs on wednesday so am ready to start when af arrives i'm excited and scared because before chloe i didn't think that we would be able to have a child and now i know we can i won't another one so badly it will be a hard road i'm sure.
for all the girls talking about holding their angels i was so lucky that my wonderful brother stepped up when we had chloe and she had passed away. He actually took photos of all my family holding her and of dh and i with her we have a couple of photo's that the hossy took before she passed away of me holding her hand and then we have the one's after she had passed away. We had her with us for about 5hrs i think in that time they took her and bathed her and bought her back i must say i had a wonderful midwife who was a godsend at the time. you all have wonderful stories and i will write mine very soon as i feel now it was such a special time more then a sad time okay i have rambled enough. have a great australia day everyone

Hi everyone

Sorry I have been MIA for a few days. I have been ill and have had to have my blood sugars monitored and fluids watched as I have had an upset stomach for 5 days so a bit of concern all round. I am fine though so don't worry, just really tired and drained. DF has been wonderful and taking care of me - I am a very lucky girl!!!!

Paula - A huge CONGRATS!!!!! I am thrilled for you. That is sooooo exciting!!!!!!

Beata - I hope you are feeling better after your op. I have been thinking of you xxxx

Sue - I can't wait for the scan. I just want to see this little one's heartbeat. It is on the 9th Feb - 1 week today and I am wishing I could speed up time!!!!

I have also had a bad few days as it was Zachary's 6 month anniversary on Saturday and as happy as I am that I am pg, I was so sad that Zachary was not here.

This is my favourite thread of all and I am so glad you girls have welcomed me with open arms and been such great support. I would never had gotten to this point without you all - so thank you xxxxxx

Hello,

I hope everyone had a good weekend.

Beata, your book sounds interesting. I just hope that my baby's little soul gets a wriggle on and finds its way into my tummy soon :D It's hard to know why it just doesn't 'happen' when you do everything right and at the right time, but I guess that's just the way it is. I'll look out for that book next time I'm in a book store. Thanks.

Paula, sounds like you have been working really hard to be healthy & in shape for your little ones arrival. You should be really proud of yourself! Hope you are feeling well. Lots of rest now for you :D

Dee, exciting news that you can start on your IVF treatment very soon. I am sure its a nerve racking time as well, but a very positive move towards having your much wanted baby. It's nice to hear that you spent so much time with your angel and have lots of photo's to remember her by. It's great that your family were so supportive and thoughtful. Please share your story when you are ready.

Theresa, good to hear from you. I hope that you are feeling better now. The first trimester is always a nervous time isn't it, but glad to hear that your DF is looking after you. Big hugs :hug:for Zachary's 6-month anniversary, I can understand that it's still difficult for you regardless of being pg. Take care of yourself.

AFM, just counting down the days to ttc again.

Hi Girls!

firstly, big congrats to Paula for her bub-in-turn!!! at this rate it will be one a month on this thread, how wonderful!!

I've been meaning to post for days but been very busy. Firstly, thanks to all the ladies for sharing their stories, I feel privileged to share your baby's stories. If you'd like to read, I posted mine: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...4-04-08-a.html
I was lucky enough to not experience any insensitive medical personnel, and I thank my lucky stars for that.

Diana, I will echo what the other women said about not feeling guilty... but you know, I often think that 'mother guilt' is so ubiquitous anyway, when you add a lost child to the mix it's futile to think we can avoid feeling some guilt. I'm not saying we deserve to, rationally in our heads we know we have nothing to feel guilty about, but we still do... I can see you shouldn't feel guilty and you can see I shouldn't either but we still will... does that make sense?? Anyway, I'm saying try to give yourself a break because you did the best you could under unbearable circumstances. I was contemplating not seeing our son, but when I saw the doctor beforehand he said I should. He said the mind will always picture something worse than the reality (that was when we didn't know why he'd died and some sort of deformity was a possibility) and that I'd always regret it. If he hadn't told me that I might not have, and would have regretted it. Anyway, I'll stop rambling!

Megan, sorry to hear AF arrived :( it's probably not a MC though, it may just be your body still adjusting to normal cycles after having a baby. Hopefully next month will be when your baby feels right coming to visit :)

Lan, I'm so glad to hear from you... I can understand how you feel about TTC... we so want babies but TTC and pregnancy is such a scary process for us. I don't think there will ever be a perfect time for us ever again... but I do think that having lost Edward has made me appreciate and love this baby and never take him/her for granted and that has been a gift. I hope you find the courage to accept that gift again soon.

Beata, glad you're well and the surgery is over, soon your uterus will be perfect for baby-holding!

Jo, glad to hear from you! It sounds like you've been having some lovely time with your kiddies.

Hi to everyone else!!

We have had a very busy long weekend, cleaned out the spare rooms, getting the nursery ready, exciting yet scary at the same time... My sister wants to visit with her daughter who's roughly the same age Edward should be. She also said in the email 'you're going to love being parents' - this irritated me somewhat, like we haven't been trying for ages and have already had it robbed from us once before?!? People just can't seem to say the right thing to me, I'm awful!! I'm annoyed because my brother and sister are really excited to find out I'm pregnant- that should be a good thing but it annoys me because I feel like everyone else thinks a new baby erases the pain of a lost child. I am soooooo excited but I find it really uncomfortable to share that excitement with other people, not entirely sure why. I also realised that not one person aside from close family and friends (who already knew) ever asked me if we had a boy or a girl, and that upsets me. I'm easily upset it would seem!!! I know I'm being irrational, everyone means well. Maybe it's the hormones.

Anyway, time for bed I think!!!

Love Rozzie

:bluecheer:Whooo Hooooo Paula congratulations:cheer:

Rozzie -- I don't know if you're "easily upset" or "irrational" or not, but I can at least say that it all sounds VERY familiar to me. I'd like to think that we're both normal! :) I too would have gotten a thorn in my side over "You're going to love being parents." Why? Because it's a reminder that I was on my way into that club and I feel they're rubbing it in my face that I suddenly had my entry ticket yanked away. I have a really hard time seeking advice and opening myself up to other people in that kind of way to begin with, but that feeling is DEFINITELY stronger when it comes to family and friends who have recently had babies and try to give me advice or tell me how great or horrible something is or will be (and of course presume that their experience is universal). I especially get rubbed the wrong way over being told what labor will feel like -- thanks, I know more about it than they realize! And I can also get my hackles up surprisingly easy over people being excited about our pregnancy and coming arrival. They can't really win, can they -- but especially in the case of certain people, I'm simply very "don't act like you're a part of this." Rawr!

In may case, I had a dust-up last night with my mom. Some of you know how truly much I don't like my parents, but this one was about them demanding that I send them a picture of me now so they can see me pregnant and trying to make it a guilt trip about how they're 5000 miles away while their grandchild is developing and being born and how pitiable they are and how they "deserve" more updates (including an "remember that because your sister died we won't have any other grandchildren". Gosh, thanks for the reminder, I had so forgotten?). I tried to give as generic a "no" as possible, saying I'm not comfortable with taking a picture and that they have to respect that, and reminding them that I have to spend 40 hours a week in a computer chair at work so I can't justify making this pelvic pain even worse by spending time in a computer chair at home. Well, she didn't respect any of that, of course, and called me selfish, so it became a discussion about how people who laugh at the idea of me being a mother or say things like "Jesus is going to keep killing your babies until you start believing in him" have to lie in the bed they themselves made. :P I told her that I plain and simply don't want her to be a part of this pregnancy or this baby's life and to leave me alone. It was the last straw that should have come AGES ago, because it's just ridiculous that I lie awake several nights in a row every time she contacts me, grinding my teeth over some new horrible thing she's said or done. Now I'm going to get the obligatory messages from all my other family members and her friends about what a truly lovely person they think she is and how unfair I am for "cutting her off." I'm prepared to say "suck it."

Hi Ladies,
I'm sorry that I haven't been around for a while. I have had a pretty bad stomach flu for the past few days. I think that I finally feel a bit better. Good thing too because my DH had to leave for a work trip yesterday. I wasn't too excited about being left home alone, I keep thinking that something bad is going to happen with the pregnancy and he won't be here.

Rozzie, I seem to be having the same problem. My 80 year old gradmother told me that I will be a mother someday and I could have hit her. I know that she was trying to tell me not to give up hope but it sure did make me mad. My mother told me that she doen't feel comfortable talking to me about Parker and Shelby because I find an issue with everything she says (she sure can say some stupid things too). There have even been a few comments on Belly (from women with angels of their own) that have made me want to scream. I think that there is no way to understand how someone feels after such a tragic event even if we have been through one similar. It is upsetting to me when people try. Why can't they just say that I am here for you, whatever you need?

Tildy, I have no idea what you have been through with your parents but the few things that you have said on BB have made me think that maybe it is better that you don't have too much to do with them until you are relaxed with your bub in your arms. It is horrible to have to deal with the stress of family when you have other things on your mind. I have not talked to my sister after what she said to me on Christmas and I really don't plan to. I know that she will never see anything wrong with the hurtful things that she said. I just can't worry about her too, I am under enough stress.

Paula, :dance:

Jo, how have you been doing? I am sorry that your trip to the Psychic didn't give you the huge boost of confidence that you needed.

hey girls!
tildy - we don't speak to my Dhs mother either (when i talk in here about his dad, its with his stepmum) She has never met DD and has'nt seen DS since he was 3.5 months old at his naming ceremony. (held at my parents house,at which she turned up with a boyfriend we had'nt met yet a photo was taken of her with DS and she seriously had the look of death in her eyes. The few people who saw it could not believe how she could look like that holding a baby) She was an incredilbly selfish woman who expected people to make her the centre of attention (very tiring) and who would expect you to arrange your life to fit in with hers everytime. the reason why we don't speak is because just after DS was born she said to come over for dinner and we said yes we'll be in touch and organise a date. (she only had Tues avaliable always due to seing her boyfriend) The next tues she rang to see where we were and we asked why and she said she had cooked dinner and we were like nooooooo, we said we'd be touch and she cracked it and came to his naming day (we thought we'd do the right thing), had a sour look on her face the whole time. Then cracked it again because for mothers day i wrote (not thinking) on the card "dear robyn" not mum. (i have never called her mum) And then cracked it because it did't include DS's name on it. THEN, sent his brother around with the card to tell us off and ask why we had'nt written mum etc. In the end it got too much and we could'nt handle what it was doing to us anymore. We refused to let her babysit on her own as she was a bit ditzy and was prone to more than a few drinks each day and i said to DH she'd go off shopping and forget there was a baby in the house. I could list inappropriate things and take over this thread (i think i have)but i wanted to let you know i can in part understand where you are coming from and you will cop s@#* from other people but at the end of the day you have a baby to take care of, as well as your self and by the sounds the emotional stress is not worth it. PHEW!
Laney - you've been in my thoughts because i have'nt sent your email yet! i will send off right after this! hope your feeling ok while DH is away...
Rozzie - I'm not sure how i would go if someone said that thing about the parents to me.
theresa - take care of you and a week can feel like forever but its not that long. It very hard and i had mixed feeling too about those angelversarys, you are happy because you have a new bubs growing in there but at the same time it made me miss what could have been also. Its so hard all the emotions we continue to go through. hope your feeling better and that DF is still taking care of you.(very sweet)
beata -LOVE that bit you wrote about angel souls, LOVED it! Beautifully put!
berry -so sorry that AF has arrived. Hope it is over nice and quick for you...
paula -hope you high is continuing!!!! Start the new week with a bang!
hi to everyone else! better go, was planning to leave at 9am and DD still is'nt up.
take care! xx jo

Hi to all you beautiful ladies
I just wanted to share this poem I found in the back of a book I have called "Trying Again" - it makes me cry every time I read it. So sorry in advance if I make anyone cry! I just find it really beautiful -

"A Different Child"

A different child,
People notice
There's a special glow around you.
You grow
Surrounded by love,
Never doubting you are wanted;
Only look at the pride and joy
In your mother and father's eyes.

And if sometimes
Between the smiles
There's a trace of tears,
One day
You'll understand.
You'll understand
There was once another child
A different child
Who was in their hopes and dreams.
That child will never outgrow the baby clothes
That child will never keep them up at night
In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all.
Except sometimes, in a silent moment,
When mother and father miss so much
That different child.

May hope and love wrap you warmly
And may you learn the lesson forever
How infinitely precious
How infinitely fragile
Is this life on Earth.
One day, as a young man or woman
You may see another mother's tears
Another father's silent grief
Then you, and you alone
Will understand
And offer the greatest comfort.
When all hope seems lost,
You will tell them
With great compassion,
"I know how you feel.
I'm only here
Because my mother tried again".

- Pandora Diane Waldron

BBL with some personals - feeling a little emotional now after that :redface:

x

Morning Lovely's, Hope everyone had a nice long weekend... wasn't long enough if you ask me ;)

Beata, I'm going to remember that phrase! I might go and get that book as well that you're reading :)

Paula, How are you feeling? Still on your BFP high no doubt haha. I hear you about being pedantic. I still haven't drunken or eaten anything you wouldn't when you are pregnant. DF things I'm nuts as lots of people who do still go on to bring their babies home. He even asked me on the weekend if I was pregnant again already and I wasn't telling him yet, rolf. Like I'd be able to contain my excitement from him!

Syran, you have to stop lurking and post, girl! it's nice having someone in here from my old due date thread, even if the reason for being here isn't as nice.

DD, Enjoy your holiday! Tell us about it when you get back won't you? DF and I are hoping to get up there one of these days.. it'd be good to know all the hots spots :)

Jo76, you poor thing you have had a busy weekend! Make sure you rest up.

Jo, that poem is very bittersweet, isn't it?

Theresa, I hope you start feeling better shortly, get plently of rest! Heck, don't even bother going to work if you're just feeling lazy even :p I'm so glad you have a well trained DF to take care of you as well ;)

Berry, Sorry to hear about AF. When I complained about mine everyone kept telling me to remember that it is a sign that I'm healthy and without it I wouldn't be able to have babies. At the time it didn't help but once you head clears a bit it all becomes a bit more logical.

Dee, What a lovely thing your brother did for you and Cloe. We got photos of Jayvan from the hospital, and the tiniest little feet and hand prints that I cherish!
I would love to hear your story one day of your beautiful angel, when you fee like telling it. I don't know how many of you ended up here still.

Tildy "Jesus is going to keep killing your babies until you start believing in him" :jawdrop: What!? She said that to you? Some days I honestly believe that there is no Jesus or God. And if there is He needs his head read. I can't see why He can take babies away from woman who will truely love, cherish, want and most importantly, deserve them and yet there are so many children in foster care because their parents are not fit to look after them. I'm not saying that they should be punished in this way, no one deserves to lose a child, but really, if we are going to start talking about higher powers picking who should mother a child and who shouldn't for whatever reasons I know who I would choose, and it wouldn't be based on what they believed in!
I don't want to start up a religion debate or anything like that, and I am a very open minded person towards religion but sometimes my logic takes over a bit and I just wanna go "D'er!" Comments like that make me fume just a little. Sorry for ranting. And I'm sorry you had to cut ties with your mother, I'd imagine it would have been a very difficult choice to make.

AFM! Well I spent more of the weekend sleeping as I could feel a cold coming on. Usually I fight it but this time I thought stuff it, and let it run it's course. I'm glad I did though as I think all the sleeping has helped knock it on the head. I've also started taken in-liven to help my immune system so hopefully that starts kicking in soon as well!!
And true to our nature DF and I change our minds more frequent than our underwear! We've decided to wait until Jayvan's tests come back in to make sure that it's nothing that will happen again before we start TTC again. DF thinks I'll be a dribbling mess if it does. Which he has a point, I'll be devistated. Don't you hate it when they're just so logical? On the brighter side though I ovulate dead on day 15 (which is today) and is very easy to pick up! So, I'm glad my body is working like clockwork again.

Hope everyone enjoy's their short week this week, don't work to hard! xx :p


PS. I have just called my Gyno and our tests results should be in tomorrow! Hopefully I wouldn't have missed my cycle :pray:

Hi Ladies

Theresa: glad to have you back. sounds like you've had a rough trot with your health. I hope you're feeling better soon and thanks for the congratulations, it is so exciting, that I get to share it all with you girls.

Megan: try not to fret, ttc will be here before you know it. I remember deciding to hold off on ttc due to my health and it seemed like forever for next ttc to arrive and look here I am with a BFP!

Rozzie: Haven't you been busy. Was it fun setting up the nursery etc. It sure sounds like it. I can totally understand the irritability bit as well. It just seems like no matter what people say, they say the wrong thing. I think it is the energy they say it with that makes the difference. if someone I know loves me and has been supportive re losing Charlie says something I am usually ok regardless of what they say. But if someone says something, even if it is nice, and I know they just don't get it, then they **** me off!

Cindee: Good to hear from you too and again, thanks for the congrats!

Tildy: I have to say that your mother sounds absolutely terrible. I complain about mine, but I think yours takes the cake. You should stick to you guns though and do whatever you think is best for you and your family.

Laney: All these sickies, what's going on! Hope you're feeling better. I know exactly what you mean about DH being away. I have already read mine the riot act. He has only missed 2 OB appointments but they just happened to be the 2 where I found out about the miscarriage and then about Charlie. So needless to say I am a little paranoid about him not being there for anything.

Jo(LM): thank you so much for sharing that poem. It was so beautiful and really sums up the whole ttc, next pregnancy, next baby issues. I am keeping a journal for my kids about this whole process and just life in general. it is written to them and just explains what's going on with DH and I at different times and why we make the choices we do. I hope someday it might help them understand our choices and help them learn from our experiences.

Teagz: how funny your DH thinking you would be keeping a BFP secret. I'm not sure it would be possible to keep such a thing. I am sure some women could but not many!! I hope you get what you are looking for out of Jayvan's test results and will be joining the ttcers soon. It is a good idea to wait though. It has really given me peace of mind, even though at the time when I put ttc off for a bit it nearly killed me. Now I know I have done all I could.

AFM well I went out yesterday and bought 2 of the most gorgeous organic cotton baby outfits. i really felt like I needed to just to cement in my confidence. With Charlie I did nothing because I was so anxious right from day one. I am determined this time will be different.

That is not to say I have not been having moments of completely freaking out. I just have to give myself a stern talking to when that happens.

I spoke to OB's office today and have my first appointment booked for 12 Feb. I should be just under 7 weeks and get to see a heartbeat if nothing else. Making the appointment made me feel so sick with anxiety but its a bit like the ttc thing. It is so hard to do but if I don't do it then i won't get the reassurance of seeing that my little one is ok.

Oh girls, I am just so happy that soon I will have a little baby in my arms. I am sorry that some of you are still waiting to ttc and get your BFP's but once you do it is so worth it. It just feels like such a miracle and it is such a lovely surprise during the day when I have forgotten I am PG and then all of a sudden remember. Thank you all for your support and well wishes, I wish you all your much longed for earth angels as soon as possible.

love
Paula
xox

Hello girls,

Hope everyone is well, and rested after the nice long weekend. We're bracing ourselves for the next 4 days as it'll be 38-41 degrees every day until Friday....thank God for my aircon which we only installed last summer !

Paula, don't worry too much about not having m/s, it might arrive a little bit later ! When I was pregnant with Joshua I was waiting for it to hit me like a tone of bricks, but then all I ever got was a few dry retches in the morning (mind you, 8am on the dot for 8 weeks!) and that was it. My mum said she didn't have any morning sickness with me or my brother so maybe that was why I didn't have it so bad. You are such a good girl for eating healthy stuff and excercising, you go girl ! Very proud of you :D
Soon you'll be able to see that beautiful heartbeat and baby on the screen, how exciting !

Dee, good luck with your IVF treatment hun, I will be there myself mid year I hope ! The journey will be what you make it to be, so positive attitude is really good. I still think I fell pregnant with Josh the first time on IVF because I was so relaxed about it. I know it's really daunting, and scary, but you will get there and you will have that much longed for baby xx
On another note, I think you have a really wonderful brother. My brother didn't say boo when I lost Joshua and in fact it took him a couple of months to start talking to me again, and that was after I made the first move ! In case you're wondering, my brother is real loner, and hasn't got any social skills, so after my initial disgust with his behaviour, I thought 'hell, I am the bigger person here' and I spoke to him first. Not about Josh though, I hope one day he wil realise how hurtful (i'm sure not intentionally) he's been.

Theresa, I hope you're well on your road to recovery hun ! Your DF sounds just wonderful, make sure he looks after you like a queen ! Big hugs hun and big lovey belly rubs for your little one xx

Megan, that book really opened my eyes to who we really are. I'm more spiritual than I am religious (i go to church twice a year, i prefer to talk with God at home), so I do believe that our souls just use our body to get around, and of course learn as much as they can during its lifetimes. I just thought it was beautiful when it said in the book, the spirit of a newborn will come when it's ready and it definitely chooses its mum and dad. The other thing that was really nice, was that if the soul decides that the body doesn't suit her/him or if it isn't ready to be born (apparently it can change its mind) , it will wait until the mum becomes pregnant again and it will be born then. Makes you think...huh ? I don't know if this is too heavy for you, sorry if I have offended anyone !

Rozzie, that comment that people make about finally being parents, well hello, you are already a parent, twice !!! Makes me so mad when poeple tell me that I will be a mum soon, I am a mum ! I am a mum to my darling little angel Joshua, and that is the greatest honour that was given to me.

Tildy, I can imagine how frasturating mothers can be. I won't go on about mine (i think i would be here for hours) but i can tell you that my mum really pressurised me to have a baby and when I lost Jushua it was all about her. She's suffered more than me, it's been so hard on her, she's lost a baby grandson too, me, me, me, me. I kept telling her that as much as I acknowledged her loss as a grandparent, I was the one who has lost a son and I eventually got her to think less selfishly. I think she's more understanding now, but I still think deep down, she's disappointed I didn't give her that granchild she so longed for. I can understand how if feels to have so much pressure put on you by your mum (i am so sorry to hear that you've lost your sister :comfort:) because my mum reckons that my brother will never get married and i'm her only chance. Go figure!
PS I can't believe that comment about 'Jesus keeps killing your babies until you start believing in him' I simply have no comment for this, I am just shocked.

Laney, i'm sorry to hear you haven't been feeling so good, i hope you feel a lot better soon. Big bear hugs to you, and big belly rubs for your bubba xxx

Jo76, I can see what you mean about your DHs mother. Mine can be pretty selfish too, wanting everything to be about her, but I just always cut her down a peg or two (in the nicest way though) and she backs off a little. Mothers, hey !?

Jo, thank you so much for your poem, and yes, it made me cry. It's so touching and I can relate to it on so many levels, thank you ! Hope bubba is nice and happy with that nice long cervix ! When is your next scan ??

Teagz, it's good that you chose not to fight that cold. It's the first thing we do isn't it ? But when you just let go, it takes its course and leaves us alone. Come to think of it, I think we should apply the same rule when TTC. We should just let go, and let nature take its course. Thought for the day ! LOL

Diana, let us know when you've arrived back and I hope you've had a lovely holiday hun xxx

OMG, I've run out of steam...big hello to the rest of you wonderfull ladies, hope you're having an OK day.

Love
Beata xxx

Well, We got the results back for Jayvan
and in short they said absolutely nothing.

I'm so sorry Teagz for the lack of the answers you so wanted and needed. Is there any other tests they can/will do ? I can feel your frasturation, i know that knowing what happened is so much better than not knowing. When I lost Joshua, my OB first said that the fibroid was a 'contributing factor' in my miscarriage, and left the 'major' factor as 'unknown'. I remember feeling so lost and angry that I wasn't given 'the' reason for his early arrival. Deep in my heart though, I just knew it was the fibroid. With time, the OB changed his mind and said the forbroid was probably the likely cause of the uterus going into spasms/contractions, together with the drugs that were pumped into me to stop my contractions. I thought he might say that, especially because he didn't order any tests on Joshua when he was born. I was glad to know that my gut feeling served me right once again.

Sorry hun, I still hope they can come up with something..

Love
B xxx

Teagz, I am so sorry hun, that must be so frustrating to say the least. Have the doc's been able to even give you general information around similar cases to yours to try and understand what may have happened? Big hugs to you :hug:

Beata, I definelty believe that we are spiritual beings or 'souls' that our bodies carry around. I think there is certainly some food for thought in being patient and waiting for the baby to be ready. Maybe it was something I needed to hear right now, I have starting getting a bit anxious and do need to be a bit more calm, so thank you :D

Paula, really good to see that you are confident about this little chicky and have bought some outfits, good for you! :dance:

Jo, thank you for sharing that poem, it is really beautiful and says it all so well.

Rozzie, your right I'm sure it wasn't a m/c, the ms feeling just kind of surprised me, my hormones do feel like they are all over the place.

Talking about people saying the wrong thing, I know I can put my foot in it sometimes as well and want to apologise if I have at all offending anyone on here. I think my way of coping is to be 'positive' and try and move forward, even when I am falling apart and I can see how that could upset someone else in this position, so sorry if I have upset anyone :redface:

Almost half way through the week!

Rozzie, I just read your story. It broke my heart, tiny coffins are just not right. Thank you for sharing this with us. You have been through such an ordeal from ttc to losing your precious angel. I am so glad you are carrying Edwards brother or sister and pray that they come into the world safely :hug: Not long to go for you now!

Hi Megan,
I'm so glad that I have helped you in some small way, I know I have certainly learned a thing or two from that beautiful book, and i somehow feel much calmer these days. I really came to accept and understand that as much as we want control in our lives, sometimes we really don't, and that's not a bad thing either. I think a baby comes into our lives when it's well and truly ready, and also when we're ready. Stay positive hun, that's the best advice I can give you, and it will happen for us :)

And no, you have never offended me in any way, shape or form, and I think you are such a sweet and caring person, I dont know why you would think that way. You always give us great advice and a vote of confidence when we really need it. Thanks hun !

Love always
Beata xxx

Beata, No. I'm gong to have a proper appointment with my Dr next week to discuss everything a little more. So hopefully he may explain things a little more. He had said over the phone that the only cause of death was his internal cavity filling with fluid, other than that he was a perfectly normal baby.

I feel horrible this morning now it's sunken in. When I found out I was pregnant, Jayvan was a surprise, we were pretty shocked and completely unprepared to be parents! The news only sunk in after my 12 week ultrasound and we only really enjoyed and became excited at being pregnant for about 6 weeks or so, It was only in the last week DF had started giving my belly kisses when he came home from work. Some days I feel like he was taken from us as punishment for being so ungrateful and not appreciating our baby more from the very start, and now I have the outcome of the results I feel like that even more so seeing as there is no clear medical explanation for why he died.

Hi Rozzie, that you so much for sharing Edward's story with me, it was very beautiful and so sad at the same time. I've indentified with so many emotions you went through, it just broke my heart. Big hugs hun :hug:
love
beata xxx

Teagz, I'm so sorry hun that you're feeling like this :comfort:, but believe me, you have not been punished for anything you think that you've done. That is such a classic feeling we women feel after our loss, but the simple truth is, there is nothing you've done that have made you lose your precious little baby. I also went through the same feelings of guilt of having done something I shouldn't have, like too much walking or lifting something too heavy, or doing gardening, etc, and now I realise that my body has let me down, and that's the simple but painful truth. I know that if the fibroid wasn't growing there, Joshua would have still been in my belly.
As for feeling guiltly about not appreciating Jayden more, please don't as your baby always knew how much you loved him and still do, and always will. I was scared out of my head for the first 12 weeks thinking something was going to go wrong, I only started to relax and enjoy my pregnancy around my 20 week scan, and 6 days later I delivered Joshua. I feel like I've only really bonded with him in the last two or so weeks before he was born. So you're not alone ther hun, but just think how differently we'll do things the second time around....I will enjoy every second of my pregnancy, and I mean every second of it.
Big hugs hun xxxx

Hi everyone, really short as I have visitors this week, just wanted to say I am home safe and sound, despite having several minor panic moments! Baby is finally moving around heaps which is so nice, DH felt it go crazy for the first time on Sat so that was great. I have my scan on Monday which can't come quick enough for me! There has been a bit of general sadness in here lately (except for Paula!), so I am sending everyone a BIG cyber hug (inc Paula!) gotta fly, will catch up later on.

Hi Helen, glad you're back and hooray to the bub going crazy in there ! It must be loving all the somersaults it can do !!! Are you finding out what you're having ? Sorry if you've already told us, I do miss things here and there...Good luck with your scan on monday, I loved my 20 week scan as I could see Joshua very clearly.

Teagz, I'm sorry hun for spelling Jayvan's name wrong....I hve dropped off 3 times from BB this morning and I was really getting frasturated..:doh:

Love at all
B xxx

Hi Helen, glad you're back and hooray for little bubba going off in your belly ! It must be loving all the somersoults it can do in there....! Good luck on monday for your scan hun, I can imagine it's a bit nerve wrecking... Are you finding out what you're having ? Sorry if you've told us already, I miss things here and there, it's hard to be on the ball the whole time.....

Teagz, so sorry I spelt Jayvan's name wrong in my previous post, I have no excuse except that I keep dropping off BB all day, it's really frasturating!! :doh:

Diana, are you back yet ??????

love to all
Bxxx